My son is struggling academically in his Freshman Year....

Hi again. I guess I am just a wimp. I just checked on him. He said Calculus wasn't going too well and he was barely passing in Chemistry, and the Chemistry teacher told them that the grades weren't good on the last test, so now he's scared. I feel like it's ME that's failing. I feel like crying, I feel like I have an ulcer and with it turning dark at 5:30 PM. at night and all of the other stress in my life (I am a public school teacher who teaches 5th grade Language Arts). I feel depressed. Had I known we would all go through this crap I probably would have discouraged him from going to this school. The funny thing is that his sister who is 2 years younger than him and has a 140 IQ is also going to apply to the Coast Guard Academy. Here we go again. She's not as big a procrastinator as he is. Maybe she will do better....who knows?
 
I am sorryabout this all. I never really told my parents my struggle. Hang in there. He will figure it all out. It might be a few stressful weeks with grades coming up, but he is not the first or last plebe to struggle. Most get it together and put the struggles behind them. He is learning lots of lessons right now about himself and developing into a leader. These classes aren't all that different from other schools, there are plenty struggling at other schools too. Hang in there.
 
I have to let this go. If he ends up going enlisted, so be it. I have to trust that God knows what He's doing. It isn't easy. I am not going to ask for any more updates for awhile, it upsets me too much. I guess, if his address changes, I'll know they've booted him out. : (
 
What you have to realize is that it is 100% entirely up to him and not you. I know that is very hard for a parent to digest, but it is the truth. He is the only one that can get himself out of this jam. He CAN get himself out of it; it is a matter of how much effort he is willing to put into it. If he isn't going to EI every single day for the classes he is struggling in, then he might not want it as much as you want it for him.

I went to USMA eons ago and struggled academically for the first 2 years and never told my parents a thing. They had no idea. That probably made it easier on them. All that they knew was that they were there the day I graduated throwing my hat into the air.
 
It's a credit to you that you have taught him to fly, and he is out of the nest, doing just that, though his flight path is erratic and uncertain. He WILL fly - you just don't know where yet. He has chosen to challenge himself, and that's a credit to him. Time to take a deep breath and focus on yourself, your wellness, your health, your goals, your growth. Every parent on here recognizes these challenges.
 
Wonderfulmom said:
I feel like it's ME that's failing. I feel like crying
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Wonderful - as stated above and on MANY other places in this forum, it is up to your son and it is NOT a reflection on you. I completely understand how you feel. Anything bad or less than perfect things my kids did, I took as my failure as a mother somehow. I have since realized that they do amazing things too and I always seem to give them credit for their accomplishments but blame myself for any shortcomings. Why do moms do that??? Possibly some dads do too, but I can't speak for them. However Wonderful, you get his calls and anxieties and take them on yourself - don't do that. Encourage him and pray for him, but it is not a reflection on you. As a teacher, I am sure you see many parents that are too involved in their kids class projects, homework, etc. and I am sure you would counsel them to let the students do their own work. Same goes with your own DS. He will work it out - what ever "it" is and you will be there to cheer or to give support. It is so much easier to say than do, but don't let his struggles become yours. It has taken me 3 kids and 19 years (oldest is 24 and youngest is 19) to finally say, "he/she is an adult and it's up to him/her - I am sure they will figure it out!" A very liberating feeling when you can say that and mean it!
 
2018 mom and everyone else on here: Thanks for the encouragement. You are so right. I am now trying to let this all go. I realized yesterday that this stress is not good for my health (I survived cancer in 2010). Like you said, it is up to him. I let it go, I hope I don't take it back. As a mom you hold those little babies in your arms and life goes by so fast while you are working, paying bills, trying to balance career and family and then the next thing you know it seems like it's time to let them go....completely. Not just physically, but emotionally too. He told my husband the other day....."I guess I just need to grow up." It's true. Hard to cut the apron strings, though. Hard to realize that you are no longer "in control" of someone you love so very much and have invested 18 years of your life in. Suddenly you go from part of everything important to almost part of nothing. It takes character, strength and courage. I'm trying.
 
Wonderfulmom, I think many of us parents understand your pain at some level. My ds enlisted in the Navy. He hardly writes, but just sends an occasional picture of food from Japan posted on someone else's facebook. I get all the news 2nd hand. At least I know he is eating well. That is about as much as I know.

My dd struggles with Calculus BC in high school. She says the teacher only helps those in the resource class who play chess. I told her to learn how to play chess. She balked. So I am now wondering how she is going to figure it out. Hmmm... I'm okay with a straight A student getting a low grade (C or below). As they say in chess "it's her move."

I also spend a lot of time with my dn (dear nephew) in a courtroom, who is now 21. His parents have struggled greatly with letting their autistic son be responsible for his actions. They have learned to stop rescuing. And it is still painful. Letting go is certainly a form of grief work.

Hopefully you can do some self-care for yourself. Maybe a spa day with a massage or facial. Or at least a good bottle of wine. :rolleyes:
 
Midwest said:
Wonderfulmom, I think many of us parents understand your pain at some level. My ds enlisted in the Navy. He hardly writes, but just sends an occasional picture of food from Japan posted on someone else's facebook. I get all the news 2nd hand. At least I know he is eating well. That is about as much as I know.

My dd struggles with Calculus BC in high school. She says the teacher only helps those in the resource class who play chess. I told her to learn how to play chess. She balked. So I am now wondering how she is going to figure it out. Hmmm... I'm okay with a straight A student getting a low grade (C or below). As they say in chess "it's her move."

I also spend a lot of time with my dn (dear nephew) in a courtroom, who is now 21. His parents have struggled greatly with letting their autistic son be responsible for his actions. They have learned to stop rescuing. And it is still painful. Letting go is certainly a form of grief work.

Hopefully you can do some self-care for yourself. Maybe a spa day with a massage or facial. Or at least a good bottle of wine. :rolleyes:
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Chess could be a great move (pun intended) but clearly a one-on-one tutor could explain that calculus is really an interesting thing that happens when you look at small changes.
 
Wonderfulmom said:
Hi again. I guess I am just a wimp. I just checked on him. He said Calculus wasn't going too well and he was barely passing in Chemistry, and the Chemistry teacher told them that the grades weren't good on the last test, so now he's scared.
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In case your son didn't tell you, for this last Chem I test, the average for all the classes was in the mid 50s. He's definitely not alone in the struggle with Chemistry at CGA.
 
How can nearly everyone fail a test? Doesn't that indicate that the instruction is not effective, or the tests are too difficult? Shouldn't it be a bell curve, at least?
 
I asked him if the instructor was going to curve the test since the scores were bad and he just laughed.
 
Similar situations at all of the academies I expect. DS is a C3C at USAFA and the Chem 2 first exam average for this semester was something like a 45-50. He was genuinely pleased with his 60. I am not sure what his actual letter grade was for this exam but he is now in the B range. Extra instruction and recognizing that his instructors want him to succeed have been key for him.
 
At least I now know what to expect if my daughter makes it in....she's 23 months younger than her brother.
 
Wonderfulmom said:
I asked him if the instructor was going to curve the test since the scores were bad and he just laughed.
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If he can laugh, he's probably OK. This is not a "normal" college experience. His experiences right now are not that different from most of his classmates. If he wants this, he'll find a way.
 
Wonderfulmom said:
How can nearly everyone fail a test? Doesn't that indicate that the instruction is not effective, or the tests are too difficult? Shouldn't it be a bell curve, at least?
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I remember 2d semester of Physics and the class average was in the 30s. The tests were insanely hard. They throw so many curve balls at you on the exams that if you don't have a total mastery of the subject you get lost quickly. Believe it or not, there are some people that do have total mastery, but they are in the far minority.
 
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