Struggling Girlfriend

Discussion in 'Naval Academy - USNA' started by 2017KNR, Mar 26, 2013.

  1. 2017KNR

    2017KNR Member

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    My girlfriend of over a year and a half is struggling with the fact that I recently received an appointment to USNA. I understand that "only 2% of relationships make it through a service academy," but I'm looking for any advice for her or myself. Is there anyone who has been through this experience and is willing to share or talk to her or myself about it? Or even if there is some "Service Academy Girlfriends Group" that I don't know about. Thanks in advance!
     
  2. engineer

    engineer Member

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    Sent you a private message.
     
  3. rkrosnar

    rkrosnar Member

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    2017KNR,

    Being a parent and a American, first let me say. I am extremely proud of you. You have achieved something that a lot of young men and women earn. I had a DS who has graduated from from Penn State and a DD who is currently attending Cedar Crest College. I tell them all time. If you don't want to hear, what I have to say, don't ask. I just going to give it to you you straight. This is your future we are talking about here, no one else. But if the two of you truly care about each other, she will support what you and yes your Mom and Dad decide. While the final decision is up to you. You will have an opportunity to do something very special, demanding and where a commitment must be made by you. You will get to defend freedom of the greatest country in the world. The United States of America. Thanks for sharing you story. Keep us posted.

    God Bless and God Speed,

    RGK
     
  4. Hurricane12

    Hurricane12 USNA 2012

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    Here's the thing: strong relationships will be fine at USNA, or in the military. Weak relationships will only get weaker. It's something that's worth a shot, but you both need to go into it with open eyes and realistic expectations.

    Be honest with her about what going to USNA means for you, both while you're in college and beyond (if you're thinking that far ahead in this relationship, which you probably shouldn't, but hey why not). Also be honest about what it means about your relationship. You will not be able to call/skype every night for three hours and see her every weekend. You will be gone for a lot of the summer. You will probably change and mature in ways different from your peers at other colleges.


    I'm going to sound like a real jerk, but...
    This is your time to be selfish. And it's your call. Not hers, and not your parents'. If she's that not on board with you going to USNA and it's what you want to do...that's her loss. Go anyway.
     
  5. MIHOSER

    MIHOSER Member

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    Forget the service academy angle, how many high school relationships make it through 4 years of college? I don't have the stats, but based solely on my limited (and aged) experience, not many.
     
  6. OysterMom

    OysterMom Member

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    Ditto this (Hurricane, your candor is impressive).

    My DD (who is a member of the USNA Class of 2017) has a longstanding boyfriend (whom the whole family loves almost as much as DD does). He is is not heading to a service academy next year, but he supports what DD is doing because it is her life's dream at this juncture. They have been talking about the prospects for their relationship since she applied. When she received her appointment, the conversations got longer and deeper -- all good communicating. They both understand that nothing "bad" will come of this new phase in their lives as long as they remain true to themselves and honest with each other. If it's meant to work out for them in the longer haul, then they will both figure out how to make that happen. They both want the other to be happy -- a cornerstone of a strong relationship.
     
  7. gonavy91

    gonavy91 Member

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    Hurricane is spot on. And I also agree with the statement that if you don't like the answer, then don't ask the question.

    Everyone will be different in this situation. I entered USNA with a girlfriend, who "I" was strongly committed to. By the time that my sophomore (youngster) year spring break came around, she in fact moved on. I don't believe this cost me to miss out on a lot of things, since I can only blame myself for choosing not to go to airborne and other programs because I wanted to choose the best summer schedule to fit my plans with her, but it did take my mind off of my studies and creating initial friendships early on.

    Again, everyone will be different.

    By the time that I was a Senior (firstie), one of my best friend's brothers was entering USNA as a plebe. He asked me for advice and was blind-sided by the other thing I said to him, "break up with your girlfriend. It will clear your mind. And in the end, if it's meant to be then it will be." It was very hard for him to do but he did it. And he had a very successful plebe year. And in the end.... they both moved on and he met someone in Maryland who he eventually married.

    As Hurricane says, it depends on the strength of the relationship. But, in my opinion, it definitely clouded the mind when you had someone back at home to constantly worry about. Yes, once you graduate and deploy, these things can still happen, but you are a tad bit (not much of course) mature to work through such things. USNA is 100% high octane with drills, academics, sports, etc., and it's hard enough to find time to send a note to mom/dad, let alone constantly get on the phone/email with a significant other back at home.
     
  8. majortheta

    majortheta Member

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    Good advice throughout the board. I too have been appointed to the class of 2017 and my girlfriend is appointed to the USMMA class of 2018 (she's going to NMMI first). I'm not sure what the future holds for us, but we have talked about it and have decided to stick it out together. I trust her and she trusts me, so I will do my best to focus on my studies, and so will she. Then when we get the chance to talk, we'll talk. Other than that, I am alright with no contact with her for a while. I know where I stand with her. I am committed to her and want to be with her. If that means no contact with her for a week, or for all of this next summer, so be it.

    Like it was said earlier in the thread, if it's meant to be, it will be.
     
  9. Ttribemomma

    Ttribemomma New Member

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    My father and my mother began seeing each other before my Dad was accepted into USNA. They got married the day after he graduated in 1957. When asked, last year, what kept them so happily married for 55 years my mother replied, "The Navy! When we were young and had our little squabbles, he would get deployed for a couple of months and by the time he came back we had forgiven and forgotten."

    Keep God in the middle. He will be your source of strength and wisdom.
     
  10. jalusna2016

    jalusna2016 Member

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    Love your post...
    Keep God in the middle. He will be your source of strength and wisdom.
     
  11. jasongerman9

    jasongerman9 Member

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    I'm sort of in the same boat as you. I'm still a hopeful appointee, and I know my girlfriend is hoping for me to get it so I'm happy, but she's also somewhat against it because she knows what it would mean.

    I guess what it boils down to is if you have a good girl who is able to stick with you through everything. Like someone else said, strong relationships will do alright. Weak ones will become weaker.

    It wouldn't be a bad idea for the Class of 2017 to set up a Facebook page for girlfriends to join and keep up to date on not only the Midshipmen, but it may help them having someone else to talk to about the exact same experience.
     
  12. stella

    stella Member

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    What about YOUR struggles?

    As a parent I would have to say that you are already being clearly distracted, rather than supported, by your relationship with your girlfriend.

    Right about now she should be uplifting, encouraging and being PROUD of you and happy for you. If instead the focus is on how hurt or sad she is about this opportunity you have...well, that is not the best sign.

    It is admirable that you want to help her through her struggles. But know that she should be equally active trying to find out the best ways to support you. You have the right to request that of her. If she does not offer it...then you might know the answer yourself.

    Another young man above posted about how he is handling his girlfriend's appointment and how she is handling his. He might be a good one to PM.

    S
     
  13. greentrees

    greentrees Member

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    I received this from a friend when DS departed for AFA. It applies to all SA.
    I do not know who the actual author is.

    #4 is what pertains to this thread, but all of it is good reading.

    From Someone's Very Wise Mother

    1. If AFA is not for you, you have a home to come to if you leave. I will
    still love you and be as proud of you as I am today. However, you must not
    leave on a bad day, but a good one, and you must have a plan for your future
    education along with the means to support it so that you can realize your
    dreams. This should never be a frivolous decision because you have discovered
    all the 'crap' you have to deal with. Each day is different and has it stresses
    and fun.

    2. AFA has dealt with its share of scandals in the past few years, and many of
    the problems have stemmed from cadets drinking, both under aged and legally. I
    would want my son to understand that a bottle of beer or one too many, could end
    his dreams and it is never going to be worth it. Don't break my heart and
    destroy what you have been blessed with over alcohol.

    3. Life is not fair in the civilian world, and it seems more unfair in the
    military world, but don't ever let that deter you from your goals. You make
    things work for you and learn to suck up the stupid stuff.

    4. The right girl for you will stick with you through thick and thin and
    support your choice as a cadet and be tolerant of what you have to deal with.
    The wrong girl will ask you to give it all up for her with no regard for your
    ambitions.

    5. No matter what your peers do, it is up to you to make the right choice for
    yourself. Peer pressure is an excuse for the weak and you are in a leadership
    laboratory. Remember that.

    6. It's so much easier to follow the rules than it is to sweat getting caught
    if you break them, and not be able to concentrate on the important things in
    your present. BTW, you WILL get caught.

    7. Academics come first and foremost. You are there for the education, not to
    become the world's greatest boot shiner. Do everything to the best of your
    ability, but know the priorities for success at AFA.

    8. Time management is the best skill anyone can have, and it is one you must
    master at AFA, because they will stress you with too much to do in too little
    time. Each day seems to take forever, but the years fly by.

    9. Keep in touch with your family. I would love to get one or two minutes of
    your free time each week just to hear your voice.

    10. Be honest with me about what is happening for you. If you are stressed,
    having academic problems, need to vent, or whatever, I love you and will be
    there for you always. I will do all I can to help, even if it is just to listen
    to you rant.
     
  14. mulan50

    mulan50 Member

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    Facebook page ia a great idea. My son is a reapplicant who is now enlisted USMC. When he was in bootcamp almost 2 years ago, there was on Marine Parents a place where mothers could commiserate! Because of strict rules of what you could and could not post, we started a facebook page. Lo & behold, some of the girlfriends started joining. The 13 weeks were more bearable because there was always someone to talk to. Our little group got very close and were able to see friendly faces down at graduation in Parris Island. Almost 2 years now, we are still very active. Have watched some of the girls graduate high school, month long breakups, back together again, get married to their Marines, watch them handle deployments, etc. They have formed real bonds with their new friends since they share a common bond. Sometimes you just need a friendly ear of someone who knows what you are going through.
     
  15. onee

    onee Member

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    "If it is meant to be, it will be"

    My DS is in his second year at USNA. He and his GF dated for two years prior to him leaving. They both were well aware of the statistics of the 2% club and discussed both of their dreams, not just my son's. They have been honest about the situation and both very mature. They realize if "it is meant to be, then it will be". With that said, they are still going strong and have both been extremely busy in their lives. When he wrote letters to us over plebe summer, we shared them with her and vice verse. She came over to the house so that we could share the 3 summer phone calls. She did not come to I Day by our choice as mom and dad wanted that to be for us. They said their farewells at home. She did come for parent's weekend along with all of the siblings and had a blast. We gave them space to themselves as well. They do get to skype or whatever it is called and communicate daily, albeit sometimes briefly.
    It can work, but it is hard work and requires patience and understanding on both parts along with maturity. If your GF would need to talk to someone about this, I am sure my son's GF would be willing. PM me.
     
  16. engineer

    engineer Member

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    Ditto what onee said. It sounds exactly like the scenario between DS and his GF. We handled I-Day, plebe summer letters and calls, and PPW in the same manner. DS had asked his host mid at CVW how he handled it and was lucky to have an upper classman in his company in the same situation who was willing to talk with him about it. You may not be in the majority, but you are not alone in this situation.
     

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