Resume for Candidate Activity Record

Discussion in 'Air Force Academy - USAFA' started by jarvin, Aug 4, 2009.

  1. jarvin

    jarvin Member

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    Hi. I just wanted to show you guys my resume and hopefully get feedback and criticisms regarding it. I was hoping to format it so that the academy doesn't have to assume what responsibilities or activities I've done in the position I point out in my resume. I would be very grateful if you guys could review it and offer any advise. Thanks.

    Civic Involvement:
    • Assistant Basketball Coach (9th grade - 2007)
    o Coached in the Pee Wee division at Chatsworth Park, Chatsworth, Ca
    o Responsible for, but not limited to, assisting head coach in teaching children the fundamental concepts of basketball as well as instilling hard work and competition in their character.
    o In charge of the logistics and organization of equipment and schedules for practice and games.
    • Assistant Systems Administrator (9th, 10th, 12th)
    o Active Student computer technician since 2006 at Lawrence Middle School
    o Primarily responsible for assisting the systems administrator in troubleshooting network and computer problems.
    o Helped maintain the functionality of the school’s Local Access Network.
    o Also identified and audited the network security of the school.
    o Given the responsibility in educating teachers and staff of network security in a weekend seminar with the purpose of preventing future exploits. (2007)
    • Alter Server (9th, 10th, 11th, 12th)
    o Active Alter Server since 2005 at St. Joseph the Worker.
    o Responsibilities include assisting and preparing in setting up mass, as well as cleaning up after.
    o Primarily responsible for assisting priest during mass and carrying out assigned duties by Senior Alter Server.
    • League Deputy Commissioner (11th, 12th)
    o League Deputy Commissioner for Chase Basketball League.
    o Responsibilities include but not limited to assisting the commissioner in planning and organizing the bi-annual basketball league.
    o Also responsible in preparing the league schedules, ordering uniforms, collecting team fees, and etc
    • Church Youth Minister (10th, 11th, 12th)
    o Responsible for assisting in Youth Masses as either an Usher or Greeter.
    o Assists in preparing and assisting in Yearly Novena Masses.
    o Also assists in most formal Church events as well in youth retreats.
    • Service Learning Project (11th)
    o Project consisted of research on Energy Alternatives.
    o My group was responsible for creating brochures outlining the positives of energy alternatives and distributing them among the community.
    • Red Cross Blood Donor
    o Active and regular Blood Donor.
    Athletic Involvement:
    • Weight-lifting (2008-2009)
    o Weight-lift generally five times a week focusing on strength training.
    o Experimented on training techniques such as Mark Rippetoe’s 5x5 and Cluster Training.
    o Experienced a boost in strength and muscle mass in the period of one year. Gained 30 lbs of muscle mass maintaining 13-12 percent body fat.
    • Basketball (9th, 10th, 11th, 12th)
    o Active player in Chase Basketball League since 2006.
    o Voted “Most Outstanding Player” in the League
    o Led team to the finals of the 2008 Fall League

    Leadership Positions:
    • Senior Alter Server (10th, 11th, 12th)
    o Responsible for assisting in organizing other Alter Server’s schedules. This includes contacting and replacing alter servers for mass.
    o Also responsible for training new alter servers and coordinating their duties before and during mass.
    o Given privileges to serve in special masses such as Christmas, Easter, Jubilees, and Bishop served masses.
    • Group Leader and Programmer (11th)
    o Served as the Group Leader for an Engineering Course offered by Cal State Northridge
    o Responsible for organizing and overlooking the schedule and duties of the members of my group.
    o Also responsible for programming the core of our VEX robot and coordinating the rest of my team’s abilities to maximize our success.
    • California Scholarship Federation (12th)
    o Elected Vice President of Events
    o Responsible for organizing club activities and activity logistics.
    o Also responsible in, but not limited to, assisting President in scheduling activities and coordinating events team.
    • Assistant Systems Administrator (9th, 10th, 12th)
    o Responsible for coordinating teams of student technicians in troubleshooting computer problems.
    o Also responsible for instructing student technicians on assisting teachers and troubleshooting computer problems.
    • Robotics Club
    o Founder and elected Vice President
    o Lead Team Programmer

    Academic Achievements:
    • Advanced Placement Scholar with Honors (11th, 12th)
    o National Advanced Placement Award
    • Principal Scholarship Award (10th, 11th)
    o Honors (Winter 2008)
    o High Honors (Spring 2008)
    o High Honors (Winter 2009)
    o High Honors (Spring 2009)
    • Phi Theta Kappa (11th, 12th)
    o Honors Society Affiliation (Honors Program at Pierce College)
    • Alpha Gamma Sigma (11th, 12th)
    o Honors Society Affiliation (Honors Program at Pierce College)
    • California Scholarship Federation Scholar (10th, 11th, 12th)
    o Honors Society at Chatsworth High School
    o Active Member
     
  2. bsa07eagle

    bsa07eagle Member

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    It looks good in terms of format and everything, but sometimes they (nomination sources) will ask for only one page. You might want to have a one page version and a "extended" version. I might add my name, address, and email on the top.

    Looks really good,

    Later,

    Brian
     
  3. PositiveThinking

    PositiveThinking Member

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    Check your spelling - should be "altar", not "alter". :thumb:
     
  4. jarvin

    jarvin Member

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    thanks eagle. I guess it would be fine if I leave out a bit of the explanation.

    lol and yeah thanks for the spell check. can't believe I didn't see that :redface:
     
  5. Mikeandcris

    Mikeandcris Parents of 2014 Grad and F-15 Pilot

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    Impressive, but keep it to one page

    I certainly don't represent the Academy, but I review a lot of resumes in my job. As a rule, no resume should be longer than one page; particularly one from someone in high school. (That rule applies to college grads and much higher up.) Normally a resume highlights key points in your career which can be fleshed-out in an interview. It's not an autobiography. Therefore, I'd cut most of the descriptions of duties you listed on your resume [e.g. serving as an alter (or is it altar boy) is self explanatory to an educated reader ; weight lifting is self explanatory, you don't need the additional description).] Good luck, Mike
     
  6. jarvin

    jarvin Member

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    Yeah the one-page rule for resumes is understandable. But I included so many descriptions so that they don't have to assume, given that they allow up to so many words and characters (5,000 character I believe). Don't get me wrong, I'm not just including all of the info to make my resume look big and try to get as close to the max, but rather, use the max to make my resume less ambiguous and more descriptive.

    But I am preparing a resume that is 1 page long. What is usually the lowest font size acceptable to resume reviewers?
     
  7. bsa07eagle

    bsa07eagle Member

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    I used 8 point on the descriptions of each bullet. I tried to bold and increase the size of anything that I wanted to highlight. I wouldn't go much smaller than 8 because it gets a bit harder to read.

    Good Luck,

    Brian
     
  8. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    I actually would not go below 10 pt. Also, remember these people have seen thousands upon thousands of resumes they can read bs when they see it. Not to be rude, but weight lifting 5 times a week is not something you need to state. This is not an EC, unless you have a weight lifting team at your hs or you do it as a competitive sport outside of school something akin to Tae Kwon Do. If the latter is the case, then highlight the competition, if not, than ask yourself do I have other strengths that should be highlighted more.

    The AFA is looking for the entire package that includes leadership, athletics and great grades/ranking.

    I.E. Place Red Cross Blood donor, no need for further information unless you are setting up, passing out donuts, filling out paperwork, etc.
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2009
  9. jarvin

    jarvin Member

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    Thanks Pima. Yeah I guess I have gone a little overboard on explaining some of the details. I guess I'm just a bit paranoid. But regarding weightlifting, the difference is that it's a passion and an activity I tackle like a sport. Although I don't compete in bodybuilding shows (not enough time and too late), I train as if I was entering one (Keeping in mind nutrition, rest, and schedule). My whole day is modeled like an athlete's. I wake up at 6:30 eat my first meal. Go to the gym at 7:30 and usually done by 8:30 - 9:00. 9:00 to 10:30 I train my friends and family. 10:30 - 11:00 is my second meal. 12:20 - 1:30 Run bleachers at school. 1:30 3rd Meal. You get where this is going. My point is, is that I work hard on something that's not a formal competitive activity, and I believe that the academy should see that. When I went to the Summer Seminar, I asked my element leader how I could show this to the academy, and he said that they would give me a place to put it. Therefore since the resume is the only place I can really note this "activity", I am assuming I could put it there.
     
  10. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    Since your train family and friends change it to a job like position. I.E. train novice weight lifters 3 hrs per week since XXX date. It fulfills atletics and employment! My real point is to understand the board can see right through it...they do not care about your body mass or schedule. On the other hand that you train people it tweaks their interest, you can then incorporate the style, etc.,..not you BMI (that is already there in Dodmerb)
     
    Last edited: Aug 4, 2009
  11. Christcorp

    Christcorp Member

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    I'm not necessarily a stickler for the 1 page resume thing. I interview and hire a lot of people. And because my job is technical, a one page resume would be looked at as weak and inexperienced. Having said that; it's equally true that a resume shouldn't be a lot of fluff trying to look impressive.

    Now I'm not saying yours looks that way; but in my opinion (Which you are free to throw out); I could easily cut 1/3 of the resume out without deleting one factoid you put in it. Here's just 1 example.

    Notice how you combine similar facts:
    "• Senior Alter Server (10th, 11th, 12th)"
    Good job.

    Now notice that later on you write:
    "o High Honors (Spring 2008)
    o High Honors (Winter 2009)
    o High Honors (Spring 2009)"
    BAD JOB: It's all the same thing. You could have simply said:
    "High Honors Spring 2008/2009; Winter 2009"

    You just saved 2 lines. Without rewriting it for you, I saw at least 5 other places where that could have combined certain bullets. And not to dog you; because you have every right to be proud of your accomplishments. But there's a lot of additional bullets that you've added, that frankly........... hmmmmmm.........; sorry, gotta say it: Nobody will care about what so ever. Example: Mentioning that you do weight lifting is a very good thing. Mentioning that you've done different techniques, how many times a week, and that you've gained muscle mass. Sorry; nobody cares about that. That will "APPEAR" to be fluff.

    You've got a very impressive resume. You should be proud of your accomplishments. If you get to know me, as others have, if a topic comes up that I'm not interested in, I don't contribute one word. I personally think my time is too valuable. If however I find someone that is sincere and they ask for help, and I believe they truly want constructive opinions, I then tend to be long winded in my answers. "Means, I care". Take it for what it's worth. You asked to take a look, and I did. Hopefully it will be of some use to you. Again; the length isn't that important if it's a bit long. But it has to be pertinent information and not fluff that no one cares about. later.... mike.....
     
  12. fencersmother

    fencersmother Founding Member

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    Jarvin: when do you go to school? Was the training of friends and family during the summer? Were you paid for this?

    "Active Blood Donor": assuming you are 17 or 18, you may have donated blood six times, maybe a few more. Hardly qualifying you for a purple heart. Are you coordinating the drives at your church? Did the blood bank give you an award? If so, note that.

    While it looks like you have some terrific EC's, from this unpracticed eye, this resume does seem a bit padded. Don't forget, most of the kids whom you'll call your competition will be actively involved in sports, music, leadership, employment, clubs, civic organizations.

    Just be honest but leave off the embellishment. The admissions folks there will know you are accomplished and while you should toot your own horn to some extent, this is a little heavy handed.

    Keep up the good work though. Just remember that they've seen and read it all before.
     
  13. jarvin

    jarvin Member

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    Christcorp:
    Thanks a lot for the advice and criticism. As you re-stated, I am "ASKING" for advice so, as much as I appreciate "good jobs", I would rather have criticisms and feedback that would help my application that much better. The ultimate goal is to get into the academy, and I won't be able to do that if I am not getting constructive criticisms so thanks for the advice, I am already cropping out some of the details. Regarding the details of my weightlifting, I felt that I needed to include that because I want the board reviewing my resume to understand that I'm not the regular Joe going to the gym and then just going home. Everything I do and my schedule is deeply tied to this. Like I stated, I am very dedicated to it and I believe it should have some significance in judging me given that it takes up more than half my day. Not being offensive to all the athletes but I believe that it takes more heart and determination to take up an activity to such an extent without coaches nor teammates encouraging you. Rather your self-will and will to excel is what drives you to push yourself everyday. It's psychologically and physically demanding. It's had a significant effect on my character therefore I believe that it should have some significance in my resume as well.

    Fencersmother: No I don't manage the blood drives at my church. As a youth minister I am in charge of helping out in special masses and confirmation classes. Other than that the Eucharistic ministers are usually the people who are in charge of that (which I am planning to be a part of this year). Also I go to school on September 7. I had summer school so I had to adjust my schedule to go to the gym and train my cousin. I trained one of my cousins and a friend during school last year, and now i'm just training my cousin for the summer. I am not paid for it and I do it for the purpose of helping out my friends and family and getting them to experience and understand the benefits of exercising and seeing results. I was thinking of getting certified so that it looks more credible on my resume as well as make money to pay for college applications and fees. Thanks for the feedback.
     
    Last edited: Aug 5, 2009
  14. falcongirl

    falcongirl USAFA grad

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    Just a reminder: For the Air Force Academy application, you can only include involvement from 10th grade onward. You included a few things from 9th grade on your resume. :thumb:
     
  15. Christcorp

    Christcorp Member

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    I totally understand what you're saying. And I know you KNOW this; but realize that the air force academy; and the air force in general; is the epitome of what Team Work is all about. That is probably the academy's #1 priority with developing cadets. To make them part of the ultimate team. This way they can eventually learn how to LEAD such a team. The academy understands the commitment required of weight lifting. Most traditional team sports do a lot of weight lifting as part of their conditioning training. I just wouldn't overdo it. And definitely don't emphasize things that highlight individuality compared to teamwork, helping others, etc... Just don't want your excitement to come across poorly in your application. later... mike....
     
  16. jarvin

    jarvin Member

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    Christcorp: Yes, I understand what you are saying and it's true that the academy emphasizes teamwork because in reality that's a very important trait all officers should have. How else can officers effectively lead their enlisted counterparts. I totally understand. My problem again is relaying all of the hard work I've done to the board and allowing them to understand it's significance. Again, I don't want them to consider me as a regular teenager working out and taking credit for it.

    If I over expressed individuality in my effort to to display my passion for weight-lifting, I apologize. The fact is I have friends who help me out and have some significance in my training. They serve as people who assist in achieving my goals as well as people who I can go to for nutritional and training advice. Given this I would also like to give some credit to these people who have helped me out. Also this positive influence has allowed me to translate it further to people who also need help, therefore I also serve as a source of advice and inspiration among my peers. The reason why I so emphasized my individual hard work was to highlight the parallel of hard work and perseverance demanded by this activity to athletes in varsity sports. Not only must I train 100% at the gym, but maintain a 100% effort of discipline at home (diet and sleep schedule).
     

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