Dear kinnem:
I was a little surprised to find the kinnem luxury corporate superbowl suite empty when I finally got there after the halftime show. You and your other guests must have cleared out in a hurry when you saw me waving up to you from the field (by the way, your idea of me sneaking in wearing an umpire's costume really worked well until someone realized there were only supposed to be seven zebras, not eight, and the eighth was high-fiving the Seahawks sideline). You were right about the game, though. It was a good thing there was a TV in your suite, because I stopped watching the game at 9 pm and switched the channel to William Macy and "Shameless".
Thank you for sending your yacht to pick me up when my ride got stuck on I-95 in Bridgeport. It was clever of your captain to realize one of the harbor's inlets extended to the highway. His idea to hoist me down to the yacht from the highway bridge was also quite resourceful, and would have worked if the cable hadn't snapped. I guess they don't make those old boats like they used to. Fortunately, the crew got off safely after the mishap, and your boat is sitting comfortably in about six feet of industrial sludge. Good thing you had on board a kayak, which I paddled to Jersey.
I'll look forward to seeing you at next year's game. Where is it and who's playing?