Nomination essay?

Discussion in 'Nominations' started by Mir, Jun 11, 2014.

  1. Mir

    Mir Member

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    Would someone be willing to critique my nomination essay? I can PM my essay to whoever will give it a shot.

    The prompt is:
    Please include an approximately 300-word essay indicating what motivates you to seek admittance to a Service Academy and your career plans in the military.
     
  2. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    FWIW until you have 10 posts you can't pm.

    Secondly, this question/request comes up every year.

    Long time posters typically shy away from doing this, and usually give the same answer.

    Take it to your APENG/LIT teacher.

    This is an anonymous forum and in essence you are going on faith for a lot of reasons.
    1. Do you know what their educational background is or if they have ever reviewed an essay before?
    2. Would you want an applicant to review it?
    ~~~ What if they think it is the best in the world and model theirs after yours, with both of you submitting it to the same MOC without knowing that you are both in the same district?

    Those are just a few things to think about.

    My advice would be if you can't have a teacher review it, ask your ALO/BGO/FFR to do it. Our DS had an amazing ALO. He was a college professor for his 2nd career. He spent the summer with all of his candidates editing and re-editing their essays. DS got all of the MOC noms. and I think part of it had to do with the fact that because of the ALO's experience he knew what the MOCS were looking for in the applicants essay.

    The cliche too many cooks spoil the broth can be said in this case.

    My pet peeves when I read these essays publicly posted are these things:
    1. I wanted to be a XYZ officer since I was six....
    2. Every sentence has I, me, myself
    3. They do not follow the golden rule...Opening sentence, defense, closing sentence, repeat for paragraphs...opening paragraph, defense, closing.

    Some MOCs will read hundreds of essays, you have to grab their attention immediately. Droning on with flowery words will make a reader like me get bored and start picking out the grammatical flaws and my mind will wander. It will not make me say I HAVE GOT TO MEET THIS KID.

    Good luck
     

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