parent involvement with application

Pima said:
I find this interesting because many, at least on the AF side will say that the majority of ALO's want to meet the parents too. They know that part of this process is the support system within the family.

As I stated previously, I don't know the peer circles, or the posts that you are getting this idea from, but I really have not seen parents posting can you please read my DS/DD's essay, or can you chance my kid?

I am not disagreeing, I think kids should do this on their own, but I am just not seeing these helo parents at a level you are seeing and talking about.
~ To be brutally honest, I think it is more common from the traditional college application perspective, but not the SA/ROTC perspective.

OBTW, we did not assist our DS at all because he had an amazing ALO, thus we were hands off except for going with him to his DoDMERB physical, and driving the 4 hrs each way for his MOC interviews.
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And... you were also far more familiar with the life and process compared to the rest of us. An awful lot of parental involvement is, at least in major part, to get some understanding. Not getting on you BTW Pima. Just pointing out to others one of the contributing factors as to why you could take your approach.

Just had the thought that, surprisingly, I was actually fairly familiar with what the process was for application to an Academy when DS was looking into all this. I had absolutely no idea what the ROTC process was, so I had a lot of learning to do.
 
I have been watching this post as it has unfolded and I finally decided to add my two cents .
I grew up as an Air Force brat but never had any of my own military experience so I have enjoyed asking questions on this forum ... and everyone has been very helpful.

In regards to parenting.... I don't take advice on parenting from someone who has never raised a child themself. It is not until you have a child ( in my case I have 4) that everything changes. When you have been up all night with a crying baby, when the doctor has told you that they don't think your child is going to make it, when you have waited up until 1 am worried that your child has made the right decisions, when you have watched as your child has failed miserably and you want to make it better ( but can't) , when they have succeeded and your are so proud, etc, etc.

Everyone parents differently and there is no wrong or right way to parent. I learned a lot parenting my oldest .. when to back off and when to step in . I am not saying that I have not made mistakes ( haven't we all) but it is an ongoing process. Maybe I will have it down after the fourth one !

Our DS's BGO wanted to meet the whole family and spent 1 1/2 hours talking to us. I appreciated the fact that the BGO wanted to make sure that our DS was fully supported in his decision .

:thumb:
 
Pima said:
I am not disagreeing, I think kids should do this on their own, but I am just not seeing these helo parents at a level you are seeing and talking about.
~ To be brutally honest, I think it is more common from the traditional college application perspective, but not the SA/ROTC perspective.
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Agree. Go hang out on College Confidential for a while if you want to read about some examples of helicopter parenting.:eek:
 
mjm said:
I have been watching this post as it has unfolded and I finally decided to add my two cents .
I grew up as an Air Force brat but never had any of my own military experience so I have enjoyed asking questions on this forum ... and everyone has been very helpful.

In regards to parenting.... I don't take advice on parenting from someone who has never raised a child themself. It is not until you have a child ( in my case I have 4) that everything changes. When you have been up all night with a crying baby, when the doctor has told you that they don't think your child is going to make it, when you have waited up until 1 am worried that your child has made the right decisions, when you have watched as your child has failed miserably and you want to make it better ( but can't) , when they have succeeded and your are so proud, etc, etc.

Everyone parents differently and there is no wrong or right way to parent. I learned a lot parenting my oldest .. when to back off and when to step in . I am not saying that I have not made mistakes ( haven't we all) but it is an ongoing process. Maybe I will have it down after the fourth one !

Our DS's BGO wanted to meet the whole family and spent 1 1/2 hours talking to us. I appreciated the fact that the BGO wanted to make sure that our DS was fully supported in his decision .

:thumb:
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Well said!:thumb:
 
kinnem,

I know you weren't dogging me, but I will also say that although Bullet was ADAF, it was a learning curve for us too.

Things change in a course of 25 yrs. Bullet was AFROTC, but they commissioned literally 25 yrs to the day from the same det. He didn't remember what the ROTC scholarship process was like when he was 18. He also did not apply to the AFA, thus we basically were starting like the avg poster here.
~~~ How does the MOC process works, what does Principal vs. unranked mean?
~~~ Does 3 noms mean they have a higher selection rate than just 1?
~~~ Is the scholarship taxable?
~~~ Can the scholarship be used with Merit scholarships, if so which goes 1st...i.e. Type 2 pays up to 18K tuition, tuition costs 28K, and a merit of 15K, will the AF get charge charged 13K, or will they get charged 18K, and the 5 K merit can now be placed towards R & B? Financially, as you know that matters as a parent.

Jaceguy,

We all respect you for doing this on your own, and I get it. Trust me I have friends/family that are helo's. Just trying to say that on this site, I don't see it.

Packer,

I had to leave CC because it was OMG! You would think it was the parent applying, but than you remember to many of them where their child is a status symbol, and keeping up with the Jones's. I have not been on that site for at least 4 yrs. Was on it for DS1, but the time DD1 and DS2 came around for college applications, I did not go there anymore.
~~~ Will say, the Parent's cafe I lurk around because they have great suggestions for things like any renovating their home.
 
mjm said:
Everyone parents differently and there is no wrong or right way to parent.
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My wife insists that there is a right way! And further, that I am doing it wrong! :biggrin:
 
Ha ha ha

When things go right they are a product of my parenting ... When things go wrong they are clearly a product of my husbands parenting ! :yllol:
 
Pima said:
Things change in a course of 25 yrs.
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No doubt!

Frankly, we are starting to see changes in the program every year.

Of course, the more things change, the more they stay the same. But this whole process changes slightly year to year. Standards, application process, commissioning/ branching process, etc.

Best we can do is offer historical perspective, informed advice, and best guesses.
 
Advice, support and nagging are not "helicopter parenting." Calling your child's superiors IS. Doing their application for them IS. Checking in with the Superintendant or Commandant of Cadets IS. Fighting on Facebook for their honor IS.

Support them. Provide advice and guidance for them. Great!

Do not do it for them.

If your child is INCAPABLE (not unwilling) or completing an academy application... he or she WILL fail. If they are unwilling to complete the application, that should tell you something. And if they are unable to complete their application because you've already done it for them... you have failed them.

Yes. I am not a parent. I did raise a ferret, and I never completed his college application for him. But honestly, if I, with my poor college GPA can complete an application, so can your kid. So I didn't raise a kid who COULDN'T complete a application, I was raised by parents who allowed me to. Yes, they advised and nagged. My dad, a doctor, researched DODMERB issues. But the application, the interviews, the follow up were mine to complete.

I've also had a chance to be on the other side of helicopter parents' phone calls, when I was an upperclassman. Yep... it happens. It's stepping over what is socially acceptable at an academy.
 
LITS,

I agree with you.

I was just stating from my perspective as a poster on this site you don't see a heck of a lot of heloing here.

Does it exist? Heck yes!

I understand the OP was trying to vent because in their circle(assumption) they know of helo's, but on this site, and multiple pages of this discussion the consensus is they are preaching to the choir.
 
I agree PIMA. I wish folks would have their kids come here, instead of asking questions for them, but I also think many many parents are asking questions for themselves. And I think that's great.
 
Our DS knew we were on this site, and he never choose to join. He spent his sr. yr. being a traditional kid. Our house was filled with his buddies eating us out of house and home while they played Xbox.

Our DS was really laid back. He submitted his items, and after that he enjoyed his sr. yr. because he knew come August, his life would never be the same no matter where he went.

I was the one asking questions, and as I have stated it may have been perceived as being a helo, when in fact all it was about was me trying to figure out our finances staring down the barrel of a 28K tuition bill in the worse case scenario.

Many long time posters like you will also remember when our DS went through the process, and after he got his scholarship, we supported our DS's decision to go AFROTC in Feb., before the AFA board closed. We felt that the AFA was not a good match for him. This was a kid with 4 noms (5 if you include VP), High SAT/ACT (33 or 34 can't remember, 1390 out of 1600). Every square filled, but he didn't want the academic programs offered at the AFA.
~ That is my point, parents DO KNOW their kids. We never said anything until one fateful Saturday night where he called him in our room and asked...tell us why?
~~~ Short answer is to him it was a free education in his eyes.

Had we not pulled him aside and asked in a blatant manner why the AFA, he probably would have gone, for all of the wrong reasons, and I am not sure he would have been happy there.

Hence, what someone views as heloing/parental involvement may come from the queue's that their child is signaling, and not their desire as a parent.
 
I don't understand why I'm taking flak for my comment. All I said was it was easier to do the application myself. Did my parents support me? Of course. Did they make sure I could get where I needed to be for dodmerb and MOC noms? Yes. But were they telling me what I could put in my application? No, and for that I am thankful, as it is the candidate going to the academy and not the parents.

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Jace,

If you think I was giving you flak, I apologize because that was not my intention.

My intention was to only say I haven't seen what you have regarding helo's. No offense or snarkiness, but the thread topic is regarding parent involvement, and threads will take a life of its' own.

I have asked this multiple times...where are you getting this idea of parents assisting. I.E.
jaceguy said:
But were they telling me what I could put in my application? No
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Implication/inference is you know of parents or candidates that have over active parents and lazy candidates. Is it on this site, or other social circles you partake in?

Just saying how can we give answers to your question if we feel as posters we have not seen it to the point you have?
 
You aren't giving me flak, but the people saying stuff like until I have kids I won't understand and they are doing what's right and stuff. Plus I don't have a question. Just talking about the thread.

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@ jayceguy

I did not mean to give you flak. I was merely stating a fact .. I don't take advice about parenting from those individuals that have no experience.

Some background.... it was a cold January evening when my DS came to me and told me that he had applied to NASS and SLE. My response was "great, when do you hear back from them". Since then it has been a process driven my my DS.. yes, I have been there to nag which is what most mothers do. I fully support my DS in his decision to serve his country ... I grew up in the Air Force so I do understand a few things. Having said that , I told him that this decision and process had to come from his heart and not mine and he had to do all the work because if he thought for one minute that I was doing the work for him to go to a school and then have a job where he could possibly lose his life he had another thing coming. This is his life and his decision. Once he made the decision to pursue it .. I was on board and supported him when he asked.

I had 4 children in the span of 5 years... I dont have time to be a helo parent. I simply ask questions on this forum for my own information.
 
Ok. I didn't mean to be standoffish if I came across that way. Happy thanksgiving to all!

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@jayceguy

No worries .... Happy Thanksgiving to you too and hopefully you and my DS will meet on I day 2014! :thumb:
 
Let's hope so.

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