dc67,
I understand your frustration, and this is hard to read, but now is the time to cut one apron string. When our kids hit their sr. yr. we informed them, quite bluntly, that we would not be attending college with them, and now was their time to stand on their own two feet, while they still had us as a safety net.
We did not remind them of filing/cut-off dates, be it applications, or SAT/ACT registration. We knew they needed our credit card to pay for it, but it was up to them to ask us for it so they could submit. We gave gentle reminders, "how are the essays going?", but that was it.
I will say with all eldest we were more involved, because we were all learning the process at the same time, but AFROTC made us cut those apron strings in his sr, yr. That was a huge wake up call to us on how the post high school world would react to our involvement. Once 18, they are legal adults. AFROTC HQ contacted our home for some additional info., DS was at school and going straight to work that day, so I called, and they said, sorry Mrs. Bullet, we could not discuss this with you, your child is 18, I will annotate in his file he is at work, can you give me his personal contact number?
This not only happened with ROTC, but also at college for him and his sister (different colleges). The most frustrating thing as a parent is the bursar's office. You need a password, you can't get the password unless your child goes into the system, but yet they are more than happy to collect a check from your account every semester for thousands of dollars.
Welcome to college! You will look back and be thankful that you cut an apron string in HS once he is in college next yr...trust me.
We are here to give guidance and support, but you also need to take this time and have an adult to adult conversation about the reality of what will happen this upcoming yr.
You can drag a horse to water, but you can't make him drink!
OBTW, he will have a wake up call, many candidates are interviewed by ALO's for AFROTC scholarships, and they will be honest.
My only suggestion to you right now is to take him in August to college campus tours, contact the AF/NROTC units and have him meet them. Ask them if he could also talk to cadets/mids. Excuse yourself and let him do this one on one, just set a pre-determined place on campus, such as, the Student Union to meet an hr later. By doing this it helps him enter reality.
1. Campus tours are dog and pony shows. Kids on campus know he is hs. Meeting him later allows him to imagine next yr by himself as a college student walking the campus.
2. Meeting cadets/mids with you there will be a dog and pony show, they will behave differently, lots of best foot forward! Letting him meet them alone will allow him to get a feel of the personality within the unit from 1 peer to another peer.
~~ College is one aspect of their life, but ROTC is the other. He needs to feel comfortable with both.