NEW NROTC ESSAY ANALYSIS

Discussion in 'ROTC' started by Essos, Jul 5, 2016.

  1. Essos

    Essos New Member

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    Finally, I'm to the final step to completing my NROTC Scholarship Application! After filling out almost all the remarks, and choosing my desired colleges, I will just need to finish this 2500 max word essay. Recently, I have just finished my rough (verrryyyy rough) draft and I just need a few people to look over my essay to see any mistakes that I might have overlooked. If anyone has tips, or wants to let me know if I'm avoiding the asked question, please let me know. Please take two minutes and read my essay and tell me how you feel on it or if I should change anything. Any advice is welcome! Thank you!

    Shamra

    Discuss your reasons for wanting to become a Naval Nurse Officer. Specifically comment on leadership positions you've held, the challenges you have faced and the lessons you have learned. (Limit 2500 characters)

    To be a part of something bigger than myself, has been one of my goals for some time. I want to be a Naval Nurse Officer because I want to make a difference in the world and serve by being a medical leader. I want to serve my country and save the lives of the men and women that work to serve my family, and my country. I have been interested in the medical field ever since I was a child. In high school, I have taken many science classes, doubling up in them my sophomore year, and tripling up in them my junior year. I am very engaged in my health classes and enjoy the study of anatomy and how the body functions.
    One of the strongest leadership positions I have held in high school is being Color Guard captain. Through this position others have looked to me for direction and inspiration. I define myself as a hard working, motivated, focused, and dependable person. I face challenges every day, working hard to maintain my grades, staying long hours after school participating in extracurriculars, and having to go through my parent’s divorce. But no matter what is going on in my life, I have always tried to get closer to my goals, always pushing for the best way to get to my desired future. I am a hard worker but I want to do more than just better myself for the future. I don't just want to be an ordinary student. I want to do more than just go to college and get a degree. I want to serve, I want to better myself and become a leader, a Naval leader.
    One lesson I have learned throughout high school is that to be a successful person you have to set goals for yourself. I personally, am a highly optimistic person and when I set a goal for myself I always reach it. It may take a long time and be a challenging task but the goals I set are always possible to reach. Just a few weeks before starting my freshman year of high school, I made a promise to myself. I was going to graduate with honorary graduation cords, honors, and be in the top of my class. Now, three years later, these goals are more than close to being completed. Now at this moment, I’ll make another promise. I will be a Naval Medical Officer, whether it be a nurse or a doctor, I will serve my country and save the ones that fight for me, my family, and my country’s freedom. Faith, commitment, and strength accommodate my goal achievements while the goals of being an officer, serving, and saving lives permeate through my mind greatly. Right now it’s a dream, and I desperately want to make that dream a reality.
     
  2. Moolatte

    Moolatte New Member

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    I don't think you avoided the question, but the selection committee will be reading hundreds of essays just like it. How can you make yourself stand out? For instance, how did you realize you wanted to be a nurse? Why the Navy? What's something interesting about you that will make an impression?
     
  3. SpartanDM

    SpartanDM Member

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    I agree with ^^^. One of the most humbling experiences about being in NROTC is realizing that you may have been best in high school, but your colleagues were also the best at their high schools too. Likewise, your accomplishments mean little because everyone else applying is going to have similar accomplishments, and there will be a lot that have done more. I think you should focus on your personality and desire for being a naval officer. I was talking with a TMC on cruise who used to write nrotc scholarships. He told me of this girl who really stood out; she stood out because of her burning desire to lead men and women. Now is not the time to be reserved in your emotions and write what you think the board wants to hear. Be candid and passionate and prove that the scholarship belongs to you. My 2 cents.
     
  4. Essos

    Essos New Member

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    Oh no :eek: I'm not interesting enough. I feel as if I'm overflowing with passion and longing though. I KNOW this is what I want but I'll have to figure out how to be that stand out candidate. . I think the "why navy?" question is really good, because I did enlist to be a corpsman, or medical personnel. But is that very standout-ish? My intention in the military is fully medically-focused if that helps.
     
  5. Moolatte

    Moolatte New Member

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    It's not that you're uninteresting, it's that your essay needs a spark. Your spark. What makes you unique? This is your chance to show who you are! Also, as my creative writing teacher would've said, don't TELL me, SHOW me! For instance, my DS wrote about it being difficult to write the essay because he didn't like to brag about himself. He used that as the starting point to give examples of being a team player and leading by example.
     

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