Parents

Discussion in 'Naval Academy - USNA' started by wolfdad, Feb 19, 2008.

  1. wolfdad

    wolfdad Member

    Joined:
    Feb 19, 2008
    Messages:
    10
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey I'm applying for the class of 2012 and have a quick question about the forum.

    I don't mean to bash anyone or anything on this forum but it seems to me that the majority of posts on here are questions from parents of candidates. It seems to me that the admissions process is an important step in a future military career and I don't understand why some are letting his/her parents do all the work. Sorry if that comes across wrong I am just curious as to why parents don't play more of a supportive role than that of a guide.
     
  2. VMINROTChopeful

    VMINROTChopeful Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2008
    Messages:
    277
    Likes Received:
    0
    speaking just as a kid, i think some kids are very interested, but are probably too shy to talk on forums like this. also, whether your talking about a military or civilian career, kids do look to their parents for help on getting started, don't you?
     
  3. USNA69

    USNA69 Banned

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2006
    Messages:
    1,771
    Likes Received:
    0
    Very good question and observation, wolfdad. Perhaps some of the parents should take notice.
     
  4. CC_Candidate

    CC_Candidate Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2007
    Messages:
    88
    Likes Received:
    0
    I've honestly done everything myself. I don't think I've had my parents look at any of my essays or paper with the exception of one or two. It all depends on the child. Plus, some parents restrict their children's priveleges online anyhow, right? Once you're in, I think the parents are out of the picture...
     
  5. jamzmom

    jamzmom Founding Member

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2006
    Messages:
    1,958
    Likes Received:
    3
    Wolfdad, I tend to see things a bit differently I guess. Family structure means different things to different folks. In our case, we’ve been drug along at a good clip with what our son sees as to his future. He continues to “educate” us about what his life is like & where it’s going. I can only say that we feel honored that he wants us to share in his journey. Its an exciting adventure that we are pleased to be a part of it. I’m proud to say that he stands on his own merits as a young man & Officer-to-be. I still speak with my parents on life in general & learn much from their pearls of wisdom. I’m lucky to have them. I hope that our son will have this gift later in life as well. What some see as an interference, some see as support. As to the parents “doing all the work”…I’m pretty much sure it doesn’t work that way. To be honest, I’m seriously glad it wasn’t my SAT scores they were lookin’ at when my kid applied….. The kids achieve their own stats & records. They work hard to prove what & who they are. As parents, we can but sit back & watch it unfold. We can’t help him pass his Calc II but we can sure send him a giant pack of oreos to give him the needed sugar rush to help him stay up until 4am to study. Support baby! It’s a needed thing!
     
  6. teddy

    teddy Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2008
    Messages:
    61
    Likes Received:
    0
    support

    Wolfdad and others,
    My son has so kept me out of the loop and as gotten this far on his own, I support his achievements and commitment. Unfortuantely we have a LOA and an appointment pending a medical waiver. I just want to make sure he doesn't miss something in this final process.
    Good Luck to all the grads of 2012 and am hoping my son is with you!
    T
     
  7. 2012mom?

    2012mom? Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2007
    Messages:
    642
    Likes Received:
    2
    Why am I on here? My daughter has been concentrating on maintaining her top grades/class rank, being a varsity team captain as well as leadership roles in other areas, and working out to be ready for Plebe Summer. While she does all the most important stuff, she has designated me to ask her questions on line. Sounds like good time management and delegation, to me!
     
  8. Profmom2

    Profmom2 Member

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2007
    Messages:
    322
    Likes Received:
    0
    I recall that you are a parent of a former Midshipman and a current Navy Officer so when you make a comment about wanting the parents to take notice I would hope the you would do the same.

    I have to agree with jazmom. My husband and I are fortunate to have both sets of parents who we can also ask for their judgement. My mother is 87 and father 84, I call at least twice a week and many times it is for their opinion. My son has grown up seeing that relationship and calls a few times each week. Many times it is good news or just wanting to talk, other times it will be disappointments and wanting a listening ear.

    As for doing his work when he applied - I never saw any of it, he handled it all on his own including contacting Admissions any time he had a question. Even when parents of his high school classmates would ask about his SAT or ACT scores my standard answer was that they were not mine to tell, but if they wanted to know mine I would be happy to answer the question. Didn't sit too well with a few parents.

    My point is many current USNA parents are on here to try to help those coming after us. Some times we may not get it exactly right but our missions is to try to help applicants but probably more so the applicant parents. For many it is a bumpy ride and those parents are trying to find words of wisdom and even friendship with those of us who have experienced the "ride"
     
  9. VMINROTChopeful

    VMINROTChopeful Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2008
    Messages:
    277
    Likes Received:
    0
    wolfdad, on another USNA internet forum, a current USNA BGO started a discussion 2 weeks ago with the following message (i'm copying it verbatim):

    i have to agree with teddy on one thing though- if (and I hope this doesn't happen!) i get awarded a 4-yr Navy ROTC scholarship, and should be DQ'ed because of some medical issue, then i'm giving up this "I can do it myself" thing and going to my parents for help- i think that parents should be celebrating their childrens successes but be there to help when problems pop up. i think the BGO here is complaining about when parents are buzzing around and helping when there isn't a "cloud in the sky." lol.
     
  10. Pima

    Pima Parent

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2007
    Messages:
    12,809
    Likes Received:
    956
    Here's my take on this subject.

    Parents come here for many reasons. What typical university says your kid has a medical problem? Imagine thinking that accutane, wisdom teeth, allergies or braces were a non-issue and now find out you have to jump through hoops to help your child achieve their dream. Our DS is 17, he cannot make any appts., without my help. He is in school during the hours that Dodmerb can help. We are military and have an understanding of the process, what if you weren't...common reaction is where do I go to find the answer, maybe I am overreacting. Go to the forum and find the answer.

    Next situation, as a parent you hope for the best, but expect the worst. If you have no experience at all with the military, this is a safety net to be anonymous and ask the question you think might be stupid.

    There are ALO's and BGO's who are not very active, or maybe has said something that your child doesn't understand and the child relays it to you. You show no outward emotion and come to this site for further explanation, thus, you have the ability to be the parent and prepare the child for good or bad.

    Then, there is the whole process of nominations, WCS, Dodmerb, ROTC scholarship, where your best friend and family can't help you, but you want to make your child know that you understand it when you don't.

    As far as cutting the apron strings...I do agree. It is up to our DS to stay on top of this, if he wants it bad enough, he will do so, if he doesn't than he will have to answer to himself. Bullet and I cut one of the strings already many months ago...it is his life, we haven't cut the other, because as a minor we still are an integral part.

    The process is lengthy and you do make a bond with these people. Not many parents of college freshman can understand that there is no contact for 5 weeks. The SA forum is where you can log in and say your fears. The SA is where you can find out which bank is the best (remember those with appts right now maybe under 17 and the parents have to sign) This is a special community and I am very thankful that they exist

    I don't understand where you are seeing this on the forum
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2008
  11. wannabe2013

    wannabe2013 Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2007
    Messages:
    213
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think its just because parents worry a lot, and thats about it. Parents are really big scaredy-pants and are looking for answers about what's going on. Their kids might not even know their parents are on this site, and if they did they would probably tell their parents they are wasting their time and they (the candidates) know what they're doing. That's what I tell my mom. :biggrin:
     
  12. Luigi59

    Luigi59 Banned

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2007
    Messages:
    4,628
    Likes Received:
    5
    I agree with Pima.

    Can the original poster please give an example? Can you point to a post by a parent in here who is "doing all the work"?

    I have yet to see one, let alone your categorization of the posts in this forum as "the majority."
     
  13. teddy

    teddy Member

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2008
    Messages:
    61
    Likes Received:
    0
    Nice staement Pima....
    I appreciate the parent input...
    t
     
  14. USNA69

    USNA69 Banned

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2006
    Messages:
    1,771
    Likes Received:
    0
    Where it pops up mostly on the forum, I think, is in what I consider parents inappropriately calling the Admissions Office, BGO, MOC, and/or DodMERB. If they are going this far, it can pretty well be assumed that they are 'driving' the admissions boat. I wouldn't say that it is a majority, but it is an issue, and as much as I hate to admit it, the ranting BGO does have a point.
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2008
  15. usna1985

    usna1985 USNA Alumnus

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2006
    Messages:
    4,510
    Likes Received:
    461
    As a BGO, here's my take . . . I can see how parents have questions and are interested in the process. I have no issues with supportive, curious parents.

    The key is that the candidate is driving the process. As I tell all my candidates, it is critical that the motivation to attend USNA or any other SA come from the candidate, not the candidate's mother, father, sibling, BGO, teacher, friend, grandparent, etc. That person will not be with you when you're getting yelled at during chow calls, when you look with dread at the chem final, when you fail the mile run, when all you want to do is go out on a date w/your girl/boyfriend. At those moments (and they happen in some form or another to everyone), you've gotta want it for yourself.

    That said, having a parent who has taken the time to inform him/herself about your SA can be a great support in good times and bad.

    It's really not possible to make judgments about anyone's motivations from the posts on this forum and I don't think it beneifts anyone to do so.

    Finally, as a mod, I would remind everyone to keep this discussion civil and to stay on topic. Thanks!!
     
  16. cfam386

    cfam386 Member

    Joined:
    Feb 20, 2008
    Messages:
    47
    Likes Received:
    0
    Let me just provide some context for the BGO's rant that was pasted in this forum. I'm also a member of the other forum, which is specifically tailored towards naval aviation, however, questions about USNA do come up frequently. Here is the situation which set the BGO off.
    While I believe that the majority of parents have the best interests of their kids at heart, I do think this particular mother went a bit overboard. Therefore, I agree with the BGO in this case. I will say, however, that my parents, and the parents of other kids I know who go here were not excessively involved in the process. There's a fine line between help and interference, and I believe it's definitely the applicant's job to ensure that parental assistance does not become interference.
     
  17. USNA69

    USNA69 Banned

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2006
    Messages:
    1,771
    Likes Received:
    0
    A very good sign that a parent is 'too' involved. They know the log in and password for the CIS and DodMERB.
     
  18. inthenavy2008

    inthenavy2008 Member

    Joined:
    Jan 30, 2008
    Messages:
    170
    Likes Received:
    0
    It's tough for a kid to remind (kids call it "nag") teachers to submit references. I shared my son's frustrations when a teacher would say "I lost the recommendation sheet for your Congressional, recommendation" or "I don't do email." I told him not to be discouraged and remember that they are only human. He kept after them until he got results.

    The DODMERB medical remedial process is a difficult process for a 17 year old. Most of our medical offices wouldn't release medical records to a person under 18; so, my involvement as a parent has been necessary to obtain these records.

    The information I received in this forum about getting through the waiver process has been very helpful. Although my son knew that medical DQs go directly for review in the Navy, I advised him that a personal statement and some other documents he could get from his coaches could be helpful in getting waivers. (I learned that from this forum.) That's what he did and we are both hoping for a positive outcome.

    What I have learned from this site has been very helpful in supporting my son's efforts.

    I thank you all for what we've learned in the past few weeks since I joined this forum.
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2008
  19. VMINROTChopeful

    VMINROTChopeful Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2008
    Messages:
    277
    Likes Received:
    0
    :thumb:
     
  20. RetNavyHM

    RetNavyHM USN (RET)

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2006
    Messages:
    1,270
    Likes Received:
    2
    Let me add the DoDMERB spin on this...

    DoDMERB will talk with the parents or guardians, only if the applicant is under 18. After 18 DoDMERB can only speak with the applicant.

    Most physicians offices, and this holds true for the physical examination, will not see an underage person without a parent or guardian there. Most physicians offices will not release medical information to an applicant unless they are over 18.

    Most applicants could not tell you who their physician is, or who the physician was that they saw when they were 5 years old. When I was a reviewer I relied on the parents to ensure the information that was provided was correct, especially from when the applicant was younger.

    For the applicants who have received a disqualification for an injury/illness that was recent, having the applicant write a statement explaining everything is sufficient. For those injuries/illnesses that occurred earlier in the applicants life, when he/she may not remember any of it, having the applicant write a statement, as well as the parents, can help with the waiver process.

    Now my spin...

    From what I have seen on this forum, both from the DoDMERB side, and the admissions side, we have a pretty equal number of parents and the applicants themselves asking questions. I have not gotten the feeling from any of the parents on this site that they are the ones driving the applications, so I don't know where the OP got that feeling from.

    I will agree with the OP and USNA69 that the applicants need to be the ones that drive the process. I can understand the parents making a few phone calls when the applicant is in school (especially if the school bans cell phones) to assist, but I think that the majority of the communication needs to be done by the applicant themselves.

    I have seen those applicants who make it to the academy because the parents did the work, and those are usually the applicants that didn't want to be there in the first place. They are also the first ones to drop during plebe summer, having taken a spot from an applicant who put in the hours, did the work and yet failed to gain the appointment.
     

Share This Page