Saying goodbye?

Discussion in 'Service Academy Parents' started by kphopeful2019, Apr 13, 2015.

  1. kphopeful2019

    kphopeful2019 Member

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    Hey everyone, I will be attending usmma class of 2019. I think that the distance from my parents is gonna be a little hard for but I think my mom is taking it much worse than I am. She tells me that she wants me to go where I want to go, but i sort of feel bad just leaving her like this.

    Any advice?
     
  2. shellz

    shellz Parent

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    Chase your dreams. Mom will be fine. It's sweet for you to be concerned...but if you change your plans because of how you think mom will feel, then you will be sacrificing your dreams for her emotional needs. I'm pretty sure most moms don't want this from their kids. Good luck!
     
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  3. usna1985

    usna1985 USNA Alumnus

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    All children eventually have to leave the nest. It's hard but you can't live at home forever. Whether you leave now or next year or five years from now, that moment will come. Ask her to write you every day (even if snail mail). It will make her feel closer -- and make you feel better as well.
     
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  4. elnavy

    elnavy Member

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    Martydzurik, I agree with the previous posts. Eventually, you will have to leave. Transitions are hard but part of life. As a parent, there are ways for parents to connect with each other for support, such as joining a FB page for parents of USMMA, etc. which will help her hear what other parents are going through when their kids leave home and attend SA's. Ultimately, you doing well at USMMA will make her very proud and of course, having her write to you will help.
     
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  5. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    There will be tears, but sometimes the tears are a mixture of joy and sorrow. The sorrow may have very little to do with what you think. It is, or at least for me, was wanting one more night with you safely tucked in your bed. Regretting not saying I love you more. Regretting spending more time trying to figure out how to juggle sports practices/games and making dinner than taking a second to sit on the bleachers and embrace the moment. Regretting you cared more about crap that didn't matter, such as cooking the Turkey for Xmas dinner, than listening to the laughter. Understanding that this phase of your life as a parent is officially changing. Their baby is now an adult.

    I don't know your family. I am just going to say as a Mom, the tears my DS saw were something he probably assumed in a wrong way. He has no memory of being held within the first few minutes of his life. I do. It really wasn't separation issues. It was can I rewind the clock again? Can I just sit on the field again watching him play on those cold nights during soccer practice one more time instead of think Damn it is cold here, coach please stop talking because I have to get him home, bathed and pack lunches for them.

    It wasn't so much about him leaving, but knowing this phase was over. It can take months, and there will be tears. Just don't wrap yourself around the fact this is all about you. Are you the driving point? Probably, but when you were born and the first moment she held you, this was her goal/dream.

    No parent says while they are pregnant or holding their newborn that their dream is to never leave them. It is all about flying the nest. Being the next best thing that will achieve every dream.

    As a parent this is when dreams and reality meets. It can feel like our mission is done. Tears of sorrow because it is over in a way. Tears of joy because we can say MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
     
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  6. shellz

    shellz Parent

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    Brava, Pima.

    Never been prouder than when my oldest ran back to his company after the 5 min goodbye on R-Day. He paused after about 10 steps, turned around and said, "I've got this, mom." Boo hoo time for mom...but only after he was far enough away to not hear me. Pride, fear of the unknown, joy, sadness...all in almost equal measure. Today I look back on that moment, and I realize it truly was the end of his childhood, but not the end of my parenting really. I just transitioned (was promoted!) from teacher, to mentor. Now, 2 years out of USCGA, I can truly say I've been promoted again...to friend. I'll never stop being his mom, but adding these new job titles to my resume has been such a wonderful progression.

    Now we prepare to send youngest to USAFA, and I'm feeling pretty good about managing the emotions that will smack me in the face in about 80 days. It's all about letting go of yesterday, when a bandaid and a hug from mom could fix almost every problem, and embracing tomorrow and all the ups and downs to follow. Taking that first step in letting go is tough--kinda like stepping off the high dive. Scary and fun and not nearly as bad in hindsight. That's how I am approaching this last little chickadee's exit from the nest. He will be fine and so will we. Eventually.
     
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  7. bookreader

    bookreader Member

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    Encourage your mom to join the West Point Moms FB page. She'll find a tremendous support group there. And it's also a good source of pics of the WP cadets (in addition to the WP FB page).
     
  8. Boozebin

    Boozebin Member

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    You mixed up USMMA with USMA but your point is still valid. There are parents groups all over have her search some out.
     
  9. bookreader

    bookreader Member

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    Oops, I sure did mix up the two schools.
     
  10. JRun

    JRun New Member

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    Now that my DD signed me up this forum, this Dad's plan of attack is to rely on the guidance provided above to figure out how best to support her. She now has the "tough duty," we have the easy part.
     
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  11. alaska66

    alaska66 CGA Admissions Partner

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    Just my two cents...make a plan to stay in contact. For instance, tell her you'll call every Sunday. Even if it's just a short call to say hello, it will give her something to always look forward to, and as time goes on she'll realize how quickly the next Sunday comes!
     
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  12. Blondie1

    Blondie1 Member

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    DS entered USNA last July. He was my baby. DD had already been away at college for 3 years so I had adapted to her absence. DS' departure has been very tough on me. BUT I would NEVER EVER want him to give up his dreams and future to keep me happy! I raised him to go out into the world and be the very best that he can. He's doing that on the other side of the country. I miss him terribly! I have spent the last 20 years running kids to soccer, swimming, music lessons, summer camps, and a vast assortment of other activities. I believed my kids needs should come before my own. Suddenly I found all this empty time that I needed to fill--so I rediscovered old hobbies, and found a few new ones! I still miss my DS, but he has been so great at sending me pictures, letters, and phone calls! Not to mention I fly him home whenever possible or fly to visit him.

    Go out into the world and discover your own adventure--just remember to call, and write, and send pictures as often as possible! A mom will always miss her "babies" but we also know that they must find their way in the world without us!

    Good-luck!
     
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  13. 2019 mom

    2019 mom Member

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    @shellz , I send you a private message.
     
  14. fencersmother

    fencersmother Founding Member

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    Putting two of my babies on the plane that early summer morning... oh my. I can still see Twin B's hand, waving goodbye, through the plane's window.

    I find that it is the TRANSITIONS that are the most difficult. Once the transition is complete and accepted, everyone adjusts and life is good. :)
     
  15. fencersmother

    fencersmother Founding Member

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    Marty: you should strongly consider changing your screen name to something anonymous... like: PENGUINS WIN STANLEY CUP.

    Seriously, change your name.
     
  16. tug_boat

    tug_boat Member

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    Greatness is in your future!!

    Push Hard, Press Forward
     
  17. forumjunkie

    forumjunkie Member

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    First realize that regardless of which school you would chose you really will not have time for your folks.
    Second realize that not all tears are of sadness, their are many that are just of pride and (I hate to bring this up but Age related Hormones) and just a venting of emotions in general.

    I have a little plaque that I found before my first was born it says "The two things we can give our children are.... Roots and Wings." it is obvious from your caring concern that they gave you Roots, now make them proud and use those Wings!
     
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  18. forumjunkie

    forumjunkie Member

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    Doesn't really matter every school has a parents support network, USNA's parent e-mail blog is administered by the West-point.org go figure, they do a great job. Tell your Mom she will gain so many new friends and a whole new family!
     
  19. Boozebin

    Boozebin Member

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    You came in late, the original post had USMMA and West point together. It was since edited for clarity by the poster to minimize confusion. But I never noticed so now mine sounds just plain wrong. But for some reason I can't fix mine to make more sense. Oh well.
     
  20. kpdad2015

    kpdad2015 Member

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    My son graduates from USMMA next month. Your Mom will be able to scour the pictures from Indoc taken by Midshipmen and play her own personal version of 'Where's Waldo" (or Where's Marty in this case, you really should change your screen name). I have heard the unofficial motto for USMMA parents is 'semper gumby' (always flexible) and you learn not to make plans too far in advance. It has been an interesting roller coaster ride over the past 4 years. Although I wouldn't have believed this before indoc, the 4 years have flown by and the opportunities my DS has infront of him are incredible. And while she will miss you, she will be so proud of you! She will tell everyone she meets about her son at the USMMA and then explain your not actually joining the Marine Corps. (Although that option is available if you so desire. You have no idea how many times this happens)
     

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