runningman; you bring up a very good point, but it's not really a moral conflict.
1st: Plenty of people get an appointment, accept it, and then at the very last minute decide not to attend the academy. Even on the last day. Some have even changed their mind on the first day at the academy while filling out the forms. They are leaving, or do not arrive, and no one else is going to get their slot. The academy knows this and they anticipate it for every class. That's part of life.
2nd: Even without the academy as your first choice, there are students who are accepted to more than one college/university each year and hold their final decision as to which school to attend until the very last minute. This too is not uncommon, nor immoral. Individuals have to look at what's best for them. And if you can't decide what it best for you until June 23rd, then so be it.
3rd: As for local/state universities, most by state charter must give priority to residents, so your scenario about your brother doesn't apply in most states. If he wants to go, and meets the qualifications, he can go. Yes, there are some state universities where they still can't accept everyone because there's too many. University of Texas in Austin is one of those. So you have to look now at "ODDS". No, this isn't Las Vegas, but unless your brother happens to be the #1 Non-Selectee on the wait list, it won't matter if you changed your mind on the civilian school at the last minute or not. "Odds" are that it would have no affect. These colleges/universities are just like the academies. They know that there will be those that change their mind at the last minute. They've known this for years. And most schools offer MORE than they can accept because they know many will change their mind.
Details: The academy offers approximately 1600+ appointments to the academy. Huhhhh??? I thought only 1300-1400 got to go to the academy each year? That is correct. And the academy knows that many are going to change their mind and turn the appointment down because in the last 4-5 months they received appointments to their #1 choice (No, the academy is NOT always a person's #1 choice); or because of ROTC and other scholarships, the individual can still become a commissioned officer but they can go to school locally. There are a lot of reasons. Anyway, just like DSL and Cable broadband companies OVERSUBSCRIBE because they know everyone won't use the network at the same time, the academies OVERSUBSCRIBE when they offer appointments. Because they know they all won't say yes. They know that about 300 will say no. Every year it's that way. If more than 300 say no thank you, then they give out more appointments to the wait listed people. If not too many say no thank you, then they don't offer to the wait list. If no one says no thank you, the academy craps it's pants and thinks: "Now what". But it has never really happened. If it did, they would simply lower the amount the accept the following year.
Bottom line is: Colleges/Universities; including the academies; are a business. They want people to attend their schools. There is nothing wrong with you wanting to do the best for you. For most scholarships, the schools or the private benefactors have a cutoff for acceptance. They do this so they can offer it to another person if you change your mind. And when possible, it's a "Nice Gesture" if you can free up a scholarship so someone else can use it. But if you hold on to an acceptance from a school until August to make sure you like the academy or don't get hurt, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If we could all see the future, we wouldn't have this problem. But anyone leaving the academy on the 1st day or beyond, has no affect on someone who didn't get accepted. It's too late to offer it to someone else. If you happen to have a college/university that you are wait listed on, then you are in the same boat. The reason you are being "wait listed" is because there may be an opening if someone changes their mind. Maybe it would be better if the university didn't wait list your brother and simply said "No thank you". Then he could find another college without spending so much money.
This is the normal college process. It's been going on like this for longer than you've been alive. For everyone else, definitely have backup schools. Definitely pay the minimum required to the first choice if the academy doesn't work out. If you lose the money because you accept an appointment to the academy,,,, SO WHAT? You will save that much money in the first couple of months by being at the academy where you aren't paying for tuition, room, board, etc... And no, you're not stopping someone else from getting into that college if you turn it down at the last minute. The person filling your slot at that college might not be able to get into the dorms and such, and it might be a local student who can get away with living at home while they are attending the college/university, but someone will be filling your slot. Don't feel guilty. You have no reason to feel that way about doing what's best for you. Best of luck all. Mike.....