Don't want parents on I-Day.

Secondtime your comment about the wedding reminded me of an old cliche regarding weddings, and it plays into this question.

Remember it is their (parents) wedding your (bride and groom) marriage.

In essence, it is the same here, that 1 day is their wedding, your next 4 yrs is your marriage; the more important thing in your life when you think about it.

As a parent I think your folks offered a great compromise. They are allowing you down time to be by yourself, and will just meet up with you there.

I respect the OP's desires, but no offense to them, they do not realize how deep their family roots are planted, and how hard it will be to say goodbye. I am willing to bet in the long run, he will be happy to see them one last time after the plane ride.
 
The more I think about this, but more it bothers me... and even more so that 2 more piped up that they have also asked their parents not to come. As I tell my kids all the time... YOU are not the center of the universe. But I'm guessing you will have that rude awakening about 60 seconds into I-Day.
 
Anyway, I suppose if my kid wanted to do it alone, I would let them. BUT, there would be a price to pay when it comes time to comeh ome for Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.; and, oh by the way, I really want to do NOLS but that costs extra and, I have a great opportunity for an exchange program in South America, but that costs extra. You want to do it alone? Go ahead on, but be a man/woman and be prepared to do it ALL alone.

That seems a little petty...

To the OP:
Honestly, there's no real "need" for parents to be there on I-day: they just stressed me out more and I don't think the experience would have been that different had they just dropped me off at the airport back home and let me go it alone.
But, they wanted to be there because they were proud (baffled, nervous, and kind of wishing that I'd chosen a civilian school, but proud) of me and wanted to see me off on the next stage of whatever it was I was doing. I had worked on my application almost completely without their help (hey, some stuff was weird) and had become interested in the Academy/pursued it all on my own, but for them I think seeing me off on I-day was a sort of final reminder: "Oh, okay, she's kind of an adult now."

There's going to be plenty of people on I-day who won't have parents there because their parents can't afford to fly out or whose parents don't support their decision to come to the Academy.
If you have parents who have the money and support you, there's no point in playing up this whole "lone wolf" narrative. Too many of your classmates are "going it alone" because they don't have a choice.
 
Don't want parents....

As a father, first congratulations on your appointment to the Naval Academy. You are about to become what I call part of the best and the brightest in the country. You will do in one day, what other college students do in a week. That being said an after reading your post. Your parents deserve to be with you in I-Day. As some posters have said they also become a part of the Academy too. You truly need to think this through and think about their feelings, not just about what you want. Because, once you get under way, has a Plebe and you start hitting brick walls and you will hit them. You will want to speak to Mom and Dad. So remember that.

Thanks for your service to the greatest country of the world, the United States of America.

God Bless and God Speed,

RGK
 
Basically I want to go to USNA alone and say my goodbyes at the airport. My parents don't seem to understand that and want to come with me when I have told them countless times that I do not want them to. Therefore they have elected to drive up so I can be on the plane alone but that makes it worse. I simply want to go through that phase by myself because this has been a goal of mine for years and it will be extremely meaningful for me to make the trip alone. Am I the only USNA appointee that does not want his/her parents to come on I-Day, there's parent's weekend for a reason. Any advice to fully convince them not to come, because I have tried almost everything I can think of without being rude.

Thanks.

Someday when you are grown and life has kicked you in the wobblies a few times and you got up and kept on going....... Someday when you are a parent and have put in 18+ years watching one of your children accomplish magnificent things in their short life, as a parent you to will want to be there to share in those moments of triumph.

As a parent, I-Day was one of the best and worst days of my life. Extreemly proud dad but horribly sad because I realized my life with my child would never be the same again. I-Day is jsut as much for the parents as it is for the about to be midshipman. Your parents are joining a new family, just as you are joining the Navy and leaving your childhood behind.

Suck it up and give them their day. You will be alone before you know it.
 
That seems a little petty...

To the OP:
Honestly, there's no real "need" for parents to be there on I-day: they just stressed me out more and I don't think the experience would have been that different had they just dropped me off at the airport back home and let me go it alone.
But, they wanted to be there because they were proud (baffled, nervous, and kind of wishing that I'd chosen a civilian school, but proud) of me and wanted to see me off on the next stage of whatever it was I was doing. I had worked on my application almost completely without their help (hey, some stuff was weird) and had become interested in the Academy/pursued it all on my own, but for them I think seeing me off on I-day was a sort of final reminder: "Oh, okay, she's kind of an adult now."

There's going to be plenty of people on I-day who won't have parents there because their parents can't afford to fly out or whose parents don't support their decision to come to the Academy.
If you have parents who have the money and support you, there's no point in playing up this whole "lone wolf" narrative. Too many of your classmates are "going it alone" because they don't have a choice.
Ahh, Hurricane said what I probably should have said. All this jumping on the original poster doesn't help, it's just a big blanket party. Some of us, our parents aren't really all that involved in our lives in general. Besides that, I hardly find it practical to cost them upwards of a thousand dollars to "see me off" when they've spend plenty on me over the course of my life. My parents are proud of me, and they are coming to see me over PPW. And we're all quite satisfied with that. All of this vehemence seems really unnecessary to me.

EDIT: Although I do understand where the anger comes from (although I obviously can't fully understand). Being a parent is a thankless enough job. Seeing what might be construed as an encouragement for ungratefulness could easily be infuriating. So I do apologize if I came across that way. I just think we all need to remember that there are different circumstances in everyone's lives.
 
Ahh, Hurricane said what I probably should have said. All this jumping on the original poster doesn't help, it's just a big blanket party. Some of us, our parents aren't really all that involved in our lives in general. Besides that, I hardly find it practical to cost them upwards of a thousand dollars to "see me off" when they've spend plenty on me over the course of my life. My parents are proud of me, and they are coming to see me over PPW. And we're all quite satisfied with that. All of this vehemence seems really unnecessary to me.

EDIT: Although I do understand where the anger comes from (although I obviously can't fully understand). Being a parent is a thankless enough job. Seeing what might be construed as an encouragement for ungratefulness could easily be infuriating. So I do apologize if I came across that way. I just think we all need to remember that there are different circumstances in everyone's lives.

Interesting. I didn't detect any anger. Just people offering advice. The OP is always free to do whatever he wants, just as his family is free to spend or not spend money to see him off.
 
You're right, anger is probably not the right word. But certainly frustration, at the very least.
 
JettAirliner... I totally agree and understand that everyone has a different situation, and in your case, it sounds like you are all happy with your choices and they work for your family. Just didn't sound like that was the case with the original poster...
 
totally normal

I spend all day working with brains for a living. If it makes you feel better it is normal, natural, healthy and biologically programmed for the cadet (who is really only an adolescent) to want to establish autonomy. without that need to develop autonomy there would be no driving force to leave your family to start your own family. This carries on our species.

For parents we are programmed since cave-man days to keep our family together for health and safety reasons-we are operting with a different mid set. 18 years building a family, and then it's time for their travel papers and you know you have to let them go, but it's hard. Even if you only have a decent relationship with your child, you're going to miss them terribly. Parents experience a sense of loss knowing that someone they've been so involved with emotionally and deeply-a part of you, part of your lives on a daily basis will be leaving.

So this ying/yang is literally as old as time. So what is the answer?

who knows...

My opinion--->Invite your parents, give them a hug. For better or worse they really did the best they could do. Making decisions like this -ones that are less egocentric and more empathetic move you out of adolescence and into adulthood.
 
JettAirliner... I totally agree and understand that everyone has a different situation, and in your case, it sounds like you are all happy with your choices and they work for your family. Just didn't sound like that was the case with the original poster...
Yes, I suppose my original post was written in haste. If it was easily accessible, I'd have no reason to deny my parents the chance to see me walk through those doors. But then I also feel that same sense of needing to do this alone - although that's something I've always had trouble with. My "lone wolf" mentality is one of my worst flaws. Perhaps the original poster has the same problem. In which case, I'd encourage him (her?) to try fixing it. Such a nasty trait. I often look back on the things I do and realize many of the things I've done thinking myself a loner were excuses for selfishness.
 
First off, thank you for all the replies, I appreciate each one, even the ones I didn't particularly like which were most. But honestly I kind of take all the replies as a wake up for me, my parents never explained why.. it just seemed to me that they were to spite me. However all the replies from parents and others about the "true" reason helps me understand a lot more.
I am 17 and yes, I want to be independent and I guess this seemed as the place to start, but I do have the rest of my life for that. I love my parents and would love for them to visit on PPW but initially not on I-Day. The reply that mentioned meeting other parents was the one that got me, once I leave the house my parents will be alone(I am the youngest in the family, and only joining the military).
I apologize to anyone that was offended by my feelings towards the topic, I simply wrote what I felt and I understand how it can be interpreted as being selfish, but I am not I assure you. As I stated earlier I simply want to step out into the world.
I also got my PTR today and seeing how happy and involved they were in reading all the papers with me and their emotions almost caused me to cry because I felt that it was rude of me to even suggest for me to go by myself when I couldn't have gotten here by myself. :smile:
 
Well, just my .02. As a dad I've worked hard to see my DS accomplish his goals and this means something for me & his mother as well. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, that would keep me from being there that weekend and parents weekend. I've been ready to walk out on my job for these moments if need be b/c while my DS has waited for a few years for this, his parents have waited 18 years. No, we are not there to hold his hand...just have his back so he can walk into the academy knowing he will never be alone.

I know I look forward to meeting all of your parents (well...not all) but enough. I truly am proud of you future midshipmen and of myself to be among that group of parents who cared enough about their kids to show up or raise up the next generation of America's finest. That means something to me personally and it's my way of giving back to my country. Anyway, I know it will be a memorable day in many ways and I hope you & your parents can find a mutually meaningful way to share it. :thumb:
 
Awww... Needhelp, the very fact that you are willing at 17 years old and willing to listen to both sides and consider that you might have been mistaken shows what an awesome job your parents did in raising you! Best of luck to you at USNA!
 
Just to add another perspective from a parent who has been through this. We didn't go to I-Day with our son at USAFA because he asked us not to. We respected that decision because it was his choice since he was the one making the commitment, not us.

Now, 5 years later, our son has graduated with honors and is in flight school. The fact that we were or were not at I-day isn't something that really mattered. It is a very small detail in a huge vault of memories.

Stealth_81
 
and (as you'll learn in Annapolis) your feelings come first.

I have received excellent advice and information on this forum, and every so often an excellent laugh—thank you, Luigi, for providing that today!
 
Don't Ever Let Go

I also got my PTR today and seeing how happy and involved they were in reading all the papers with me and their emotions almost caused me to cry because I felt that it was rude of me to even suggest for me to go by myself when I couldn't have gotten here by myself. :smile:

Hello soon-to-be-plebe,
Don't ever let go of that part of you that made you almost cry. It will serve you well and take you to great places. You may not believe it but you have a lot of people rootin' for you, especially your parents.
Cheers...
 
How About a Flag?

I know I look forward to meeting all of your parents (well...not all) but enough. I truly am proud of you future midshipmen and of myself to be among that group of parents who cared enough about their kids to show up or raise up the next generation of America's finest. :thumb:

Hi CM and others,
I feel the same way. I read somewhere on this forum where parents came to a past I-Day with some kind of indicator that they were participants of this forum who may have "conversed" with one another. I like that idea. How about a small US flag pin worn on a collar? Anybody care to do the same? By the way, my name is Pete everyone. :smile:
Cheers...
 
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I differ from most opinions here. I am a father of a 16 year old and I am a USMA grad. When I was 17 I flew to R-day by myself, because that is what I wanted. My parents could afford it, but I preferred to go myself. I didn't want to be any more emotional and anxious on R-day than needed and I would have been if my parents were there. Worked out fine then. If my 16 year old next year went to USMA and asked me not to go to R-day, although bummed out, I would respect that.

We don't know the OPs relationship with his parents. It could be good/bad/in between. The most important thing, and it sounds like it already happened, is that the OP have an honest talk with his parents and they really understand where he is coming from and that he really understands where they are coming from.

Whatever you decide OP, you will be fine.
 
I think my mom's proudest moment was hugging me before I made that impossibly long walk to Alumni...

My route to the academy was completely mine and I did it all on my own but I could not have done it at all without my parents. They were there for everything, and this is probably one of the biggest commitments you will make your entire life. Let them see you to it, you will not regret it down the road.
 
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