Emotions

Discussion in 'Military Academy - USMA' started by USMA14MOM, Feb 4, 2010.

  1. USMA14MOM

    USMA14MOM New Member

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    I must be having an emotional day. Can any of the moms out there help. I am so proud of our son and his accomplishments. When someone asks where is he going to college and we say proudly say West Point, we get very mixed messages. They say "Oh, you know you'll never see him again". That really hits hard and kind of takes the wind out of me. I am trying to keep my emotions in line but there are some days (like now) it is just so over whelming.
    Are there any other moms out there feeling this or any suggestions?
     
  2. rotorhd

    rotorhd Member

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    Emotional Mom

    Mom - I'm not a mom but let me say this. I have a son in 2013 (currently a Plebe). We dropped him of on "R" day (Jun 29) and next saw him on "A" Day (end of August). Since then he has been able to get a pass and come home Labor Day WE / Columbus Day WE / Thanksgiving (Wed - Sun) / Holidays (Dec 19 - 3 Jan) / MLK WE. He will be home again over President's day. We will see him after that for Plebe Parent WE / spring break (Mar 12-21)

    From what he tells me, Plebes are entitled to 1 WE pass / semester, but may earn additional based on good performance.

    Of course, where you live has a direct impact on how often he will be able to make it home. We are in the DC area and our parents group charters buses for most long weekends / holidays.

    SO don't despair. It's not as bad as those you are talking to are making it out to be.
     
  3. fairwinds

    fairwinds Member

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    USMA14Mom,

    As soon as I read your post, I just had to reply. I know exactly how you feel. Also, if you look back at some old threads...I think it's called something like "say it ain't so", you'll see what other parents have had to deal with when they say their kid is going to a service academy. The one we seem to get alot is "But, he's so smart we thought he'd go ivy league."

    It is an emotional time and, to be honest, sometimes I wish he were "going ivy league". But this is his dream, this is what he wants and we totally support him. I know he'll do fine...it's me that will be a basket case. (Still haven't even decided if I'll go to I-day...may just wait until parent's weekend.)

    In any case, hang in there and know that there are alot of us feeling the same way!

    Best of luck!
     
  4. tothetop14

    tothetop14 Member

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    This should be in the Service Academy Parents Discussion - it applies to ALL SA's!

    My response to the questions I get about sending my daughter to USNA next summer (actually, it's "why would you allow your daughter to do something like that?") are along the lines of, "don't we want the best and brightest in our country as our future leaders?".....it's true. It's the best and brightest that are attending the SAs.

    I have heard from several parents that they see their kids at SAs more than they see their other children who went to college only a couple of hours away from home. Besides, isn't what we want for our children to go off and be independent and not return home without a job in a few years? Our kids KNOW what they want and have a leg up on those who don't.

    I'm also tired of hearing "my son was going to go there, but he decided the application process was too much work". HA! Fat chance.

    I also think that our kids learn to appreciate home while away that they want to come home often, keep your arms open and tell him he's always welcome.

    My big question - who will shop with me? I only have boys left at home and they don't like to shop!!!
     
  5. Just_A_Mom

    Just_A_Mom Member

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    Mom - dont despair. He hasn't enlisted and is not off to Afghanistan. One step at a time here. Don't take what others say too seriously - on either end. Keep your sense of humor.
    When someone says you won't ever see your son (of course that is not true) you can counter with a wink and at least you don't have to pay $50,000/year for his education.

    Don't put your son on too high of a pedestal. Keep your humility and go with the flo.
    West Point has a great parent support network. Mostly though give your son freedom to grow up - this is what you have been preparing for his whole life.
     
  6. Just_A_Mom

    Just_A_Mom Member

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    True that. One of my kids went to college 600 miles away. She came home for Christmas but not the summer, she stayed and worked at her college. After the first year she decided it was too far to deal with coming home for Thanksgiving.

    ROTC kids probably won't be home much either. Even if they aren't far away they are busy with school and ROTC. They have summer training opportunities as well.
     
  7. LineInTheSand

    LineInTheSand USCGA 2006

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    Having been a cadet at one time....home looks so much sweeter when you've had people yelling at you for months. On top of that he will have some interesting stories to tell. You won't see him every day like you do know, but that true for most colleges. He will be on a safe, secure campus, around people who care about his safety as much as he cares about theirs, and he will grow in a lot of ways.

    Most people who comment about a service academy know very little about it. I am certain you would not get that kind of comment from a cadet, officer, or parents who have "been there, done that." I think I can say that because I've "been there, done that."

    Have fun, and enjoy all the new, gray clothing. :thumb:
     
  8. 2014JEZZMOM

    2014JEZZMOM Member

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    USMA14MOM...I feel your pain!

    During the day I am bursting with pride, amazed at my daughter's accomplshments, excited to share the news of her appointment with the few people around here who know what a SA is......

    .......but I wake up during the night again and again, wondering why on earth I supported my daughter all the way through this process when it results in her moving far away, committing years of her life, knowing its going to be the hardest thing she ever went through, that she will suffer, and that down the road there are all the risks that come with any future deployments. I think to myself I must be CRAZY, what mom would want that for their child?

    To me the answer is, I KNOW my kid, what she is made of, the high standards she has set for herself, her heart of giving and service. I know how much she has already contributed to our community as a teen, and wonder what might she accomplish later as an officer. I know her dreams, that she is not happy if she is not involved in several meaningful activities all at once, at all times.

    I know she cannot resist a challenge, that she strives tirelessly to be the best that she can be, and expects much from herself. I know that she is not one to settle for less than her best, and that she aims to bring the same out of those around her. I know her one goal is to be a leader of character, to inspire others, do accomplish positive things and make a difference in this world.

    I know how hard she works, how much she has already sacrificed, her passion for our country. I can't ignore that the academy can offer her everything she is reaching for. I believe God has a plan for her life, and she is the only one who can know what is the right path for her future.

    I feel sick at the thought of her moving out, our last child...as one mom said, who will i shop with, who will I talk to about "girl stuff"? I am already worried about BCT and it is months away. I made her flight arrangements already, and it hit me hard to have to click the "one-way" button when I got her ticket on-line.

    I don't know how on earth I will let go, but I know I will because she needs me to. Ironically, the one poem I every wrote in my life was written when she was a toddler sleeping in my lap, a poem about one day having to let her go...i guess its about time I dig that out and give it to her.

    USMA14MOM, I will be hurting with you this June, and with so many other moms, but no doubt our tears will be as full of pride as they are with sadness. It's hard to be a mom. But look what we did! It's hard to let go and pass the torch on, but we will do it, because that's what parents do.

    God bless all our current and soon-to-be cadets of every service academy, they are the best!
     
  9. NV_USMA_Mom

    NV_USMA_Mom Member

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    add one more to the list!

    I completely understand and sympathize with what you are going through! Our son just accepted his appointment, but through this long application process we have kept it mostly to ourselves. We are thrilled for him and so proud knowing he is realizing his dream. However, I must admit that I feel proud one moment and like I'm being run over by a truck the next! Don't tell, but I'm getting teary just typing! I teach Kindergarten and I am one of only a few teachers in my school who actually teach the Pledge of Allegiance and the meaning of it to my students. Everyday when we say it, I swell up with immense pride and that horrible twinge of ache. It's very conflicting. Yesterday at our sons' league championship for wrestling, a parent who I don't know very well came up to me and told me how wonderful she thought his appointment was and how proud she was of him. I didn't know how to respond. I thanked her and went to sit down and tried not to show what I was feeling on the inside.

    We live on the western side of the nation and traveling to New York is a long trip so our son won't be able to travel home as often as east coast cadets. He will come home for Thanksgiving, Christmas and Spring Break. We are taking him for his overnight visit soon, but he will fly out for R-day alone. We will all fly out for A-day and spend the weekend together.

    I know there is a parents group in our area but we haven't become involved yet and I am hoping within that that there may be a moms support system of some type. Maybe there would be something similar for you in your area. PM me if you would like to. I'd be happy to share the ups and downs and questions and answers with another mom or even group of moms! We could be mom buddies! Don't the cadets have to keep a buddy close by at all times during Beast?

    As for now, I take a deep breath, wipe my tears and learn as much as I can so that I can support him in his new and next endeavor.
     
  10. proudmama

    proudmama Member

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    Sticking together

    We all need to stick together. I already have felt tremendous support from moms of plebes-to-be, moms of applicants, moms of current cadets...

    I think we are all more alike than different... I too have felt my heart swell with pride at the same time a little bit of heart ache too. I have had my eyes well with tears when the national anthem has been played and I have been excited, nervous, eager, and frightened.... all in the same minute.

    We have all worked hard to raise sons or daughters who will serve and who will work hard (except when we want them to clean their rooms ;-) ) We all hoped our children would be independent, thoughtful, smart and wise. We also hoped they would find their path through this life in a way which they would one day look back on and smile and be proud.

    It is difficult for us, especially when others whom we have always shared our lives with don't understand what we are now going through. So, we will need to support each other... we need to be strong supporters of this new group we belong to...

    I am ready to support and be supported!

    Proudmama
     
  11. NV_USMA_Mom

    NV_USMA_Mom Member

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    Well said!

    I'm glad to be in such good company!
     
  12. LSSmith

    LSSmith Member

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    It's comforting to know I'm not the only one experiencing the emotional rollercoaster. I really thought I was over-thinking everything and it was just me, but now I realize this is part of the process we go through as parents.
     
  13. shellz

    shellz Parent

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    I can hear myself, one year ago, in all of your posts. The pride, the excitement, the worry, the tears, the emotions that ran from hot to cold in a milisecond...everything was magnified. I lost so much sleep the final two weeks before R-Day that the circles under my eyes had circles of their own. I was a mess.

    Fast forward to "the day". His dad and I chose to fly out with him and for us this was the right choice. CGA had a great parent's program which included an informal meet and greet the day before. We were lucky to meet and have lunch with our son's first rommate. They hit it off right away, so at least we knew he would have one friend. Rday itself was not as nerve racking as I expected, in part because son was so ready. So, so ready. After he checked in we went to a parent's presentation (most amazing thing, to be in the room with the families of 295 amazing kids who worked just as hard, and brought to the table such unique qualifications...very humbling indeed) and again it just felt "right". The part of the day that I dreaded most was the 10 minute goodbye after the swearing in. We'd been told that our son might be emotional, cranky, tired and unsure of what he'd gotten himself into. Well, he was tired, and a little keyed up, but the smile he gave us as he ran back to rejoin his company (2 minutes early! The kid has never been early a day in his life...!) spoke volumes about his readiness to take on this new adventure. I am crying as I write this, just remembering how good it felt to know that our son was really and truly where he wanted, and needed, to be. Going on 8 months later, he is not only surviving, but thriving. It's hard...some days are really hard. But the positives so greatly outweigh the negatives that our son has said he is happy to be at CGA. Happy. With people yelling at him. And carrying 20 units. And all the military obligations. Something very right is going on at CGA (and all other SA's) when a kid can find a way to be happy in such a demanding environment.

    Ok, enough rambling...bottom line...it was FAR harder waiting for Rday than it was letting go on the actual day. If your sons and daughters really, really want to be there, then you are in for a great ride. And as you drive away on Rday, you may have a few tears, but I predict they will quickly be replaced with a contented smile when you realize that you've worked yourself out of a job (parenting) and entered into the new role of friend and advisor and of course, care package mailer.

    Good luck all...
     
  14. officer

    officer Member

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    I tried to 5 star this post, but realized it can only be done to the entire thread. I love what you wrote here, you really painted a picture. Thanks for this post. -officer
     
  15. proudmama

    proudmama Member

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    National Anthem

    Oh Geee....

    IN hotel room on business trip and the National Anthem (even slightly off key) and the pictures of soldiers and the flag makes my eyes leak tears... will it ALWAYS be this way when my son is at WP and beyond?

    :)

    Rhetorical question.... I know.

    Proudmama
     
  16. crs_mom

    crs_mom Member

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    It's good to hear that there are so many moms out there going through the same thing that I am ! Thank you for starting this post!
     
  17. NV_USMA_Mom

    NV_USMA_Mom Member

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    Will there eventually be a class of USMA class of 2014 parents page on facebook or another way for us to meet/stay in contact with other parents?

    I'd love to hear how everyone else is handling the transition!

    Any suggestions?
     
  18. America's Finest

    America's Finest USMA Cadet

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  19. NavIss58

    NavIss58 Member

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    From a Dad, if you don't mind me bustin' in on conversation Moms. When I get the call from other colleges wanting to speak to my DS about possible scholarships at their fine universities, I reply, "thanks but he's already picked up a full ride at the Naval Academy". That pretty much stops them in their tracks and they usually request I pass on their complements to DS. (He does have plan B in the pocket)

    When we speak to friends, well, sometimes it like that, an awkward moment of silence. But I let it pass. I'm from a military family and have a slight clue of the hardships, but also of the HUGE ADVENTURE service can be, and the respect service members get (at least from each other, and that's a large group).

    Thinking back, I can remember when I used to take him to daycare, then Elementary School, then soccer games all over the place, he's been very fortunate to have traveled to Italy to play soccer with other international teams of his age (and some older), he's traveled to Spain with his school. Now he drives himself around.

    Then he said he wanted to go to NASS, I asked if he realized he was signing up for the Navy. His reply was a strong and confident "yes, I know that". Fortunately I was able to guide him through his application to USNA, not all kids have that. Then he was accepted, on his own merits.

    Now I will get him to his college when it is time. I would anyway, where ever it is. I will think every day about the adventure he's having where ever he is. I had a great time in college. But, I will fear for his life like I always have, and I will wish I could be there by his side, wishing I could cheer him on from the sidelines.

    But now is his time. Another Mom said, it's time to bring out that sweet poem we all wrote back when.....

    Then I'm going to let him talk about his adventures while I rock in my rocking chair...................into the sun set. It won't be easy, but it will be right.

    All the best to every one on this ride called life!
     
  20. mom3boys

    mom3boys Parent

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    If you want a facebook group for the parents in your class, start one...that is what 2013 did. You could let people know about it on the forums, and they could request to join and you could screen them then ok them into it. There are several wp groups of various interests, parents, classes, etc.
     

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