Finding a wife...Social Life

Discussion in 'Military Academy - USMA' started by Prospee98, May 27, 2014.

  1. Prospee98

    Prospee98 New Member

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    I am a prospective candidate for West Point and lately I have been doing a ton of research and talking to a lot of people from my high school who have gone there. I have also been talking to my JROTC instructor who is a graduate and thinks I have a great shot of getting in.

    However, I am greatly concerned of the social aspect. Yes, i know people out there say all the time if you have second thoughts about applying you should not apply, but lets be realistic in that everyone will have some sort of doubt about such a commitment. if not now, at the academy itself. Continuing on, a social aspect is very important to ones happiness. I am not talking about partying and drinking for that only leads to temporary happiness. I am talking about finding relationships with women. College is the last time you will be with people of one's own age group making it a very unique experience. One gets to be in many relationships and see what type of girl they want to spend the rest of their life with and in doing so, discovering a lot about oneself... you get the idea.

    I recently talked to one graduate who had very one sided argument and I really want to know how true what he is saying is if any of it at all.He said that West Point is not worth the four years you could have at a college...it puts you way behind your counterparts in finding a wife and it puts major stress on your life. he also argued that finding a wife you want to spend the rest of you life is one of the most important decisions of your life and you are putting yourself at a serious disadvantage by going to West Point. he also says to ask around because most people who get married from west point wind up getting divorces not once, but two times, and sometimes three. He concluded that talk is cheap and that i should ask around before coming to a conclusion myself.

    Please do not take what I am saying as an attack on West Point. West Point is an amazing school with amazing opportunities. I will have a great career if given the opportunity to go and and will be molded into a great officer without a doubt. however, this one aspect is keeping me from going crazy about West Point. Also, i know I have to be accepted first and all that, but if im not crazy about it maybe I should not apply at all. This is why I am trying to figure this out now.

    So basically is the graduate I talked to right in any way? In your experience, how important is dating and finding a wife at such a young age? Can it be put off? Any help would be great and please no negative comments.
     
  2. billyb

    billyb Member

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    This is a funny posting. I bet the grad you were talking about went to USNA, not USMA.
     
  3. aglages

    aglages Parent

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    About the only thing I can agree with about the OPs post is that the USMA is not the place to go to find a wife. Can you find a wife there.....yes....absolutely. Do some of those marriages not work out......of course. But IMHO if your primary (or even secondary) concern is to find a wife while in college then there are more target rich opportunities than WP. Keep in mind that you graduate at aprox 22 years old. I think you might still have a few good years in you to find your soul mate if the other GREAT aspects of attending the USMA become more important than your chances of finding a wife.
     
  4. billyb

    billyb Member

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    I am pretty sure this is a joke posting.
     
  5. Prospee98

    Prospee98 New Member

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    this is no way a joke posting and if you like to explain why you think this is a joke post, then please explain.

    maybe I am too young and not mature enough to see why this is funny. that could be the case, but please help me understand.

    do you think its a joke to be worried about finding a wife? One day you will be out of the army. you can be very successful in your career, but whats the point if you cannot share your accomplishments with someone?

    the graduate of West Point also explained that a lot of cadets become obsessed with marrying their high school sweetheart at West Point, which most of the time does not work out in the long run. Right now, this seems true to me because when i talked to people who currently go there they say that people use their loan money they get as an upperclassmen for an engagement ring for their high school sweetheart. Unfortunately for me as of now, I do not want to marry anyone from high school.

    The number one place people meet their significant other is college. the next is work. Neither of which can be done if you go to West Point.

    Also, to clarify this graduate is talking about going out at the age of 28 and looking for a significant other not when west point graduates marry each other.

    My thing is I do not want to pass up applying to this amazing school for some stupid notion i have now.
     
  6. Spud

    Spud BGO

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    No negative comments? You need a little thicker skin than that if you are planning on attending a service academy. I would say your source of information was talking about his own experience and lack of happiness. That old saying about if the Army wanted you to have a wife, it would have issued you one has more truth than poetry in it.

    I went to USNA when it was all male and a social life was a joke. The girls in Annapolis wanted nothing to do with the Mids (no money, no freedom, no car, and no hair) and the girls that got shipped in for the mandatory dances (affectionately called "tea fights") were shipped back the 30-50 miles away as soon as the event was over. Summer cruises were somewhat better until that handsome pay check ran out, usually after about the first couple of weeks. Graduation brought a huge sea change (pun intended) for bachelors. In spite of going to sea immediately, you found out that your social life was a tremendous change from the college scene. First off you were in the best physical shape of your life and really looked good in a uniform. Second, you had money to show a woman a really nice time wherever you went. And last, it was a target-rich environment in every city you pulled into without the school cliques to contend with---you never again dated women who knew each other. In fact, most were out of school, working, and the famous biological clock subtly was ticking in the background. So, can you find your soulmate in that kind of a young man's world? If you can't, you are not trying.

    I asked my wife of 40+ years why she (and a couple of her girlfriends) married military officers, all of us in our late 20s. Her answer: We were exciting with life experiences, looked irresistible in our whites, had the money to take girls on fun times (she had been dating broke med students who now make 4 times what I do, but being first on the assault is a basic military strategy), had values that they wanted in families and husbands, and (this is interesting) had the maturity that the college guys didn't.

    Having said all that, I had roomates that married the day after graduation and they are happily married to their soulmates ever since.

    You are worrying about a non-issue.
     
  7. aglages

    aglages Parent

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    Then don't.
    BTW - you might want to focus on getting the Appointment before deciding whether to pass on it or not. While you're working on that do some research on civilian colleges that focus on graduates pursuing MRS degrees. Much better chance of finding that special other at one of those schools.
     
  8. MemberLG

    MemberLG Member

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    Well, where do I start. . .

    I got married when I was 30 after a short, long distance relationship. After 14 years, two children and happily married. If I could do it all over again, still marry my wife again, again, and again.

    If you approached marriage as I must date someone for X years and she must be A, B, C, and etc, you are not looking for a wife, you are looking for someone to share your house with fringe benefits.

    Call me old fashion, but a marriage should be about love, not someone to "share your accomplishments with." I am sure your parents will be happy to share your accomplishments.

    I also think you have a sample size issue, if I remember correctly, I think out of my company/class mates (about 30) , there were four marriages within a year of graduation. One ended up in divorce, I am not sure, but other three are still together.

    If I may, you should ask happily married folks you know how they met and how they got married.
     
  9. kinnem

    kinnem Moderator

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    Trust me. As someone who has been married multiple times, there are plenty of opportunities to meet women and get married no matter what age you are or what your profession is. When in uniform you'll be beating them off with a stick just to get some peace and quiet. Don't even worry about finding a wife... let her find you!
     
  10. Hurricane12

    Hurricane12 USNA 2012

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    No, that's actually a pretty good plan.

    You'd be surprised the variety of ways that a lot of my friends and I met our significant others. Sure, a lot were through USNA (classes together, summer training, uh, same company) or the military (TBS, flight school). But a good amount were through the same rando situations and encounters that people who leave any college without a spouse do.

    As a military officer, you will not be cloistered in your office/the field for 24/7/365. You can have friends and hobbies outside the military, and probably should. You may not be in prime hunting locales, especially in the Army, but you can definitely make it work. This is very far down on the list of things you should be concerned about.
     
  11. logremf

    logremf Member

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    I personally know several couples that met and married right after graduation from USMA and are still happily married today, 20 plus years. You could go to a traditional college and still not meet your soul mate. If I were you, I would not worry about it.
     
  12. Sledge

    Sledge Member

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    Don't discount the townies...

    [​IMG]
     
  13. JWP

    JWP Member

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    My two cents - relax! Life happens whether you plan for it or not.

    Whether it is West Point or any other College/University - your primary concern should be grades first, (if you are religious - faith first), maintaining contact with family second then everything else a distant third and if you keep to those basic priorities - before you know it - you will develop a social life that is important to you.

    So - choose an institution of higher learning that best meets your needs and will best position you for a career choice most rewarding for you and at some point - the right person will come along - no need to rush it though!

    Best of luck!
     
  14. pointguard

    pointguard Member

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    Life is what happens while you're making other plans!

    John Lennon
     
  15. hawk

    hawk ButterBar Dad

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    Some thoughts:

    There are people who believe college should be the time to "sow wild oats", "get it out of your system", party hard, etc. And that college is as much of a lifestyle choice as a means to an end.

    If that is a concern/desire, then USMA is probably not your best option.

    Occasionally you run across cadets who bemoan that loss of freedom, etc. Upperclassmen call them yuks. OK, so not all are yearlings... but that's the peak of the typical "I made a mistake" 2nd guessing.

    So as mentioned earlier, if meeting girls is the goal, USMA is not an optimal environment *while there*, especially as a plebe or yuk. (my comments assume you are male, it's radically different if female)

    But the aspect people do not consider is that the current hookup college culture may allow you to meet and enjoy dating, that does not automatically translate into successful marriages. And you are competing with many other peers if the typical male at a civvy school. Might even be at a disadvantage financially, cars, etc.

    Back at USMA, the situation starts changing as a cow/firstie. You are now a rare creature on civvy college campuses. With some exotic appeal. It's funny to watch, most of the male cadets don't see the effect.

    Almost by definition you'll be clean cut, fit, and have some polish your frat boy competition at civvy schools don't have. Yes, you are locked into long distance relationships, but the point is that you'll have opportunities even while at USMA. Unless completely inept, upperclass cadets do OK with the girls on civvy campuses.

    And while there are challenges dating/finding a spouse during active duty, many do. And if not, you'll still have options before you are 30. With a more mature view of what a life partner should be. And dealing with more mature pool of people to date.

    Empirically, I see no evidence of marriage disadvantage for USMA grads. All that I know over 30 are married. And bear no trauma from their experience.


    And the few that I know who married right after graduation are still together. One is a member of the 2% club! (Some of these even post here) Small sample size caveat applies, etc.

    Here's another aspect... the male/female dynamic at USMA is shifting, and will continue to shift. I know DS's views have changed, and he finds civvy school girls can be a bit boring, even shallow at times. Huge generalization of course, but USMA competitiveness does attract certain characteristics and level of performance. Flat out, he has more respect for some of his fellow female cadets. So some of the traditional view around cadating are changing with more and more females in each class.
     
  16. oldcorpsdad

    oldcorpsdad Member

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    pick your focus

    So my DS called his sisters who are also in college during Grad week this week and told them he was very excited. He could sleep in, decide what he was going to do today, go into town to get something to eat, etc... and they said... thats what we do everyday here in a normal college along with a beer party on the quad, deciding if we are even going to go to class today or to meals. Different schools for different people.

    As for finding your significant other, yeah, as others said, it will happen if its meant to happen. My roommate form USMA was getting married and I flew back from overseas as a new LT to be in the ceremony. My wife of over 25 years was in the wedding party. She was his brides roommate. I asked her why she chose me to dance with me. She said you have 2 ribbons and the other LTs have only 1. So it goes. She admitted that she would have had nothing to do with me back when I was a cadet as she thought it was crazy that her roommate was dating a cadet. Be patient- let life happen. Enjoy it.


    As for Yuks- yeah they are the ones who suddenly wish they had freedom
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjQ3lgufhbE&feature=kp
     
  17. tug_boat

    tug_boat Member

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    AROTC.....

    Seek a AROTC scholarship. You'll be happier

    Push Hard, Press Forward
     
  18. Jcleppe

    Jcleppe Member

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    Best quote ever....well maybe not ever, but still pretty good.
     
  19. payitforward

    payitforward Member

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    Do what you love and love will find you.
     
  20. 1984USNA

    1984USNA Member

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    Of all the things a young aspiring SA candidate might want to talk about, I would have guessed this wouldn't be one of them. I stand corrected.


    Sent using the Service Academy Forums® mobile app
     

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