Surprisingly Tough Decisions- will attending a service academy ruin my life?

USNA2020 . I suggest you and your parents watch this youtube together. It's a year old and it's a little over an hour, but I found it extremely helpful when DD announced she was determined to be a Naval Officer. VADM Ted Carter is fantastic and describing his vision (and impressive past accomplishments) for the Navy and the USNA.

WORTH YOUR TIME!

 
Here's my two cents for what it's worth:

I was in your parents' situation except that my son wasn't nearly as sure as you seem to be about going to USNA. In fact, he went through a long period of discernment (he's that kind of kid) before accepting his appointment. I was up front with him about how I felt, but I told him that my views should not be determinative of his decision. And that's really where I ended up on it. Whether it ends up being right or wrong for him, he needs to own it. It will be ok if it doesn't end up being the right path. He'll be able to fix it. What won't be alright is if he ends up blaming others. Maybe try to explain that to your parents. Tell them you never want to be in a position of being able to blame someone else (in this case them) if your life doesn't work out. Also, they are wrong about some of their concerns. I work for a Fortune 50 Company the name of which you would instantly recognize and which is very much sought after as a job destination. I have been amazed at how many people I work with have identified themselves as having gone to USNA, were SEALS, sub officers, etc. since I told them my son is going. And I'm not in a field where the training is particularly relevant (except perhaps for the advanced math). I've also heard from others at major companies that USNA on resume automatically gets an interview. Consider that, though you will be 27 at your first opportunity to separate, most folks your age work their first jobs for 5 or fewer years and then move on. It's not all that different from a "typical" paradigm. Whatever you do just remember, you're the one that has to do it. I know that sounds trite, but it's actually true. The other thing I tell my kids is that as they become adults they need to get comfortable with the idea that I'm not always going to love every decision they make. That can be tough for kids. We want to please our parents. We can't always and that's ok. Take their concerns seriously and factor them in to your decision, but make your own decision.
 
If your parents can foot the bill or you have resources to put yourself through debt free go to a regular civilian college. Join the NROTC program with no service commitment obligation and decide from there. The end result is the same and you get the benefit of both experiences.

Your parents know you better than any of us here so I would trust in your parents for their opinions. If you have to ask the question, should I or shouldn't I tells me you need more time to think it over. IMO "ruin my life" is a red flag.
 
Its your life, you know deep down if USNA is the right school for you. You also know what the future holds post graduation. It can be tough to not have parental support. I think once you make the decision its important to tell your parents that appreciate their advice and took into deep consideration, but you made your decision and you hope they will support you regardless. The 5 years will NOT put you behind your peers. 1985 was spot on in their post. I am a grad, got out at 27, had a dozen job offers, and have thrived. Since then I have navigated my way into a career that I enjoy. I work for a Fortune 100 Company and have done well here. In no way am I behind my peers. Bottom line, is you make your future. The things I learned at USNA and as a Marine Officer are what have set me apart at my company. No one holds your hand as officer and you are expected to make sound decisions in stressful environments. Those tools have really helped me build my reputation of making solid decisions, comfortable in stressful environments, speaking with senior level folks, and pushing to get things done the right way the first time. Just the other day I walked into a meeting with everyone that is considered my peer at work... I was the youngest one by over a decade (pretty close to 2 actually).

My friends from USNA are a mix of civilian and military still. The military side is hitting the senior ranks now and they are doing amazing things from having successful command tours to be awarded some of the highest medals for combat actions and leadership. On the civilian side I have friends who are CEO, COOs, CFOs at large corporations, doctors, lawyers, high level government leaders. Others who own their own businesses and are millionaires. All are living very nice lives with a great quality of life. More than any of this... USNA is an amazing place because of the people. Regardless of what our bank accounts say or what ship they commanded, the character and quality of your friends at USNA is first rate. They will be to support you throughout the highs and lows of life and you will appreciate how much that means as your grow in life.
 
I know that this is not as helpful as you would have liked, but I have to say it. It is your life. Obviously it is something you thought long and hard about otherwise you would not have put yourself through the 2 years of prep for something like this. Your parents may or may not agree, but in the end, you're the one waking up each and every morning for PT, you're the one rolling in the mud... and you're also the one with the American flag on your arm representing your country, serving your country, and honoring those who went before you.

However (here's the "not so nice"): if you did not thoroughly think this through before applying for noms and receiving the appointment, one that so many young people would have jumped at (just ask my DD and three others that I know who were either wait listed or TWE'd), I urge you to bow out now. Right now. There are many others who would gladly take your spot. With the number of TWE's lately this falls a bit under the category of "too soon". Do some soul searching, seek a guidance counselor, seek a member of the clergy or a religious leader in your community... speak to someone. But if you're going to bow out you owe it to the others that you may or may not be serving with to do so.

I truly wish you the best of luck. I believe you are stronger than you think you are, otherwise you wouldn't have made it this far.
 
Well, the opinion here sounds strongly in favor of attending USNA and I too am in favor of that if you are of age. If you're not... keep working on your parents. Although they may respect the military they are obviously uneducated or misinformed about the academies. These are among the premier educational institutions in the country who graduate men and women of character. Many of their arguments are just plain false and your parenthetical responses are certainly correct. If you are not of age then perhaps you can respectfully make them understand you will do this when you are of age, it may bring them around. It's certainly how I brought my wife around when she was opposed to DS going into the military (he actually wanted to enlist but the wife finally insisted he go in as an officer once she came around).

One more thing, if you attend against their wishes, keep in mind that they still might come around once they see you thriving and growing there.
 
So I went on to Mr. Reed's website out of curiosity (actually never been on it). I will not be buying his book and many will not like what he has to say, but he brings up some valid points. Some things I don't agree with. I actually think every candidate should try to talk to as many grads, current Mids, officers, enlisted, etc to get a great view of not only USNA, but active duty life. A SA is 4 years, active duty is a minimum of 5. Its like when a candidate goes on a CVW, I highly encourage a candidate to talk to all classes, because their views are very different than a Plebes. As an alumni, I love USNA. It did amazing things for me and was a great fit. But, as a Marine officer who has spent sometime in some not so wonderful places, it has been hard work, physical and mental pain, a ton of loss, and also some of the most amazing experiences of my life. One of the things I spend an enormous amount of time talking to candidates about is the reality of the military. Its not perfect, nor are the SAs. No institution is. Its good to look at dissenting opinions and to critically think. You have earned your appointment, take the time to really think, talk it out, ask questions, etc.
 
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LineInTheSand said:
Academies don't focus on training more than education. They focus on education, and there's training, but because there are multiple obligations, there's less time to "explore" yourself, get 10 piercings and start making friendship bracelets.".....

<edited for brevity>

My advice, having go to school with my classmates, few people are "too smart"for an academy, because there are so many extremely smart people already there. Academies focus on academics first (you get your diploma before you get your commission), but suck up much of the rest of your life with training and sports. You will learn to do great things, you will fail greatly, and you will learn from your great failures.

And at the other end of four years, you come out a changed person, ready to tackle this narrow part of the world, ready to make a difference and serve.
Click to expand...

"friendship bracelets"? It took me 10 minutes to stop laughing. Just wish I wasn't drinking coffee when I read it. Probably the best post I have ever read on the difference between the Service Academies and the traditional university path. The service academies, and good ROTC programs for that matter, train men and women to lead others in the defense of our country from those who would do us harm. They are some of the most intelligent and dedicated people on the planet. When you graduate from one of these Academies or a solid ROTC program, you are not just more educated, you are better than you were. You are someone who can be relied upon during the most difficult times and circumstances. If you want to "find" yourself, go to a traditional college or use a GPS. But, if you want to make a difference in the course of human events, become an officer in the U.S. Military.

Thanks for the post "LineInTheSand"....
 
Real life story:

Kid is commissioned as an Ensign via OCS, serves his country for 5 years, then opts out. Takes two years to earn a MBA at Wharton via the GI bill, then starts interviewing for jobs.

Invited in for a VP-level job at a Fortune 500 company. A skeptical CEO observes that ".....all you have in your record is a college degree, five years as a naval officer, and a Wharton MBA. But no work experience in my industry. Why should I hire you?"

Young man, then 28, who was exceptionally well prepared for his interview, confidently replies, "Well, Sir, I was directly accountable for 600 sailors and junior officers, and responsible for a $400 million operation. I increased efficiencies by x, awarded several commendations for my leadership, both while serving in combat zones. Here is how I see my skills and experience transfer to this opportunity........."

Hired on the spot.
 
I've only met three people who turned down a USNA acceptance. The first two were young women with no regrets. One got into a top #1 university and did ROTC, the second was pressured to apply by a military dad. The third was a young man who regretted being talked into turning it down by a now ex-girlfriend. All are successful people, USNA chooses the best.

OP, my guess is that you will be there on I-day!
 
I guess consider your other options as well. I mean if I had a full ride offer to Stanford I would pause for consideration but if it were a state school or community college this wouldn't even be a decision.
 
USNA2020 said:
I know that if I attend civilian college, I will most likely live a life of what if's and regret.
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You answered your own question right there. As far as ruining your life, we're all just the sum total of our experiences. Follow your dream, if you find out along the way it's the wrong path, chalk it up to experience and move on to the next thing. I say go to USNA.
 
Are your parents writing the full tuition check and what would happen if they suddenly couldn't? Are you taking out any loans and working part time to pay for college? What do you plan to major in and what are the job prospects in that field after graduation? Where do you see yourself in 10 years - working, kids, family?

In the end, what does your heart tell you to do and could you live with the "what if...?" if you didn't go?
 
USNA2020, after reading through all of your Posting History, it would be an absolute travesty for you to pass up this opportunity.

You have clearly plowed thru obstacles in order to reach your dream with a drive that has shown how much you want this chance! You turned that DoDMERB DQ around! That is so impressive; what an accomplishment just by itself!

If you don't go, you will never get over this loss, NEVER!

If you do go, they will get over you attending one of the best Institutions in the World, I can pretty much bet on that one. Why? Parents are not right all of the time.

Even if you have to take a cab to drop you off at Gate 8 on I-Day, just do it.
 
My plebe has the same questions last year but slightly reversed. He had always wanted usna and suddenly wasn't sure if it fit with his career goals. After much discussion he decided to accept usna knowing that this opportunity comes but once. Regular college will always be there if he decides usna is not the right fit. He waited till April 26 to sign with usna. So far so good. He has had no problems with plebe summer, academics, military and leadership. Still questions his career goals but is hoping that once he gets into his major (astrophysics) he will feed that passion. Only you can fully commit to usna. I hate to say go in thinking you can leave but regular college will always be available to you. Why not try this very special opportunity you've been awarded? You don't want to ever regret not trying it.
 
Hi USNA2020,

While your parents are understandably wanting to make sure you are making the best choice they clearly have some misconceptions about what you are signing up for.
It is a top notch education (top ten most difficult universities to get into with a 7% acceptance rate):
http://www.usnews.com/education/bes...es-with-the-most-competitive-admissions-rates

Also consider while you are 'giving up 9 years of your life' when you get out of college you have a guaranteed job earning more than most of your counterparts:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news...go-to-college-if-you-want-the-highest-salary/

I would think ultimately they just want whats best for you, see you on I-Day.
 
You are about to enter a 2 lane swim race. Both lanes take you to the very, very, very far end; when you touch the wall the race is over. Congratulations - you have achieved 'retirement'.

One lane is 'safe'; the one your parents want you to take. Safe. Happy. Rewarding (as much as you put into it). Like everyone else. You'll be successful; if you were driven to get this far what will hold you back besides doubt? I'll guess you will finish college, get a job (pay taxes - (helps support our military)) maybe have a family, buy a house, maybe even be blessed with grand kids, etc. You can swim that lane and be successful all the way to the end. No one one will know any different how you swam the race - only that you finished. The life experiences you have will be like many people have and have repeated many times over. Nothing wrong with that....

Or, you dive in the other lane. As soon as you touch the water, you will start the grandest journey you will ever take in your entire life. Not safe. Danger! Unbelievable experiences. Far away places. Friendships that last a lifetime. Pain. Tears. Excitement. I can't believe I'm doing this (and getting paid too). Honor. Pride. Achievement. Success. I could go on and on, but I bet you get the point.

One way or the other you will start swimming. Look forward to your decision.
 
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