Does the AF take civilian spouses into consideration?

Discussion in 'ROTC' started by Jbow1221, Nov 7, 2015.

  1. Jbow1221

    Jbow1221 Member

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    I was just wondering if anyone knew if the AF took civilian spouses into consideration. I will be commissioning in May but my wife still has about a year left in school. Do they consider that when I pick my bases? I'm sure I will get a chance to explain my choices.
     
  2. Capt MJ

    Capt MJ Member

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    Standing by for Pima.

    In the meantime, with the kindest of smiles, you will be the one on active duty, and you and your wife will have to figure out your private lives as the "needs of the Air Force" dictate. While I am sure stated preferences are taken into account, they will take a back seat to the aforementioned needs of the Air Force. There will be that possibility of she stays one place to finish school while you are elsewhere, and commuting as you can. Military life is tough on spouses, interrupting education, careers, established networks, and piling on household responsibilities while the uniformed one is deployed. Military spouses are an admirable crew: resilient, adaptive, forbearing, innovative. Tackle these challenges as a team, and you improve your shot at making it work for the long haul.

    And, if you have your reasons, others will have theirs, every bit as compelling in their minds. The leadership has heard them all, and must weigh what's best for AF, what's fair, and what precedents are in place. Work on what you can control - your performance and your professionalism. You cannot imagine - but will soon know - how many conversations with a leader start out with "My wife/husband/fiancé/fiancée/child/mother/grandpa/car/dog/cat/house/whatever" + request.

    My thoughts come from Navy experience, but I am confident of the commonality across services.
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2015
  3. Jbow1221

    Jbow1221 Member

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    She knew when she married me I was a pain, not only for my career of choice. You mentioned interrupting education. Do universities generally work with military spouses if they have to uproot and move in the middle of their education. I am first generation military and have to rely on forums like this for answers to probably the simplest of questions.
     
  4. Capt MJ

    Capt MJ Member

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    WRT education, with so much available online these days, and more understanding of military spouse education and employment challenges, I believe there are many more options. Take a look at Joining Forces (.gov), the First Lady's initiative.
     
  5. Stealth_81

    Stealth_81 Super Moderator Moderator Founding Member

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    Head over to BaseOps.net and read all of the info in the spouses section. You'll find a huge amount of info there about this exact topic.

    Since you are ROTC, keep in mind that you may wait up to a year to report to your first base. Even if you go in 6 months, your first base will probably be a training base with a short duration and you'll move again before she finishes school. Your best bet may be to just plan on letting her finish school where you are now and see where you end up.

    Stealth_81
     
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  6. proudofmyboy

    proudofmyboy Member

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    concur with Stealth..You won't hit as the Navy calls it "the Fleet" until you finish your initial pipeline training. With only a year left, she should stay put, finish her degree and meet you at your first duty station. Best of luck...I have seen it all, as a dependent spouse , active duty with active spouse, and active duty with dependents.
     
  7. Jbow1221

    Jbow1221 Member

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    Thank y'all for your input that is what we have been discussing is her just staying and finishing it up.
     
  8. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    Late to the party, but here are somethings I would say.

    1. As stated you can wait up to 6-9 months before reporting.

    That being stated. What is your AFSC? Are you going rated? Those schools are a year long and to be polite it is Sunday noon through Friday 5 p.m that if you want to be really dedicated there will be little time to spend with each other. Some days it is up at 5, home at 5, eat dinner, study and chair fly until 10-11.
    ~ Many of the guys/gals are single, and it may mean that she is lonely during the day because it is hard to make friends with student wives if there aren't many there.
    ~~ Bullet and I were engaged when he went to UNT, we decided that it was best for me to stay back in NJ (he was in Cali) for that year. I would fly out every 4 weeks to see him. Our DS, was also engaged during UPT in TX (Del Rio) and because of employment opportunities there they decided that she should stay back in NC. She flew out every month for a long weekend.
    ~~~ 1 other reason for this decision was we knew we would not live by our family for many years. You do not realize how deep those roots are planted until you truly leave. The going out there for 4-5 days every month was easy to do when you do the mind game. Week 1...there with you. Week 2...just saw them last week. Week 3...I will see them soon. Week 4...I am leaving this week. Plus, you can skype everynight unlike Bullet and I. (1988)

    2. If you are going non-rated, you may have a school too, but it will probably be shorter. 3-6 months. Anything under 6 months is considered TDY. TDY means no base housing, but you can stay in the bachelors Qs, even if you are married.
    ~ If you have to wait until Nov. to report and the school is 5 months with your permanent 1st duty station report date in April. Than, you both need to ask/discuss:

    ~~ A. How hard it will be even if she can finish out her degree via online courses when mid-semester you move to start your training. Don't fool yourself, a 3 day travel, means she really will need to be 10 days in front of her assignments due. Hard to submit an assignment when you are on the road. The 1st days if it is a TDY, you will need to find housing off base. Another 2 to set up house (furniture, food, etc). Than add in how long it will take cable to be set up...otherwise she is living at Starbucks. Repeat again in 5 months. Both times she could be looking at either mid terms or going into finals.
    ~~ B. After 4 years of earning that degree, does she really want to miss that moment of "walking" for graduation? Will she fly back for it, or just say, I left already and now it really is only a piece of paper.

    Finally, I agree with Capt. They never will take into account the non-military spouse when it comes to base assignments, UNLESS, you are looking into something that you don't want...Exceptional Family Member...that is usually health issues.
    ~ I have had friends that have had to go this route, and I am talking major medical issues...needing to be at a higher tier hospital/medical care than the base/town you are going to can offer...i.e. cancer comes to mind quickly.

    I think you can go to every forum for insight, but this is a really personal decision that only you two can make it. She needs to be brutally honest with you regarding her own desires/fears.
    ~ She may inside feel that she would like to stay back until she graduates, but worried you will be upset if she chooses that path over you. She may waiver one day than she wants to start life with you at the 1st base if you don't have a TDY school, and the next day want to stay back until she graduates.
    ~~ You have time...lots of time. If you commission in May, it will be rare even for non-rated to leave before Oct. Orders are cut typically 6 weeks, so next Aug.

    Trust me, I walked down the road for a year of my life without Bullet, at a time where there was no Skype, no cell phones, calling Cali from NJ cost $1 a min (you didn't talk long), but I think it was the best thing ever for us, especially for his career. I had to live life for long periods without him, something I did as an AF wife over and over again. It made me stronger.

    Did I miss him like crazy? Of course I did, but when he said he had to go TDY for 4 months, I knew we could survive it because we already did it before. For us because we did survive long distance for a year, this was a walk in the park anytime he did any TDY.

    Good luck
     
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  9. Jbow1221

    Jbow1221 Member

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    I'm not going rated and they are still dragging their feet on getting our AFSCs dropped.
     
  10. Zero

    Zero Member

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    Generally speaking the answer to your question is: No. The AF does not take spouses wishes into account or nobody would ever deploy and it would be a fight over who got what base. Unless you are mil to mil they really don't know anything about what your spouse is doing. Though your direct commander might, and he/she might or might not care. It really is about your direct supervision. Big Blue does not and cannot for obvious reasons.
     

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