Girlfriend (or boyfriend) left behind

Discussion in 'Merchant Marine Academy - USMMA' started by Spunkymac, May 26, 2009.

  1. Spunkymac

    Spunkymac Member

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    Does anyone have the issue of a girlfriend or boyfriend being left behind once Indoc starts? My son was "girlfriend free" for 4 years and now with 7 weeks to go he has a girl he is "in love" with. Obviously, I am worried about how this will affect his performance once he starts! :eek:
     
  2. Miidaangg

    Miidaangg Member

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    I have been dating my current boyfriend for 6 months. I am going to USNA and it can be a good thing or a bad thing.
    It can be a bad thing if the girlfriend or boyfriend gets mad if you're unable to write back or talk to them or don't have time to spend on them. The person that you're dating has to have an open mind and should understand the time restrictions you may have..
    Also, the bf/gf should know that when it comes to family time i.e. during Plebe Parent Weekend.. It should be reserved for the parents and the bf/gf should not get mad at the Plebe for wanting that. Family comes first.
    It can be a good thing because that person can be what gets you through Plebe summer.
    I know many people who say they might not have made it had it not been for the letters from their significant other.
    I know that my boyfriend and I have agreed to remain just friends during the first summer and we will see how it goes from there. If it works then it works. If it doesn't then we will just stay friends.

    Tell your son he should have a talk with his girlfriend and make sure she knows whats going to happen during the summer. And for plebe year as a matter of fact.
     
  3. kpmom2011

    kpmom2011 Member

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    At Kings Point I would say that 90% of the relationships end due to the fact that the plebes really are cut off from contact; and if they spend any free time (which they don't get much of) talking to gf/bf, then their academics will suffer. I know several kids who had to take academic set-backs because of this, and from what I understand set-backs are not going to be given as easily beginning withe 2013.

    As stated, your son needs to have a serious talk with the girl. I can assure you that there is no way she will even begin to understand the pressure on these kids, but hopefully she will understand that he's there to go to college and once he's done with that life will be good.

    I'm sure there are some current mids on this forum that can elaborate their stories and/or suggestions.
     
  4. JMC0759

    JMC0759 S-USMMA '12 D-USAFA '15

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    Boyfriend/Girlfriend left behind

    A co-worker and I had sons in the same class. My son did not have a girlfriend however the co-worker's son did. The co-workers son did OK during Indoc as there was really no contact with the outside world. His cell phone had been taken by an upperclassman. That all changed once his laptop was issued by the school. The boy and his girlfriend started emailing and texting each other and my friend and his wife went to Kings Point to talk to the boy but to no avail. He renounced his scholarship and the Navy Reserve allowed him to walk away from his commitment. Devastating for the parents.
     
  5. Is2day4him

    Is2day4him Member

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    in response to the concern about a girlfriend/boyfriend when going into indoc, it's probably a worthless battle. unfortunately, the new plebes will learn all too soon that having a boyfriend or girlfriend when you get here will not last too long. i only know a handful of relationships that have lasted through kings point. typically speaking, as a plebe your kid is going to have maybe 20 minutes a week to use the phone, thus placing strain on an already tough relationship. most plebes girlfriends/boyfriends make it about a month before calling it quits. i've been there and done that.

    truth be told, unless the girlfriend goes to a school like an academy, she will not have any idea what you go through here. i unfortunately did not take my parents advice and leave the high school girl friend back in high school. the deck is stacked against a relationship here. unless you're positive it's meant to be, don't risk the heartache and the frustration. i am not trying to be a naysayer or a pessimist, just trying to give some insight from a kid that's been there in the past. you'll have far too much to worry about anyways, no need throwing a girlfriend in there.
     
  6. Spunkymac

    Spunkymac Member

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    Thanks for all the great replies. We have had some really good heart to heart talks with our son and I think he has a much more realistic attitude about his girlfriend now.
     
  7. navygf

    navygf New Member

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    Eh.

    Although, what you say is realistic and helpful to some... my question is how long was the relationship before leaving for the USNA?

    A few months, maybe even a year, that may not be worth it. But have you known anyone with a relationship of three or more years? Obviously, having a significant other leaving to that kind of school is tough. Any relationship is tough with the other being a distance away. Isn't that a given?

    The harder part is the lack of communication, but if these girlfriends read what the mothers have been reading about communication at the USNA, as I have, they would know that during the academic year, communication is daily. It is not like they are prohibited to speak to anyone close to them. Email and text is always there. As can be predicted, it will not be as frequent as usual, but if the boyfriend/girlfriend at the USNA is serious about the relationship, there will be at least a line or two on an email or a few words on a text.

    I don't know, if this question is relevant, but I was just curious, because my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three years now, and honestly if you "love" that other person, than you can get through the stress, frustration, and heartache. If you can't, you probably weren't serious in the first place, and certainly not in love. Induction is 15 days away, and I cannot even begin to imagine what the experience will be like for him or for me and his family, but at least we can count on some sort of communication. Except for Plebe summer which there will be rarely any communication at all. But that is only five weeks.
     
  8. kpmom2011

    kpmom2011 Member

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    Navygf, the communication at Kings Point is a little different. After Indoc the Plebe Candidates are allowed email and AIM, but no cell phones until certain times on Sundays. Their 183 College credits are crammed into 3 years, which leaves little time for relationships. Also, the Midshipman at USMMA travel the world. Beginning sophomore year they get on commercial ships that sail to every country. Some have email, some don't. Calls from foreign lands (Africa,China, etc..) are very expensive. Junior year the Mids are gone for almost the entire year, again, on commercial ships. It could be months with no or extremely limited communication to a girl/boy friend. From what I've observed, the majority of relationships don't survive this. In addition, on average, a majority of the midshipmen only get about 10 days a year at home for "vacation," again this is not conducive to a lasting relationship.

    Can it be done? Yes. Is it hard? Yes. Best bet is to stay uninvolved if possible.
     
  9. navygf

    navygf New Member

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    Thank you for the input. Everything you have said I have put into consideration the past year.

    I never had an expectation of the relationship being easy. Any girl who thinks that or vice versa, is a very naive person. Being naive is one thing, I refuse to invite into my life.

    As for staying uninvolved... that is a tough decision that I have been thinking about the past year as well. But when you have been dating a person for three years, staying uninvolved is not a particularly popular option.

    Thank you again for the response and advice.
     
  10. graciolly

    graciolly New Member

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    Girlfriend or boyfriend left behind

    I guess the only reason you didnt get me is because I have been waiting for your post about finally getting married since Donessa made it to the USA. I just assumed you meant you werent boyfriend/girlfriend because you got married. One of the few times I made an assumption and was correct.

    You sure did get a lot of others though. Sweet.
     
  11. kelsey.hart

    kelsey.hart New Member

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    responding to the original post. I AM the girlfriend who got left by the guy going to usna :( it's sad, but, i think any girl who truly cares for her guy should understand. I know that i do for my mid. We too decided to just be friends, and when he returns from Christmas break do a sort of "reevaluation" to see if we'd like to be together again. It's tough, but it helped me a lot that his family was very understanding and is letting me stay in touch with them. You should try to do the same for your mids girl :)
     
  12. wolfe834

    wolfe834 Member

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    Just let them know you care. The new plebes don't have an idea what's about to happen. Between the military lifestyle, no free time and the amount of time they will be spending on studies, the need to know they still have a "close" friend they can rely on. There's nothing like getting that letter, email, or call, just to let them know someone still cares about them. Like it was said earlier, if it's meant to be...then it's meant to be. The support goes a long way.
     
  13. BZ'sGirl1322

    BZ'sGirl1322 New Member

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    hi everyone!

    ive read all the posts but can someone help me here?

    my boyfriend is a plebe this year @ USMMA and i myself am considering going there. We've been dating for a little more than a year but have been good friends for about 2 years.
    in everyones opinion what do you think i should do.?

    i love him very much and he has told me he loves me, but i don't want his grades to slip or for him to become frustrated as said above would happen...
    i really don't want him or I to experience the HeartBreak but if thats whats best for him it might have to happen.

    please help me out...
    thanks so much
    -Kait
     
  14. KPMarineopsdad

    KPMarineopsdad Member

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    There is only one reason to go to KP and that is YOU WANT TO GO TO KP!
    You cannot go because it is what your parent, uncles, grandparents, guidance counselors or anybody else wants. If you don't have a desire to be there coupled with a burning desire to succeed you will be even more miserable than the candidates in the photos. (Yes, that IS possible) Also understand that if you go there, for the first year you will be a plebe and he will be an upperclassman. Any form of undue familiarity/fraternization no matter how innocent could land you in trouble. You can't even be "Facebook" friends. So, with all that having been said, if KP is what YOU really want, follow your dreams but, be careful there are treacherous waters ahead
     
  15. BZ'sGirl1322

    BZ'sGirl1322 New Member

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    thank you for that
    but i assure you that the motivation to Succeed is a garentee with me.!

    i dream big and if i really want it ill strive for it
    im not sure KP is for me yet
    ive wanted to be in the Airforce since i was 13 but with my eye-sight im not so sure its able to happen. ive just learnd about KP this year actually.

    but thank you for telling me that knowing an upperclassmen can lead to trouble thats a yikes. :bsflagsmileyface
     
  16. Mindy G

    Mindy G Member

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    Follow our heart, remember that you will be separated during Sea Year. If the relationship is meant to be it will happen. Rememebr you are both young and college (any one) changes people. Being at a Service Academy probably makes it even harder. Please don't limit yourself based on where your boyfriend is. I wish you both only the best.
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2009
  17. Ilhf13

    Ilhf13 New Member

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    Help.

    My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year. We're very much in love. He will be attending Kings Point this year, as a freshman. It was not his choice to go, but financial hardship as well as other circumstances have landed him there. I want to know what we can do to make the transition easier, and keep our relationship alive and well. How often could I see him? How can I best communicate with him and when? How can I help him?

    Thank you so much.
     
  18. USNA1982BGO

    USNA1982BGO Retired Staff Member

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    ^^^
    Definitely not happy to hear:
    "He will be attending Kings Point this year, as a freshman. It was not his choice to go, but financial hardship as well as other circumstances have landed him there."
    I don't believe anything but hard work, good grades and a nom got him there; but if that's the ONLY reason he's going it is a bad one.
    A relationship during plebe year is difficult enough, but if deep down in his heart he is there because of financial hardship and other circumstances, chances are that he won't be happy.
    Best bet is to give him encouragement, write letters and don't expect too much from him. He will be a very busy guy.
     
  19. KpLaxMid14

    KpLaxMid14 New Member

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    Well since you will not be at Kp with your boyfirend his friends he makes will help him and the ones he had at NWP. That is what will get us all through the thick and thin. ONE FOR ALL AND ALL FOR ONE!!!
     
  20. shiner

    shiner Member

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    I am a proud member of the 2% club. I was dating the same girl for 7 months prior to going to USAFA. We stayed together throughout and got married 2 weeks after graduation. We have now been married for more than 10 years -- so that can happen too.

    Chris
     

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