Girlfriend in academy, considering moving out

Discussion in 'Air Force Academy - USAFA' started by Lglass814, Jul 24, 2015.

  1. Lglass814

    Lglass814 New Member

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    As the post states my girlfriend just went into the academy and is almost done with BCT, I was curious, she said she has roughly every other weekend off, if I'd move out there would she be allowed to stay with me for the weekend or even a day? I'm just trying to figure some stuff out. Please reply!
     
  2. FalconsRock

    FalconsRock Parent

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    Lglass, you must be very proud of your girlfriend receiving an appointment to the academy. I would not count on your girlfriend spending much time at all with you during her freshman year. I am a little surprised that she told you she has roughly every other weekend off. From what I understand, and others that are there can clarify more, first year cadets rarely have weekends free and are not guaranteed to leave the academy and certainly not during the week. I would hold off moving just yet, especially if you have a job where you are, until your girlfriend has a chance to assimilate herself into military life. The last thing she needs right now is worrying about whether or not she is spending enough time with you if you were to move. I don't want to sound cold, but the harsh reality is that her world is turned upside down right now and things will be pretty rough for the first year. My advice, stay put and write to her everyday encouraging her to keep her chin up and push through the hard times ahead. If you can visit her on parents weekend (if boyfriends are allowed) do that, but, IMHO, putting more pressure on her by moving will not help.
     
  3. BlahuKahuna

    BlahuKahuna Member

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    Yeahhhhh not a great idea. She probably will have a handful of blue weekends (no official training), but 4-dig year is really unpredictable and she may spend a good portion of those weekends restricted to base. Additionally, she wouldn't be able to leave during the week for that year.

    FalconsRock had some good advice and I agree, the first year at the academy is really time and energy consuming. My friends and I have said about dating that "anything outside of North Gate is long distance," and even if she's super squared away and on top of school, her time will be pretty much monopolized for a good while. Definitely go see her on Parents Weekend if you can, spend long weekends and breaks with her, and maybe revisit the idea of moving out there later on...but honestly, I wouldn't recommend doing that unless you have a good sense of stability and can accept that USAFA will own her time for the next four years.

    Feel free to PM me if you want and I can share some observations from cadets I've seen in similar situations.
     
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  4. fencersmother

    fencersmother Founding Member

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    Oh boy, this is NOT a good idea.

    This notion would be ill-advised even if your GF were at a civilian college. SO much changes between high school graduation and college graduation. You may find you hardly know your GF at Christmas time, and know her less after next summer, and hardly at all by May, 2019.

    Fencersmother strongly recommends you get your life in order, get YOUR education finished, get YOUR future secured. Yes, write every day. She will call you if/when she is able. Go out with her folks for PW (and don't take up all of your GF's time; her parents love her too!). Visit over Columbus Day Weekend. Visit again in the spring (afterRecognition). But please, remember: your GF is NOT attending State Party U, and her life is going to be one you can almost not imagine unless you have been in her shoes.
     
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  5. Spud

    Spud BGO

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    Still yet another reason to stay away: Just because she has available liberty time doesn't mean she will want to take it. As a Plebe at USNA we looked at "free" time as a god-given gift of time to catch up on everything from shining shoes to studying. As a for instance, on Sunday evening meal all the Plebes at a table had to come up with a skit for the entertainment of the upperclassmen who were so bummed out that THEIR weekend liberty was over. It took most of the afternoon to develop something, practice it down cold, and get any props made. Any Plebe classmate that skipped out pissed off not only his classmates but the upperclass too as this was recognized as a team activity everybody participated in at some time. A good skit made life a lot easier for the 4/C too----one that irritated the audience made it awful. The fact somebody had their honey in town and spent the afternoon playing kissy-face while their buddies worked their tails off really was not forgotten by their classmates.
     
  6. Christcorp

    Christcorp Member

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    Not trying to discourage you. The truth is, some relationships started before the academy hold strong and work out. Some don't.

    Quick story about my son when he went to the academy. He was still dating his high school sweetheart. Only living 2 hours from the academy, he came home for long weekends, holidays, spring break, summer, etc. he basically spent his free time seeing her.

    After his first year at the academy, she transferred her college to attend UCCS. Universit of Colorado in Colorado Springs. She got an apartment, went to school, he attended the academy, and he spent pretty much all of his free time with her. After about another year and a half, just before Christmas, I think he realized that the academy "EXPERIENCE" was more than just going to college. He realized that he was missing out on a lot of adventures with his classmates. When they got together for a free weekend, he didn't go. He was with his girlfriend. If they went skiing, he wasn't with them. If they wanted to hang out on a weekend, he wasn't there. He discovered that he wasn't developing the friendships and closeness with his classmates that he saw others doing. In time, it came between him and his girlfriend. As such, they broke up. He then spent his weekends with his classmates, building friendships, studying more, going away on weekends with his friends, etc. he was much happier. He excelled academically and graduated #7 in his class. Got accepted to grad school, and just finished his PhD 2 days ago. Finished his masters degree last year.

    This is not meant to say that your relationship can't work. Simply saying that you need to let your girlfriend experience the entire Air Force academy life. Just like you need to experience your college life. Arrange to see each other during holidays, spring and summer breaks, and maybe even the occasional long weekend. But if you move there and try to take up her time away from the academy, there's a good chance it will come between the two of you. I've seen some academy grads marry their high school sweethearts after graduation. But they didn't both live in Colorado Springs. They allowed each other to experience their college life and they let nature take its course and saw how they felt after graduation. It's not like she's going to get married in the next 3 years.

    So I agree, like others, that moving to Colorado Springs is a very bad idea. Not saying it can't work, but it will take away from both of you the experiences that you should be having with your respected lives. And it could come between the two of you. Best of luck.
     
  7. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    The running joke at SAs for HS sweethearts marrying is called the 2% club.

    That is how many actually make it.

    Bullet was AFROTC and attended college in a different state than I did. We saw each other every 4-6 weeks for a weekend. Upon commissioning he was sent to CA for UNT. I was living in NJ. We did this for 5 1/2 years (college and UNT) before we got married. We will celebrate 27 years marriage this year and just celebrated last month our 1st date 32 years ago. (I was 18 when we met)

    If you can't bear to be apart from her, than you will hate the world she is entering.

    How did we survive for the 21 years he was ADAF? Trust.
    ~ This was back in the days of no cell phones or skype.

    Why did our relationship survive impo?
    ~ We led on our own lives and supported each other.
    ~ We treasured the minutes together every 4-6 weeks.
    ~ We knew that at that time we had to be apart to create a better life for US later on.

    Now that is my story, back in the late 80s. My DS last year got married. He was also in AFROTC, UMDCP. His wife attended college in NC. They dated 3 1/2 years long distance before he popped the question. He was at UPT in TX and she was in NC. They were engaged for 10 months while the entire time he was still in TX and she was still in NC.

    Just like his Dad he has no fears of deployment and distance/separation issues, they conquered while they were dating. He knows she will have no problem if he is deployed for 4, 6 or 9 months.

    Obviously I agree with others that this is not impo a wise decision, but my opinion is also based on the been there, done that and collected a check from a successful long distance aspect, not only for me, but my child too.

    Just my opinion, but if you two cannot survive these years where you can count down the days to Thanksgiving, Winter Break, Spring Break and Summer, throw in a flight or two each semester out there, than you need to re-think if you are ready to marry a girl that will owe 5 years to the AF when she graduates.
     
  8. Capt MJ

    Capt MJ Member

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    OP: Has she asked you to move there? Would your proximity place undue pressure on her to invest every free minute away from USAFA with you, which will not be real life for either of you going forward. Do you need this? Does she need this? Or do you want it - a difference. Does the relationship have to have this to survive? Do you know how to "just do you" and be content when apart, instead of doing everything together?
    Do you have other friends, connections, interests you can enrich your life with while apart? Would you resent it if things didn't work out, and you had uprooted yourself? Would it become a bone of contention in an argument, if she chose to not spend an available free time period with you, as in "well, I moved here for you..."

    NO answers required or desired, just for you to think through from various angles.

    If you focus on your growth and education, and she focuses on hers, you continue to communicate and manage the distance, then you will find out if what you have is meant to last. The journey she is embarking on leads to a life for the next 9 years or so of sudden moves, separations, periods of no communications, and personal sacrifice on the part of family and loved ones.

    Grown-up relationships are hard work, requiring endless tending and care. My husband and I, 32 years married, dated back and forth across the Atlantic for 2 years, and spent multiple tours of duty apart. We built on trust, love and faith, and mutual and unquestioning support for our careers, and being able to live solo when needed. We know we can get through anything at this point.

    And finally, the old saying: "Man plans, God laughs."

    I hope you work through this in a way that smooths your path for the long haul.
     
  9. parentalunit2

    parentalunit2 Parent

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    If she is simply looking at the academic year calendar and assuming that she will have 'roughly every other weekend off', then both she and you are in for a grand surprise. Staying with you for the weekend would require a pass, which are few and far between for plebes.

    Heed the fantastic advice given above by all posters. Just stay put and see how the reality of her schedule actually plays out.
     
  10. MombaBomba

    MombaBomba Member

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    There is no guarantee for any "free" weekend during the Doolie year. Even if it is not a scheduled service weekend, a doolie may be restricted to the academy by his/her squadron, group or even wing. A doolie may be scheduled for squadron or group training on a non-service weekend. Things are always in flux for the cadets, and this is especially true for the doolies.

    If your girlfriend believes she will have every other weekend free, she is in for a rude awakening.
     
  11. fencersmother

    fencersmother Founding Member

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    Free weekends for doolies. Yeah, that's funny.

    And what if she is delinquent in Knowledge, or her ROOMMATES cause them to fail the SAMI? hahahahaha

    Yeah, good luck with that one.
     
  12. Wild Blue Yonder

    Wild Blue Yonder Member

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    All good advice above, but my observation is that most out of town sweethearts move to COS when BF/GF are in their C3C or C2C year.
     
  13. fencersmother

    fencersmother Founding Member

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    I would even suggest wait till C1C year, and even then, it's a bit iffy.
     
  14. lsredmond

    lsredmond Member

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    My daughter also had a boy friend who attended the University of Wyoming when she entered the Academy. She was a good student so she received lots of weekend passes. She used them to visit him about every second or third weekend. She missed out on making close relationships her first year. At recognition, she didn't receive many prop and wings because her squad didn't really know her. Anyway they didn't make it after the first year.

    Sent using the Service Academy Forums® mobile app
     
  15. cga82

    cga82 Banned

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    Holy smokes! Who told this person this "she said she has roughly every other weekend off" ? Sounds like the University of Air Force. Is it even possible? It sounds like it may have some substance from the other post(s). Seniors--firsties- would never get this type of privilege.
     
  16. USAFA83GradWife

    USAFA83GradWife Member

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    No, it isn't. Especially if she gets into a squadron like my DD's last year. Whole doolie squadron was restricted from Aug through Dec. Throw in the restrictions because of failed k-tests, ac-pro, recondo, etc, etc, etc. I don't think I've heard of anyone last year getting a pass every other weekend.
     
  17. fencersmother

    fencersmother Founding Member

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    I think we depressed our poor OP!!!!!

    Come back and tell us YOUR decision!
     
  18. USAFA83GradWife

    USAFA83GradWife Member

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    Haha! Probably. However, best to face the truth head-on than to move and find out later.
     
  19. BlahuKahuna

    BlahuKahuna Member

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    Uh...upper 3 have a lot of weekends off. Firsties especially have plenty of time off with the exception of silver Saturdays.
     
  20. USAFA83GradWife

    USAFA83GradWife Member

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    True. But OP was talking about doolie year. :)
     

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