Personal Statement-suggestions?

Discussion in 'Naval Academy - USNA' started by mo9597, Sep 15, 2014.

  1. mo9597

    mo9597 New Member

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    Hello all, I've finished a very rough draft of my essay. It's the last part of my application that I need to submit, and I hope to submit it in a few days. (Quick question- is this still considered "early" to complete an application on the grand scale of all the applicants?) I think that the second paragraph may need the most help, and I need assistance with a concluding statement. Thank you all in advance for your help! Go Navy! Beat Army!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 15, 2014
  2. payitforward

    payitforward Member

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    Ask your English teacher, language department head or a guidance counselor for help. Don't post essays on a public forum.
     
  3. mdn18

    mdn18 Member

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    Ditto
     
  4. USAFA83GradWife

    USAFA83GradWife Member

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    As others have already said, you don't want to post your personal statements to the public. They are ... personal. :smile:
    An English teacher or parent should be able to help you.

    I do have one comment, however, and maybe it would help others, too.
    You said:

    As a sophomore, I stepped in and ensured that the seniors followed the coach’s orders, went to practice, and trained over the summer.

    My first thought was -- how do you ensure this?
     
  5. mo9597

    mo9597 New Member

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    Sorry about the post, I saw other people who had posted their statements for help so I thought it'd be fine. I have taken drafts to many teachers as well as my coaches too, just wanted to know if this is the type of essay they might be looking for. :smile: And I'll try a different word choice, and explain myself further.
     
  6. mo9597

    mo9597 New Member

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    Trying to get the post down. Sorry for the naïve post- I'm a newb :confused:
     
  7. USAFA83GradWife

    USAFA83GradWife Member

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    No reason to be sorry! You're fine. :thumb: Half the time I still feel like a newb on this site.
     

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