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That's a typo, most likely from when I was deleting and changing the wording. I really appreciate all the comments and advice.

Ok, so I did a lot of cutting and editing. This is what I am left with, and I think the final draft speaks true to how I feel. WHY I WANT TO BE AN ARMY OFFICER It was 2004, while walking past a recruiting station, I thought to myself, “I am going to join the army one day.” In August...

I was reading it after you made the comment and I reworded most of the sentences. I first considered joining the army as a young, undocumented, and homeless teen. It was 2004, during my attendance at the Borough of Manhattan Community College. Walking past the recruiting station located...

Hmmm.....OK, but I already went.

Just realized I did not use the correct term "past"....and I am missing the "In"...ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So what you are saying is that this is not grammatically correct.....

Not for nothing, English is not my forte......at all!

It's only the first paragraph, but I think it's way better......minus the typo on 2011.

Pima, is this better? I first considered joining the army as a young, undocumented, and homeless teen. It was 2004, during my attendance at the Borough of Manhattan Community College. I would walk pass the recruiting station located on Chambers Street, thinking to myself “I am going to...

Thank You, this website did not pop up in my search. Maybe it's because I'm in Germany.

Yes, very different. I was looking for a G2G forum, but no luck on that.

Sorry this is for G2G ADO, so it's a tad bit different. I'm not offended...I've only been in the army for 4 years.

I'm listening.

There's a difference between a critique and an insult. Also I don't have an attitude, but thank you for the suggestion.

Was that the only thing you picked up? Also I am not a male, but a female. I will keep what you wrote in mind, but I don't believe in exaggerating. I will however add to it some examples of the things I've done as a current Active Duty Soldier.

WHY I WANT TO BE AN ARMY OFFICER The first time I considered joining the army I was a homeless teen who was also an undocumented immigrant in court proceedings trying to adjust my status. It was 2004 during my attendance at the Borough of Manhattan Community College; I would walk pass the...

EDelahanty, I've already taken those parts out but if you'd like to know why I mentioned 9/11, it is because I was there. And while I may have considered joining the military after 9/11, it was also part of my reasons. And if you are going to respond to someone whom you do not know from a hole...

I'm working on it. To be honest I've never actually taken English in school (not the grammar part anyway). It's a very long story but, I will be taking it next semester. I speak it but, I am terrible at writing it.

I'm Kashaka, so I'm 31 years of age grew up in NYC. Joined the army back in 2011, currently on Active Duty stationed oconus and in the process of building a G2G ADO packet. So here i am on the forum looking for as much info as possible. :-)

My essay for my ROTC application please feel free to let me know what can be done to improve on what I have already written, be it grammar or anything else. Thank yo in advace to any and everyone who will contribute. WHY I WANT TO BE AN ARMY OFFICER The first time I considered joining...