Parental Consent

Discussion in 'Air Force Academy - USAFA' started by vanm98, Jan 6, 2016.

  1. vanm98

    vanm98 Member

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    Hey everyone, I'm a candidate for the USAFA, USNA, and USMA (I received a nomination for the USMA). So far, everything has been flowing smoothly, however there is one major hiccup that I'm running into. I know that, should I receive an appointment, I would need to have a parental consent form signed as I am only 17.

    My problem is that my mom is willing to sign my consent form, however, my dad is (I know, its quite outrageous) totally anti-military, and therefore there is a 95+% chance that I will be unable to diplomatically convince him to sign.

    So my question is, do I need to have both parents sign this form? and if I absolutely can't get my dad to sign it, should I go ahead and try to start the emancipation process? I know that's a huge move, but I'm willing to do whatever necessary to succeed, there's no logical excuse for turning down a 440K scholarship to a top US university... IMO
     
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  2. Replevin

    Replevin USAFA Alumnus

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    One parent signing is fine.
     
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  3. Cerberi

    Cerberi Member

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    Be safe and speak to an attorney about becoming an emancipated minor. (Just as a backup plan to know and understand the process should it come to that). There was a cadet from an Amish family at USAFA in the early 80's and he went through the emancipated minor process to attend because his parents wouldn't sign off.

    When do you turn 18? Assume it is after Induction Day
     
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  4. fencersmother

    fencersmother Founding Member

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    When is your birthday?
     
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  5. vanm98

    vanm98 Member

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    That is correct @Cerberi, I don't turn 18 until November 13th.
    Is what @Replevin said true in all situations? It sounds too good to be true...
     
  6. Replevin

    Replevin USAFA Alumnus

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    The form we signed for my DD after she accepted her appointment only required one parent's signature. She also turns 18 after I day.

    This is from the portal asking for the document.

    You will also find attached a copy of the Acceptance Form you completed online (USAFA Form O-28). Since you will not yet be 18 years of age on the day you enter USAFA, we need this form to be signed by you and by your parent or guardian and returned to us immediately. Please accomplish this today (you will not be able to enter USAFA if we don't receive this form).
     
    Last edited: Jan 6, 2016
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  7. vanm98

    vanm98 Member

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    Awesome!!! Forgive me if I'm intruding into what is not my business, but I assume this holds for a child who's parents are both married and have full custody?
     
  8. Replevin

    Replevin USAFA Alumnus

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    Yep, I have been happily married to DD's mom now for twenty two years. :)
     
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  9. vanm98

    vanm98 Member

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    Perfect! Well then I will just do my best to ensure that my dad doesn't change my moms mind. And then just gather info on emancipation just incase worst comes to worst.

    Thank you infinitely for your help!!!
     
  10. Cerberi

    Cerberi Member

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    Ask your admissions counselor at USAFA for the official rules and guidelines. I have no reason to doubt Replevin, but this is not the best source for definitive answers on those type of questions (too much is at stake for you to be trusting a message board). I would venture to guess you could also ask a military recruiter if both parents need to sign the consent form.
     
  11. vanm98

    vanm98 Member

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    Understood, I just didn't want to ask anyone in authority at USAFA as I don't want this potential issue to cause them to avoid appointing me.
     
  12. Cerberi

    Cerberi Member

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    Their job is to answer questions, you won't even need to provide your name. Based on the previous response, the form seems to be pretty clear about 'one parent's signature' is all that is required. However, you don't want to march down the road and be surprised and it's too late to do anything.
     
  13. proudofmyboy

    proudofmyboy Member

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    Sorry about your Dad. Keep the faith and God Bless your Desire to Serve. We wish you the best of Luck.
     
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  14. MemberLG

    MemberLG Member

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    The OP should keep in mind the possible consequence of having one parent doing something the other parent doesn't support. If your mother signs the release, you get what you want. However, your mother lives with your father (I am assuming as such).

    A better option to convince your father to let you make your own decision on which college you will be attending. If you won't attend a SA, is your father going to fully paid for your civilian college? He can't have it both ways - if he insists no SA, than he is really saying he will pay for your college.
     
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  15. fencersmother

    fencersmother Founding Member

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    OP, Member does make a point.

    I hate to be snarky about it, especially in dealing with a teenager and his parent (almost always come down on the side of parents, who through age and cunning, are usually correct), but perhaps you can point out to your father that until your JUNIOR year (called 2*), you are not obligated to serve in the AF nor even continue on at USAFA, and you will still not be charged any fee, and can keep the pay you earn. That might give Dad some breathing room.

    What are Father's objections? I always envision some latent hippie profile but there can be legitimate reasons why parents might object to their children serving their country (I don't personally know of any).
     
  16. forumjunkie

    forumjunkie Member

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    Remember if and when you do move forward, if it is without emotional support, you are never alone at an Academy. It is like marrying into a big family. We are all here for you (Can't you hear the little violins) :)
     
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  17. Christcorp

    Christcorp Member

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    1. You only need 1 signature
    2. Your mom is an adult. There's a 99.9999% chance, she was with your dad in a relationship before you were born. Assuming both are your biological parents. She could handle herself before you came along; I'm sure she can make up her own mind on signing if your dad is against it; and whatever that does to their relationship. Again; she's an adult and doesn't need your help.
    3. Unless you have family friends who are lawyers, don't jump at contacting a lawyer about emancipation. Most will charge you just for speaking to them. It isn't worth the cost if your mom will sign.
    4. Once your mom DOES sign, for all intent and purpose, you become emancipated. E.g. Once in the military, you are allowed to sign forms, contracts, etc. even though you are under 18. (That's why your parent(s) are signing. To give you emancipation). If you get into trouble in the military, they aren't calling your mom and dad. YOU will deal with it. Even if you're still 17.

    The best thing is to get your dad to be at least "Neutral" about it. Play to HIS emotions. Ask him about HIS DREAMS; HIS GOALS; especially things he WISHES HE HAD DONE and regrets NOT DOING. Ask him if he wouldn't want YOU to be able to follow YOUR DREAMS, GOALS, etc. "Basic psych 101". Put HIM in YOUR SHOES. Don't talk so much about the military, as much as about goals, dreams, ambitions, etc. Best of luck.
     
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  18. LongAgoPlebe

    LongAgoPlebe Member

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    I entered USNA at the ripe old age of 17 years and 4 months. It took me almost 3 months between when I was appointed and when my dad signed the parental consent form. My mother refused to sign. I pushed back. In my naive youth, I laughed at her and mocked her concerns about her oldest daughter heading off to a MILITARY college where men outnumbered women 9:1. (Turned out her concerns were not entirely without merit, but this isn't my story.)

    FWIW, and I tread very delicately here, my sense from these forums is that some posters (not all) trivialize a parent's lack of support or reluctance to sign a consent form as "hippy-dippy," softie-liberal, or in some way anti-military. This may be the case, of course, but it doesn't help people trying to talk to parents about this. My sense about this is, a lot of the time, that it's a much more general issue of having expectations for your kid that it turns out...are not shared.

    Time for a family council. LISTEN to dad. However much you may disagree with him, you have benefitted from his support for almost 17 years. Unless he is the world's worst and most absent dad, at some time he has fed you, paced the floor with you, changed your nappies, pitched the ball, doled out the allowance, taken you trick-or-treating, calmed your nightmares, helped you with math homework, showed up at your games and matches and school plays and concerts, and bragged about you to co-workers. "My kid is SMART," he's told them. "My kid is UP to stuff." (He probably wouldn't admit it but he gets a lump in his throat sometimes, talking about you.) His reluctance may have to do with having expectations and hopes for you that are now very different from your own.

    It's easy to resist his resistance. Especially when you are 17, you want to push back. You want to be your own man. Invest the time to reassure him. Take the time to calm his fears and remind him that the best parts of you learning to be a young man have come from watching him, and that's not going to change. Speak from your heart about why USAFA matters to you. Speak honestly about your desire to serve, to fly, to build satellites - whatever your vision is. Even if he still will not sign, you may be able to preserve and strengthen your relationship and lay the groundwork for relating to one another as both father and son, and man to man.

    If he still will not support this choice now...do your best to preserve judgment. I know this is hard - been there. But what I though was just a simple hippy-dippy liberal inclination of my mom turned out to be a lot more complicated than that, and speaking as one of those old fogeys now: things are always more complex than they seem.

    Good luck to you.
     
  19. vanm98

    vanm98 Member

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    Okay, good point. I'll go ahead and ask my ALO about it.

    Thanks, I appreciate the support!!

    I totally understand your logic and that makes sense, my dad would probably give my mom a lot of trouble for that, seriously. The concept of paying for college probably wont work on him because he'll quite likely tell me that I don't really even need to go to college. (When I petitioned him to allow me to leave a charter school for public where I could take AP courses this year, he told me to my face that what I was doing was enough (All a's in regular classes) and that I didn't need to, and couldn't succeed in AP classes. {On the contrary, I just finished this semester with a 4.0 unweighted/4.3 weighted GPA lol })

    My dads key objection, and please don't take offense to this, but his exact words were "you're going to be a killer" in reference to me becoming a fighter pilot. He knows that the USAFA is my best bet so I assume he wants to do anything to hold me back... Other objections are (most are just generally against the military), he feels that I should use my life wisely, and not just throw it away "to be killed," that I will just be injured in general, his religion (Seventh-Day Adventist) scorns on any type of work on Saturday, and there are so many more weightless 'reasons.'

    When you say "latent hippie," you're close. With all respect that is due, he is honestly just an unpatriotic person who never yearned for success, essentially a "screwup." I hate to say that about the person who helped make me, but honestly it irritates him when I succeed. For example, I was really excited about my GPA this past semester (4.3 :D), I calmly and diplomatically decided to tell him about it (had to share my excitement), not in a taunting, rude, or prideful demeanor; but much like a kid coming home from school and telling their parents how their day went. He proceeded to get angry and tell me how I spend too much time studying, and how its just a grade and not worth the effort, how, this is him quoting me, my "relentless pursuit of greatness" was not necessary, and so on.

    It's unfortunate, but one of my quotes I motivate my friends with alot is "Nothing worth having will come easily." Also, just incase you are curious whether or not I'm rude or disrespectful to him, I am not. Despite everything, I always address him objectively and diplomatically. I'm actually known for being very diplomatic in all conversations and people will literally ask me to come settle disputes for them.

    Thank you!!

    Good points! Check out my response to fencersmother for a better idea of how he thinks... Thank you!!



    Thank you so much everyone for your comments, I appreciate it!!!
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2016
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  20. vanm98

    vanm98 Member

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    That was deep and made alot of sense!! Well written.
    I only wish it were true :') While there are definitely worse dads out there, the first and third dad/son activities that you mentioned are the only ones that would be a yes. The last, I honestly don't know. I'm going to be bleak to avoid getting too far off topic here, but this has pretty much been his role all of my life. 'Here, but I don't care.' He lives with us (my family of 3 boys and a mom & dad) and supports us monetarily; but doesn't appear to care to support us emotionally/developmentally. That fell on my mom and more recently my best friend who has really supported me through everything. My reply to fencersmother up above gives more details on him...
    Again, I know these are not nice things to say about your father, but I'm just giving the details necessary to understand where he is coming from.
    Thanks again!!
     

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