parent involvement with application

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by zachserna7, Nov 20, 2013.

  1. zachserna7

    zachserna7 Member

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    just wanted to state one pet peeve about this site...

    It seems like most people that post on here are concerned parents of the kids that are applying.

    I dont understand why they are taking a hand in the application!
    shouldnt the applicants be asking the questions themselves and not the parents?

    It is frustrating to me because it seems that the kids are getting extra help from their parents (ie. parents contacting ALO/emailing/knowing all deadlines for applications), and I'm honestly doing it on my own.

    Anyone else have anything to say about this? am I wrong?

    just wanted to put my two cents in.
     
  2. ghost_rider

    ghost_rider Just a guy

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    1. A lot of these parents are simply asking to know more about what their children are doing as opposed to doing it for them.

    2. If their parents are doing their work for them they are losing out on valuable experience and growth and it will hurt in the long run

    Good on you for doing it all yourself, but you should really only worry about what you can control and thank your lucky stars that it seems "harder" now because your parents are less involved.
     
  3. zachserna7

    zachserna7 Member

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    thanks man
     
  4. burnerafter16

    burnerafter16 Member

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    If parents took the hands off approach as you prefer, most of the previous appointees wouldn't have made it. A typical 15-17 year old could certainly use all the resources they can find to complete their application requirements and stay on top of the deadlines. There's "helicopter parents" that just can't relinquish their "micromanager" tendencies but if the applicant isn't truly the one who takes the initiative or genuinely applies for their own reasons, the four years at a SA is gonna be quite bumpy if you do get an appointment without anyone's help.
     
  5. kinnem

    kinnem Moderator

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    One can make an argument both ways. As long as the parent does no more than guide and follow up I'm OK with it. Leave the doing to the kid. I've known kids who couldn't have made it without the guidance, yet they blossomed in their first year and no longer needed similar guidance. Everyone is in a different place on the maturity scale at that age, but eventually most end up at the same place.
     
  6. navymomwannabe

    navymomwannabe Member

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    I think a parent is an asset just like a guidance counselor or coach. I think if parents are willing/able to help with deadlines, learning acronyms, reading facebook/forums for information, a candidate would be foolish not to use said asset.
     
  7. LineInTheSand

    LineInTheSand USCGA 2006

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    Helicopter parents rarely realize they're helicopter parents. Providing advice and support that is grounded in past experiences is very different from helping them learn acronymes and and researching for information regarding the process.

    Candidates can use the internet just as easily to research their career options and service academy as they can for Snapchatting dirty pictures with their friends. There are FAR more resources now, easily found, for even the laziest applicant, all while the over all process hasn't become more complicated.

    Apply. CHECK.
    Interview. CHECK.
    Physical from doctor. CHECK.
    Physical fitness assessment. CHECK.
    Nomination (usually). CHECK.


    Not very different from when I applied, but now SAF and a host of other websites exist to help with the process.

    You are correct. Parents are too involved, and hold hands too often with kids that are perfectly able to apply on their own.
     
  8. NorwichDad

    NorwichDad Member

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    Really well said. Everyone is different.
     
  9. burnerafter16

    burnerafter16 Member

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    I really wouldn't expect a 15-17 year old kid to make a very informed decision especially one that would entail committing the next 4-9 years attending an SA or joining the military solely on their own. There is a statistic that shows less than 7% of appointees to all four SAs are children from families with military background. I wonder why? It would be a stretch to say a hands off approach is correct. Each kid may or may not have the maturity level to sift through all the different options including contingencies in case they don't get appointed. Campus visits and actually talking and spending time with alumni may be a bit too much for a junior or a senior finishing up HS. Use all the help you can get. The web may have the links and the resources to aid even the laziest candidate but having support from parents certainly should not be discouraged.
     
  10. Jcleppe

    Jcleppe Member

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    There is a thread under Service Academy Parents that was titled Helicopter Parents, the thread was very long and turned into a contest of who had less help, and who helped the least. It was fun to see how each tried to one up the other.

    Sad to say I lost that contest, I helped when asked, gave advice when needed, offered reminders when appropriate. Now I am an Official Helicopter Parent, the kid flies Helicopters.

    Hopefully this thread won't take the same turn.
     
  11. LineInTheSand

    LineInTheSand USCGA 2006

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    They could just merge the two (I created the other one.... it is LONG!)
     
  12. Packer

    Packer Member

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    You robbed your sons of a valuable learning experience! You should feel horrible.:rolleyes:

    Sorry couldn't resist.
     
  13. Jcleppe

    Jcleppe Member

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    I am a broken shell of a man.
     
  14. navymomwannabe

    navymomwannabe Member

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    +1

    :shake:
     
  15. Freda'sMom

    Freda'sMom Parent

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    Helicopter parents are out.

    Bulldozer parents are in.

    Whereas the helicopter parents would hover to make sure everything was going to be alright, the bulldozer parents take no prisoners, plowing a path for the little tykes to succeed.

    A helicopter mom may write a note to the teacher asking for more help for the student, but the bulldozer mom goes right to the principal demanding the grades be changed.
     
  16. NorwichDad

    NorwichDad Member

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    LOL, I like the new term
     
  17. DevilDog

    DevilDog Member

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    You are not aHelicopter parent in the sense of how the word was used in that thread. What you are is a good parent that is interested with helping their child in any way. Be proud of that. You have done a great job.
     
  18. NavyHoops

    NavyHoops Moderator

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    I like the new term as well!

    As others mentioned you can't control what others do. Every high school kid is different in their maturity and drive. Trust me, if a kid isn't applying because they want to, they are going to hate a SA. I think that is really important in the SA process. It is a long tedious process and meant to be. It creates its own attrition. Even if their parents did do the entire application for them, they are still the ones who have to live the SA life physically, mentally and academically. Mom and Dad won't be the ones doing their push ups, calc homework or getting yelled at.

    I have no issue with parents guiding, asking questions, etc of their child, but if they are filling out apps beyond financial or medical history (and I actually believe a child should sit down with their parents and fill out the medical so they have a complete understanding of their history as this is important for any kid moving on to adulthood) I think its wrong, but hey that is just my opinion. Everyone has their own views and opinions on it. I was actually speaking to my three former room mates from USNA and asked them how much their parents helped. It seems we all had the same experience, they asked and mentored, but we filled out all our own paperwork and made all the calls. None of us could have imagined our parents doing that for us. Then again this was long enough ago, we didn't have portals and waited for phone calls and snail mail to find out our futures! To be honest after being on this board for awhile, I am sort of glad we didn't have all the electronic stuff, we learned patience and didn't stalk portals for updates. On the other hand the amount of information a candidate has as to what a SA is like is unbelievable and can only help someone truly know what they are encountering. Best of luck in the process!
     
  19. FlyBoy1993

    FlyBoy1993 Member

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    our DS did everything on his own. There were several times when we offered to help and he said no, and reminded us that it was his deal.

    Doesn't mean that I knew everything about the process though...who said my questions were for the DS? i asked a ton for his idiot dad... :)


    I applaud your independence. I would challenge your concern about others. In the end, it doesn't matter what the other guys/ gals are doing. You will be better prepared. That is what matters.:thumb:
     
  20. USNA02

    USNA02 Parent

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    I have to agree with Kinnem in that each kid is different. I have two DS's 15 months apart.

    DS1 has always seemed to require a little tighter "hover pattern". Nothing from homework to college apps was just "done" without multiple rounds of "have you done it yet"? In the end he got it done, got into a great school, and seems perfectly happy as it has turned out to be the perfect fit for him. He still is "undecided" but already showing signs of a developing plan . . . developed by him, with the help of his peers and advisors, and with the use of me as just a sounding board. Let's face it . . . once they are 18 and in college even helipcopter parents get grounded to some extent. :wink:

    DS2 has been a completely different ball game. He has had his eye on a specific path for years, has figured out on his own the best way to maneuver down that path, and has required very little assistance from me. I have helped with things like answering medical questions, listening to him read his essays out loud, had multiple discussions about alternative plans, etc.; but otherwise, this whole process to date has been all him.

    I have no doubt they will both end up being successful in their endeavors. They have just taken different paths and required different things along the way.

    Editing to add: While I don't believe he ever set up an actual account and posted here (could be wrong about that), DS2 was aware of SAF long before me and has utilized the information on this forum for his own purposes. I, however, am completely guilty of lurking on this forum for my own selfish reason which is to keep from driving DS2 absolutely nuts. He is handling this whole waiting thing much more maturely than I seem to be doing so I use this forum as my outlet!
     
    Last edited: Nov 21, 2013

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