My Wife Is Afraid Of USNA

Northstream said:
My daughter is accepting her USNA offer, she just told her mother. Mom is very much against her going and this is really bothering my daughter.

We are not a family with career military history and our daughter is an only child so I do sympathize. There are many news articles describing a number of negative recent events, sexual misconduct, hazing,ect.

I choose to support my daughter completely, have any of you had a spouse who felt like my wife and how did it progress? I can do a balancing act but worry about their future relationship.
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Back to the OP now, I was also the only child, the cherished daughter, of a family with no career military officer history, who decided to head off to the Navy. I didn't want to be a burden to them after college, and that "equal pay for equal work," plus the idea of serving my country in some mighty cool places, did the trick for me. My parents were definitely concerned, as this was at a time when some really bad stuff was happening as women entered the services in greater and greater numbers. Yeah, some stuff happened, but I dealt with it, it made me strong and confident, and I give the Navy every credit for the leadership skills and and life-expanding experiences I was privileged to enjoy over a 26 year career as a naval officer.

Remember the news tends to report the bad stuff. There are a thousand-fold more positive experiences awaiting your daughter as she learns and grows in confidence, skill and ability. She will make lifelong friends amongst her classmates and team-mates. She will be challenged, no doubt, and there will be "stuff" to deal with. She will figure it out. No different from the civilian world, and arguably, with more internal reporting and resolution mechanisms than many civilian employers offer when it comes to dealing with a substantive issue.

You will watch her change before your eyes, and rejoice in her trials and triumphs.

By the way, it was my father who was most concerned, and my mother the most supportive. At age 19, she and her best friend took a train to New York City right after Pearl Harbor was attacked. They took the Civil Service exam, took a troop train across the country to a school in San Francisco, then a troop transport to Honolulu. She was an air traffic controller at the Hickam Army Air Corps base during the remainder of WWII. I know exactly where I got the courage to seek a Navy commission at age 20. I did take a little kidding from my 3 uncles who served as enlisted battleship sailors about being an officer...and they were all there to see me take my oath.
 
Northstream said:
My daughter is accepting her USNA offer, she just told her mother. Mom is very much against her going and this is really bothering my daughter.

We are not a family with career military history and our daughter is an only child so I do sympathize. There are many news articles describing a number of negative recent events, sexual misconduct, hazing,ect.

I choose to support my daughter completely, have any of you had a spouse who felt like my wife and how did it progress? I can do a balancing act but worry about their future relationship.
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Boy do I understand!

Now, in our house the roles are somewhat reversed. My husband is a law enforcement officer, no prior military experience as his mother flipped out at the prospect many years ago.

My husband is hesitant for our DD to accept a scholars appointment to a SA as he is concerned about her being one of a few women in large male group. It is not sexual misconduct that concerns him - she is well trained in how to handle that thanks to dad. He just believes that it is a very hard road for women and is not sure he wants HIS daughter to have to endure it.

I am the one reminding him that 20 years has changed a lot and what women went through when he started isn't the same now. Our kids' generation is blissfully ignorant of what came before them. I consider this all part of the education process.

I am hopeful that your wife's concerns, like my husband's, will just enable your DD to make the best decision for herself. Sometimes it is through opposition and resistance where we see what we really want.

And as a mom, just remind your daughter to make sure mom still feels needed and connected. They will be ok.

Good luck to you all!
 
My husband is hesitant for our DD to accept a scholars appointment to a SA as he is concerned about her being one of a few women in large male group. It is not sexual misconduct that concerns him - she is well trained in how to handle that thanks to dad. He just believes that it is a very hard road for women and is not sure he wants HIS daughter to have to endure it.
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As someone who was a USNA female mid during a time when women represented less than 8% of the brigade (and less than 4% of my company), I can tell you that, in a way, it's a good thing. And my dad (a WW II Marine) shared you're husband's views when I started.

In many professions, women are still a distinct minority. At USNA, you learn to work under, with, and supervise males. Thus, later in life, when you walk into a room and you're the only female, it feels "normal" -- or at least you're not uncomfortable. And, it's good to be comfortable with male mentors -- a lot of young women today believe you must have female mentors; in the military, you have to develop male mentors as well.

So, I understand the worries but, if your daugther can handle the situation (and it sounds like she can), she'll probably be better off in the long run, strange as that sounds.
 
I would like to add my two cents here as the mother of a female Midshipman (yes, a female at the Academy is called Midshipman). My DD is very much fine and has made a lot friends, both male and female. In regard to the ratio of men to women, my DD has equated being at the Academy both to having a lot of brothers and to living in a frat house. Based on what I have witnessed so far, I think the key is having an open mind, a sense of humor and not pulling the female card when things get tough.
 
I graduated USNA in 2008. And from what I saw visiting friends at other colleges, USNA is the last place to be worried about the safety of your daughter. While there are still a few who have their disagreement with women being there, they are very very rare and any such sentiments are kept to themselves.

The best thing when it comes to USNA when it comes to safety of your daughter isn't the armed guards at the gate, or the company officer and senior enlisted leader's oversight for each company, or the company Midshipmen literally standing watch 24-7 on each hallway. The reason your child is ridiculously safe at the Academy compared to other colleges is that they'll have 40 other Midshipmen in her class who'll see her as their sister, and 120 upperclass in her company who almost see her as their own kid. There's a big sense of protection that accompanies being the upperclass for your company's plebes.

I think that is a big aspect of the academy that is underestimated. You stay with the same company for at least 3 yrs, and 4 in my case. You always have seniors, juniors, sophmores and peers at USNA who really care how you're doing. Upperclass don't even like having other upperclass yelling at their plebes. There's plenty of the "Hey, you can't yell at my plebe!" mentality. It's a relationship that continues on into the fleet and something completey lackin in civilian institutions where students can be completely alone with no one really caring how they're doing. Do not underestimate the value of the Academy's family environment.
 
Daughter is selecting Marine Corps upon graduation after four years and knowing what she is getting into. Mom wasn't thrilled. Compared to other schools she could have gone to this was absolutely the "safest place". Every guy in her squad and Company was her big brother. They "vetted" every date and guy from another Company:thumb: As they once told us " If you have to get in touch with your son/daughter we will have them on the phone with you within one hour" "We know where they are". Son has selected and has signed for Platoon Leaders Course through College. Mom not thrilled again but they are adults and can only make their own decisions.
 
Very well stated Marine08

As an "old armybrat" I've seen the lifelong rich and fulfilling relationships my dad (USMA-'48)has with classmates AND companymates....I see and feel those very same bonds forming between my DS and so many of his companymates at USNA.....very unique and special.....and yes, he takes a strong protective pride in underclass companymates.:thumb:
 
You should pull or ban it but if not it is life as it is in the military. Rota, Naha, Kadena, Yokosuka, Moron, Bangkok, Manila etc. etc.. Walk out the gate at J Ville. It was not pretty a few years ago but they have cleaned it up a lot.:yikes:
 
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