AFA Girlfriends

Discussion in 'Air Force Academy - USAFA' started by chance44, Apr 9, 2012.

  1. chance44

    chance44 New Member

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    My boyfriend just confirmed his acceptance to the Academy for the class of 2016. I know it's going to be rough and I've been checking out different blogs and websites for information. I've heard of the 2% club and I see a lot of forums for Academy girlfriends but they're all from 2009ish and not updated. I think it'd be really beneficial to talk to other girls or even guys who have significant others gone, especially if you're like me and new all of this! :)
     
  2. AFAYahoo

    AFAYahoo Member

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    Here's a cadet Mom's advice. First, check out the Facebook page "My Life Is Cadet Girlfriend"--its the counterpart to the "My Life Is Cadet" FB page and has many concerns/comments that you may find interesting.

    Second, if you're close with his parents and if they join webguy, there are forums that (at least last summer when my son went in) cadet girlfriends comment on all the time. You will need the parent's login info, but evidently many were willing to share that with the girlfriend. It was interesting to get their perspective--its not easy to date someone at the Academy with all the restrictions (esp. as a freshman).

    It can work, if both are committed to making it work!
     
  3. Dad

    Dad Member

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    DS is part of the 98% so I can't give you better advice than AFAYahoo, but I can offer a different perspective. You will not be able to talk to your BF during the 6 weeks of BCT. You will only be allowed letters. That will be your first hurdle. Once he gets his computer, he will be able to e-mail you and maybe (if his squadron allows it) chat on facebook. Phones may or may not be available (again squad dependent) for quite a while. Knowing this up front can help you prepare for the future. My DS's roomate has maintained his relationship, so it is possible, yet difficult.

    The fact that you are looking for resources tells me that you have a good head on your shoulders. Stay strong and enjoy the time before he goes off to USAFA. Best wishes. :thumb:
     
  4. LineInTheSand

    LineInTheSand USCGA 2006

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    Distance doesn't help. Neither do hormones. It's not unheard of to maintain a lasting relationship, but then again, it's not common.


    I would love to see the stats for a normal college. Truth is, it's not the uniform or the service that will kill a relationship, it's the distance and gradual distance that forms between you. That how relationships fall all the time, and not just at an academy.

    Good luck!
     
  5. airman

    airman Member

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    All I can say is good luck. What may work for you will not work for others. If it's meant to be it'll work out. Lost my first girlfriend of 2 years to the distance the AF caused. Life goes on.
     
  6. chance44

    chance44 New Member

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    Thanks so much for all the feedback! Dad, yours was especially helpful with all of the information. And AFAYahoo, I'll definitely check out both of the sites! Thank you!!
     
  7. erikct1325

    erikct1325 New Member

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    Brother

    If it helps, my brother will be graduating from usafa in the class of 2013. He and his girlfriend had been dating since their junior year of high school and are still together to this day. In fact, he proposed over Christmas this year and they will be getting married a week after he graduates :smile: so, though it's hard to stay together, it's definitely possible. Just as well, I'll be in the class of 2016 and can keep your boyfriend in check :p
     
  8. chance44

    chance44 New Member

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    That is soooo great to hear. Hahaha that would DEFINITELY be great! ;) kidding. But thank you for your kindness. I'll be a junior in HS so obviously I'm a bit younger. All I can do is put this in God's hands.
     
  9. fencersmother

    fencersmother Founding Member

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    Of my two sons, one is dating a cadet in the class behind his own, and the other maintains a long-distance relationship (maybe 2 years now? I forget how long) with a college student in the midwest. For the past year, they have managed to see each other almost once a month. Which they love. BUT, it does get expensive and time consuming.

    So, you can do long -distance relationships, but your time together will be even more restricted when your cadet is home MAYBE for 3 weeks in the summer (and maybe not that).

    I think there are three keys:

    Maturity
    Dedication (to the other person and to the relationship changes which will occur)
    Maturity (oh, I said that already)
     
  10. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    Fencer,

    I would add in TRUST.
     
  11. FightingFalcon

    FightingFalcon Parent

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    Emma,

    First thing I would add is "Love = Commitment". Maintaining a long distance relationship takes commitment, patience, and trust.

    Maintain communication with your BF as much as possible, and in as many ways as you can. During BCT, letters will have to do, and don't expect very many reply's. What few you get will be terse. They do get one afternoon in the middle of BCT to make phone-calls home. If you have a good relationship with his mom, all the better. Share communication/info/news you get with each other. You can both encourage each other with any tidbits of news you get.

    Once school starts, they will have personal computers and access to facebook, email, etc. Skype is banned at USAFA, but there are other ways to do video chat that are allowed. Google chat and FaceTime worked for my DS this year.

    If you keep expectations of how often he communicates with you low, it can work. Like others said, he may have his phone taken away "just because" for a lot of his freshman year. No guarantees.

    On a personal level, my C4C DS has a serious relationship back home. As tired as he is all the time, he somehow finds the time to talk with his GF almost every day. I know he's very committed to her. The phone calls are just one way he shows it. Us parents get about 1 call per week. We understand, and are ok with that.

    Hope this helps, somehow.
     
  12. Christcorp

    Christcorp Member

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    As others have said; it is possible, albeit difficult. FWIW: My son was still with his girlfriend from high school when he entered the academy. They stayed together for about 2 1/2 years. And we do not live far from the academy, and he was able to see her many/most weekends. It still couldn't last the test of time.

    I don't think that distance is the main problem in a cadet relationship with someone back home. The main problem is that people change. One of the first things parents say when they see their cadet after a few months is how they've matured, become an adult, grown up, Become a man/woman, etc... Well, the cadet and their boy/girl friend back home are no longer growing "Together". Because of totally different school/social environments, they both develop different goals, dreams, desires, etc...

    The main reason most relationships with high school sweethearts don't last, is that they simply grow apart. For most cadets, coming to the academy, being on their own, and meeting other cadets from all around the world, opens their eyes to a much bigger world with so many more experiences available to them. This isn't to say that military members are better; just that they have a new and different life than their ex-schoolmates back home.

    High school sweethearts going to the same college together shouldn't believe that they are going to stay together forever. When the high school sweethearts go to 2 different schools, it's even harder. When one goes to a military academy, it's the hardest. We all grow and change. Maybe you'll stay together, get married, and live happily ever after. But don't count on it. Count on yourself growing, becoming independent, maturing, and having new experiences. The same for the cadet at the academy. I really liked my son's ex-girl friend. But once they broke up, it was amazing to see how BOTH of them suddenly matured and grew up that much more. More time with new friends; new experiences; etc... We still keep in touch with his ex-girlfriend, but the best thing (For Them) was to go their own way and find their own dreams first. best of luck. mike....
     
  13. bsa07eagle

    bsa07eagle Member

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    Right on CC, that is exactly what I have seen with the majority of the cadet. The people who enter this place are not the same as they are after 1, 2, and 3 years here.

    -Brian
     
  14. FightingFalcon

    FightingFalcon Parent

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    well said Christcorp!
     
  15. thealt

    thealt Member

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    Emma should be able to talk to her BF about 3-4 weeks into BCT during Doolie Day In. The Doolies cell phones are returned for several hours to call loved ones. In fact I heard a lot of parents say that their son/daughter often called their BFs and GFs first before they called home. I often wonder whether the advent of social networking may have changed the 2% stat. In the old days (before cell phones) a cadet was limited to snail mail and waiting in line at a limited amount of pay phones to try and call. Because of a tight time schedule they might not have been able to make the pay phone call before going on to their next duty. Cell phones, email and especially ooVoo, I think may have changed the game a lot. Emma, you will be able to ooVoo with your BF, so at least you will be able to see his smiley face. Of course you want be able to hug him, but still seeing his face may be help be reassuring to both of you.
     
  16. scraper

    scraper Member

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    Correct me if I am wrong but Doolie day out is July 14th.....
    http://www.usafa.af.mil/shared/media/document/AFD-111208-036.pdf and if you ask me ( and nobody is) A Day is August 8th
     
  17. Christcorp

    Christcorp Member

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    The 2% might not be a scientifically accurate number, but the concept is accurate. And not just for the academies. College in general. College, the academies, and simply moving away, exposes people to a much bigger world. You realize that there is so much more out there for you. Your likes, dislikes, goals, dreams, etc. All change. Because of that, what you had in common with your friends at home, also changes.

    After 2 or 3 times coming home to visit, u realize u don't have as much in common with your high school friends that u use to. U have a new family and new friends now.

    Not trying to be insensitive, but simply stating facts. After the first couple years on active duty, I only started calling my family once every month or two. Its nice if couples can stay together. Just play it day by day and don't force it to work. Make new friends. See new places. Have new relationships. See the world.
     
  18. AFAYahoo

    AFAYahoo Member

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    As a parent, I love having ooVoo to see my son as we chat. But as a cadet having a girl/boyfriend back home could be a different story, it just depends on what is happening in the background when you ooVoo with the cadet. Remember, that doolie year, the cadet will be limited on what he/she can do--no civilian clothes for quite a while, no parties to go to on the weekends, barely time to do anything except study and keep in shape. If the boy/girlfriend back home is calling on a Saturday night, all dressed to go out and party, or at college and friends of both sexes are coming and going in the background while music is blaring and fun times are happening, the cadet could feel a little uneasy. What is happening while he/she is not there, what is he/she missing out on, etc. Just be smart about when you ooVoo.
     
  19. fencersmother

    fencersmother Founding Member

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    Christcorp, you are right about coming home the first few times and everything is "OK," even with h.s. friends who are not bf/gfs. But that first summer break is an eye opener for EVERYONE, not just for the cadet home for 2 or 3 weeks.

    The second summer, our cadets have almost nothing in common with an average college student, and it shows.
     
  20. wby

    wby New Member

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    fencersmother - Wait... your kids came home? Did I miss something? We are trying to get our firstie and our 4 degree to spend a few weeks together at "home" (we keep moving - so they have never actually lived here) during 60 days - haven't nailed them down yet!
     

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