Leaving my Girlfriend before R-Day

Discussion in 'Military Academy - USMA' started by Ezgoez, Apr 4, 2016.

  1. Ezgoez

    Ezgoez New Member

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    I know there has been a lot stated on relationships and West Point, but couldn't find an answer for my specific question that I assume many experience. I know I have to break up with my girlfriend. It doesnt make sense to continue our relationship when I will see her only a couple of times a year. I Love her a lot and its going to be hard to do. Shes going to be devestaed when I do break the news to her, she knows it may happen though and we keep on avoiding the big question. Any advice from those who may have had to do this or are planning on doing it would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. scoutpilot

    scoutpilot Member

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    Eschew females, acquire currency.

    You'll be fine. She'll move on quickly. College is an opportune time for everyone.
     
    -Bull-, civic29, co2020fb and 5 others like this.
  3. Dixieland

    Dixieland Member

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    How far do you live from West Point that you will only see her a couple of times a year? Sounds like you have been thinking about breaking up and West Point works well as an excuse to do it.
     
  4. Ezgoez

    Ezgoez New Member

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    I live in Texas, and I really do not want to break up with her. But my family and I think it would be better for me and her, to move on.
     
  5. Dixieland

    Dixieland Member

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    Texas cadets get home fairly often. I would make my own decisions and not be quite so quick to do what Mommy and Daddy advise in this instance. Cadets can use Facetime and Oovoo to chat online and stay in touch back home. Quite a few cadets go to West Point with girlfriends and stay together all 4 years...in fact, they call it the 2% Club.
     
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2016
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  6. scoutpilot

    scoutpilot Member

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    It's actually very few. That's why they don't call it the 20% club.
     
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  7. Capt MJ

    Capt MJ Member

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  8. Aberj391

    Aberj391 New Member

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    Ezgoez, my plebe year roommate was also from Texas. He had a very serious girlfriend at the time. They stayed together and have now been married close to 25 years. You do not have to break up with your girlfriend. That is a choice only you and she can make.

    There is a reason it is called the 2% club, but it can be done.
     
    Always hopeful! and MemberLG like this.
  9. LineInTheSand

    LineInTheSand USCGA 2006

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    Let's be honest, relationships ain't easy.
     
  10. fencersmother

    fencersmother Founding Member

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    Say what? You plan to break up with your girl friend, whom you profess to LOVE, because of distance? Tell me, you're not going for a career in the military where "distance" is I think one of the vows you'd take at the wedding: Love, Honor, Cherish, and to reside apart for 30% of our wedded life.
     
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  11. MilitaryMama

    MilitaryMama Daughter, Wife, & Mom of those who have served!

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    Are you going to marry this young lady? Is she going to be the future mother of your children? Do you see yourself with her in 5 years?
    If the answer is no, then you have your answer.

    Long distance relationships are HARD. If one person is not secure in the relationship, there can be a lot of drama. It takes a lot of security and confidence to be able to handle being separated for long periods of time, and quite frankly, not too many people are equipped to deal with it. How will she react/feel when you're developing close relationships with female cadets? These cadets will be part of your team and become close friends. Is your girlfriend the jealous type? Will you be able to discuss with her all aspects of your life as a Cadet in an open manner, or will you feel like you have to keep things from her? When you call/facetime and need support, is she going to be supportive of you, or will she try to manipulate your emotions? You can NOT change things back home when you are at USMA. Your job will not be to make her feel better if she is sad, or angry that you're not giving her enough attention. Your job is to focus and be as successful as you can be at WP. You've worked so very hard to get where you are - this is your time. We've given all of our young adult children "permission" to be selfish with their time - and that is OK. This is the only time you will have as a young adult to discover who you are, what you stand for, and discover what YOU want out of life. It's a very difficult thing to do when you're trying to be in a successful relationship as a late teen/early 20 yo. There will be plenty of time for dating - this time is yours! Use it!

    There is a lot to think about. As a Mom, my advice would be to just worry about you - especially this first few years. As a woman, my heart breaks for this young lady - because we've all been there. However, you are not responsible for her emotional state. You can't worry about how sad/upset she will be - that is hers to deal with. You can handle a break-up with grace and dignity; validate her feelings and don't crush her spirit. Don't be a jerk, and don't play games. Be honest. Be realistic. Don't make any promises that you can't keep. Be encouraging without being patronizing. I hope that makes sense. If you do choose to break up with her, Do not break up with her over text!!!

    Our DS was confronted with this situation over Christmas vacation. We really liked the young lady he was dating, and we also had this conversation in our house. However, this young lady made the decision fairly easy for him...she gave him the ultimatum of "spend more time with me or else" while he was busy completing the requirements for the WP application, ROTC application, scholarship essays, etc...as well as spending time with our older DS while he was home on leave from the Navy. Needless to say, he chose "or else." I was proud of him. Still am. He's worked too hard to get where he is. So have you.
     
  12. mom3boys

    mom3boys Parent

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    When my DS left for WP, he and the gf had been together just shy of 2 years. We made a family vacation of taking him to Rday (her family and our family). We celebrated the achievement and figured we'd live one day at a time and they'd figure it out. She is very involved on the WP girlfriend's fb page where gf of upperclassmen help the younger girls understand expectations, travel, etc. She has seen a lot of breakups this past year, but they are committed to being supportive to each other. Other than scheduled breaks, DS has only been home on one long weekend and the GF went up to NY for one as well. Only time will tell if they will join the 2% club...but for now, they love each other and care about wanting what is best for the other. Sometimes that involves long distances. This often doesn't work, but when you put the other person first (i.e. knowing communication is limited because cadets are really busy), you have a better chance than most. Good luck to you as you figure out what works for you.
     
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  13. scoutpilot

    scoutpilot Member

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    Cut sling load. Fly free, young bird.
     
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  14. Ezgoez

    Ezgoez New Member

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    Thank yall so much for the advice! It helped quite a lot actually.
     
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  15. Jbelonga

    Jbelonga Member

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    Get to 10 posts so I can pm you
     
  16. Falcon A

    Falcon A Member

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    scoutpilot -- three in one day on one post. Dang . . .where you been? missed you! Lot's of potential SA candidates looking for med school advice;)
     
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  17. forumjunkie

    forumjunkie Member

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    Or you could just leave things as they are for now and sh will probably dump you by Christmas....Just think what a favor you will be doing her, so much easier on the ego to be the Dumper!

    Sorry, Ii was just so inspired by Scout Pilot!
     
  18. EOD/SEALmom

    EOD/SEALmom Member

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    That usually happens before Thanksgiving....it's called the Turkey Dump.
     
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  19. tug_boat

    tug_boat Member

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    Well, everyone has an opinion about this.

    Push Hard, Press Forward
     
  20. brovol

    brovol Member

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    ....did I just say that? How do I erase?
     
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