Nomination essay

Discussion in 'Nominations' started by lillian, Nov 11, 2013.

  1. lillian

    lillian Candidate

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    I will ask my AP lit teacher to proofread my essay, but I want to get an idea first of whether I should change my approach and content in general. I'm really not a brilliant essay writer. It's one of my weaknesses, right up next to interviews..

    If anybody feels they can give me advice, I'll send you my essay in a PM. I've been advised not to send it to any current candidates or parents of candidates.
     
  2. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    lillian,

    The problem asking others to read your essay can be described like the old cliche.
    TOO MANY COOKS SPOIL THE BROTH.

    The beauty of essays is it illustrates two things.
    1. Your ability to write.
    ~~~ Next yr., be it at an SA or at college you will need to write many essays and term papers. If you are in APLIT currently, it might be you find yourself weak in this academic area, but in reality you are probably just very hard on yourself.
    2. Insight into your personality.
    ~~~ Everytime you tweak it, part of your voice is lost, and becomes someone else's voice.

    I would take it to your APLIT or APENG teacher and be done with it from that perspective. The only thing most people, including me will say is if the essay question of why the SA, please remember you want to set yourself apart.
    ~~~ Try to avoid the:
    ~ I have wanted to be an XYZ officer since I was 6.
    ~ XYZ SA offers a top notch education, and leadership that I strive for as a future officer.
    ~ I want to serve as an officer and the XYZ SA is the best option.
    ~ Also please try to make sure you limit the I, me, myself in the essay. Some people like me, will start counting how many I, me, myself in the essay because it is like an oral presentation when you keep hearing um, uh, hmmm. You start to lose sight of what is being said because all you are reading now is I decided I wanted to attend the SA as a 6 yr old when my grandfather told me about serving in the Navy during the Korean War. Notice, I had 2 I's, 1 my, and 1 me in 1 sentence.

    Most importantly stay away from anything that can be found offensive by the reader. I can't remember which forum one essay was posted on, but they wanted to illustrate their scientific creativity. Built a 3 D working gun. His family said do not submit it. I agree with his family. I respect that he took the initiative to scientifically see if it could be done, but with a DD at VT, and after the CO shooting, and Sandy Hook, that was a little off putting to me, especially since I know the SAs are pressure cookers. They saw it as the author an accomplishment to make them stand out in a positive way, which in a way it was. I saw it as a reader, a little frightening.

    You have only a few minutes to grab anyone's attention, grab it in the most positive way.

    I am re-copying what MedB posted on this forum so you can understand what I am trying to illustrate about trying to avoid certain things.
     
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2013
  3. lillian

    lillian Candidate

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    Actually. Your response had all that I wanted to know. I thought that my approach was a bit too risky, but the essay you included as an example makes me feel much more comfortable with the way I wrote my essay.

    Thank you for the advice! I started out with a really generic essay and hated it, so I completely started over. I'm glad I did. :smile:
     

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