Parental Support...

Discussion in 'Naval Academy - USNA' started by Ectriso, Jan 6, 2011.

  1. Ectriso

    Ectriso Member

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    I don't know if this is even the right place for this thread, but I don't know what to do. I finally worked up the courage to tell my father about my dream of entering the academy. I poured my heart out about how this has always been my dream and how I want to protect our liberty and the great chemistry program they have at the academy. His response: "So, you just want to fight for our country and kill yourself"

    I don't know what to do or think at this point. This has always been my dream (secret dream) and I can't live my life with regret. If I don't go to the academy it will be because I'm not worthy enough but not because I did not try my hardest. I don't want to live with regrets for the rest of my life.

    If anyone has any similar parental opposition or any thoughts it would be greatly appreciated because I am getting really stressed out. Junior year is stressful enough without this getting piled on top.

    Thank you for any replies.
     
  2. FutureNavyPilot

    FutureNavyPilot Fearless

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    Fortunately my parents were very supportive of my dream, but it wasn't until I really started showing how much it meant to me and how much work I put into it.

    Start working on all the applications, nomination stuff, physical fitness, and everything else on your own, and even if your dad opposes at first, don't let him. It's your life, and if you want to dedicate your life to your country, I think your parents should be more than proud of you.

    I am sure once they see how much this really means to you, (I mean, you've only just said something now!) they'll support what you want. The more they find out about the Academy should put them in a better place too--anyone would be so lucky and honored to get the opportunity to attend there.

    Best of luck, chase the dream no matter what!!!!
     
  3. Whistle Pig

    Whistle Pig Banned

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    Yours is a toughie, no doubt. Easy to pontificate ..."Go for it! Be your own guy/gal!"

    But in truth, and BGOs should confirm, parental blessing and support, especially for a traditional, right out of HS candidate, is important. For your sake and the Navy's.

    Give this some time. Take your dad to Memorial Hall in Bancroft @ the Yard ...and show him that yes indeed, some USNA alumni have given their ultimate sacrifice for his, yours, our freedom. But they are relatively few. This is in no way to diminish the truth of this entire experience, i.e. that Mids are being educated, trained, equipped to defend our nation, our people, and our freedom ...and to lead in that effort. And at some point, that transitions from proudly patriotic philosophy to being sent into harm's way.

    Good luck. You sound like the kind of young person who might fit quite well at USNA or other SA. Go get 'em. Work w/ your folks. Maybe this monumental acorn needs some time to grow into an oak in the family forest.

    And part of my assessment goes beyond your love of country and heart for serving ...you obviously honor your parents well!
     
  4. Spanky58ggpt

    Spanky58ggpt Member

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    Have patience with Dad and/or mom as the case may be for others who face similar opposition. We are your parents and we love you. Our nation is at war and it appears that unfortunately it is going to be that way for some time due to the nature of the conflict and of our adversaries. This is a scary prospect for us parents to contemplate, the idea of our babies going off to fight a war. It takes us time to realize that you are becoming adults, some more than others. If it is truly your dream to serve, pursue it. Respect your father's opinion and be respectful when you explain your intent to pursue your chosen career path. He will someday realize that you made an adult decision about your adult life. He may never agree with you, but hopefully he will come to respect you for making your own choices. Thank you for your desire to serve our country and I wish you the very best as you pursue an honorable profession. Keep your chin up and focus on the task at hand.
     
  5. CandidateElias15

    CandidateElias15 USNA '15 Appointee

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    My dad is an Indian Citizen, his father has served for India. He's big on Indian culture.
    When I told my dad I wanted to apply to USNA/MA, he said the exact same thing as yours did, that I would die.
    I told him, no dad, I'll be an officer, I wont die. He then found out what that meant, and he then proceeded to tell me that officers, especially the ones that get up there like Admiral and General status, would "have no souls", and other classical wrong things.
    My girlfriend (who's white) was even on his side, she said dont join, that I'll die or be changed for the worst.
    The thing is, I informed them. Told them that USNA is the best thing since sliced bread, and eventually, and I say that meaning within a year, they became supportive once they saw how much I cared about serving.
    Give your dad a little insight, and dont expect him to change all at once, but just know that if somethings your dream, it takes hard work.
     
  6. supergirl

    supergirl Member

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    the idea of your child joining the military and going thru an academy is a very scary thought for any parent - our worst fear is our child will die. your dads reaction tells me he loves you and he is afraid of losing you. parents have dreams for their kids as well. my guess is his dream was a bit different than yours. information and your mature response should help. give him information about the program, what career you want to end up in after 4 years, visit the academy, apply to summer seminar. show your maturity in how you approach your decision about your future. research it; research the academy; research plan b and c at colleges. start training for the physical fitness assessments. be able to talk not only about the positives but also the negatives about going to an academy and life in the military. it is true he may never totally come around but most parents want their kids to achieve their dreams and be happy so my guess is when he gets used to the idea and sees how you are working to achieve your dreams he will change. introduce him to this site. maybe some of the information here will help him. best wishes to you as you work on this process and journey.
     
  7. USNA2015 Hopeful

    USNA2015 Hopeful USNA 2015 Appointee

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    My mom was the same way when I first proposed the idea of applying for the Naval Academy. She was very scared and refused to support me fully, thinking that this was just a phase I was in. But once she saw how much work I was putting into the whole process and how much it mattered to me, she finally turned the corner somewhat after about 18 months. While she still doesn't want me to attend, she knows that this is what I want and is supporting me fully. Just keep putting your best effort into your application package and your parents will see how much it means to you.
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2011
  8. onee

    onee Member

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    As a Mom of a mid hopeful, I have to say that I was a bit suprised when DS told me of his plans to attend the Academy. Of course, my first reaction as a mother was to protect him. It is a parents worst fear to lose a child. However, that being said, I remained open to the idea and had him explain all of the benefits and why he truly wanted to go to USNA. All of his reasons are the right ones and I am proud of him for making the decision that he has made. Unless you are fully committed to this, don't bother as the process is long and arduous. That is just the tip of the iceberg, as I am sure being a Mid just doubles that work. As said before, give your dad some time. We parents have to learn that you are making the choices for your own lives, we can only guide you. It sounds like you are very determined in this and it is helpful to have the support of your family. Our son's BGO required the whole family (all 6 of us) to attend his interview. She wanted to see if we were all on board to support him in his endeavors. I was honest with her and explained my trepidation at the beginning of the process. Then I explained to her how my son turned my doubts/fears around and now I am 110% behind his decision. Good Luck to you. And yes, it might be helpful for your Dad to join the forum and see what is happening.
    Best of Luck to you in your endeavor.
     
  9. Mongo

    Mongo Banned

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    Actually a very valid question. Maybe I would have worded the second part differently and have said "and get yourself killed'. However, if you told him you wanted to fly, "kill yourself" is pertinent since the vast majority of mishaps are caused by pilot error. Does asking a relevant question mean he is opposed to your goals or does it mean he just wants to ensure that you understand all the possible consequences of your decision?
     
  10. thefewtheproud

    thefewtheproud Member

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    I wouldn't say that. At least in the Marine Corps, a junior officer can and will end up in the thick of it pretty quickly. The idea that ALL officers sit around in offices all day and never see any action isn't true.
     
  11. Whistle Pig

    Whistle Pig Banned

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    Let's be very clear of one thing ...

    One's objective in joining the military, notably in time of war, and serving one's nation is NOT to die for that country.

    As Patton so clearly stated, the object is to enable the other poor, dumb BLEEP to die for his.

    Now, that is offered tongue-in-cheek, but it's essential to realize that in its most primitive framing, Patton had it right, if not popular then ... nor now.

    And it is toward those specific ends ...to preserve the freedom of our great nation while persevering which by it's very essence means winning and surviving while leading and preserving the lives of the men and women under one's charge... that the USNA and our government to provide the best possible education, equipment, and training that will ensure those outcomes. And sometimes/often that can be as simple as just having the biggest stick, too!
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2011
  12. rkrosnar

    rkrosnar Member

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    Parental Support

    Whistle Pig said it right. Let me try from a parent point of view. Four years ago my DS started to go down the road to USAFA and USNA. He was a stellar student, top 5 in his graduating class. He led me to believe he really wanted to go to an SA. Summer after his junior year he went to Summer Seminar, at USAFA. We went to pick him up, and he said " Lets just get my gear in the car and leave. We get into car and he says Dad, there is something, I want to tell you. I don't want to go to an SA." I told him straight out, I was disappointed and we would not be able to send him to college, because we could not afford it. And he knew that. I told him that everything that he did up to this point, he needed to do reverse order. A few weeks after a ALO called him, set up his interview and had no idea that he was no longer interested in pursuing an appointment. He applied to MIT, Florida Tech, Embry Riddle and Penn State. MIT rejected him, which crushed him. He is now a junior at Penn State and doesn't want to be there. His Mom is paying his bill and doesn't work, at all. So, if you want this bad enough, it is not a dream, but a goal and you must set objectives to achieve the goal, that is hard work go for it.

    Good Luck, RGK
     
  13. Mongo

    Mongo Banned

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    Are you saying that everyone who died in the line of duty was a failure?
     
  14. marciemi

    marciemi USMA Alumnus

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    No, he's simply saying that dying was NOT their objective! :confused:

    WP - Patton's quote was the first thing that came to mind when I started reading this thread but you got there first! :wink:

    To the OP - I would just start a subtle campaign to explain exactly what USNA means to you, what it involves, and what all the benefits are to your parents. It IS a huge thing to throw at a parent who's never considered the idea before, but since you are a junior, you do have some time on your side. Sitting down with a more objective person, your BGO, might be of help too to make them think about it with a little less emotion and a little more realistic view.

    Best of luck! :thumb:
     
  15. MIHOSER

    MIHOSER Member

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    My wife and I were astonished when our son told us he wanted to go to USNA. We have no military background in our families, other than all the grandfathers that served in WWII. Frankly, I was an active opponent to the Vietnam war.

    A number of things were used to "warm us up" to the idea. First, our son always pushed the engineering education part of the academy in our discussions. Second, the economics of USNA was emphasized. Third, the ability to be part of a larger whole was another idea.

    What got us to really accept the idea? Attending our son's CVW with him. We found that the midshipmen are really like other college students in many, many ways. The faculty and staff really cared about making sure they were successful. The facilities are all top-drawer. There are plenty of non-academic pursuits for the mids to pursue. Annapolis is a wonderful town for a college experience.

    Work on your parents and show them that you are sincere in your interest and get them to realize that you will not come out as a brain-washed neo-fascist. You will become a proud serving members of our country's protection from our enemies, working on behalf of all of us to keep us safe.

    My son is now a Plebe that had an excellent 1st semester. We couldn't be prouder. Are we still concerned - yes. But we realize he is being prepared for whatever he may face in the future and he is doing so with a lot of others that are looking out for him, as he is looking out for them.
     
  16. Ectriso

    Ectriso Member

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    In the context of our conversation it wasn't a valid question. He told me of his concern of my safety at the very beginning. I told him that I understand the risks involved, but I still wanted to pursue my goal. He said the statement that I quoted of him in my original post after I explained everything about the Naval Academy. It was just a derogatory comment. It was a rhetorical question said in a mocking tone then he walked away.

    Thank you everyone for your input. I have decided that I am going to print out information from the USNA website and print out information regarding the different specialties that I could go in if I graduate from there. I understand that he loves me and only wants the best for me. I know I need to be able to tackle my dad before I can even scratch the surface on my mom. :eek:

    Thank you again.
     
  17. subvet

    subvet Member

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    "the vast majority of mishaps are caused by pilot error."

    Work for the FAA do you? :wink:
     
  18. F22F35

    F22F35 Member

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    Sorry to barge in- but i was/ am in a similar situation. I have wanted to serve in the military for as long as i can remember- but my dad reacts in the same way as yours. However, after me talking to him about why i feel it is so important for almost 5 years he has become slightly (i emphasize slightly) more receptive to the idea. Bottom line is, while you should respect your parents, just keep trying to explain why you want to do this (whenever the topic comes up) and someday they might understand you. Good Luck:thumb:
     
  19. AF6872

    AF6872 Member

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    From "active opponent" to "proud parent" what a transition. Are we still all baby killers?:confused:. They are not like other college students! They are in training to defend this country from people who are trying to kill us and destroy our way of life. "Warm and Fuzzy" is not the purpose of the Academy, as you stated it is to keep us safe.

    http://www.history.navy.mil/photos/awd/us-indiv/moh-9.htm

    http://1stholistic.com/reading/liv_poem-build-me-a-son.htm

    Duty Honor Country should be the motto for all.
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2011
  20. Mongo

    Mongo Banned

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    Is dying not being the objective the same as WP's statement that not dying is the objective and is either one what Patton meant with his statement;
    I don't think you two are saying the same thing nor or either of you interpreting Patton correctly. By adding objective, you take it to another level.
     

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