View Full Version : Missing my DS
12th July 2011, 02:54 PM
I've been thinking about how much I miss him since we dropped him off at Indoc. I understand you have to let go and they will have all these wonderful opportunities ahead of them.
At the same time we're preparing to drop his twin sister off at a state school about an hour from our house. Although she hasn't gone yet, I know I'll miss her too. I'm not sure I'll miss her as much. Yes some of that lessened anxiety maybe because she's 4+ hours closer, or she'll have her cell phone for ready contact.
The conclusion I've come to, is you miss your academy kid differently. My DS and I became closer than ever this year. He wrote, we (my wife and I) read and made suggestions on his application and nomination essays. We took multiple road trips to 2 of the academies. We reviewed completed forms for accuracy. We drove 2 hours each way to both apply for and pickup a TWIC, We stalked the mailman for each and every letter. We worked out together to get ready for the CFA/PFE's. We scheduled the DODMERB physical and all the others for shots and dental appointments for wisdom teeth etc. We shopped for everything on the list he was to bring. We worked out together to get ready for football and indoc. We talked through the anxiety in the days before he reported in.
I am truly happy for him, he will have opportunities that others can't even dream of.
But for me the process is so completely draining that all I'm left with is a giant hole where my DS used to be.
12th July 2011, 04:10 PM
I know exactly what you're talking about. You guide them through the process and then they're gone. I've discovered that the best thing I can do for DS is to write letters of encouragement to him. My DS is at USAFA and we were able to talk to him on Doolie day in. He sounded upbeat and prepared for the second part of his basic training. He researched the AFA and knew (as best he could) what he was in for. He wasn't surprised at all the yelling and had prepared himself physically. He is doing well and my role has changed significantly. He is making new friends and the military is forming him into an Officer of Character. My job is to encourage him from a distance. I'm sure there are similarities between KP and USAFA training since they were both created to make leaders. It is hard cutting the apron strings, but it is easier knowing that he is in such capable hands. Best wishes to your family and your DS.
12th July 2011, 04:22 PM
Your kids are taking advantage of a once in a lifetime opportunity to get a great education and leadership training and application that will serve them well thru a lifetime of service to our country.
Be proud parents..... and enjoy your time with your cadet/midshipmen when they are in school.
12th July 2011, 04:34 PM
kpdad, I *really* know what you mean! When my twin sons left for USAFA, thousands of miles from our home, it was as if all the fun left our house! We really had a tough time that first summer, and when they came home for Thanksgiving! OH OH OH ! I bawled my head off when they got on that plane (and that had nothing to do with the $1000 I spent to put them on it, plus the second $1000 a couple weeks later to bring them home for Christmas break).
I can't say it gets better; when they leave - oh, this mother's heart aches anew. But when I see the men they have become! Sent them off as adolescents, on the very cusp of manhood. No boys anymore!
Our goal as parents is, obviously, to love and care for them, but really, all that love and care is so they can grow up to embrace their lives, live them fully, be prepared to serve others with a strong sense of honor and duty.
Head high! Now go write another letter!!
12th July 2011, 05:14 PM
My DS had to celebrate his 18th birthday yesterday by himself. He did not want us to draw any special attention to him during plebe summer. After all the years of he and his twin sister wishing they had their own special day, my daughter cried at not having her twin with her on a very important birthday. To make the day complete I purchased her one-way ticket to Florida for college in the fall. But I made it through the day without a tear being shed. I know that both of my kids are and will be EXACTLY where they should be. My job now is to be supportive of their choices . . And to send LOTS of food (per DS's phone call) and cleaning supplies. :thumb:
12th July 2011, 09:32 PM
kpdad2015...I think you summed it up perfectly! I feel so much pride for my DS and what he is doing, but the hole left without him is tough to take:frown: I know this was our job as parents, to give them"roots and wings", but when they actually fly away, it is hard to take. Thank you for sharing your feelings on this forum....since misery loves company, I feel better knowing I am not alone!
13th July 2011, 12:22 AM
DITTO!!!!....as I shed my tears:wink:
13th July 2011, 01:23 AM
This thread has made me smile a little as it brings back fond memories.
My mom told me (quite a bit later) that when my parents dropped me off (getting close to 40 years ago:eek:) that my dad (The Navy officer and business man who was gone all the time when I was a kid) actually cried as they drove home. I didn't realize I was so special as he certainly never told me that before then! But 3 years ago when I said goodbye to my son- darned if I didn't do exactly the same thing! Of course it works two ways, because I can also remember the first phone call home- standing in line at the bank of phones in the barracks for the collect call home then all I could do was croak when my Mom answered!
It's amazing- you are so excited to have them grow up and move on out- and then when they do- part of you wants to say "STOP!" "Not so Fast!"
Well with the perspective of time- I can assure you that it turns out ok regardless of how much you miss young sluggo or slugette at first:wink:
13th July 2011, 02:21 AM
As I put the Kleenex aside boy does this bring back memories. I think as a new youngster mom letting DS go back this time will be equally as hard . He has been home for 3weeks it is just beginning to fell like it did before he left for IDay and now I have to let him go again? He is so ready this time he knows why he is going back and what he needs to do. I still hear my little boy but the man I see before me is so new and unrecognizable. I suppose according to the more experienced parents on this forum our training process is ongoing as well. We have to be ready as they will when the time comes to serve. I have a feeling that blow will be hardest on us but almost re-leaving to them. That is what they are working towards. Cry if you want we did and still do but smile when you see them---they need it.
13th July 2011, 02:30 PM
It is hard to miss you DD or DS. But remember this, you raised you kids to do what they doing here. And the big thing here is your DS did something that a lot of young people don't want to do. Your son clearly understands about doing something for others, not himself. That is one of the most important things we can teach our kids, I think. He doesn't have a sense of entitlement or what is in this for me. I have two kids a DS 21, who will be a senior at Penn State - University Park. He has no clue what is in store for him next year, at this time. He thinks he going to apply for a federal government and get hired. I also, have a DD who will be 18 tomorrow, she will be attending Cedar Crest College majoring in Forensics. She had to work for everything she has earned, no one gave her a thing. Let be be honest when my DS, went to school I didn't miss him, at all. Because, of his attitude. I have tried to treach my kids to do right, but in the end, it up to them. I will however miss my DD. Tell your DS from thanks for his service to our great country and his committment. He is truly a role model.
God Bless and God Speed,
13th July 2011, 03:56 PM
As Secretary Gates said: "Serve with honor and return home safe". They deserve our admiration and respect.
13th July 2011, 09:31 PM
Thank you all for you words of encouragement!:smile:
14th July 2011, 03:11 AM
I constantly told that my son is grown up, but I can only see that precious three year old. The one that would crawl into my lap and tug at my hair.
Tonight I have one son at LDAC in Ft Lewis. No phone, no computer, no way to find out if he passed his APFT, how his Land Nav is going, and what was the Gas Chamber like. Did he survive the 37 ft rappelling?
My youngest DS who will be a youngster, was home from summer cruise for 5 days and then grabbed his backpack for a trek through China. I know he's withdrawing money from his bank account, but where is he staying? He'll be home in a few days and then off to USNA for Yard Patrol.
Those little guys in feet pajamas, sticky hands, and missing front teeth are all grown up. I raised these kids to be independent and they are. But the ache in my chest will never lift when they are not home.
14th July 2011, 07:38 PM
Even though I've been at this Academy Parent thing for a few years, I am experiencing a whole new round of the separation feeling.
Our son leaves for Laughlin AFB, Texas in a week for his first assignment as a Second Lieutenant. When he left for the Academy 4 years ago, he left with just a backpack and we knew that he would be fine, but he would still rely on us for help and support at times.
Today, he and I went to weigh his truck empty so that he can document how much of his own belongings that he is moving to Texas so that he can be reimbursed for a DITY move. Watching him pack everything over the last few days, and getting his own household goods in order makes the permanence of the move sink in.
I'm I'm very proud of him and what he has done, and what he will do. It's another step in his journey, but it has me starting to miss him all over again.
14th July 2011, 09:31 PM
I hope you weighed the truck without the spare tire :rolleyes: I also hope if he had weights (work out) he didn't send them with his household goods, but DITY them...take up very little room for their weight.
I don't yet know how you feel, but I can feel it already starting for me. DS will commission in 12, with a UPT slot. You know when you send them to college that at least for Thanksgiving and Xmas they will most likely be home. It gives you that sense of something to look forward to, but once they get commissioned that safety net is gone.
To every parent, as much as hard as this time is, you will be like singapore, Stealth and myself, asking for the clock to rewind and give us 1 more yr.
OBTW, it isn't easier for parents that were military compared to non-military, your child is your child, and they take a piece of your heart everytime they leave.
I remember when I married Bullet and my Mom said to me the old cliche, there is no such thing as a good by only good hello's. For me it always gave me strength because instead of thinking about not being together, it made me think about what we would do the next time we said Good Hello.
For me, my tradition with her was to have a plan of something special to do in place before she left. It ranged from going to Scotland to play gold at St. Andrews to Belgium for tulips, to the kids 1st communion.
The upshot for all of us will be we will see parts of the world that without them we probably would have never seen. I am sure my Mom never wanted to see Boise, Idaho or Goldsboro, NC, but because she did she saw things like the Snake River and the Outer Banks which she never would have seen if Bullet wasn't in the AF.
God speed to your son, may all of his dreams come true!
14th July 2011, 09:46 PM
Are you telling me Bullet was stationed at Mountain Home AFB?
14th July 2011, 10:27 PM
Yep.. 391st, back in the day when it was a 111 base for FTU.
It was the 1st time in my life that I came to find out Mickey D's is not in every town. Imagine a 23 yo Jersey girl dropped in the hub of Elmore County, and the hub had 8K people :eek: ... a town smaller than most colleges!
It was also the time the AF advertisements were "See the World", I was known to add, yep, every place you never wanted to see. We moved from OH MY GOD NO Almogordo to Mt. Home. For the 1st 8 months of our marriage I was pretty sure I would never see a Mall again wherever I lived.
Back on track, you see what I mean, when I say instead of looking at our kids leaving us, look at places you will travel and see because of them. That is how I plan to approach it for DS, but you know God has a sense of humor, so probably for our DS he will get an airframe where we have lived already. Heavies and he can get NC, and NJ. Fighters and he can end up in UK, AK, and ID. 20+ yrs and Germany, Hickham, Charleston was never on the option list, betting if God has a sense of humor it won't be the places DS ever gets assigned too. Hoping God doesn't have too big of a sense of humor because if he does, DS will be sent to Cannon...the base we avoided at all costs.
15th July 2011, 01:13 AM
With my luck I will be visiting one of my sons on an island off of Pusan South Korea.... A place I vowed I'd never return to. It used to be a POW camp and it had only marginally improved the 2 years we were there 1995-1997.
15th July 2011, 01:39 PM
My son is currently chipping paint in Norfolk and we still don't hear from him very often. On the good side, only one week to go.
16th July 2011, 01:31 AM
Mountain Home was our supply base for Burns Oregon. We knew we were out in the middle of no where when we drove to the big city of Boise for supply's at Mountain Home. One Hundred Fifty Miles to a movie in Boise or One Hundred Fifty next direction to Bend which was just a Bus Stop on the way to Portland in those days. Not the big ski (not sky) country on the Three Sisters it is now. As the Navy says "See The World". Then again "through a porthole" That's why I chose AF. See It All. Burns Oregon, Harney County. 3,000 people in the County and larger than the State of Massachusetts.
15th August 2011, 05:03 PM
Wow! So good to be back on this site! We have been evacuated from our home since May due to the Missouri River flooding and have not been able to live in our home, thus no internet and my computer has been in storage in some pod in heavens only knows where!
I have been so thankful that DS has been busy with summer training at the USNA and seeing the world for 3 weeks! What opportunities he has had this summer and is not having to live in an RV with his parents and sister! He came home for a few days on Friday before starting his 3/C year. He is such a delight and we have laughed until we cried at all of his tales on the high seas! Yes I miss him so much, but again am thankful that he has his Navy family! The Plebe year went by so fast, as I am sure the next 3 years will. Enjoy every moment!
15th August 2011, 09:48 PM
Welcome back, LovetheNavy! I had no idea about your summer adventures. Glad things are beginning to get back to normal for you and that everyone is safe in your family!
DS is currently playing golf with DH. It is so good to see him growing more and more confident in himself and in life. He still has his moments of doubt, but he has come so far from last year at this time! Today he actually talked about the possibility of retiring from the Navy in his 40s...That's a first! Prior to this, I didn't think he even realized he'd ever BE in his 40s. :yllol:
He LOVED YPs. He said he never knew how much he loved being out on the water before that experience, even though he's done it many times before. He loved rotating through all the duties and even had some funny stories about "cooking" for the crew.
Looking forward to being the parent of a 3/C Mid...and to Navy football season! GO NAVY!!! :thumb:
16th August 2011, 12:23 AM
Had DD and her roommate here for the past few weeks. She's started packing up here stuff this afternoon for the trip down on to Annapolis on Thursday. Lots of fun times this summer - but melancholy as this is probably our last extended time together.
17th August 2011, 04:55 AM
You guys are stressing me out about the post-plebe stories, and especially the post-academy stories. I just survived 7 weeks of almost zero contact with my DS at USMA Beast (only three phone calls????), and it was rough (for me!) having just driven around town a few short months ago. I sadly expect that I will have identical experiences as my DS makes the same transitions that your DS/DDs have made. :frown:
Thanks for sharing your experiences!
19th August 2011, 01:22 AM
Trying to pack DS stuff to deliver to USNA tomorrow---couldn't get there sooner. It will be 7 weeks before we see him again and this weekend will be few glimpses and maybe if we are lucky a quick bite and a big hug! Thinking it will be a different feeling --this is youngster year meaning he made it thru all the paces he is 2\3rd the way through. He is ready and he is where he wants to be. Could not wait to get back for reform! Puts a whole new meaning on the goodbye. Last year the protective mom in me kept thinking he was going to decide it wasn't for him and come home. I go this weekend knowing he isn't going to call me to pick him up. I can't wait to see my man child! This journey is so rewarding and frustrating. Every time I see him he is different---he is still the child I raised but is now a man coming into his own pretty neat to watch. I think we miss the changes when they are underfoot being away makes us step back and say WOW! Best of luck parents and here's to a new year!
GO NAVY BEAT ARMY!!!!!!!!!!
19th August 2011, 11:43 AM
Busy on the Yard yesterday. So many Mids all arriving at once. Greeting shipmates, lugging boxes, some getting that final hug, many just a quuick nod.
DD and roommate were both very excited to be returning. Their phones were beeping constantly as company-mates began arriving. I asked if they wanted to stop for lunch but were both so anxious to get there that they said they'd just wait for formation.
Thanks to the many sponsors who served as both storage locker and delivery van.
P.S. I did get a ticket at a speed trap in Smyrna, DE. (Was there only through a comedy of errors.) $97 for 8 mph over an unmarked 25 mph limit. :unhappy:
19th August 2011, 12:43 PM
My DS had an incredible summer. Summer Cruise on a frigate was a 'memorable' experience....but he made the best of it and learned a lot. A flight home from London, 5 days in Texas, 3 weeks backpacking through China, and then back for YP...only to be informed that he doesn't have to be there for another week. Back home...grrrr to last minute airfares....and then back again for Oceanography YP. He completely enjoyed that assignment and loved learning all the physics, bio, and chemistry involved in Oceanography. Discovered a squatter in his room when he returned..:eek:...finished scheduling his classes (21 units!!):eek::eek:, bought his books and called yesterday very excited and pumped for the upcoming academic year.
Personally, I think he's insane!!:biggrin:
19th August 2011, 01:21 PM
I heard about the squatter, funny that it was actually a DS of a poster here...think about it from an odds perspective...4400 cadets, and it is your child!
What frightened me about that squatter issue was the fact that he managed to squat there, where was the security? Go to my kids campuses and the buildings are clamped down tight, except for the ones that are housing summer students, even than the rooms are locked. How did he manage to squat?
Was he the one that discovered and reported the squatter? On the academy/military news forum they have a thread going, but nobody knows the scoop. Not to derail this thread any further, can you post the story over there?
It is funny, to read this thread because you can see what stage everybody is at regarding the posts. It is like the report we did in elementary school...what I did over the summer.
Plebe/Doolie/COW (?) It is about waiting for that 1st phone call, 1st letter, etc. and living for it.
C3C: It is about how fast the summer flew...okay with the fact that they rarely heard from them
C2C: It is about how fast the time at the SA has flown, and can't believe they are 1/2 way through...okay with the fact that they only heard from them to say "I am here"
C1C: It is about their how little time is left at the SA, and now the phone calls are about career assignments and graduation. You are back at living by the phone on certain days to hear from them.
Graduated: It is about how now your home is no longer their home, and realization has hit that even though those breaks were short, they still were with you for the holidays; now that is no longer a guarantee. Only wanting to go back to step 1 again.
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