I'm more nervous than my DS

Discussion in 'Air Force Academy - USAFA' started by usafa2012mom, Feb 10, 2012.

  1. usafa2012mom

    usafa2012mom Member

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    Is anyone having as hard a time with the waiting thing as I am. Even more so since, several candidates with MOC noms are starting to get their BFEs. Honestly, my son is pretty good at finding other things to keep his mind off the wait, which is smart and I wish I could do that. I keep finding myself jumping on here to get any scrap of information that might be popping up. I just want to know where my kid is going to be so I (we...him and the whole family) can get prepared. I'm so extremely proud of him and I know he wants this with his whole heart and has for as long as I can remember and he has worked so hard to get to this point. And because, he wants this, I (of course) want it for him and have supported him 100% (like all the parents on this forum have done). We so want our children to reach for their dreams and succeed in all they do.

    And as much as I hope he gets that BFE soon, I know this isn't going to be easy for me. I just can't seem to get my mind around this kind of separation. He is my first to leave home and we are a really close family, like so many of you on this forum. If he were going to a college anywhere on the east coast (somewhere I could drive to in a day), I believe it would be a little easier for me to mentally and emotionally prepare for. Anyone else feeling this anxious. I'm hoping getting it out here and hearing from others will help me deal with the knots in my stomach.
     
  2. Texasrocks

    Texasrocks Member

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    Relax, the selection is out of your control and worrying won't help. They all have to leave the nest sometim,e and if they are prepared and selected to go to the USAFA, then they are probably ready. You will have chances to see him and be proud. It is not easy (as I have seen many tears on I-day) but at somepoint it is time to let them go. Take some comfort that, while they are going into the armed service, your 18 year old is not immediately heading to afghanistan like so many do. That day may come but for now DS will be in good hands at USAFA.

    Don't know if that helps but that is how I looked at it in 2010 and it also makes sending my DD this summer a little bit easier.
     
  3. Pontiac33

    Pontiac33 Member

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    usafa2012mom: I could have totally written that post myself. My DS has wanted this for so long and the wait has been harder on me. We too are a close family (I have homeschooled my children since day 1) and DS is the oldest of 3. I am also preparing myself for him to leave. We are in IN and if it is not USAFA, Plan B includes choosing between Embry-Riddle, VMI, or The Citadel. I am so proud of him for making it this far and having all of these wonderful options to chose from--I just wish I knew where he was going. Hang in there and know that you are not alone.
     
  4. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    You are not the 1st to feel this way and will not be the last. You are not alone.

    You love your child, and this is a situation where you are feeling helpless. You are looking up at the sky waiting for the shoe to drop and hoping you catch it.

    The fact and reality is even if he went to a college on the east coast, he is still leaving you. You will become like most of us next yr. You will walk in that room after he leaves, and do the "final" clean, and for that day or a few days as you pass the doorway, your heart will have a little ache, a smile of all the laughter you heard from there when he was playing X box with his buds over the yrs. You will miss the noise. However, trust me east coast, west coast it doesn't matter, because more than anything he will have a life and seeing the folks is not going to be a priority. Mom/Dad sending money and care packages will be!

    NOW, come Thanksgiving you will be so excited for him to be home, but within 24 hrs you will say to yourself or your mate, I miss the silence, and not picking up wet towels off the floor or waking up to dirty dishes in the sink!

    Believe it or not, even if the BFE doesn't come down, they are just as excited to go to their college (Plan B) as they would be if they were going to the AFA. They bounce back fast.

    Be there for him, being worried/concerned is normal.
     
  5. Romad

    Romad Member

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    I'm totally with you, my son is so busy I don't think he even thinks about the BFE much. I'm probably the only one keeping tabs on the process as it unwinds. I think that, like you, it's not so much where he goes, whether he goes to USAFA or Auburn or Norwich, it's just the fact he's going on and opening a new chapter in his life. One that will involve us to a far less degree. I think that's what has me a little blue.

    The family has been military for generations so I should be prepared for it, but, he's the only one and when he's gone, it's going to be pretty quiet. Whether he gets a BFE or not really is not the cause of it. He's got a great B and C option and he doesn't want to fly (4WYY Developmental Engineering) is what he wants so there's no stress there. I sometimes wish he would just go to Auburn though...

    Sigh. :rolleyes:

    Best
     
  6. usafa2012mom

    usafa2012mom Member

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    :thumb:
    His Plan B is also Embry-Riddle or NC State and joining the AFROTC program. We think it will be ERAU if enough scholarship money comes through, some has already. His father and I are so very PROUD of him too !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thank you, everyone who is posting here, it really does help. :wink:
     
  7. kckillian

    kckillian New Member

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    Wow - I'm not alone. Thanks!!
     
  8. crair70

    crair70 Member

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    Another in the same position. You would think I could handle it better being a 24 year wife of a AF pilot but it is a totally different gut wrenching feeling when it is your child (our first as well). There is a UC only 20 minute from our front door and I keep reminding him how nice it would be to live close to home... :rolleyes: His plan B and C are set- NROTC and AFROTC scholarships. He received AFROTC yesterday and it was a blessing since he needed a confidence booster. He too has been feeling pretty down watching the appointment threads on USNA and now AFA. Has 2 noms and truly has done all he can do to be competitive but knows that sometimes that is not enough. It is comforting to know we are not alone- the support on this forum page has been amazing! Best wishes from the west coast going out to all of you waiting! It makes me so proud that we have such fine children looking to be future leaders!
     
  9. usafa2012mom

    usafa2012mom Member

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    Ditto.....thanks so much :smile:
     
  10. Dad

    Dad Member

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    Was in your shoes last year. Stalked the mailbox last year for weeks. At least with these forums you are able to tell when the appointments start to come out. Most appointments won't be out until late March - early April (as per Fleiger), so you may have a bit of a wait. Just know that others are waiting just like you. Please keep sharing your experiences so that others know they are not alone.

    Wishing for an early BFE for your DS. Good Luck! :thumb:
     
  11. Christcorp

    Christcorp Member

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    Because leaving high school for college/academy is the first main separation, it's really difficult for both parents and child. Especially for the academy, because it's usually a lot further away, and it's not just school.

    What I mean is; a child can go to a local/state school, and a parent can have a lot of the separation issues, but they get use to it like everyone has. Then, eventually, the child graduates and probably looks for a job in their home area.

    Thing is; you'll get use to the waiting game. Then, if he's fortunate enough to get an appointment, you'll have a totally new set of emotions when he leaves. But you'll get to see him 3-4 times a year for the holidays, spring/summer break, possibly going out to see him. And in time, you get use to that to. What people don't hear too much about is that the emotions start up again when they graduate. But because these parents are the "Senior" parents on the forums and such, they hide the emotion better. But now, after graduation, not only is your child totally a 100% independent individual (Which legally they already were, but as a parent we don't let go 100%). But NOW, they are going off to their first military base. You might get to see them once or twice a year. And then; after their training for their job, and they get to their first real assignment, you MIGHT get to see them once ever FEW YEARS. My first two years, I saw my mom/dad once or twice a year. After that, I saw them once every 3-4 years.

    Basically; just saying that while you're not the only one with these feelings, this isn't the end of the feelings. You will still have other "Stages" that you'll have to go through.
     
  12. kpmom2013

    kpmom2013 Member

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    What you are going through is very common as you can tell from other posts here. Our DS is a Midshipman 2c at USMMA and our DD is hoping for USAFA class of 2017. While I am already stressing about DD, I know it will be much easier than it was with our DS. Even though we were very close with our DS before he left, our relationship with him has become even closer in the past few years. Although we do not see him often, he has matured so much and it is very gratifying. He calls to ask our advice and there have been times when we find ourselves asking his advice as well. Though the transition is difficult at first, it seems that the change happens faster than in "regular" college. What that means is that the initial worry with a child going to an academy is greater, but it does not last as long as it would in the more "normal" course of things. In our experience, spring and summer were the difficult times, but now all is good. Now as Christcorp points out, active duty after graduation is another step, but that too will work itself out. Our oldest DS (21) is with Force Recon Marines and I do not even know where he is right now other than somewhere foreign doing something dangerous. I have been able to come to terms with that also. One step at a time and it's bearable. Keep in mind that you are not alone and can always find someone here who understands just how you feel. Hang in there and appreciate the family time you have!
     
  13. kalusafa

    kalusafa Member

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    Good luck everyone. I remember what it was like in 2009. My son is a C2C (junior) this year. My wife and I can't believe how fast the years are going. The big thing for his class is the 2016 class coming in means they are then Firsties, or seniors, so they are really looking forward to the class of 2016.

    Good luck again.
    Bill
     
  14. EagleDriver

    EagleDriver Member

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    My son was originally co2013...he left after his C4 yr to go on a 2 yr LDS Church mission...he is scheduled to be released in late May or early June...depending when he gets a reporting date with a reappointment. Matter a fact, i think there's about 30 plus LDS ex-cadets looking to get back in...and from what i hear 100% gets back as long as they get a nomination again...congratulations on your son being firstie soon...
     
  15. usafa2012mom

    usafa2012mom Member

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    This is the part that I'm so aware of and why I think this whole thing is so hard for me (and maybe most parents, whose kids chose the military no matter if it's through an Academy or another path) and why it is so different from the typical college and career experience. This is just the beginning of the coming reality that my child is really leaving and eventually, for all practical purposes will be gone from our lives, living his own in an amazing way. And my son does plan on making this his lifelong career, he is going for General (he has always set his sights high). I'm looking forward to watching him succeed in what he has dreamed about and worked so hard to accomplish. I'm very proud of him. I am unbelievably honored that in his core he wants to serve our great country and protect it and us and all that America stands for. But, I will still miss him more than I care to imagine.

    I’m sure I speak for many readers on here when I say: I would like to sincerely thank you, Christcorp, Flieger83, Steath_81, kp2001, Dad, Pima, Romad, Texasrocks, kpmom2013 and the many others, for taking the time to share your wealth of knowledge, experience and encouraging words on this forum. Thank you for being here for all of us parents and our children as we navigate through this new phase of our lives. I am very grateful I found you.
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2012
  16. batmom

    batmom Member

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    Amen to that! I am so very grateful for this forum. It has been the most helpful part of the entirely challenging process of applying to all of the service academies. The commitment of our sons and daughters when they decide that this life (in the military) and this institution (any of the U.S. Service Academies) is their own life's dream and goal is different than the decision to attend any non-military university or college. They are all saying,
    "I want to serve my nation" and they understand that this commitment may readily involve decisions that they will take them on a life's journey with many commitments away from family and friends. They are unique, special, exceptional, amazing, talented, smart, and loyal to our nation. They all make us proud, and I am absolutely sure that they will make our nation proud too! Congratulations to everyone who is currently at this juncture, for you are remarkable to be here awaiting the important news of being accepted. Whether you receive the BFE or not, each and every one of you is amazing to have made it this far in the process. Your commitment is evident to all of us.
    My prayer is for all of you to attain your dreams and goals.:
     
  17. falconfamily

    falconfamily Member

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    Last year a thread was started in the March time frame. "The Mail Box Stalkers Club". It was populated with parents and cadets who crept out to the mailbox every day to look for the BFE's. It was a good resource in many ways, it was a tripwire for when batches of BFE or the much feared QNV letters arrived, it was also a great resource for parents and applicants to keep their sanity and ask for advice. By April-May i think that thread had been read over 120,000 times! So none of you are alone in this! Perhaps there ought to be a 2012 Mail Box Stalkers Club started up! Good Luck everyone!
     
  18. chiromed0

    chiromed0 Member

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    My wife & I were mailbox stalkers extreme. I bet I checked his web portal 10 times a day. Our DS applied to all 5 academies & AF/NRotc...so that's a lot of web pages. There was so much stress that last 6 months heading up to a very late MOC interview date that we didn't know whether to be excited for him or try to downplay everything so he wouldn't be disappointed. In the end, everything worked out better than we expected.

    Our situation is almost the exact opposite as yours. I'm from NC but he's probably headed to West Point or Annapolis and we are currently in Texas. We are already making plans to move back east next year, not soley b/c of him but it sure gives more incentive to make the leap.

    According to the AF web portal I think they are the last to let anyone know right now. Our DS got an AFROTC scholarship and with his other noms, did not get a AFA nom which is understandable. At any rate, AFA campus is just plain beautiful and the cadets there are great so your son will be in a fantastic environment.
     
  19. afmom1

    afmom1 Member

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    "Blue" doesnt begin to describe how I feel about DS heading off to the academy. When he was getting his application together I used to browse these forums to try to help him navigate the application process (and you were all a tremendous help). Now Im browsing them to stay connected and to try to see what his life is going to be like for the next few years (I dont relay the information anymore - he is too busy - Im lurking!). Im sure Ill get use to it in time, and it is definitely great seeing him gain confidence and grow towards independence and strength as a young man, and I agree like all of you I am so PROUD of him (but I miss my baby.........if I could figure out how to insert a sad face I would.........).
     
  20. crair70

    crair70 Member

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    Like many of you have said already, I can't imagine having gone through this exhausting process without this forum. Unless your child is applying to a SA you really can't grasp how involved and emotionally draining this process is. I recently had a friend tell me how much work it was getting their child to finish up state U applications... Which didn't even require a essay! I just smiled and listened but in my mind had to giggle! At this point my DS has written 16 different essays between, SA, nominations, ROTC applications, 6 university applications, and scholarship applications. And that has been the easy part! The waiting is the challenge for us all. DS has had many friends, parents and even teachers comment as to "why you want to go into the military... You should be able to get into a UC with your grades..." they have no idea about the competitiveness of SA and the quality of the education. It doesn't hold the prestige it should in our area. But my DS desires is not for prestige but a desire to serve his country and to earn the outstanding education offered at a SA.

    Again a huge thank you for the support and advice on this forum... Without it, and several glasses of wine, I never could have made it through this process without losing the little bit of sanity I have left.
     

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