Telling your parents

[texas_Navy2010]

I am the youngest of my family and my parents are very "protective." How did yall tell your parents that you wanted to attend the academy?

[kgrmom]

I'm the parent but I can give you my input on how I "knew". I saw it in my daughter's face everytime we discussed the top engineering colleges and USNA came up. The more she dragged her feet on on all the other schools the more I realized she was hesitating just coming right out and telling me that THIS is what she wanted. So I brought it up- and we had a long talk about it and I assured her that we were not upset, not disappointed and would be completely supportive. She was afraid to say it- or didn't know how. I think we were more shocked than anything because she hadn't talked to us earlier.

Your parents may be more supportive than you know - give them a chance:wink:

kgrmom:wink:

[Aronson]

The best thing is to just sit them down and tell them. Give them your exact reasons for pursuing this path, and make them understand. When I was like 12 I made my mom and dad a "Parent's Guide to the Army". I explained things like rank, salutes, and other goodies I thought were tough to understand. My parents were a little less than thrilled at first, but now that they have a little more information, they're quite excited.

[peskemom]

texas_navy2010.....this is a very interesting question you are posing - and even though I'm a parent - let me say that what has surprised me most over the years we have been a part of USNA life is the varying ways families deal with this exact question. There really are families that under no circumstance will they support a child in ANY military career-related decision. There are families that are shocked and hurt by their child's desire- but allow the young person to pursue their own course and as they watch their child grow and mature they come around and support their offspring. There are neutral families that simply don't care...and then it runs the gamut to the hoo-rah parent fanatics who live,breathe, eat, sleep USNA.

So there is no 'one way' to approach this question. IF you have a history of being able to sit down with your parents and discuss things, then I would suggest you plan a time with your parents when you tell them you have something you want to share with them - and once you have their attention....minus the TV, or phone, or siblings around....and share your dreams. Look them in the eye - state your desires as concisely and clearly and unemotionally as you can. Ask them their opinions. Give them some time to digest this. The manner in which you approach your parents - respectfully and tactfully - may be the best thing you have going for you in helping them respond to you openly.

I recall that it was my 12 year old girl, on 9-11-01 who simply announced to me with the greatest of seriousness and solemnity, that she was going to serve her country as a military officer. That epiphany in her heart never waivered. We had 5 long years between Sept. 11,2001 and her I-Day in June '06 - lots of time for her to change her mind or for us as her parents to dissuade her. But the drive inside of her was so clearly self-driven, so cleary HER, that as parents all we could do was stand aside and provide the mental, moral, intellectual, spiritual and parental support we could to allow her to pursue her dream. Even though we are a family with a military background, and even though my husband her father is a USNA grad...I can honestly tell you the LAST thing, the absolute LAST thing that we ever imagined as parents was that our children, especially the last of our 5 children, a girl - would choose USNA. It simply wasn't in our mental framework. And this is from an USNA alum! So even we as parents had some mental adjustments to this announcement from our 'baby girl' when she shared her desire to go military.

I clearly recall a conversation with our family doctor...when our daughter was a high school junior and having a physical in preparation for her application to USNA and he took me aside. This is a dear personal friend we've known for years....have his home number...as families we socialize at each other's homes...that's how close we are - anyway he takes me aside privately and asks, "How can you LET your daughter do this?! I'd be scared sh*tl*ss if my daughter told me she wanted to do what your daughter wants to do." It was an interesting insight into the heart of a father - I replied that since this was 100% HER choice, I simply didn't feel it was my job to prevent her from shooting for this goal - there were still many steps ahead in the process and if she wasn't meant to go USNA, the circumstances would fall in line one way or another.

So this is a long answer, but I share it because I think it might help you see that as parents this IS and CAN BE a difficult thing to hear from your child - and there are no easy ways to approach this if you suspect your parents might have a hard time.

On the other hand - I would encourage you to approach this positively and with some confidence. If you are a young person interested in a Service Academy, you represent the best of our American youth - congratulations young man! So take your great attitude, your heart's dreams, and lovingly expect your mom and dad to end up standing alongside you in this process.

And if they need to connect with a family to answer some of their concerns/questions....give them my email....nofoolingme2003@yahoo.com and I'd be more than happy to discuss this with them.

God bless you young man! Keep us informed of what's up with you.:thumb:

[Zaphod]

How did yall tell your parents that you wanted to attend the academy?

"Hey Mom, Dad! I want to go to USNA!"

Think I'm kidding? NOPE!

What you need to think about is not HOW to tell them (after all, that's easy), but what to answer when they ask WHY you want to do this. You should have asked YOURSELF that question, AND ANSWERED IT, before you try to convince anyone else.

[rjcuga]

well, i have two insights to this, my own and a friends. My dad was the one to suggest to me the CGA, when I was thinking about what branch that I wanted to go into (I was looking into rotc and all with college). It is no surprise to a lot of people that I wanted to go into the military. When my mom heard that my final decision, after 2 years, was the coast guard and the CGA, she didn't worry as much, but still worried. My mom's dad was in the army during ww2, and navy during Korea. My dad's dad was in during ww2 in the navy(i think), this helps a bit. Overall, my dad was fine with it, as long as i fully understood my decision, the results, and how life would be like(i accpted and understood). My mom is nervous and worried, she still sees me as her little one. I don't think I would have any difficulty in going/departing from home in a military academy(3 brothers and 2 sisters while sharing a room your entire life with a brother kindof makes you thankful for any college, I'm sure they agree:smile: )

The other story now is of my friend Neil who is going to the citadel for the class of 2012(was aiming for 2011, let me explain). He didn't really have good family relations, so there was lots of friction between him and his mom. She was "stealing"(i place it in quotes because under Delawares minor laws regarding financial assests and parents this was legal) money from his lawn care business. She also sent a 3 page letter to the citadel how he is nothing and never will be.. yada yada yada.. so he, in his anger, punched a wall, went through, and made contact with a metal support. Broke his hand and had to wait a year before he could go in. So in the meanwhile, he moved out at age 18, got an apartment, sold his lawn care business for 15 K(it was a real business) and works there now as a head manager instead of owner until he goes.

Basicly, it depends on your relation with your parents and your family's history(military etc.). Hopefully, they will sit down and talk and make sure that this is what you want. I was for the army, but got interested way more into the coast guard(backup is air force rotc(interview tuesday wish me luck)). So, I'm happy I talked to my dad etc(I mainly discussed this only with him, my mom is a bunch of nerves). I guess it went from wanting to go to the military, to rotc options, to mechanical eng. and finding out that there is a coast guard academy and they specialize in mech. eng. This slow process allowed my parents to accept it

[Clif]

I had already sent in my nomination applications and I was sitting on it for a couple days. My mom is the guardian of all things concerning us, so it was her I had to tell. And she is the only person in the world that I am deathly afraid of (something I'm sure my cadre will be happy to change for me) so it took me a while to come around, but I ended up just blurting it out on the way to school. She was stunned, but she let me take care of it.

It was the second time that she told me that she didn't want me to. She didn't understand. We were on odds for a while, but she's come around. She's still afraid, I'm her kid, no surprise, but she also knows that in the end I'm going to be standing on my two feet and there's not much she can say to change that.

Surprisingly, my father is probably the most gung-ho I've ever seen him. My mother has no idea why. I appreciate it -- even though it means he calls me at school once a week to tell me he's proud of me.

In the end, I love my parents... They love me.

[gonecokanutts]

"Hey Mom, I want to go to USNA!"
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yep."
"Well... you better start keeping your room clean then."

***

"Hey Mom, I want to choose Marine Option!"
"WHAT?! YOU CAN'T BE A MARINE." :eek::unhappy:

-insert long argument-

"Well, I support you no matter what you choose to be in life." :thumb:

[usna2013]

Imagine being a 15 year old girl telling your parents you want to go to USNA with Marine Corps option and becoming an explosive ordinance disposal technician! Well needless to say they were against it. However I let the subject rest and what I did is started preparing physically and mentally. I gained discipline. I started listening better and doing what they asked of me. I started being responsible and ultimately they saw that if I was willing to change my mindset and lifestyle to follow my dream than they could support me.

[nurseypoo]

I am also a 'rent. The boy (as I call him, but I have two of those, this one being my oldest) came up to me when he was all of 13 stating, "I think I want to go to the academy for college." Now, living on an air force base, this is synonymous with USAFA. Thinking my child was just parroting what his friend was saying (his friend's sister had just been accepted to USAFA, his brother was next to USMA and this friend of his eventually wound up at USAFA, their dad being a USAFA grad himself), I wanted to pat him on his head and say, "That's nice dear." However, on the off chance he may be serious I told him to look at ALL of the academies and look at some civvie schools, in addition.

A year and a half go by and he wants to go to "Academy Night." I take him, he talks to all of them, then tells me "Mom, I want to go to the Naval Academy." From that point on, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING was geared towards USNA.

The only weirdness was when he received his appointment(s), one to USNA and the other to USAFA. All of my husbands AF cronies were "Why Navy?" Husband's reply was, "Why not? It is/was our son's choice."

Thus, the boy went to USNA and is happily finishing his plebe year.

[USNA2011Dad]

My son told me that he wanted to join the Navy. I am retired from the Navy and he asked my opinion. I told him that he needs to go to to college first and go in as an officer (I was enlisted). He thought about what I had said, two weeks later he told me that he was applying to the Naval Academy. I told him that he has worked hard and that his mother and I support whatever path he may choose. End of conversation.

25 more days until "Plebe No More."

[nurseypoo]

Whoa! 25 days? I didn't realize it was so soon! :redface:

[time2]

Plebe Summer starts July 2.

The comment above references the END of this year's school year.

[nurseypoo]

Yes, I realize.

Back to the main gyst of the thread, my husband (the now-retired military member) was very quiet throughout the entire process. He REALLY wanted it to be our son's decision.

[time2]

Correct, I was just flipping though the recent posts and at first thought this was the one about "I-day approaching fast". Then I reworded my reply after noticing it wasn't !!!! :)

[Soylent]

"Hey Mom, I want to go to USNA!"
"Are you sure about that?"
"Yep."
"Well... you better start keeping your room clean then."

***

"Hey Mom, I want to choose Marine Option!"
"WHAT?! YOU CAN'T BE A MARINE." :eek::unhappy:

-insert long argument-

"Well, I support you no matter what you choose to be in life." :thumb:

Haha, so true. My parents took me on a tour of West Point at the end of 7th grade, so wanting to go to an academy didn't include any long discussions. Of course, my mom hasn't been to happy when I've mentioned the marine option or special warfare, but she realizes that it is my choice.

[Clif]

[...] my husband (the now-retired military member) was very quiet throughout the entire process. He REALLY wanted it to be our son's decision.

That's one of the reasons I held of telling my parents I was applying for a little bit; I didn't want anyone to sway my opinion. My mom prodded me on it a little through the application process after she found out (Are you suuuuuuure? every once in a while), but my dad was completely silent on the matter.

[mid_13]

everytime it comes up, my mother shoots me a disapproving look and informs me that "it's just suuuuuch a big commitment." -measured response- "but it's a really big commitment...do you realize that?"

as if I'd be bothering if I were trying to avoid commitment.

I think my mom was upset I got into NASS- thinks it's like brainwashing camp or whatever. (Don't get me wrong, she has nothing against the military...as long as I'm not in it.) ;)

good luck to the original poster and everyone else who has to convince more than just an admissions panel.

[NYCUSNA2012]

My parents are both ex-military, but not American. I brought it up when I first went to a college night at my school. The WP guy really impressed me and I couldn't stop talking about him and WP for days. At first my parents seriously made fun of me and they didn't think I was serious, but when I started to list the benefits and reasons of why I wanted to go they saw I was serious and stopped.

My parents support me with my decision to go Navy, although they are not 100% happy. (Dad wants me to go to a better civilian college and mom doesn't like the fact that I will be in uniform 24/7). Overall what you should do is remind your parents that its your choice and that you are the one going to college. Make sure you have reasons as to why you want to go. And make sure you parents see that you are serious, I think that's the most important thing about it.

[NorthernCalMother]

Here's what sort of worked on me:

*Bring up the Service Academy topic early in your college investigation.
*Prepare your reasoning (you'll need the prep for your BGO and MOC interviews, and your essays).
*Don't fight about it.
*Keep plowing ahead toward your goal.
*Give your parents plenty of time, room, and patience.

By the time my son finally got to the point that he was waiting to hear from USNA, his anxiety/enthusiasm was contagious.

He's finishing plebe year now, and let's just say I'm proud and ... resigned. "Kinder, gentler" works better on most of us than "shock and awe."

[USNA '16]

I have seen a lot of parents telling thier tale of when their child told them that they wanted to attend a SA. As a freshmen in high school I remeber deciding in 5th grade that I was going to USNA. After recently visiting my uncle that year he, a grad from there himself, took my mother sister, and I on an impromptu tour of the Yard. He told a few stories and I have been mezmerized (spell check) ever since. After that trip, I told my parents at age 11 that I was going to USNA. When I told my father he smiled, hugged me, and said, "Okay." My mother was reserved and just nodded her head. I even told my priest that 5th grade year. He asked me what high school I planned on going to. I said that I didn't know what high school but I knew that I was going to attend USNA. He laughed then looked at me and nodded his head in approval. I still plan, ok pray and dream, about attending the Naval Academy. I continue to discuss it with my parents plus the carrer choice I plan to make. My family has a military history. My father was in the Navy while my uncle, the USNA grad, and grandfather were in the Marine Corps. I am proud of this history and intend to honor it.

[lil3laiin3laiin]

I didn't know about service academies until i was freshman in high school. Immediately after learning about the SA ( I was gonna enlist when I turned 18 but I new that would leave me estranged with my parents) I told them I wanted to attend. Reaction: HUGE Argument! My parents are first generation immigrants and when I even slightly suggested that I was "interested" in attending a SA they got extremely upset! I'm a junior right now and I still haven't been able to get through to them... (I made USAFA SS and am waiting for NASS but when I told them they yelled at me said why did i even bother wasting my time)

I am at my wits end as to what to do. I have explained to them why I want to go and all the opportunities a SA can offer but they still don't understand...I even laid out all the facts but they still refuse to support me...any suggestions to get through to such stubborn parents?

[AZMOM]

lil3laiin3laiin, My heart goes out to you. I can't even imagine not supporting my sons in their quest to achieve their dreams and goals. Both of my sons (18 and 11) have wanted to be Marine Officers, and my older son knew he wanted to go to USNA when he was in 5th grade. I have had so many parents (mostly moms) asking me how I can support them in their decisions to go to a USNA, and to be Marine Officers. For me it's easy. I'm extremely proud of them, especially watching both of them sacrifice and work so hard to achieve their goals. Parents are going to be worried about their children no matter what they do, but you have to support them and love them no matter what. You could ask them (respectfully) if they were supported in their decisions throughtout their lives, and if they achieved their goals. Ask them to be open minded, but that you would very much like their support. They obviously could have had a child grow up drinking, smoking, and doing drugs. What if someone had told them not to come to the US? Would they have listened? Again, my heart goes out to you. I'm very passionate about this subject. We have raised our sons to always go after their goals, don't let anyone talk them out of it. We have also told them not to try and change anyone elses (girlfriend, fiance, wife) decisions. If you love them, then support them. I pray your parents come around and try to be open minded. Keep the faith and you will be fine.

[JerryB76]

I didn't know about service academies until i was freshman in high school. Immediately after learning about the SA ( I was gonna enlist when I turned 18 but I new that would leave me estranged with my parents) I told them I wanted to attend. Reaction: HUGE Argument! My parents are first generation immigrants and when I even slightly suggested that I was "interested" in attending a SA they got extremely upset! I'm a junior right now and I still haven't been able to get through to them... (I made USAFA SS and am waiting for NASS but when I told them they yelled at me said why did i even bother wasting my time)

I am at my wits end as to what to do. I have explained to them why I want to go and all the opportunities a SA can offer but they still don't understand...I even laid out all the facts but they still refuse to support me...any suggestions to get through to such stubborn parents?

I do not know where you live, but if you can get them to come and visit the Academy, especially on a weekday and see a formation or a parade and go to the admissions office presentation, I think all their obvious fears will go away.

[TWinter]

You don't need 'em man. Sure it helps and is really nice, but I got accepted with zero parental support.

In retrospect, I played the BGO interview off as extremely unimportant, and told them to play nice. That was the only real interaction they had with my process.

Now that I have been accepted, it's hard to tell them I am going there, but the way I see it: I did it myself, I'm 18, it's time for me to reap the rewards of my work. They can stand by me or not, but I'm going either way.

That kind of ultimatum is working, my Dad has already come around to my side, and my mom is nearly there! So just get 'er done yourself, and then get their support.

[JerryB76]

...although they are not 100% happy. (Dad wants me to go to a better civilian college and mom doesn't like the fact that I will be in uniform 24/7).


I would mention to your Dad, that the "better civial college" list is very short and very expensive and tell your Mom she does not have to worry about a bunch of college outfits, they will all be provided.

[Pachrian]

My son grew up knowing he wanted to attend the Naval Academy and become a Marine officer. I just thought it was one of those "I want to be a fireman when I grow up" things. I was totally shocked when it came to applying to colleges and USNA was at the top of his list, but he remained adamant and I decided it was time for me to learn more about his top choice.

The more I read and learned the more I was able to understand why the Naval Academy appealed to him so much. The way I see it now is that it is the best fit for him (I know that feeling might change as soon as we hand him over on I-Day). As a parent there comes a time when you have to step back and stop imposing your dreams on your child, as long as their choice is not criminal, of course.

Parents worry, that's our job. Watching the news and hearing about the Chinese surrounding a Navy ship or the N. Koreans preparing to launch a "satellite" doesn't help. However, civilian colleges come with plenty of their own dangers and there's no guaranty of a job at the end of it.

[lil3laiin3laiin]

To JerryB76: I live in socal

to Twinter: Congratulations! U must've had it really hard having to do everything yourself...I really want to go so I've started preparing and everything....i hope i can get through to my parents but as of right now they threatened me yesterdat to send letters to each branch and tell them to not to consider me...lol...but anyways congratulations...

AZMOM: Thank you!

[JerryB76]

[QUOTE=lil3laiin3laiin;44696]To JerryB76: I live in socal[QUOTE]

Maybe you should show them some YouTube videos ab outr the Academies, or an old movie or two. Also there is a show that was done on the Discovery Military Channel called "Inside America's Military Academies" which is excellent. It has three parts, the first is about the First summer and year, the seconfd is called "No Time Off for the Summer" and is about all the summer training, the last segment is called "Making Leaders" and is about the leadership development over the four years. It covers USNA, USMA, USCGA, and USAFA, they do not mention USMMA unfortunately, but you get a good understanding of what goes on thru the whole 4 years of education and leadership development.

Take them down to a visit ship at the Naval Station or the new Carrier Museum, which I believe is down on Broad Street.

[TWinter]

My parents sent a letter to the Naval Academy saying I did not have the discipline to succeed. As soon as I found out, I wrote to them that my parents are scared, and sent the letter because they were worried about me. I was assured that there was no problem, and that they would discount the letter.

If you're 18 there isn't much your parents can do to stop you.

[Pachrian]

TWinter, I feel so sorry for you! I can definitely understand that they are scared, they wouldn't be good parents if they weren't. But this is a bit extreme. Have your parents come around at all? Hang in there!

[lil3laiin3laiin]

My parents sent a letter to the Naval Academy saying I did not have the discipline to succeed. As soon as I found out, I wrote to them that my parents are scared, and sent the letter because they were worried about me. I was assured that there was no problem, and that they would discount the letter.

If you're 18 there isn't much your parents can do to stop you.

wow..okay....are u going to USNA straight out of high school?

[TWinter]

Yes I am. I turned 18 in october 2008

[Capt MJ]

Twinter, keep the faith. If you come to USNA, and if things are still iffy with your family, you will find open arms from classmates' families, the midshipman sponsor program out in town and many others who will welcome you and provide you support.

We had a sponsor daughter from USNA '04 who had a troubled family, not a place where she felt welcome anymore, and she realized as an adult, you get to choose and make new family relationships. She is as dear a daughter as someone related by blood to us. We met at the Plebe Sponsor mixer, totally random assignment.

Not quite your case, obviously, and you should never put bricks in the wall others might be building, but let your actions and achievements prove the rightness of your decision, and all will probably come right at the end.

Just wanted to tell you all the services have a great tradition of adopting the young'uns and bringing them into the family. You won't be alone.:smile:

[AquaRain_2009]

Twinter,

First congratulations on first gaining acceptance into the United States Naval Academy. This is a huge accomplishment. You should be very proud of yourself. :smile:
Now second, telling your parents will be difficult. Telling mine was a challenge as well. I come from an Army family and turning Navy was suprising to them.(They are our football enemy, LOL) But seriously, at first they were kind of suprised but they were supportive. They helped me fill out my paperwork, took me to physicals, but one moment stood out in my mind.
One day, my dad took me to Annapolis for a campus visit. We saw the campus by ourselves and then we went to a tour guide meeting. My dad was in uniform so it was obvious that I had a "green" background. Also what was obvious was that I was both the only minority and the only female in the group. Another intimidating factor, but not one I would let limit me.
When the tour guide, an Navy Ensign ended his presentation, my dad, an Army Major, asked him a few questions about the school and his experience there. Then the Ensign asked me a question, "Why do you want to go to Navy? Don't you want to go to your fathers almna matter, West Point?". I wasn't surpised to hear this question, I was just suprised to hear it from a person who was supposed to bring students into the Academy. But irregarlessly, I responed by saying, " I prefer Naval Academy because I like more of the sea than the land as well as I would like to follow my fathers footsteps as an Officer but as I would prefer to make my own imprint in military history in the Navy rather than the Army."
Those words were the quickest I could come up with and it seemed to settle the Ensigns question. He handed me a few extra guide books about the Naval Academy and even let me speak with a few Marine Corps recruiters.
When my dad and I left, he said to me, that he was proud to have me as his daughter and that he would support me whether I went to the Naval Academy or not.
And to this day that is still true as I prepare to enter the Naval Academy Prepatory School this summer and hopefully the Naval Academy in June 2010. Tell your parents of your decision. If they support you, they support you. If they don't support you, then you've got a whole new family awaiting you at Annapolis. Times will be tough there but just remember that you've got your family, biological or surrogate.

GOD BLESS!!!!

[JordanSim]

My dad introduced me to the Naval Academy. I had been wanting to Enlist in the Marines since I was ten and he always supported it, my dad was a corpsmen for 16 years. At the beginning of my junior year I asked if he would sign my DEP papers and he told me to look at the Academy instead. So I did and he's always supported my decision to accomplish the goal of becoming a Midshipmen.

So all in all I would just tell them, give a reason, and thats that. If they don't support you off the bat; they will soon enough cause they'll see its what you want and what you want to accomplish. No parent wants to see their child fail.

[NavyMom2008]

[QUOTE=nurseypoo;21519]
A year and a half go by and he wants to go to "Academy Night." I take him, he talks to all of them, then tells me "Mom, I want to go to the Naval Academy." From that point on, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING was geared towards USNA.

The only weirdness was when he received his appointment(s), one to USNA and the other to USAFA. All of my husbands AF cronies were "Why Navy?" Husband's reply was, "Why not? It is/was our son's choice."


Okay, my curiousity has gotten the best of me!! Why Navy? What was the deciding factor (s) in your son chosing Navy over Air Force? I would love to know. I'm a 'rent also.

[NavyMom2008]

A year and a half go by and he wants to go to "Academy Night." I take him, he talks to all of them, then tells me "Mom, I want to go to the Naval Academy." From that point on, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING was geared towards USNA.

The only weirdness was when he received his appointment(s), one to USNA and the other to USAFA. All of my husbands AF cronies were "Why Navy?" Husband's reply was, "Why not? It is/was our son's choice."


Okay, my curiousity has gotten the best of me!! Why Navy? What was the deciding factor (s) in your son chosing Navy over Air Force? I would love to know. I'm a 'rent also.

[kamajama]

My parents sent a letter to the Naval Academy saying I did not have the discipline to succeed. As soon as I found out, I wrote to them that my parents are scared, and sent the letter because they were worried about me. I was assured that there was no problem, and that they would discount the letter.

If you're 18 there isn't much your parents can do to stop you.

It is obvious to me that you are disciplined. How else would you have worked out your school situation as well as you did. You know what you want and I am sure that with or without your parents support you will have a plethora of psuedo-family that will fill the gap. Keep your eye on the target.