PC and girlfriend at home

My son left a significant other at home and it is making it SO much harder for him to adjust.(I tried to tell him, but so much for that :0) I am so afraid the "I can't live without you" letters are getting the best of him. I have talked to her and asked her to keep them supportive, but I am afraid it is not happening. All my PC says is bring her to Parents Weekend and have her fly out anytime we come. I am not going to do this, but in turn do not want him to become shattered when I have to tell him we are not bringing her.

Any suggestions or support would be GREAT!

Why not bring her to Parent's weekend? If they are still together at that point anyway..

If it's monetary I can understand, but in reality sometimes that actually helps the significant other realize what their BF/GF is going through at KP. There are arguments on both sides as to bring or not, but I think the worst thing that could happen is you don't bring her and it upsets your son so much that they simply spend the whole time in a rut.

Anyway, just a thought, don't throw out the idea of bringing her to parent's weekend quickly. but make the best decision for your entire family.

Thanks! Great points! Makes me think. We will have to make some decisions as a family, cost etc.....I really appreciate the feedback!

denisem said:

Thanks! Great points! Makes me think. We will have to make some decisions as a family, cost etc.....I really appreciate the feedback!

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Do a search for Parent's weekend on the site as well and there were some great threads over the past couple years to give you further food for thought. It's definitely not an easy decision and I don't really think there is a "correct" decision to be made.

Here's one of the threads I remember:

http://www.serviceacademyforums.com/showthread.php?t=6983&highlight=parents+weekend+girlfriend

Be supportive of his wishes. I was there once. It'll run its course. If it doesn't, well...get used to her!

We faced a similar situation last year. GF was brokenhearted as Indoc drew closer, begged DS to go to Maritime so she could see him more, assured him that her daddy could get him a job as a harbor pilot and KP was the hardest route to that end point... I thought my husband might strangle her.

Against advise given at orientations and on the forum, we reluctantly agreed to let her come to Parents Weekend. He begged us to let her come and said it meant everything to him so we said ok. She was a good sport- I will give her that- for the whole weekend.
Saturday, the football game ended late because of several OTs, and 1st company was dismissed later than the other companies. It was so late by the time DS could leave, we got take out food and went back to the hotel and DS fell asleep. Instead of choosing to go to Jones Beach with another couple on Sunday, DS decided they would to go with us and his best Bud and his family to lunch. DS and his new KP BFF talked KP speak to each other most of the afternoon but GF kept a smile on her face. I almost felt sorry for her.

After fall break, Columbus Weekend and Thanksgiving, I guess it was clear to GF that her boyfriend from BKP (before Kings Point) no longer existed, and this new strange person who spoke another language wasn't the love of her life after all. By January, they were no longer and everybody is survived.

A very long way of saying, if it is that important to your DS, agree to his GF coming to Parents Weekend. Chances are excellent that you won't be bringing her to too many visits after that. These relationships are pretty much doomed but they have to figure that out for themselves.

Being a girlfriend of a PC is rough at times but I know why he is there and I'm beyond happy for him!

For parents weekend neither of us are begging to see eachother, yes I would LOVE to go but I know that this weekend should be for his parents and i'll get to see him for Thanksgiving Break!

Having a good relationship with his parents has also helped me immensly! His mom and I constantly email pictures we find of him and various links and videos. She also shares what he says in his calls and I with his letters. For both of us its been nice to share our "obsession" of looking through hundreds of pictures and being excited to find him in a couple!

It might be a nice thing for others (especially moms) to bond with us girlfriends because even if we don't last (and i pray my PC and I do ) its fun to have that other girl to be excited with!

kp2014gf said:

Being a girlfriend of a PC is rough at times but I know why he is there and I'm beyond happy for him!

For parents weekend neither of us are begging to see eachother, yes I would LOVE to go but I know that this weekend should be for his parents and i'll get to see him for Thanksgiving Break!

Having a good relationship with his parents has also helped me immensly! His mom and I constantly email pictures we find of him and various links and videos. She also shares what he says in his calls and I with his letters. For both of us its been nice to share our "obsession" of looking through hundreds of pictures and being excited to find him in a couple!

It might be a nice thing for others (especially moms) to bond with us girlfriends because even if we don't last (and i pray my PC and I do ) its fun to have that other girl to be excited with!

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Very well said. Your PC is very lucky to have such a caring and understanding GF.

kp2014gf. I'm very impressed with your mature attitude. And it's fabulous that bf's mom and you have a great relationship.

First let me say as parents - we did not have to deal with a GF left behind, our DS didn't have a steady GF at home when he left for Indoc two years ago ....

That said from what I've seen, if it's not a money issue, AND the GF's parents are okay with it I'd bring here. If it's a money issue and she or her parents pay her way and her parents are good with it, I'd bring her.

As noted, to me the key is to be supportive of your DS and try and help him make the decisions now while this transition is going on, to stay at KP and give it a fair chance which IMO is through their first Sea Year.

As noted there's lots of reasons why it's a 2% club, that said who knows maybe they are part of that 2% ... more likely they are part of the 98% but they need to learn that on their own, that means they need time to interact with each other not just when they can be alone together but sharing family situations, etc. like this. Sure to you they are two young adults, she might not even yet be out of High School, etc. However, to each other they are tightly involved and she like you is to him a key supporter, etc. he needs as much help and support now as he can get - even if that isn't something he freely and openly talks about - and she's part of that network.

I look at this as I do everything else - give it time and it will usually work it. Of course since you are bringing her at his request, there would of course be ground rules and both of them need to understand you expect it to be a "family weekend" so they should not expect a lot of "alone together time" nor would I give them all that. Further saying yes to them ought to give you as parents a chance to talk to her and explain that if they do survive and end up part of the 2% club (which by the way, I suspect isn't likely all that much greater for a couple of 18 year olds even if he didn't go to a Service Academy) - the right way to start a successful life together isn't usually doing things and her suggesting to him or him suggesting to her, that the other party should abandon a dream/goal and stay in their existing situation without pursuing greater goals and life's ambitions.... In the end they are young adults and will have to come to these conclusions on their own, but I'd suggest respectfully at least in the case of my own, strong willed, independent DS, he's at least more open to listening to my advice on the bigger picture things, when we are not at loggerheads over some particular detail that in the end really will be what it will be...

I am so grateful for everyones input! Thanks so much for helping me look at all sides of the situation and in doing so, WE will make the best decision for my PC and our family. I appreciate the ability to pick the minds of the seasoned, the girlfriends and families. LOVE the support and thank you!

Thanks for your side! You are great support for your boyfriend!

Bring her if possible. It will help her understand what he's going through more than any letter or picture. My parents did the same with my GF. We're still together after plebe year and our 3 year anniv is coming up.