Nomination Essays

Discussion in 'Nominations' started by JohnPaulJones, Aug 1, 2013.

  1. JohnPaulJones

    JohnPaulJones Member

    Joined:
    Jul 12, 2013
    Messages:
    80
    Likes Received:
    0
    Is it a good idea to mention personal experiences and accolades in a nomination essay? For instance, if it states "why do you want to attend a service academy", would it be a wise idea to integrate personal items to explain yourself?
     
  2. Full Metal Bulldog

    Full Metal Bulldog Citadel Class of 2016

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2012
    Messages:
    428
    Likes Received:
    22
    Depends on how "personal" these things are; "personal" can range from a useful anecdote or witty tale that could be good, or something thats either too, well, personal or sounds didactic/egotistical. That's bad.
     
  3. flieger83

    flieger83 Super Moderator Moderator

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2008
    Messages:
    2,852
    Likes Received:
    342
    I hate to put it this way but...

    It depends.

    The other poster is correct; and to really give you better advice, I'd have to know a bit more about what you're thinking about including or NOT including. I sit on my MOC, excuse me, he's now a Senator...his board. I see a LOT of these documents. Some are overboard, some are too little, and most are "just fine."

    So...where do you "think" yours fits?

    Steve
    USAFA ALO
    USAFA '83
     
  4. MemberLG

    MemberLG Member

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2011
    Messages:
    2,807
    Likes Received:
    444
    Keep it simple.

    I sit on my MOC nomination board and probably read a few hundred essays. Essays that didn't impress me

    Hand written
    No connection to the military (when I read "I want to help people . . ." I tell myself this is going to be interesting).
    Trying to act like an adult - after all you are just in high school
    Using 90% of the essay for introduction and on the last paragraph answering the question
    Not remembering what you wrote (sometimes I will ask "in your essay you stated XYZ
     
  5. phant776

    phant776 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    I have a list of reasons for why I want to attend a service academy but I'm having trouble getting it into an essay. First of all I'm not sure what format would work best or how to best organize my info. Could someone give some insight on how I should go about formatting my essay and info?
     
  6. kinnem

    kinnem Moderator

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2010
    Messages:
    7,543
    Likes Received:
    1,004
    I think the essay format is pretty straight-forward. Paragraph 1, followed by paragraph 2, etc. etc. No bullet lists in an essay. Part of the purpose of the exercise is to demonstrate your writing and writing organizational ability along with the actual content of the essay. Sorry to seem flip about this. Perhaps I'm misunderstanding your question?
     
  7. soccmomer

    soccmomer Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2013
    Messages:
    574
    Likes Received:
    75
    Phant, my DS had a bit of trouble "getting started". He also had a list. I had him Write a few different "openings" and we read them and talked about which ould be easiest to add to and turn into a paragraph.. sometimes the first sentence is the hardest! Write several of them and have someone look at them, or maybe one will jump out at you. Good luck!
     
  8. MedB

    MedB Parent

    Joined:
    Dec 26, 2012
    Messages:
    593
    Likes Received:
    116
    This topic drives me nuts! Why don't High Schools teach outlining anymore as a MANDATORY writing skill?

    Seems that all young folks today want to jump directly into banging words out on the computer, then wonder why it's so hard to get started... or disjointed... or boring... or not persuasive...etc.

    -deep breath- :smile:

    Instead have them start with a paragraph level outline. Each paragraph should have a particular focus/theme (including introductory and summary paragraphs). Then go back and fill in supporting arguments/details that are important for each paragraphs point of view. Finally, look at the now fleshed out outline and see if there any overall "threads" that are apparent. The kind of threads I'm talking about are key phrases or points of view that can be woven in throughout the essay.

    Only then should they touch a computer. Yes... force them to outline on a pad of paper. Seriously. It will force them to think a higher level and not get caught in the trap of diving into "writing" too soon.

    And the best part???? Not only does this approach produce a far better essay, it's actually FASTER than dive-right-in approach because you do not go back a dozen times to reorganize and rework. So don't let them use the "takes too long" excuse.

    Use the ramble approach for informal responses (like this one!). Use a detailed outline approach for anything real and anytime your need to be persuasive in your writing.

    Hope this helps.
     
    Last edited: Aug 15, 2013
  9. phant776

    phant776 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    0
    Any tips or criteria I should meet to impress the reader?
     
  10. 18'er

    18'er Member

    Joined:
    Jun 12, 2013
    Messages:
    113
    Likes Received:
    0
    First and foremost - answer the question that is asked.

    Second - if it's not too much of a jump, add some personal experience or achievement when answering the question. It will help them get to know you "beyond" the resume or at least reinforce the resume.
     

Share This Page