How do academy grads meet their spouses?

Discussion in 'Life After the Academy' started by KingsPtMom2014, Jan 17, 2011.

  1. KingsPtMom2014

    KingsPtMom2014 Member

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    Just curious.

    DS is USMMA 2014. He will spend 5 years after graduation either at sea or active duty military. Both ways of life are completely foreign to me.

    Did any of y'all develop serious relationships during that period. If so, how'd it work out. Thanks for sharing.
     
  2. kp2001

    kp2001 USMMA Alumnus

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    Unless he's completely socially inept, he will do just fine in the relationship area.

    If he goes to sea, he'll only be gone usually about half the year total. If he goes military it's not like he will be deployed/at sea for 100% of the time either. Plus, he'd only be 27 at the end of five years, let him sow his wild oats for a while :thumb:

    (I'm not even going to go into the why worry about it side of things or the fact that he could potentially take a shoreside job coming out of KP)
     
  3. LineInTheSand

    LineInTheSand USCGA 2006

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    I'm engaged to my classmate's sister (with his blessing, I promise).

    I spent my fair share on the "dark side", aka dating a few cadet girls. When that proved to be more trouble than it was worth, I took some time off from dating. My classmate, knowing me, told me I should talk to his sister. I did, at the end of my 2/c (junior year).

    Push comes to shove, over half a decade later, I proposed.

    In all honesty, after that first year or two, you'll have some social time on some weekends. At CGA you may even have time to head into Boston or NYC. There are also a million other colleges in the area. Don't try to impress the girls with stories of your school's weird customs, or wow them with all your neat sea stories. That will get old.

    If you wait until after your academy time, there's PLENTY of time in every town your based it. Again, things you think are REALLY cool, like standing 4-8s watch....may not impress the opposite sex.

    All in all, there's plenty of time, and plenty of cities for you to find someone who works with your personality, schedule, and life style, and someone who has a lifestyle you can fit into too.
     
  4. scoutpilot

    scoutpilot Member

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    Yes. This. As a married man I told my brother (USAFA grad) that if he contemplates marriage before 30 I'll kick him in the....shins. :thumb:

    Being young and married is no better than being old and married. In some ways, it's worse. Let him embrace his career and enjoy all that his service will offer him in terms of life experience. He'll be just fine.

    I met my wife at a party at Yale. My sister was graduating and another academy grad, who was at Yale Med at the time, took me to a party. My wife walked in and I turned on the ol' charm. She was smitten from the first moment. (Note: her version of events my vary ever so slightly).

    It's been interesting blending two professional careers. She's finishing up her residency at a very well known hospital in Nashville. I'm doing my thing with the Army. It hasn't been without its rough spots, but nothing worthwhile ever is.

    He's a plebe, or whatever they are at USMMA. Many, many hurdles before you worry about a daughter-in-law. Enjoy the ride.
     
  5. Chockstock

    Chockstock "Forever One Team"

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    What about dating? What sort of opportunities are there for active-duty soldiers who are not deployed?
     
  6. raimius

    raimius USAFA Alumnus

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    Pretty much the same as everyone else who has a job...
     
  7. LineInTheSand

    LineInTheSand USCGA 2006

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    If that well known hospital has an SEC university associated with it, my father is an doc there in the ED and Pediatric ED. I'll also be enjoying shoulder surgery there in two weeks...

    Go 'Dores.
     
  8. scoutpilot

    scoutpilot Member

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    LITS, empty your inbox. Got something for ya...

    And yeah...you're tracking.
     
  9. LineInTheSand

    LineInTheSand USCGA 2006

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    Empty aye.
     
  10. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    You'd be surprised how many officers I have known who landed up marrying the sibling of a friend or the friend of a sibling. I honestly do not have enough fingers or toes on my body + Bullet's body to count them all out.:eek:

    The other big group is dual officers that meet AD. In the UK, I think every single nurse married a flier at some point!:shake:

    Like kp said unless he is socially inept, it will be a-ok!

    Scout also has a very good point about age from a military stand point. Bullet and I married at 23(me) and 24(him). Financially as an O1 it is hard, hard, hard because if he intends to go to UPT, they will move around A LOT in the 1st 3 yrs. Our 1st yr of marriage we lived in 2 different states, and moved over seas before we celebrated our 1 yr anniversary. Hard for the spouse to find a job if you are only going be there a few months, and that makes it even harder on them if one, let alone 2 has college loans to payback.

    Don't get me wrong, they make a good salary, but start adding in car pmts, college loans, food, spending, savings, etc. and that paycheck whittles away quickly if only 1 can work because you moved 3 times in the 1st 2 yrs. Finances is the number 1 reason for divorce.

    Now, the other thing since this is a DS, the best piece of advice as a military spouse I can give you to give to him, is that she needs to be INDEPENDENT. The marriages that had problems were the ones that wanted to be that Officer's wife (status), but were the 1st to say you want me to leave my family, my career and move to Korea? I want to stay here.

    1 of 2 things occur with this kind of marriage:
    A. She gives in and moves, but because she is upset over it she enters with a negative image of how bad life will be. Nobody wants to hang with someone who is negative all the time. We all missed our family, many of us sacrificed our careers, and almost all of us were stuck in a place we never dreamed of ever living in...for me as a newlywed it was OH MY GOD NO Alamogordo and Mt. Home, ID. I am a Jersey girl, I was making 4 times Bullets salary and the 1st place we lived in didn't even have a Wal-Mart, 2nd didn't have a McDonald's, 3rd was in England so I had neither option.

    However, I decided not to complain...I fell in love with Boise, and because we were only there for 5 months, I learned how to build furniture at the base wood shop. I joined every group at Heyford and took up antiquing...plus got pregnant!

    2. If he relents and takes a job to be near her folks, or for her career or because she doesn't want to go to Ft. Polk, his career can take a hit. That makes him miserable and again nobody wants to be around someone who is negative.

    Whining about how much it stinks there at work will not make his commander happy, thus his reviews take a hit, and now the negative cycle continues.

    The other reason she needs to be INDEPENDENT of him, is because she can never ever help his career, but she can hurt it! Our DS is AFROTC and involved with a girl, IF he and her stay together he will have our full blessing. The reason why is that they have dated while he attends school in MD and she attends college 250 miles away. They have managed to support each other, trust each other and believe in each other while only seeing each other 1X a month. She will be okay if he is deployed for 6-9 months, because they already have that independence issue addressed. She won't be calling him to ask how to fix a flat tire or what time will you be home because we need milk. She did it without him while they were dating, she will be able to do it without him when they are married.

    I have a statement that I lived by as an AF wife. I was the mistress, the military was his wife. I accepted the fact that they decided if I saw him on holidays or birthdays, not me, I was willing to get the time they gave me. I was willing to accept their demands and rules. For your DS when he finds someone, make sure that they get that.
     
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2011
  11. Chockstock

    Chockstock "Forever One Team"

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    Maybe I just need to see for myself. I always have this strange perception that army installations in the US are physically secluded from major cities/towns with lots of rules governing travel
     
  12. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    You have obviously never been around a military installation.

    Ft Belvoir...8 miles out of DC in the heart of Fairfax
    Ft Meade... right next door to DC in the thick of it for MD
    Ft Rich...20 miles out of Anchorage AK
    Ft Bragg... Fayetteville is a town of 200K people, and @50 miles out of Raleigh Durham
    Ft Dix...is in NJ, and @ 30 miles out of Philly.
    Ft Campbell... the population there is about 125K.
    Ft Riley...the installation itself is a city with a daytime (work) populatin of 25K...remember towns exist to support the base/post. I don't have the data, but I would be SHOCKED if the population was less than 75K at the least for the town.***

    *** SJAFB has 5K for the base and the town itself is 35K. Using that math I would put the town of Ft Riley like Bragg with about 200K.

    I am a Jersey girl and Fayetteville was not tiny to me when we were stationed there.

    AS far as the governing travel rules, who ever told you that? Yes, you can't travel too far away without leave paperwork, but they don't put a GPS anklet on you and demand you stay in a 5-10 mile radii. For the Army, at least when Bullet was with the 82nd and on call, he had to stay within an hour's drive, WITH A PHONE, but we went to Raleigh from Bragg and did not have to file leave or ask permission. Plus, they rotate, so it is 1 Brigade on, 2 off. It is not 24/7/365.
     
  13. usna1985

    usna1985 USNA Alumnus

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    Today more than ever, a lot of Academy types marry fellow Academy types. First, there are a lot more women at the SAs (about 22% of each class). Second, there is less stigma about dating fellow mids (or cadets) than there was years ago. Third, you have a lot in common.

    In fairness, a lot of those marriages fail -- as do a lot of marriages between SA grads and civilians that take place shortly after graduation.

    What is most interesting to me is the number of grads who end up marrying fellow grads whom they did not know during school -- either because they weren't in school at the same time or because they attended different SAs.
     

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