tell me this gets easier

Discussion in 'Service Academy Parents' started by blackhawkmom, Oct 1, 2010.

  1. blackhawkmom

    blackhawkmom Member

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    made it thru the summer -battered and bruised but i guess all the better for it--now we face plebe killer classes and" i get liberty"-"i have duty"-"i have liberty"-"i have homework". love the fact he is in charge of himself hate the uncertainty of it all. I know this is for everyones good because once they are commissioned a new world begins but it's really getting to me. just wanted to vent -now mongo can blast me ---------G O N ---a - v - y --------
     
  2. singaporemom

    singaporemom Member

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    When my oldest went off to college, I had a hard time realizing that I was no longer the one in charge. He was gone. I couldn't fix problems, celebrate successes or cook his favorite meal. Now, of course I didn't let on to him that I felt this way, but I felt that way all the same.

    With my mid, he's my youngest and I have lived through having one son up and leave me for college :redface:, so this was a tad easier.

    My struggles are easier since he has adjusted well to the lifestyle. I also leave him little time to ***** and moan alot and construct my questions so that he has time to brag, boast and tell funny stories. He gets his whining in and I listen, but the moaning has all been regular stuff and nothing serious. I also try to only communicate via phone on Sunday when he will have some down time.

    I fill my time with baking cookies and shopping for things he needs. I send a care package every 2 weeks and find the planning for the next care package helps me get through this time without him.

    He is growing up and becoming much more responsible. Even though he has lived in 5 countries and traveled the world, I was still most impressed that he planned his journey to Colorado Springs this weekend for the game, and only made a phone call to me for quick advice on how to purchase the ticket online. He has joined way too many clubs in my opinion, but that is how he will meet people and he will have to figure out his own time management.

    My advice to you Blackhawk Mom is to realize that you cannot be there for him, but you can be home for him when needed. Iniate communication less often, maybe just once a week. And give him the chance to reach out to you. DS's whining about teachers, classes eased after a week or so and now he's in a groove. As hard as it is, we must let them figure this out. I'm not saying to cease communicate with your son, but make it more of a routine and no more than once a week. (i'm being presumptuous here and assuming the phone calls are more often. My apologies if I am misreading the situation)

    I am in full Thanksgiving and Christmas planning mode, cleaning his room (I have not touched that disaster until this weekend!), planning favorite meals, etc. I decided that the best thing I can do is make his time off as stress free as possible. He will have a few chores but the main focus is to enjoy the family together.

    Be there for him as a support, not as a crutch and he will succeed.

    -Singaporemom
     
  3. blackhawkmom

    blackhawkmom Member

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    Thanks singaporemom---wish that was the case lol--just the opposite -lack of calls --even on Sundays! He is adjusting maybe to well? DD is up this weekend visiting so hopefully i will get a well check report.
    i too am planning Thanksgiving and Christmas --what do you get a mid who needs nothing and asks for even less.
    Bless you and safe travels to your DS.
     
  4. singaporemom

    singaporemom Member

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    I think you've got a kid who is figuring his way on his own. Good for him! It's not easy.

    DS doesn't initiate too many calls. Sunday morning I text him to call if he gets a chance. He usually does by the end of the day.

    My older son, when at college, never called...except for money! After awhile I started getting the calls, "Hey, Mom! I aced a test!" Those are worth the wait.

    I think Christmas will be a challenge because of the restrictions. Will get gift cards and add to his yard card. Also, was wondering if anyone had any mids with a Kindle. That looked like something he would enjoy if allowed.
     
  5. usna1985

    usna1985 USNA Alumnus

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    I'll defer to others on whether it's allowed. I will say that, at least in my day, I had no time or desire to do pleasure reading while at USNA. The courseload is so heavy and difficult that, when you have free time, you don't really want to read.

    That said, a Kindle may come in useful on summer cruise and leave. I would think it would be a great gift for that purpose but will defer to more recent mids on the subject.
     
  6. blackhawkmom

    blackhawkmom Member

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    DS is not a pleasure reader -lol---but that may be a good idea. Have DD picking up gift cards as we speak. she is visiting this weekend and is paying attention to where he is asking to go. this will be a very different Christmas to say the least!
    No requests for video games and local food gift cards --or gas cards!
     
  7. usna2012mom

    usna2012mom Member

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    We are not hearing of much time for pleasure reading. Our son's birthday is right after Christmas break. We got him a mattress topper for his rack for Plebe year bday. He rated one by then. The racks aren't the most comfortable. He loves it. We ordered it online and had it shipped directly to him. We waited for bday rather than Christmas so that he would not have to carry it back.
     
  8. supportivemom

    supportivemom Member

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    travel $$

    DS, now a firstie has chosen to do lots of traveling in his free time. Europe with roomates, warm tropical locales too, time in roomates home towns, ski trips, etc. perhaps just $$ that would allow him to do things like this. Also took a NOLS course designed for the mids one summer, an awesome experience for them. MIDS are great at " burning the candle at both ends" and while we might want to veg for a week, mine and his buds seem to always have the next adventure planned. Another thought is a netflix or other subscription, mine seem to do a lot of media downloading and watching in their rooms.
     
  9. Maximus

    Maximus Member

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    Phew.....I'm not the only one! lol :eek:

    I don't get the phone call thing; used to be, I couldn't get him off the phone! Now, it's like it's a chore to call home Sunday morning lol :shake::yllol:

    ********************************************************

    I wondered about this point also; DS convinced his Grandmother to send him a Kindle and I tried to discourage it........:rolleyes:
     
  10. mom3boys

    mom3boys Parent

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    Depends what your cadet/mid enjoys for free time. Mine loves to read; he'd probably enjoy a Kindle. Mine loves to get DVDs of his favorite movies. He finds time to throw a frisbee w/ his buddies and to play some golf. I buy him gifts that feed those habits. As they move up the ranks, they enjoy getting clothes again, as they are not as restricted in what they wear as they leave post. They are getting travel opportunities as well, and need items for trips. For USMA, I found which theater was at the mall and got a gift card. I also got cards for restaurants once he had OPPs.
     
  11. jennyp

    jennyp Parent

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    In addition to all the other suggestions offered here, I bought two of those little remote control helicopter things they have at the kiosks in the mall. Totally silly toy thing. He loved them........(got two so they could have "battles") Last year, oldest son had a fiance. We have two sons and a daughter. I bought 4 marshmallow guns and an ample supply of ammo. They had a blast with them. I found hardened marshmallows behind the furniture until summer!
     
  12. singaporemom

    singaporemom Member

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    jennyp - I am soooooooooooo buyying marshmallow guns for the stockings! I now have a Navy son and an Army son... Let the battles begin!! :)

    I had been thinking about those helicopters and even the boats. Trying to think of toys to play with while they are home. Time for some fun!!
     
  13. mmb5

    mmb5 Member

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    For son at USMA, we put a Nerf gun and foam darts in the suitcase we dropped off at A-Day. I hear there are serious battles going on in the barracks hallways.
     
  14. blackhawkmom

    blackhawkmom Member

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    Fun fun fun----we actually have a camo marshmallow gun i need to tell him to take it up there with him! Trying to think of fun things when they need to let off steam is a great idea! Can they have games there ? We have a apples to apples game they love maybe a smaller version. Hmmmmm-----I know some of the firsties have blacklights etc for their rooms DS got a strobe light he said they have fun nights being silly. That should come in handy Halloween for trick or treat too i guess.
     
  15. mmb5

    mmb5 Member

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  16. jennyp

    jennyp Parent

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    I just bought a set of eyeball lights for Halloween. Battery operated. Thought they would go into a care package I am preparing!
     
  17. NorthernCalMother

    NorthernCalMother Member

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    mmb5: Wonderful piece! Thanks for posting.
     
  18. cadetdad

    cadetdad Member

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    Well, my son is a COW at West Point and I can tell you that the transformation from plebe, to yuk, to COW is unbelievable. You will notice the same transformation with your plebe. The first year is the most difficult as they are pretty muched kicked around by the upper classman. The second year is a little easier because they are stuck between the plebes and leadership. The COW year is when things really get interesting. The leadership requirements start to kick in and the plebe that you sent off to basic just recently is growing even faster than you can imagine. My advice to you, enjoy the ride. Just realize that when he comes home for winter break that he will need to 'decompress'. My advice to you, 'Let em'.
     
  19. 2012mom?

    2012mom? Member

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    cadetdad, you are SO right about how much of a transformation there is getting from Plebe to Youngster to 2/C year (no COWs at USNA!)

    w/r/t Christmas gifts and things, in addition to other gift cards, you might want to see if your Mid wants $ for things like paintball supplies. My 2/C plays now and again, and buying paintballs can add up. Food gift cards to local eateries are always welcome, too.

    I know it seems like a really long time before they'll have summer training, but (especially if you invest in a Kindle) please make sure your Mid knows the rules about what items can be plugged into ship's power. Mine had to replace several charging units (for toothbrush and cell phone) that were removed while she was on duty, evidently because they were not properly tagged as being approved.
     
  20. blackhawkmom

    blackhawkmom Member

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    Thanksgiving was GREAT! looking forward to Christmas break----reviving this post--i am so lost ---Christmas presents----hard to figure it out---have the gift cards including movie card but it seems so so slim compared to the past -as we look forward i need some guidance ----want this Christmas to be special even putting out the old decorations which DS mention oh so casually --" mom remember the villages you use to put up that had light in them -they were cool"--so out of storage comes the village---we will look like a combination of childhood nostalgia and new decorations ---combining old and new---life changes -but i digress---ideas please want this year to be special --DS is doing great -like USNA as well as any plebe could ---grades are good ---not great but good--still Sat---yeah! ----WHAT CAN I GET HIM!!!!!
     

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