Basic Question about DS leaving home.

Discussion in 'ROTC' started by CoachBart, Aug 7, 2012.

  1. CoachBart

    CoachBart Member

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    Hi, I am not sure if this question belongs on this forum or not. Please feel free to direct me to the right place if I am wrong. My DS leaves for North Georgia on Thur this week. He and I are very close. He is super excited about going away and I am happy for him to realize his dream of going to a SMC. Its kind of embarrassing for me I guess to admit that I am feeling anxiety because I am starting to miss him and he has not even left yet! I did not think I would ever have these type of feelings. I guess you could say I even feel kind of panicky (is that even a word). Its just hard not to see him as my little boy (even though he is 195 lbs of solid muscle!). So I am just wondering am I alone in feeling this way or should I just "man up" and put it out of my mind. And for those of you who have dealt with this situation what do you recommend I do to feel "normal" about this. Thanks for listening because I definately needed to vent about this.
     
  2. NorwichDad

    NorwichDad Member

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    The feeling never goes away. No need to man up, your a great parent. What helps is how you see them progress and grow up. There a point where you stop telling them what to do and just listen. That is when you know:smile: you have done your job as a parent.

    You will never feel normal, you are a parent.:thumb:
     
  3. ArielsMom

    ArielsMom Member

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    Normal Feelings ... I think

    My my youngest DD leaves on the 18th and I am becoming more clingy by the day. I never thought that I would be "one of those moms" who goes to pieces when their child leaves home, and I was not for my older DD, but this time around it is different. The thought of being an empty-nester is somewhat terrifying to me and although logically I know of all the possibilities it will open up my heart is just not there yet.
     
  4. dunninla

    dunninla Member

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    sounds normal to me, but I don't know how to deal with it, or even it it needs to be dealt with... just do your best to get through it.
     
  5. 49er

    49er Member

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    My son reports to The Citadel on Saturday (August 11, 2012). In our (mom and dad) minds we thought we would spend the last weeks with him fishing, visiting the mountains and etc. Of course he has been hiking in the mountains and spent several days fishing but for some reason he took some very attractive young ladies along instead of mom and dad. So much for quality time with the family. I know how the original poster feels. The past 15 months or so has been such a journey, visiting schools, going to interviews and etc. I feel privilege to been able to walk along side of him on this part of the trip. We had some very adult conversations along the way about serving in the military, possibly having to take another life, spending summers in training, his faith in God and so many other things. We are so proud of him and the young man he has become.

    My thirteen year old daughter always likes to tell people she has never seen her father cry, Saturday might be her first opportunity for that.
     
  6. -Bull-

    -Bull- Member

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    You've done good dad. Now the upperclassmen and cadre he is about to meet are about to take him from here on out. He'll be in good hands.
     
  7. Luigi59

    Luigi59 Banned

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    Claim a high pollen count, works every time. :wink:
     
  8. EDelahanty

    EDelahanty Member

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    Your post reminded me of a detail I had managed to put aside for nearly two years. We had to leave at about 4:00 a.m. to take young Delahanty to the airport. Rather than go to bed early or spend a quiet evening with the family, he elected to spend his time with his then girlfriend and pulled into the driveway at around 3:30. Driving in the dark and sleeping on the plane, it wasn't until we landed that we noticed the huge purple splotch on his neck.

    After overcoming their initial amusement, the cadre made him wear an enormous bandage to cover it up. Great way to make a first impression.
     
  9. CoachBart

    CoachBart Member

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    Thanks

    Thanks, I see I am not alone. I appreciate ya'll listening.
     
  10. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    Coach,

    Your emotions are common, and they never go away. I have 2 that are not going military, 1 that is now an O1. There was a difference for me with DS1. It wasn't about him going off to college, it was more about realizing our home would never be his home again. He would graduate and commission, we would have to accept that his life was where the military took him.

    College kids going off are hard enough, but you can pretend they will move back to your town, and have Sunday dinners after they graduate. It is not forever, or for an unseen future. You just can't do that with ROTC kids, you have to accept that summer vacation is filled with training, that upon graduation they leave. It is a finite time line.

    Old poster here, come Oct. that missing the kid, will be gone. It will be replaced with posting: Explain this, our DS is now speaking in acronyms and I can't follow. :smile:

    Next yr you will have him do the shoulder roll out of the car with his stuff.:shake: because you are in a different place.

    It is a new chapter, and it is normal to feel your way.
     
  11. kinnem

    kinnem Moderator

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    You're already normal! I know I sure missed my kid when he left for college and NROTC. One thing that helped me was to continue to participate in these forums. Somehow it helped give me a sense of connection to him. Time heals all and right now, frankly, I can't wait for him to get back to school in just 10 days!!!! Of course once he's there I'll want to talk to him at least once a week to see how he's doing and hear all about the fun he's having. I expect I'll see him at Parent's Weekend, Thanksgiving and Christmas. He's not one for coming home for visits... he might miss some fun at school! :smile: Ao why did we buy him that Jeep when he was a junior in college?
     
  12. Jcleppe

    Jcleppe Member

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    kinnem,

    I had to laugh about the not comming home part. When my older son was a freshman and sophomore he came home for Spring Break. I had given him some advice, (actually suprised he took it) I told him to save his money for the first two Spring Breaks and not go on some wild trip, being under 21 at Spring Break (In the states) is just asking for trouble. Well.....he turned 21 his junior year....Spring Break was a trip to Vegas and Hermosa Beach, Senior spring Break was to Newport Beach CA, aaaaw.. to be young again. Needless to say he did not come home for Sring Break his junior and senior year.

    I remember sitting in a Parent's Orientation when I took my older son to school the first year. The Dean of Students gave a nice speech, the one thing that made me smile was when he talked about the kids comming home for visits and what to expect. His comment was this; When your son/daughter comes home for the first time, Thanksgiving week, as parents you will have this idea that you are going to have dinners together and spend a week of quality family time, well don't count on it. First they will sleep til at least noon, when they are awake they will be planning time to spend with old friends, they will come and go like the wind. They will stick around for Thanksgiving dinner but don't be suprised when they start looking at theri watches soon after dinner. The best advice he gave was try and make your house available to him/her and their friends, at least that way they are at the house.

    We were suprised at how accurate his assesement was, then I remembered what I was like when I was his age and it all made sense.

    I had to laugh when he said that when they come home for Christmas Break you may find yourself counting the last days off until they go back to school, of course you miss them as soon as they leave again.
     
  13. bruno

    bruno Retired Staff Member

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    Oh- you are so not alone! I felt exactly this way when my son went off and my mom told me that me that 37 years ago my Navy fighter pilot dad cried for a half hour after they dropped me off at VMI and were driving northward. Y ou wouldn't be a good dad if you didn't miss the boy that you have raised for the last 18 years! It's hard, but Parents weekend will come fast enough and then after that Christmas furlough and before you know it 4 years have elapsed. It'll be OK!:thumb: But you do have to let go- which means you can't get involved in things that he is going to have to work out for himself, and you have to curb your desire to jump in and direct and resolve things tha treally he is now responsible for :)cool:and heaven knows I am as guilty of this as any parent- this is easier said than done!)
    Hang in there!
     
  14. QA1517

    QA1517 Member

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    I have a DS that is a senior in high school and is looking at ROTC in a college 3 hrs away from home and army as a career. He has been my best friend for several years. I have spent many hours thru the years traveling with him to junior rodeos and ball games. I will miss those times.

    I would rather he be half way around the world in the military and barely see him than for him to be trying to make a civilian living just an hour or two away from me and barely see him.
     
  15. bjkuds

    bjkuds Parent

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    I don't know how anyone could go through this stuff and not feel this way,, anything else would seem really weird to me.
    Yep... anxiety, hollow feeling in the pit of stomach,, all "normal".. DH always just told DS that "he was so proud" when he had to go through those times of departure and a tear would come to his eyes. I am not saying it goes away, but here we are beginning year 2 as Cadet rather than Rat and it is easier for us and him. It may be because we know he is "settled" where he is headed and happy to go back. The first year there is so much unknown for everyone.. "can he get through it?" .. Not to mention the "what are they doing to my child" conversations that all parents must have when a child chooses this type of path. You will miss him A LOT and it's okay for him to know that, just so it isn't to the point where he is more worried about you than what he has a head of him. We just comforted each other by reflecting on how bad we would feel if he couldn't follow his dream and lived in our basement till he was 40:biggrin:
     
  16. kinnem

    kinnem Moderator

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    Sounds exactly right Jcleppe. Glad your DS took your Spring Break advice. We managed that this year by having him stay at an aunt's house at the beach. She wasn't there but at least I knew any "festivities" would occur in her house about 5 miles away from a family beach rather than some of the wild and crazy Spring Break hotspots elsewhere.

    And it's still hard to make him come in at a "reasonable" hour when he is home and spending his nights with his old friends. He's always pushing the envelope... as he should.... we did. :smile:
     
  17. FlyingWildcatDad

    FlyingWildcatDad Member

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    I know exactly how you feel! We dropped my DS off at the University of Kentucky this past weekend and my wife and 14 year old daughter cried all the way home of our 5 hour drive. I have to admit, I had a tear in my eye too. My wife has continued to cry everyday since, she says she feels like she is in mourning. I try to comfort her, but nothing has seemed to work so far. My daughter is having a rough time too, but she has school to divert her attention from thinking about it. I am hoping time will ease the pain.
     
  18. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    Flying,

    Don't worry come the 1st time he comes home with a bag of laundry, leaves wet towels on the floor and destroys his bedroom, on top of annoying his sister, your wife will be asking him one question. When do you go back?

    I remember dropping DS off as a sophomore at college...it was basically a shoulder roll out of the car, however I saw parents walking away wiping tears and remembering that was me last yr. Only difference is I chuckled at myself for being that way last yr.

    The thing to realize is it is an end of something beautiful, but that doesn't mean it isn't the beginning of something more beautiful. Ask Jcleppe, Stealth. Christcorp, Nick, Bullet and myself you have yet to experience the true happiness. No offense to anyone, I stated those posters because they have commissioned or their children have commissioned recently.
     
  19. FlyingWildcatDad

    FlyingWildcatDad Member

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    Pima,
    Thanks for the words of encouragement, I know everything will turn out fine for my wife. I knew her seeing her first baby leave the nest would be hard for her, mainly because her whole :smile:life for the past 18 years has revolved almost soley around our children. She probably would not have taken it so bad though if he would have gone to school somewhere closer. On a good note today though, I haven't see any more tears since yesterday.
     
  20. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    Flying,

    I feel for you because if I have done my math correctly, 4 yrs from now will be when she is a chocolate mess. She will have to deal with 5 things.
    1. DS's college graduation ceremony
    2. DS's commissioning ceremony
    3. DS leaving the home to go AD wherever they send him
    4. DD's HS graduation
    5. DD leaving home for college

    Maybe if she sees it that way, she will be happy to know posters like me just went through all of that this past spring. Yes, I cried, but it was different this time around. It was wow, they made it, and patted Bullet and myself on the back knowing we done good!
     

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