Little or no moral support

K

kdog15g

5-Year Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2014
Messages
34
My family is really not on board with me towards my road to the Naval Academy. My mom is worried because I'll be going to college out of state, my dad somewhat care to an extent, my brother could care less, and my sister..... Well..... She thinks I'm selling my soul to the devil, because after graduation I have to serve 5 years in the United States Marine Corps and she doesn't approve of me going to the military in general. With hardly any support what should I do to keep me going????? I almost feel like I'm too humble for this college.


Sent using the Service Academy Forums® mobile app
 
I went through the same thing haha. I'm an Asian female from a very anti-military environment, so there's really not any community/cultural support for me. My parents flat out told me not to apply last October. But you know what? I stuck with it because I realized my dreams and my life are my own, and no one can influence them. My friends and teachers provide the moral support I need to keep going. When I earned my congressional nomination, I didn't show or tell my parents. I showed it off to my friends instead because seeing how happy and proud they were for me was what I wanted. I earned about 500$ in cash and paid for my own flight over to New York, staying with a couple of friends, and didn't tell my parents I was going to West Point (had a blast!). Given, I am a little bit of an extreme case, but the moral of the story is if you really want USMA, find encouragement elsewhere.
 
It is your life. You must live for yourself. Whether or not others support you or believe in what you do; will one day soon, be irrelevant!! What do you want? What are your goals, dreams, and ambitions? Joesph Campbell said, "Follow your bliss." My DS has what I consider a very humble origin; he followed his dream and was lucky enough to receive an appointment to the USNA. It was his dream, not mine, he did it on his own.. This life does not come with a gaurantee, make the most out of what you have. Dare to dream big.
 
A) For going out of state, that's a genuine concern. Some kids can't handle themselves with no supervision. I'm going to assume that you can since you're applying to or thinking of USNA. Sooner or later though, mom and dad are going to have to say goodbye. I really would not take into (too) much consideration what your siblings think. Tough luck if your sister is anti-military - it's not her future. My dad is on board with me 100%, however you like you, my mom is less than 100% sure she wants me joining the military. I respect my parents, but my mom is almost trying to steer me away from USNA, and its a little annoying.

B) Besides being so incredibly demanding, USNA is probably one of the safest places to be at college. Really.

C) If you know that you truly want to attend a service academy and then serve afterwards, and that you're qualified as of now, there is no reason to not go to USNA. You will have a new family at USNA that will get you through.
 
Hey man this is your dream. If you want it go after it! Just work on getting your parents to accept the road you want to go down. It's your life. Sit your parents down and talk to them. One of the main things that your blue and gold officer looks for is family support. Get your parents to support your decision to apply because it's what you want to do with your life. Good luck with everything!


Sent using the Service Academy Forums® mobile app
 
If going to the Naval Academy is something you'd like to strive for, I wouldn't let anyone else get in the way of it. Doesn't matter if your family is on board or not. You control your own destiny. The service academy route is great because you get a world-class education, a solid foundation for the rest of your life, and you get to serve your country. I can't see why anyone wouldn't support applying to the academies. It may not seem like you have a ton of moral support now but I can assure you that you'll gain some along the way. Nobody will look down upon you for setting such an unselfish goal.
 
While I don't disagree with the comments above about essentially 'damning the torpedoes, full speed ahead', it can be easier on you if you bring your parents around.

My son wanted to enlist in the Marines out of high school along with two other buddies in the neighborhood. I was game, but my wife would have no part of it. She sort of came around eventually, but insisted if he was going into the Marines that he would go to college first and go in as an officer. Although my son didn't make that part of the sale, perhaps you can make being an officer vs enlisted part of your sale.

Another thing you can perhaps make part of the sale is something I realized in my son. He had been talking to me about becoming a Marine since 8th grade. I could see that he really wanted it and I wasn't going to stand in his way. But I've also realized recently it is more than that. Whenever my sister-in-law comes over we always get around to discussing my son, and being the drama queen that she is, she expresses a lot of concern about the danger he could be in some day. She doesn't understand why we let him take this path. I think my proper reply in the future will be that this is his "calling", as it truly is. He comes alive when dealing with anything related to the Marines. So sell your "calling" to your parents. Ignore your siblings. And remember if it IS your calling then you cannot let anything stand in your way.

Of course it can't hurt to mention the "free" college education at one of the premiere institutions in the country several times (at least). Maybe get hold of some USNA brochures and leave them lying about the house.

Hope this is helpful.
 
I would like to talk to your parents, parent-to-parent. They may eventually need a support network of their own and it would help them now if they had some other parents who were in a similar situation to talk to. DS is not USNA though, so maybe you could find some USNA parents and ask them to reach out to your mom or dad just to open the lines of communication.

While their support isn't really necessary, it sure would make your life less stressful.

I fully support my son's military career now. But in the beginning, when, at age 15, he announced he was planning to enlist the day he turned 18, I have to admit that I freaked out inside. I did not let him see that I was freaking out though. I knew I had three years, so I knew I could afford to take my time and work on "changing his mind" slowly. Well, long story short -- I didn't change his mind. He changed mine.

I did manage to slow the process down a little by providing resources and doing a lot of research that got him to realize that a college degree and commissioning made more sense for him. He's smart and a natural leader.

In the beginning, I was anti-military and anti-war. My son has gotten me to see that burying my head in the sand will not keep my family safe. Those who are eager and able to serve -- well -- they are to be applauded, for it is because of them that I can freely write this today.

If you are an active or retired military service member reading this, I thank you for your service, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. I can't begin to understand the sacrifices you've made and the sacrifices your family has made, but I know you made them, and for that, and for protecting my family, I am ever grateful.
 
I echo the sentiments posted above, with regard to you pursuing what is important to your future, even creating an alternative support network outside your family. I also agree that bringing your parents around to your way of thinking would be ideal. When my son first brought up the idea of attending a service academy- I definitely had concerns and reservations, but I also thought hard about the factors that led him to that decision. I believe it had to do with how we had raised him, how my husband and I talked about how lucky were to live in this country, how important the idea of democracy was, what tremendous sacrifice others had made to allow this country to be safe. We always said that to him- so all of a sudden it was NOT ok for my child to be one of those who would sacrifice for the things we believed to be important? Once I had thought this through myself, I supported him and was tremendously proud of his decision (as I am of all you other parents and applicants)
 
I'm a lover of books and believe there exists a book for every occasion! There is a beautifully written book called "Keeping Faith: A Father Son Story about Love and the US Marine Corps" by John Schaeffer that your parents and even siblings might find helpful. It primarily focuses on the struggles of a non-military family's journey to accept their son's decision.

Good luck to you in your endeavors!
 
What if the situation is reserve - your family members want you to attend a SA and you don't want to?
 
MemberLG, is that your situation? If so the answer to going is NO. Families might want members to attend a SA so that it could bring honor, recognition, etc. to their family. That is very selfish, not to mention totally the wrong reason for attending. It's hard enough for someone who wants to be at USNA to survive the 4 years, yet alone someone who has no desire to be there - that person will not make it. Not to mention it would be taking the spot of someone who would want to be there. If your family is pressuring you into attending, talk with them and your BGO. Your BGO will understand and will "make sure" you don't get in. They recognize these types of situations.
 
Absolutely do not apply. The path is difficult enough and you must want it. It will be hard to explain that but if you are certain it's not for you DO NOT APPLY. If you are on the fence apply go to CVW and/or NASS and see. DS had a friend who did not think she wanted it but the day after nom apps closed changed her mind. I feel badly for those in this tough situation (and the reverse as well).
 
Folks, MemberLG was simply asking a rhetorical question. Trust me, his parents are not forcing him to apply to a service academy! :rolleyes:
 
I couldn't quite tell if it was rhetorical, so I decided to give the full explanation. :biggrin:
 
Back to the original question: Most areas of the country have parents' clubs that organize various activities for USNA families. The local club assigns mentors to the appointees from this area who contact the parents and help them deal with the events of I-day, PPW, etc, and brief them on virtually every aspect of being the family of a midshipman. You might check with your BGO for a contact with your area's club and try to enlist their assistance in discussing your desire.

As mentioned above, at some point parents should acknowledge that strings need to be cut so that their children can pursue their desired careers. By the same token, or the reverse, from personal experience the service academies are not the place for anyone who hasn't made a personal commitment to the program. All of us had mornings when we sat on the corner of the bed wondering how we got into "this mess". Those who were not committed tended to be going through that routine virtually every morning - until they decided to leave.

Best wishes to you; it is much easier and rewarding if you have your parents' support.
 
My family reacted in a similar way initially but they are much more on board now that they understand it is truly what I want to do. If it is what YOU want, go for it!


Sent using the Service Academy Forums® mobile app
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top