Personal Statement-suggestions?

M

mo9597

5-Year Member
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Sep 15, 2014
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Hello all, I've finished a very rough draft of my essay. It's the last part of my application that I need to submit, and I hope to submit it in a few days. (Quick question- is this still considered "early" to complete an application on the grand scale of all the applicants?) I think that the second paragraph may need the most help, and I need assistance with a concluding statement. Thank you all in advance for your help! Go Navy! Beat Army!
 
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Ask your English teacher, language department head or a guidance counselor for help. Don't post essays on a public forum.
 
As others have already said, you don't want to post your personal statements to the public. They are ... personal. :smile:
An English teacher or parent should be able to help you.

I do have one comment, however, and maybe it would help others, too.
You said:

As a sophomore, I stepped in and ensured that the seniors followed the coach’s orders, went to practice, and trained over the summer.

My first thought was -- how do you ensure this?
 
Sorry about the post, I saw other people who had posted their statements for help so I thought it'd be fine. I have taken drafts to many teachers as well as my coaches too, just wanted to know if this is the type of essay they might be looking for. :smile: And I'll try a different word choice, and explain myself further.
 
Trying to get the post down. Sorry for the naïve post- I'm a newb :confused:
 
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