Medically DQ'ed, struggling with moving on

G

greenfield1

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Sep 27, 2021
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I don’t know if this is the right place to post this but I thought I would throw it out there and see what people had to say. I received a ROTC scholarship as a senior in HS but was unable to activate due to being medically DQed after being diagnosed with a immune condition in the summer just days before I reported.

I was trying to get a waiver but it is clear after talking to staff and cadre at school that the condition is not really something that will ever be waiverable/commissionable. I had wanted to serve since the 7th grade so it all has been really disappointing to me and I am struggling trying to figure out my Plan B, C, D, etc and I guess what I want to do with my life now. Because I am at a SMC I was able to stay with the Corps of Cadets and participate as a Corps Only cadet so I've been there for the past 2.5 years and have had an overall great experience.

At the same time though it all just makes me feel really guilty because I feel like as a Corps Only cadet I am pretending to be something I am not and will never be. It has also been hard to watch my friends prepare to go to camp, get their branches/service assignments, commission, etc. I am so happy for them and so excited to watch them do great things but I can't help but wish badly that it was me right along with them. Also, my granddad was an Army officer and I was really looking forward to wearing the same uniform he did. I feel like I failed/am letting him down in a way by not being able to serve even though I know that’s not really true.

I was wondering if anyone had experience with or advice for situations like these. I’ve tried to come to terms with not being able to serve, I had my “why me” pity moment long ago, and I know there are other ways to serve but it really was all I had wanted since middle school and I was so excited and I just feel so guilty/disappointed that I won’t be able to do it.

I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and thank you in advance for any advice you may be able to offer.
 
What kind of job do you want to do? There are many options, but it's hard to give advice if we don't know your goals.
 
First off - very sorry for your situation. I am one of the old guys here, but I can 100% relate to your situation, Many moons ago, I was awarded a NROTC-MO scholarship to a SMC. I reported for ROOK week and ended up tearing my ACL. My condition required surgery and I was not able to retain my scholarship. I was pissed off at the world and transferred to a big State U after my freshman year. Everything turned out fine for me, but I regret leaving. The 1 year I spent at Norwich did more to craft me than any other year in my life.

The good news - you are at a SMC. You are not pretending to be anything. You are a member of a prestigious COC that most of its member will not commission. Most of them are under 50%. VMI may be a little higher. You are among a very elite few who have chosen the path least travelled. Follow your heart, but DO NOT hold your chin down because you are not going to commission. Its now time to focus on the future. There are many other ways to serve our great country. You are at a SMC so all of the 3 letter agencies recruit heavily from your school.

I am still close friends with several of my rook brothers. I am sure you have made some really good friends. Are you happy at the school?

My DS is a senior at The Citadel and will commission into the USMC is May. Most of his close friends (lifelong friends) are not commissioning. There is a special bond when you endure the rigors of a SMC/SA.

Best of luck in your decision.
 
Gosh, first off ((hugs))!!

Now, for advice: hang in there!! And those are not just words. It’s ok to be sad and disappointed. Something you have dreamed about, cannot happen in the way you imagined. It’s ok to be sad. And it’s normal.

But…..this, too, shall pass. In a few short years, you will be doing something amazing. and this will only be a memory. A small blip on the radar of your life. A story of how you ultimately ended up where you do.

Life is full of disappointments, challenges and hurdles. The good news, is that you will get through them, and will be ok. No matter how painful or impossible something seems today.

Give yourself a minute to be sad. You have worked hard, and deserve it. But then hold your head up and get busy looking g forward. I suspect you will find amazing opportunities (look at @Capt MJ ’s posts for ways to serve beyond the military).

Also know that this is outside your control. You know you are officer material, bc you were selected. Now, put your heart into serving in other ways. They are there and are honorable. Also know your family is proud of you. Including your Grandpa ❤️
 
First, I am sorry this has happened to you.
Second, your physical and mental health are priceless. If you need to, take advantage of campus counseling services.
Third, you are grieving the loss of a dream. Grief has stages that can come in any order - denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, acceptance. You will get through this, and the immediate pain will lessen.
Fourth, time to edit your dream of service and nimbly pivot to considering a new possibility - working as a federal civilian. The brains, leadership and well-roundedness that got you a ROTC scholarship are in high demand by federal agencies and departments. The well-known “ABC agencies” need analysts, logisticians, strategic planners, operations managers, forensic specialists, intelligence analysts, etc., so if you can’t be a door-kicker, you have got the door-kicker’s back, whether uniformed military, clandestine field agent or LE officers at the federal level.

Federal service offers excellent benefits, including degree programs, professional education, and health benefits. As someone with a chronic disease, you would have full protection and accommodations if needed.

There are multitudes of programs. Pick an agency of interest, and google “agency name college and student programs.”

Some samples:

Scholarships | DOD CIVILIAN CAREERS

www.dodciviliancareers.com www.dodciviliancareers.com
(Note the DoD SMART scholarship, the Cyber Service Corps, etc.)

Intelligence Community student and internship programs

We offer a wide variety of programs to jumpstart your career.
www.intelligencecareers.gov www.intelligencecareers.gov

And it’s not just DoD, NSA, FBI, CIA, DHS, it’s all the federal departments and agencies. Don’t overlook DoS, DoJ, etc.

Look at usajobs.com, the federal job site, for Pathways jobs, a program designed for recent college graduates. Federal service actively wants fresh, smart minds who want to serve their country.

And, presumably you will be a graduate of your fine SMC, so hold your head up high and leverage that alumni career network.

Let us know how it goes.
 
P.S. Your granddad will only be disappointed in you if you react passively rather than act positively in moving toward a new goal. When you can excitedly call him to let him know something has worked out and you are stepping through a new door, he will be just as proud.
 
First thank you to everyone for all the real kind words, I really appreciate them. They have helped me a lot and I know I will probably be back to reread them. This site was a great resource to me when I was first applying for scholarships and it continues to be now. I'll for sure let y'all know how things shake out for me and maybe one day I can be a resource for another kid in this situation.

I thought I had mostly processed all of it when I was a freshman but since my friends and I are getting to the years where commissioning is much more tangible, I think the reality of what I could have had kind of sunk in more and in a different way that brought a lot of those feelings back up. Watching 2024’s Branch Night was very bittersweet and I imagine it will be the same next year when we are seniors and it’s my best friends commissioning and doing all the big things. But at the same time I'll also have more of an idea of my career so it will be an exciting time anyway.

I absolutely love the school I am at. The first semester was challenging as you’d expect at a SMC/SA but the friendships I made through it have been amazing. I am so grateful for them and all the fun we’ve had and memories we’ve made. They make me want to be a better person. Being a cadet has given me so much. The structure can be frustrating at times but makes a world of difference for me especially academically. It has been life changing and I don’t regret it at all.

I would like to pursue a career in media (ideally sports) which I guess is funny since it’s not really military/government. It was something I did for fun in HS but after the DQ I decided to explore more as a possible career path. I learned I actually have some talent in it and it’s something I really enjoy doing. I’ve gotten a few internships and extracurriculars at school that have been great for me in figuring out that that is what I would like to do, and I’ve started looking for potential jobs in that area. However I will definitely also keep federal employment in mind, my advisor had me take some math and GIS classes when I was struggling on identifying Plan B so I know those could be useful as well.

My granddad passed when I was very little so I never really got to know him. My mom says she can see a lot of him in me, so I like to think I will still be able to make him proud even if it’s a different way than I thought it would be.

Again thank you to everyone. It made me feel much better about where I’ve been and where I’m at. My future looks a lot different than I thought it would but I am learning that it is okay to be excited about it anyway.
 
Your plight takes me back many years ago. I and another brand-new ensign were stashed at Naval Recruiting Command San Francisco. We were volunteered to supervise Sea Cadets for a period of summer training at Hunters Point Naval Shipyard. At the end of the training the CO of the Sea Cadets invited us out for dinner at the Officers’ Club. I can still see him now. LCDR Dillon was older and impeccably dressed in his service dress blue uniform. Instead of the star of an unrestricted line officer above the sleeves on his stripes there was some type of Sea Cadet emblem. He was proud to wear the uniform. Mr. Dillon worked for the California Department of Transportation and had always wanted to serve as a Naval Officer but was declared 4F during the Vietnam era due to poor eye sight. His ultra thick glasses were evidence of that. What impressed me about him was how he moved forward from his disappointment and how he lived his life with such dignity. I believe there is opportunity out there from your set back. Take what you’ve learned and experienced at your SMC and put it to good use. Live your life with dignity. I wish you the best in the coming new year.
 
Your feeling of disappointment I understand but I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. You are Teddy Roosevelt's "Man in the Arena" and I admire you for your past efforts and hope you will continue to mightily forge ahead. I can tell by your posts you have the character to be a success. In this holiday season, I'd suggest you watch the Movie "It's a Wonderful Life" (they have both black and white and colorized versions, I recommend the colorized version although some would call that heresy). The hero is medically disqualified from military service during WW2 but still makes an outsized impact on the world. It always makes my allergies act up.
 
I personally know two people that were disqualified from a service academy or ROTC It's tough, and I really feel for you. What I will share is both of these individuals have been extremely successful in life. One in particular I will highlight for you, only because he found a different way to serve. This person came from a family of Marines and all he wanted to do was become a Marine Officer. When he was DQ'ed he took time to grieve, but then dusted himself off, competed college and elected to become a special agent with NCIS. 25 years later he is in a senior position with NCIS and has loved every minute of it (mostly working on Marine Corps Installations).
 
greenfield1 said:
I don’t know if this is the right place to post this but I thought I would throw it out there and see what people had to say. I received a ROTC scholarship as a senior in HS but was unable to activate due to being medically DQed after being diagnosed with a immune condition in the summer just days before I reported.

I was trying to get a waiver but it is clear after talking to staff and cadre at school that the condition is not really something that will ever be waiverable/commissionable. I had wanted to serve since the 7th grade so it all has been really disappointing to me and I am struggling trying to figure out my Plan B, C, D, etc and I guess what I want to do with my life now. Because I am at a SMC I was able to stay with the Corps of Cadets and participate as a Corps Only cadet so I've been there for the past 2.5 years and have had an overall great experience.

At the same time though it all just makes me feel really guilty because I feel like as a Corps Only cadet I am pretending to be something I am not and will never be. It has also been hard to watch my friends prepare to go to camp, get their branches/service assignments, commission, etc. I am so happy for them and so excited to watch them do great things but I can't help but wish badly that it was me right along with them. Also, my granddad was an Army officer and I was really looking forward to wearing the same uniform he did. I feel like I failed/am letting him down in a way by not being able to serve even though I know that’s not really true.

I was wondering if anyone had experience with or advice for situations like these. I’ve tried to come to terms with not being able to serve, I had my “why me” pity moment long ago, and I know there are other ways to serve but it really was all I had wanted since middle school and I was so excited and I just feel so guilty/disappointed that I won’t be able to do it.

I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and thank you in advance for any advice you may be able to offer.
Click to expand...
Did Cadre and Staff actually say this?
 
I know two young men who were in your shoes.

One wanted to be a pilot like his grandfather. It's the ONLY thing he ever wanted to do. He lived, breathed and slept aviation. Had a disqualifying eye issue. Had two surgeries to correct it. Bottom line: he couldn't be a pilot. He was devastated for a few years. Then got on with his life. Discovered he is terrific at selling and loves it. Is now a very successful salesman with a tech company.

Another wanted to be a SEAL. Had one episode of DVT on a long flight. Went to all sorts of specialists, but his dream was over. He graduated from law school, is clerking for a federal judge, and has lots of excellent job options.

People's dreams change for all sorts of reasons. One of my USNA classmates wanted to be an attorney (after his USN service) but bombed his LSATs. I really wanted to be a doctor -- until I discovered I hated labs and wasn't very good at chemistry or physics.

If you have the drive to do one thing, I can almost guarantee you'll have that same drive to do something else. You just have to figure out what that something else is. It may take a bit of time, but it's out there, just waiting for you!
 
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