usafanick
New Member
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2016
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I've been scrolling through this thread today and I saw the abundance of advice given to people who posted their drafts of essays here. Well, conveniently I happen to be applying for a nomination from Senator Elizabeth Warren. In my application, there is a writing prompt which reads:
Please submit an essay of 250 words or more explaining why you should be considered for a nomination to a service academy.
Here is my current draft response to this prompt:
I should be nominated to attend the United States Air Force Academy because I want to challenge and improve myself physically, intellectually, and mentally. I want to be commissioned as an officer in the Air Force, and I want to give back to this country for all of the wonderful opportunities it has given me.
Becoming an officer in the armed forces, specifically in the Air Force, has been my dream for as long as I can remember. Whenever I’m over my great grand-dad’s house, he never fails to tell a story from his time spent as an Army Ranger. His stories of camaraderie with his fellow soldiers and courage as he braved the front lines of the Korean War, stuck with me and instilled a desire to serve my country the best way I can, by being a leader. I aspire to be an officer, because it would provide me with more opportunities to lead.
Challenges have always been a part of how I live my life. For example, I take the hardest classes I can, go out of my comfort zone to push myself athletically, and work to be the best employee I can be at my job. The United States Air Force Academy will be no different, as I’m ready to challenge myself with the rigorous academic curriculum, mental stresses, and highly physical lifestyle. I believe that the environment the academy would put me through will not only make me a better person, but a better leader.
Attending the USAFA would be a dream realized. I would receive one of the finest educations this nation has to offer. I would grow into a stronger person, mentally and physically. I would learn my limits, and push them farther than I could ever hope to do at any other institution. But most importantly, I would be able to represent and serve the people that provided me this great opportunity. Service to the country that I love is the ultimate goal, and attending one of this nation’s excellent service academies is the best option for me to do so.
Thoughts? Criticisms? I want this to be the best it can be, so don't hold back! Also, what are your thoughts on the length of the essay?
Please submit an essay of 250 words or more explaining why you should be considered for a nomination to a service academy.
Here is my current draft response to this prompt:
I should be nominated to attend the United States Air Force Academy because I want to challenge and improve myself physically, intellectually, and mentally. I want to be commissioned as an officer in the Air Force, and I want to give back to this country for all of the wonderful opportunities it has given me.
Becoming an officer in the armed forces, specifically in the Air Force, has been my dream for as long as I can remember. Whenever I’m over my great grand-dad’s house, he never fails to tell a story from his time spent as an Army Ranger. His stories of camaraderie with his fellow soldiers and courage as he braved the front lines of the Korean War, stuck with me and instilled a desire to serve my country the best way I can, by being a leader. I aspire to be an officer, because it would provide me with more opportunities to lead.
Challenges have always been a part of how I live my life. For example, I take the hardest classes I can, go out of my comfort zone to push myself athletically, and work to be the best employee I can be at my job. The United States Air Force Academy will be no different, as I’m ready to challenge myself with the rigorous academic curriculum, mental stresses, and highly physical lifestyle. I believe that the environment the academy would put me through will not only make me a better person, but a better leader.
Attending the USAFA would be a dream realized. I would receive one of the finest educations this nation has to offer. I would grow into a stronger person, mentally and physically. I would learn my limits, and push them farther than I could ever hope to do at any other institution. But most importantly, I would be able to represent and serve the people that provided me this great opportunity. Service to the country that I love is the ultimate goal, and attending one of this nation’s excellent service academies is the best option for me to do so.
Thoughts? Criticisms? I want this to be the best it can be, so don't hold back! Also, what are your thoughts on the length of the essay?