Since I've stuck my oar in here pretty deep, please allow me to represent that neither my spouse nor I are anything resembling "helicopter" parents.
On the first day of 6th grade the Head of Middle School told all of us parents that a primary goal of middle school was to prepare our children for upper school, and that preparation in large part consisted of teaching our children to take responsibility for themselves. He asked us, as parents, to not 'get in the way' of the school teaching them to be responsible for their own homework, assignments and preparation for quizes and tests. Not that they couldn't ask for help when they felt they needed it, but they were also responsible for identifying when they needed help and for seeking it out.
For better or worse, as far DS was concerned, Mr. ________ got what he asked for. After that we only asked DS what homework he had, whether it was done, when he planned to get it done and was there anything that he needed help with. From 6th grade on, I never reviewed his homework and I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times he asked for my help in studying for tests. Occasionally, when I became aware of them, I would proof-read important papers (pretty much only for typos - he rarely appreciated my editorial remarks).
Many times in listening to other parents, I've been a little shocked at how closely they were involved in their child's schoolwork. From time to time I've wondered whether I put my child at a competitive disadvantage in comparison, when other parents obviously provided significant assistance in completing projects and papers.
In retrospect, however, I am certain that we took the better route and that our DS is very much the better, the stronger, the smarter and the more self-reliant because of it. In high school, I very rarely contacted a teacher or administrator to discuss an issue involving DS. Now, I wouldn't DREAM of contacting anyone at KP to insert myself into any situation that he could be and should be resolving for himself. And he would be absolutely MORTIFIED if I did.
But I am aware of how often such intervention does occur, and I agree that it accomplishes nothing but propagating an extremely damaging effect on the ability and the willingness of many young people to take responsibility for their own lives.
Now that I've had an opportunity for some long, insightful discussions with DS about the situation at KP, I am very much in sympathy with you, Is2day, and your classmates in your quest to "save [your] school". I know that I sometimes seem to come down very hard on the upperclassmen but, although goodness knows they are far from perfect, I am developing a greater understanding of the complexities, contradictions and frustrations that you all have to deal with in "bring[ing] about the necessary change".
Although with each passing year for the last several decades, it seems that KP is having to do more with less, there is still so much to admire and love. There is nothing wrong with KP that some good leadership and a lot of money can't fix. Unfortunately, much of the leadership that is needed cannot come from the upperclass midshipmen, and the money cannot come entirely from the alumni. KP has scraped along, and scraped along, as long as it can, but now, I believe, it has come almost to the end of what can be done without strong leadership and a significant infusion of cash.
I really, really hope that both arrive before the Kings Pointer sinks slowly into the mud of Long Island Sound next to Mallory Pier.
On the first day of 6th grade the Head of Middle School told all of us parents that a primary goal of middle school was to prepare our children for upper school, and that preparation in large part consisted of teaching our children to take responsibility for themselves. He asked us, as parents, to not 'get in the way' of the school teaching them to be responsible for their own homework, assignments and preparation for quizes and tests. Not that they couldn't ask for help when they felt they needed it, but they were also responsible for identifying when they needed help and for seeking it out.
For better or worse, as far DS was concerned, Mr. ________ got what he asked for. After that we only asked DS what homework he had, whether it was done, when he planned to get it done and was there anything that he needed help with. From 6th grade on, I never reviewed his homework and I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times he asked for my help in studying for tests. Occasionally, when I became aware of them, I would proof-read important papers (pretty much only for typos - he rarely appreciated my editorial remarks).
Many times in listening to other parents, I've been a little shocked at how closely they were involved in their child's schoolwork. From time to time I've wondered whether I put my child at a competitive disadvantage in comparison, when other parents obviously provided significant assistance in completing projects and papers.
In retrospect, however, I am certain that we took the better route and that our DS is very much the better, the stronger, the smarter and the more self-reliant because of it. In high school, I very rarely contacted a teacher or administrator to discuss an issue involving DS. Now, I wouldn't DREAM of contacting anyone at KP to insert myself into any situation that he could be and should be resolving for himself. And he would be absolutely MORTIFIED if I did.
But I am aware of how often such intervention does occur, and I agree that it accomplishes nothing but propagating an extremely damaging effect on the ability and the willingness of many young people to take responsibility for their own lives.
Now that I've had an opportunity for some long, insightful discussions with DS about the situation at KP, I am very much in sympathy with you, Is2day, and your classmates in your quest to "save [your] school". I know that I sometimes seem to come down very hard on the upperclassmen but, although goodness knows they are far from perfect, I am developing a greater understanding of the complexities, contradictions and frustrations that you all have to deal with in "bring[ing] about the necessary change
Although with each passing year for the last several decades, it seems that KP is having to do more with less, there is still so much to admire and love. There is nothing wrong with KP that some good leadership and a lot of money can't fix. Unfortunately, much of the leadership that is needed cannot come from the upperclass midshipmen, and the money cannot come entirely from the alumni. KP has scraped along, and scraped along, as long as it can, but now, I believe, it has come almost to the end of what can be done without strong leadership and a significant infusion of cash.
I really, really hope that both arrive before the Kings Pointer sinks slowly into the mud of Long Island Sound next to Mallory Pier.
