First phone call home

Capt MJ said:
Excellent, excellent comments and insight.

The USPS mail gets picked up and detailers distribute it at night. They are not allowed to withhold mail. If it's in, he'll get it.

A small crumb of comfort - thousands and thousands of plebes (and upperclass) have thought about resigning. They talk about it out loud. Thousands and thousands of parents have been at the other end of that gut-sinking phone call or letter. Most times, they figure out how to get through the next day, the week, to PPW, the first semester, the first year. This is a hard, hard path. Introverts occasionally have trouble finding the quiet moment/place to re-charge. Only children occasionally have trouble adjusting to roommates and people being on top of them constantly and sharing one shower and one sink. Former big fish from smaller ponds run smack into bigger fish. A lot of them. They fail, as individuals and as groups. They have zero control over anything, which is a shock to most. They are sweaty, uncomfortable and in a foreign environment.

The detailers, the PS staff officers and senior enlisted leaders, the chaplains - all have massive experience wth this. They know how to listen, ask the right questions, assess whether this is transitory or on e of the expected attitrition cases when the fit was truly not right. The staff will do everything they can to retain a plebe, but in the end, the plebe reported voluntarily, and can elect to leave.

Plebe Summer is not like the rest of Plebe Year. Plebe Year is not like the other three years. They just can't see that right now.

Take a deep breath and gather your best coaching skills and confidence-building speech.
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Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
 
NavyHoops said:
Tango Company is where Plebes who decide to leave go to out process. Plebes are required to stay 10 days before they can enter Tango (unless they are showing severe mental distress or physical harm). When they go Tango they will have Detailers who help them think this through and out process. For some they might remain there and mull this over for days and decide to return. They will talk to Chaplains, officers, Mids, call home, etc. USNA doesn't want a Plebe to make a rash decision and leave without this being well thought out. The Tango environment is very different from the regular Plebe Summer environment and is relaxed. If he decides to go to Tango he will have the opportunity call again. Technically USNA can't make anyone stay, he hasn't signed any commitment papers until Junior year. They due 10 days to try and make Plebes give it a legit shot and let the initial shock wear off.

My guess is your DS was wanting to quit and since he isn't at Day 10 yet he can't go to Tango, but the Company Officer decided it was best for a short call home before going back to his duties. He will get a lot of counseling from Mids, officers and senior enlisted in the coming days. To be honest with I Day on Thursday then Sunday being the easiest day of the week and 4th of July being a non-normal PS day, many Plebes had a wake up call the last few days as the pressure was ratcheted up, it got much hotter and there isn't donut hour or 4th of July. Hopefully he will settle in these next few days and this will just be a passing moment.

Bottom line from someone who has lived in Mother B and chopped those halls, he can do this. Every kid there right now can make it. He has to dig deep and believe in himself. You will talk to him again. He just won't go to Tango and no communication, but he is an adult and if he doesn't want to call home they won't make him. Support him, reassure him and tell him to stick it out. I tell all parents they need to stay one semester. And if they still want to leave after that fine, but they should have a Plan B ready to go.
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Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!
 
Maybe you could reach out to the Chaplains office for some clarification about your sons situation?
They seem to be the resource for concerned parents.
 
The Chaplains won't necessarily talk to the parents about a specific situation. Remember what is said is in confidence so unless directed they can, it will remain in confidence. They are adults and have joined the military, just calling up and asking questions won't necessarily get answers. The young man may or may not have even talked to a Chaplain at this point. As Capt MJ said, USNA does this every single year and know if this is a kid having a bad day or is truely a bad fit. If it's a kid somewhere in between, they are going to watch him closely and encourage him. Training day 7 is tomorrow, Sunday they get a call home and he can declare for Tango on Sunday. USNA will do everything in their power to ensure this isn't a hasty decision. Encourage your DS, tell him to stick it out, he made it 10 days, he can make it 10 more. I will be honest, if he quits at this point I believe there is a very high probability he will regret it and question himself for many years. If he sticks it out at least 1 semester and says no, he can live with the fact that he could of made it and left of his own choosing because it wasn't the right match. No would of, could of, should of. Hopefully come Sunday he has a change of tune.
 
NavyHoops said:
If he sticks it out at least 1 semester and says no, he can live with the fact that he could of made it and left of his own choosing because it wasn't the right match. No would of, could of, should of. Hopefully come Sunday he has a change of tune.
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IMO, this is great advice. This was exactly how we handled our DD who had some doubts - mostly before and during I Day. We told her she needed to stay through Plebe summer and the first academic semester and figured at that point if she didn't want to stay it probably wasn't a good fit. We told her if she decided to leave she needed to have a well thought out plan B and wasn't going to hang out at home until the following year's fall semester. Our Plebe summer calls were good, but we always held our breath a little before the call not knowing what to expect. During Plebe year there were additional times of doubt. It's hard to understand what a Plebe endures unless you've experienced it (I have not). It's really, really difficult. We wrote a lot of letters over Plebe summer attempting to encourage her to take it one day or even one hour at a time - that she had what is takes to succeed - that we loved her and were proud of her, etc. On phone calls we tried to listen more than anything.

She is now looking back at her Plebe year and feels a great sense of accomplishment. She says she is sure this is where she wants to be. She is on a ship somewhere now on summer training. We heard from her once when she was in port and had reception (by text). We asked if she could call and got a text reply "going out in town with my friends". We had hoped to hear about her travels, but were happy she was out with friends and probably having a good time.

Navymom17, I know at least a little bit of what you are going through. I know it's heart wrenching and you feel helpless. I think all you can do is encourage your DS to give it his best shot, take it a day at a time and follow NavyHoops great advice. USNA chose him for a reason and he is capable of making it through. I hope he stays at least through the first semester to make an educated decision. Good luck.
 
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