Thank you so much for that. Congratulations
Girlfriend (or boyfriend) left behind
- Thread starter Spunkymac
- Start date
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2009
- Messages
- 1,027
Understand that he will have little to no time to spend with or talk to you from the minute you kiss him goodbye and he enters the O'Hara Hall Gym in July until you go and see him the following June for June Weekend Ball. Provide him support and understanding and realize that in order to get through what he needs to do over the coming 12+ months there will be yimes when he will have to be even more self-absorbed and selfish than you think he is on his worst days.
Sorry not trying to be a jerk or a buzz kill but there are indeed legitimate reasons why calling it a "2% Club" is probably an optimisitc spin on things...
wakefreek617
5-Year Member
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2010
- Messages
- 14
Member of 2013 here... My girlfriend and I had been dating for 2 years prior to Indoc. Before Indoc we sat down and had a talk about what it would mean, what we should expect from KP and how to deal with it. We're nearly done with plebe year and believe it or not our relationship has actually been strengthened by this year and the challenges we've had to deal with.
Parent's...if you're kid is mature enough and smart enough to get in here, try to let them deal with it on their own. They SHOULD have enough sense to do the right thing and make their own decisions with a girlfriend/boyfriend. If not, they will learn the hard way.
I will say as far as getting by day to day, in a selfish way it makes ALL the difference to have support on the other end.
Parent's...if you're kid is mature enough and smart enough to get in here, try to let them deal with it on their own. They SHOULD have enough sense to do the right thing and make their own decisions with a girlfriend/boyfriend. If not, they will learn the hard way.
I will say as far as getting by day to day, in a selfish way it makes ALL the difference to have support on the other end.
You're right. We'll definitely have a talk before he goes. I think we'll be okay, limited contact is hard, and I don't want to use up all of his relaxing time. So, I'll just support him in every way possible, and I think it would help if I got excited for him to go there.
Thank you so much everyone!
- Joined
- Aug 12, 2009
- Messages
- 57
That's interesting to hear because my buddy who is starting KP with me next year went to a football recruitment trip, and he says that we get off more than just 10 days
Apgallozzi
5-Year Member
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2010
- Messages
- 80
the breaks are shown on both the reg and academic calendar if you want to take a look at them. The 2010-2011 reg calendar is on the parents association homepage
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2007
- Messages
- 424
Regarding the breaks on the calendar. KP has changed the schedule for the 2010-2011 academic year. Mids will no longer get the week break at the end of the trimester, but instead get a bit longer for holiday breaks.
Even though the calendar says they get more than 10 days off....after averaging in sea terms, internships and very little summer break you will be lucky to be home for more than 10 days a year. Just ask my son's fiancée how much she's seen him in the past 3 years. I was just informed by one of my son's classmates that he and his fiancée and one other couple are the only couple that have stayed together through KP thus far in 2011...so as jasper said 2% is mighty generous
Even though the calendar says they get more than 10 days off....after averaging in sea terms, internships and very little summer break you will be lucky to be home for more than 10 days a year. Just ask my son's fiancée how much she's seen him in the past 3 years. I was just informed by one of my son's classmates that he and his fiancée and one other couple are the only couple that have stayed together through KP thus far in 2011...so as jasper said 2% is mighty generous
ahappydeath
5-Year Member
- Joined
- Jul 5, 2011
- Messages
- 13
My boyfriend just went and we will be fine. I was kind of worried that I wouldn't be able to handle it, but I think it was just the fact that I was anticipating it. I miss him, but I'm not at all sad. In fact, I'm really excited. This is an excellent opportunity. We have been dating for almost three years and I don't need to talk to him every day to feel connected. Anyway, I think people give unsolicited advice or cause others unnecessary anxiety about gf/bf relationships at the naval academy. I am just going with the flow.
ahappydeath
5-Year Member
- Joined
- Jul 5, 2011
- Messages
- 13
Um, both he and his parents invited me out for Parent's Weekend. I guess that's probably more true of newer relationships, though I don't really know anyone who would want that. If I were there, I'd want to see so many people. Fly them all out!
Um, both he and his parents invited me out for Parent's Weekend. I guess that's probably more true of newer relationships, though I don't really know anyone who would want that. If I were there, I'd want to see so many people. Fly them all out!
That was the same for me! Hahaa, especially for me considering before he left for Kings Point we had a long distance relationship anyway!
Thanks for writing this! It's nice hearing from a more positive side instead of the negative. I do realize the percentage is low but I love my boyfriend and he loves me very much and I am very realistic to his situation. I haven't received any letters yet and to be honest I don't expect any but I continue to write him every other day.
It really is good to hear the positive side of things. I think it's a little easier for me because I was in jrotc so I understand and accept more what he's doing. I just keep writing to him, trying to keep him motivated as possible. And I always make a trip to the post office every night at 10:00 PM to be sure they're send out for the next morning. But I have also yet to recieve anything back 
Pendragger
5-Year Member
- Joined
- Jul 9, 2011
- Messages
- 3
Fifty years ago some wags answered the phone (there was a phone booth on each deck)with "Great Neck School for Unwed Fathers." I see not much has changed..........
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2007
- Messages
- 424
Jakelly....not receiving anything is common. This is the main reason relationships don't last. The partner not at KP feels neglected and tends to put pressure on the Midshipman and this leads to stress. My son entered KP dating his high school sweetheart. They are one of two couples in the class of 2011 who actually made it through 4 years and stayed together. One of the key reasons is that his girlfriend did not get upset when she did not hear from him for weeks at a time......just saying...that is what it takes if you want your BF and your relationship to be successful.
Not being negative, but, to make it you have to let your BF breath and feel no pressure to "attend" to you. He's got enough to do getting through the school, and even more stress on a relationship when at sea.......
Not being negative, but, to make it you have to let your BF breath and feel no pressure to "attend" to you. He's got enough to do getting through the school, and even more stress on a relationship when at sea.......
I know how you feel. I have not yet received anything either, but I am not worried. I am so glad you send him letters each night for motivation. That's really sweet, and I was thinking of doing something similar. We are high school sweethearts as well, so you and I should hope each day to be part of that '2% club'. The next four years are scary to me, yes, but girls like us have to be strong so we can make it. We got this.
The next four years are scary to me, yes, but girls like us have to be strong so we can make it. We got this.I know how you feel. I have not yet received anything either, but I am not worried. I am so glad you send him letters each night for motivation. That's really sweet, and I was thinking of doing something similar. We are high school sweethearts as well, so you and I should hope each day to be part of that '2% club'.
You got that right, us girls gotta stick together! By keeping them motivavted and strong we do the same to ourselves without even knowing it.
You got that right, us girls gotta stick together! By keeping them motivavted and strong we do the same to ourselves without even knowing it.
Yes, do stick together and support each other! Having an outside support system can help you get through the tough times. And there will be tough times. That's one reason for military spouses clubs. And remember that KP is just a prelude. If your DB goes active duty, you'll face all of the stresses of deployment and long hours and the dangers they encounter. If he sails, he'll still be away for long periods of time, often holidays. It takes a strong, self-reliant woman to hang in there. But it's worth it.
I wish both of you the best of luck. In many ways your roller coaster is tougher than the one the parents ride.
Pima
10-Year Member
- Joined
- Nov 28, 2007
- Messages
- 13,900
KP is so right regarding the strength it takes to be their mate. Take this time to also ask yourself if you want that life also. Love is great, but sometimes it just isn't enough.
Not only is his career going to send him away for long stretches, but you may not have control over it. During the course of my 20 yr marriage to Bullet these are things that happened.
1. Deployed 10 days after our 1st born.
2. Deployed during my 9th month of pregnancy for DS2, returned 3 days prior to the birth, and OBTW we had 2 others at home (4 and 2).
3. Missed every halloween until the youngest was 7.
4. Deployed for:
Thanksgivings, Valentines day, anniversaries, B'days, Holy Communions, graduations, etc
I am considered getting off lucky because he was always home for Xmas and the births of our children.
Additionally, one suggestion I would give you is learn how to or get used to:
A. Change a flat tire.
B. How to do minor repairs...i.e. snaking a toilet.
C. Accepting Murphy's law.
I can tell you that not once in the 20 yrs did something major not break while he was gone. We would be proactive, taking the cars to the mechanics prior, changing batteries in the smoke detectors, etc., but within 24 hours after he was gone, the car got a flat tire, a fuse would blow, kids would get chicken pox, etc.
That is why I say look at yourself and ask yourself what you want in life for yourself. Many wives don't work, not because they are wanting to be June Cleaver, but because it takes a strong wife to be able to juggle being Mom and Dad and work when Dad is gone. I am def. not saying it isn't doable, just stating that you need to understand this situation right now is the easiest and you need to be honest with him and yourself about the what if?
What if we are the 2% club and get married? I want to do XYZ for myself, can that work? What will we do if I get a great career opportunity which requires us moving?
These questions seem silly, but as a wife of a retired AF O-5, I can tell you that at a certain point these are going to be impacting your life. The ones that have not made a plan, are the ones that end up in divorce. The reason why is resentment misplaces the love that was there due to the fact that they never had a true discussion regarding each other's goals. It was typically about "him" and his goals. 17 and it is love, 32, and it is I have given up my dreams, my life for you because I loved you.
FWIW, Bullet and I met the day after my HS graduation, dated long distance for our4 yrs at college (Me-PA, him MD...neither of us had cars), and we will be celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary in Dec. I loved every second of that life and what do it again in a heart beat....even joked at his retirement we'll probably get divorced now because I will not be use to him not being deployed at least 4 months out of the yr. and I'm not sure I can live with him 365 days a yr
Heck, even our kids asked me while he was converting to the "real world" when is Daddy gong back to work, he is really getting on my nerves!
You love them, just like I love Bullet, just do both of you a favor, put your life first. By doing so, you will feel confident about the relationship, and he is going to love you that much more. The reason why is he will know you have a life without him, but choose to have it with him.
Good luck.
Not only is his career going to send him away for long stretches, but you may not have control over it. During the course of my 20 yr marriage to Bullet these are things that happened.
1. Deployed 10 days after our 1st born.
2. Deployed during my 9th month of pregnancy for DS2, returned 3 days prior to the birth, and OBTW we had 2 others at home (4 and 2).
3. Missed every halloween until the youngest was 7.
4. Deployed for:
Thanksgivings, Valentines day, anniversaries, B'days, Holy Communions, graduations, etc
I am considered getting off lucky because he was always home for Xmas and the births of our children.
Additionally, one suggestion I would give you is learn how to or get used to:
A. Change a flat tire.
B. How to do minor repairs...i.e. snaking a toilet.
C. Accepting Murphy's law.
I can tell you that not once in the 20 yrs did something major not break while he was gone. We would be proactive, taking the cars to the mechanics prior, changing batteries in the smoke detectors, etc., but within 24 hours after he was gone, the car got a flat tire, a fuse would blow, kids would get chicken pox, etc.
That is why I say look at yourself and ask yourself what you want in life for yourself. Many wives don't work, not because they are wanting to be June Cleaver, but because it takes a strong wife to be able to juggle being Mom and Dad and work when Dad is gone. I am def. not saying it isn't doable, just stating that you need to understand this situation right now is the easiest and you need to be honest with him and yourself about the what if?
What if we are the 2% club and get married? I want to do XYZ for myself, can that work? What will we do if I get a great career opportunity which requires us moving?
These questions seem silly, but as a wife of a retired AF O-5, I can tell you that at a certain point these are going to be impacting your life. The ones that have not made a plan, are the ones that end up in divorce. The reason why is resentment misplaces the love that was there due to the fact that they never had a true discussion regarding each other's goals. It was typically about "him" and his goals. 17 and it is love, 32, and it is I have given up my dreams, my life for you because I loved you.
FWIW, Bullet and I met the day after my HS graduation, dated long distance for our4 yrs at college (Me-PA, him MD...neither of us had cars), and we will be celebrating our 23rd wedding anniversary in Dec. I loved every second of that life and what do it again in a heart beat....even joked at his retirement we'll probably get divorced now because I will not be use to him not being deployed at least 4 months out of the yr. and I'm not sure I can live with him 365 days a yr
Heck, even our kids asked me while he was converting to the "real world" when is Daddy gong back to work, he is really getting on my nerves!You love them, just like I love Bullet, just do both of you a favor, put your life first. By doing so, you will feel confident about the relationship, and he is going to love you that much more. The reason why is he will know you have a life without him, but choose to have it with him.
Good luck.