Anyone else have a 4/C that has vanished?

USNA 19 DAD

USNA 19 DAD

5-Year Member
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Mar 10, 2015
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I do believe that in the last month or so, my 4/C DS has gone off the radar. Has not called in 2 weeks, no email, and returns about 2 out of 4 texts if they are not important. Most of our texts to him at this point are "How's everything going" or " Give us a shout when you can" type stuff. Oddly, we still seem to get "Hey can you send me..." and "Can you throw a few bucks on the Yard Card?" type texts :cool: We are NOT helicopter parents by any means and realize he is transitioning to a man (gulp) on his own, but kind of sad none the less. We were kind of hoping that once he got into as much of as a routine as he could we may hear more not less! :( Anyone else?
 
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Two weeks! Texts! That would be a barrage of communication for us. I DID talk to our cadet yesterday and he said that, right now, the kids are buried with projects, papers, and exams prior to the upcoming break, not much time to come up for air. I don't know what the schedule is like at Navy, but this may just be an unusually busy time for the mids.
 
There are other threads about this and it is a common change, very difficult for parents. Sometimes, in 2nd semester, things do change, and as your mid or cadet finds his old self again, communication will revert to "normal" - a new normal though.

After graduation, it's even worse!
 
I would not say it's very difficult, or even difficult for that matter. It's life. I get it. I am sure I did the same thing too to an extent when I flew the coop. I think a little "bummed" would pretty much sum it up. I am now the only Y chromosome left in the house! :help: I was just wondering if other folks with 4/C Mids/ Cadets have been seeing the same thing as the Fall progresses?
 
Totally normal. Right now they just finished 12 weeks and are sprinting to the finish line for finals, semester wrap up, and the big one... Thanksgiving! Most Plebes have set their routine now with the semester, but classes are getting harder, pro knowledge is getting more complex, upperclass taskings are a full plate, trying to keep in shape or play their sport all compile. Most Plebes are honestly slightly overwhelmed and realizing that it is harder than they expected and hanging on for Thanksgiving. They are wondering how they heck they will keep this up until April. Most have also discovered a new level of tired they didn't know existed. I think I mostly called or emailed home Plebe year for money and gave them updates on games. It does get better, but it will be awhile. They will get recharged over xmas break. But going back is tough, its the dark ages, academics pick up again and they feel like Plebe Year is going to go forever. Spring hits and they start to come alive again and know the end of Plebe Year is right around the corner.
 
DS/DD are foremost in your minds. Reverse, not true right now. You have always been there for them, and they don't see the need to tend that relationship by checking in. There is simply so much going on. They know they should, but they can put you at the back of the line and be forgiven.
Text 'em pictures of the dog/cat/hamster, funny stories, clips from the local paper about their HS sports team or friends, family news snippets, and a "love ya." Don't ask questions that add to their To Do list. I recognize that's hard, but just wait this out. DD/DS are out flying, as you raised them to do.

We had one plebe we sponsored whose mom texted him that now he was away, she had gone back to school full-time to finish her college degree in media communications, and was also taking a photography course, so if she didn't respond to a text right away, she might be in class. He was a little shocked, but realized family patterns were shifting, and he was very proud of her. He had never thought of her as a Person Other Than Mom. The photos she took at Comm Week were breathtaking and frame-worthy. More than one gets to fly!
 
Agree with all of above. One thing I did was to figure out in today's tech world what method of communication triggered the greatest likelihood of a response from our 4c. I figured out for whatever reason that texts and phone calls dont always get attended to but if I send a snapchat, the response rate is pretty darn good. Took a while for this 40 something to figure out snapchat but it works for quick,silly,fun communications that allow you to feel connected which is great. Give it a try and pump up your "street cred" with the youngsters. :)

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk
 
someone on another thread wrote that she always got a response when she asked her cadet: "do you just want me to keep this money?" or "Well, if you don't pay this bill soon, xyz corp says they'll send you to collections." Cadet ALWAYS returned call. :)
 
My "street cred" left the building a long time ago as far as my kids go :p. I have my wife bamboozled that I still "got it".....sometimes. We sometimes joke around and say "Let's not contact him at all and see how long it takes for him to call/text." We decided we did not want to find out. I will look into snap chat though. Thanks.
 
USNA19DAD, yes, experiencing the same and trying to be mindful - although its incredibly tough - to keep the communication on DS' terms. "Bummed" is a good way to describe the feeling when time goes by and DS doesn't call, text or snapchat. At least during Plebe Summer we had a schedule and knew when to expect a call! Last Sunday evening DS sent a text and while I was pleased to hear from him it was late in the evening so I responded, "isn't it past Plebe bedtime?" He said he won a football bet and was able to determine what the Plebes in his company can do. Among other things, he granted 4/C media privileges, which was probably the reason for his late Sunday night texts.

Cheer up! Thanksgiving is next week and you'll have time to catch-up with DS.
 
Indeed. Thanks to the parents group here we were lucky enough to find an upper class Mid that will give him a lift home. BTW- I texted him this morning and asked him "If you see a kid named XXXX who attends the USNA, please tell him his Dad is looking for him." I got a reply saying "Will do." That's it. Nothing else.
 
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2 weeks no hear? Hmmmmm you guys are a little late to this party...for us it's been more like 2 months.

In the vernacular "it is what it is"...I'm walking down to the corner to catch the school bus on my own today and see you later is what comes to mind.
 
Later, during UPT or other schoolhouse, if you DO hear from them, at any time other than that appointed and previously arranged, you'll answer the phone, clutching rosary beads, and praying. It's generally not wonderful if they call mid week, or at 5:30 a.m.
 
I once got a phone call 2 days in a row this semester (C3C). I nearly had a heart attack when I saw the number for the second time! I assumed something had to be seriously wrong for such a level of communication! Thank goodness it wasn't bad news. It was a matter of "I had the time, so I thought I would call and say hello." So glad he called that second time to say hello. Now, lesson learned, and I won't be so quick to assume the worst.

What I have found interesting is the "diversity" of communication. I know parents who hear from their kids practically every day , and if they don't hear for more than 2 consecutive days, it means something is wrong. I know other parents who only hear from their kids when something is wrong and/or something is needed. If things are going well, there is no word. Some parents hear once a week like clock work while others only hear time and place for summer/winter break airport pickup.

Why such varying "calling styles"? I can hazard a guess. But There are days I picture "calling home" as an Olympic event with the gold medals going to the kid who can dial their parents number the fastest (no speed dial allowed), the kid who can recite their parents number from memory the fastest, and the kid who can most effectively communicate the events of the day to their parents. Points are awarded and deducted based upon how long the parent takes to recognize it is their child on the phone. A parental "'whose this?" is an automatic 10 point deduction and then another 10 points are deducted for every 5 seconds it takes for the parents to recognize the caller. Also, points are added and deducted based upon responses (details vs simple single word yes, no, maybe. :jump1:
 
Son Three months in the Med, Suez, Red Sea and Indian Ocean and on to Singapore. Never heard from him and his mother was worried. His Sister did get a great bottle of Wine from Italy when he returned home. They will survive and they are now adults. I was the same and I do regret it.
 
I backed off calling some time ago, not wanting to be "THAT MOTHER". But after about 2.5 weeks, one kid called, all insulted, and didn't I care what he was going through?

"Sure, Lil Johnny, but I am so busy with my quilting bee, I just didn't have time."

Lil Johnny got the message and calls with astonishing frequency now, even from another continent (where he is enjoying summery weather and girls who don't really wear much on the beach {Mom! I didn't look... except for the 50+ pictures on my phone!}). Lil Johnny's twin brother... well, let's just say he's occasionally a slower learner.
 
The arrangement with my older DD - she sends me a pic/snap once a week, preferably of her, but occasionally she sends things she sees/places she goes - she's now 2nd year at far-away school, and stays in touch far more frequently than 1st year. I respond to her snaps/pics by sending pics of her cat, the mess her younger sister made in her room/closet (!!), one of the best was the 'typical dad napping in recliner'. She always texts back when something makes her 'miss home', and frequently calls to talk. (Love to send a snap if I cook her favorite dinner, and let her know we're missing her.)
 
Every Sunday we talk. i know he talks with his mother more often , but not much.

No news is good news, and I still send him a text now and then just to provide a moment of levity or sentimentality. He does the same.

All things considered, it beats the heck outta snail-mail and so-forth. We still have almost instantaneous communication if need should arise.
 
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