Divorced Parents and Parents' Weekend

Discussion in 'Air Force Academy - USAFA' started by Roman, May 25, 2010.

  1. Roman

    Roman Member

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    I have divorced parents that do not want to see each other. For those who have been through Parents' Weekend before, do you think that the weekend could be split up or would it just be better to only have one parent come? My mom went to orientation with me, so it wouldn't be that big of a deal if only my dad went to Parents' Weekend, I think. Would Acceptance Day be a good alternative for one parent (15 hour drive for 3 hours?)? Thank you.
     
  2. Christcorp

    Christcorp Member

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    Want an "HONEST" answer or a "Rodney King - Can't we all just get along" answer? I'll give the "Honest" answer. While you're no longer a "Kid", your parents are most definitely "ADULTS". If they can't ACT like adults, then that's their problem. Personally, I would tell each of them that they are BOTH invited. And that you want them both there. And that if they don't want to be around each other, then that's their childish problem. And that THEY need to decide which one will come out to see THEIR CHILD as they start their new life at the academy. Don't get in the middle of the two of them. Make them ACT like adults and deal with life. After all, that's what they are expecting YOU to start doing.

    Now, the one backfire that could happen is that they don't work it out, and neither comes. But that's a chance that you have to take. Personally, tell them BOTH about "Acceptance Day" and "Parent's Weekend". Tell them that you're inviting both of them and that you'd love them to be there. Recognize that you can't expect them both to make both events. It gets expensive. But tell them that they are BOTH invited, and that you need THEM to tell you which one they are coming to. And that if they want to know if the other is coming, that THEY need to contact the other one. That's THEIR responsibility to work it out. Best of luck. Mike....
     
  3. Dixieland

    Dixieland Member

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    I think Mike's suggestions are perfect and well-said. You don't need to play referee on one of the most important days of your life. Invite them, then let them work it out.
     
  4. KP13Mom

    KP13Mom Member

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    I also agree with Mike~as usual he gives sound and practical advice.

    When we went to Parent's weekend, there were several of my DS's friends whose parents were unable to come to parent weekend. The friends were adopted for the weekend. I brought picnic dinners and lunches so we didn't have to stand in line at Delano and we always had someone join in with us. It was wonderful to hear them talk. We learned much more than we would have by just hanging out with our kiddo. We were able to bombard all with questions and not one rolled his eyes. It was a delightful weekend.

    Parents going to parent weekend~double check with your DS or DD that their friends have family coming in and plan to adopt for the weekend.
     
  5. ZoomingFalcon

    ZoomingFalcon Cadet

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    Heck yes, feel free to join us:thumb:
     
  6. Lilly

    Lilly Member

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    Roman,

    For those of us who live in the real world of human relationships and the emotionally charged atmosphere of divorce, I can tell you that in our situation it was great to take DS to orientation and be there on acceptance day after BCT (we had 12 hour drive, but it was well worth it!). After essentially no contact for that long he was glad to see us and Chick-fil-a, and we were ecstatic to see him doing so well. It was so worth it!!!

    His mother was there for parent's weekend last year and we will be there for parent's weekend this year. Split up parent's weekend? I wouldn't. Let them alternate years if they don't get along.

    Now, back to your regularly scheduled program...:rolleyes:
     
  7. fencersmother

    fencersmother Founding Member

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    I love ChristCorp's advice! The only caveat I might add is that the parents can leave their new spouse/GF/BF at home. Just the parents come. Especially if it is the first time at PW.
     
  8. Christcorp

    Christcorp Member

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    Well, having come from a divorced family, which even after all these years can be strange because my sister pretty much left one half of the family to live near our father, while I stayed close to my mother's side and the full extended family; it can definitely be difficult. But I stand by my suggestion. No matter what, your parents will ALWAYS be older than you. (You can't catch up to them). Therefor, they will always have MORE experiences in their lives than you. Not necessarily better or worse, but definitely more. YOU are their common denominator. It is there job to be the parent, and in this case support you. I am positive that both of them want to be. And I'm sure that separately, they are both really good parents. But they need to be mature and deal with this. You shouldn't be caught in the middle of it.

    Lilly, while I'm positive you don't mean anything negative towards my first post, this too is coming from someone who lives in the real world of human relationships and the emotionally charged atmosphere of divorce. And as always, it is just my opinion, perspective, and $0.0238532 (Inflation). And if the parents want to split parent weekends, one do "A-Day" and the other "Parent's Weekend", or any other variation; then let THEM decide between the two of them and don't make Roman get stuck in the middle of it. And if the parents can't be Mature enough to make that decision between themselves, then there's nothing wrong with being tough on the parents and tell them: "Fine, here's the dates. I really hope at least one of you can show up". I know that sounds tough, but as adults we make tough choices. And unfortunately, Roman might have to make one here. And one possibility is making his parents become responsible by making a choice. Better them, than Roman making the choice. I know what it's like to have to make a choice between parents as a child. I don't wish that on any son/daughter. Again, just my opinion. Mike.....
     
  9. Roman

    Roman Member

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    I really appreciate the replies.

    Christcorp, I also don't want my parents to both come. It would be incredibly awkward for me to be eating lunch with both of them.

    It's going to be an every other year thing.
     
  10. shortbread945

    shortbread945 Member

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    Glad you made your decision. :wink:
     
  11. rkrosnar

    rkrosnar Member

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    Divorced Parents...

    Well said Christcorp, well said.


    RGK
     
  12. MJOmom

    MJOmom Member

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    Are you closer/more comfortable with one parent than the other? My son just finished Plebe year at USNA ... last summer was tough ... USAFA could be tougher than you think. You do NOT need the stress of waring (or barely tolerant high tension) parents on the little time you get off.

    Please consider yourself and your needs. If you need a hug, need calmness, which would give that to you.

    I agree with the poster who says "make them be the adults" ... in my parents' case that never happened. You don't need their uglieness. You need support ... from someone ... so tell them to pick .. and tell them ONLY ONE should come ... maybe over the years they will find a way to grow up/make peace ... so that by graduation ... both could come without making a scene

    Good luck and congratulations ...
     

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