- Joined
- Sep 27, 2008
- Messages
- 20,281
Emperor, I have watched comments unfold, and I appreciate your dilemma.
You can ask questions till the cows come home, which will only generate more questions. I would predict you would never have 100% of the information you need to make the perfect decision, because you cannot experience both choices. Well, I guess you could go to one, leave after 1-2 years, apply to the other, start all over again. Technically possible, perhaps, but highly unlikely.
It comes down to which one you are more willing to let go, and then close the door on that path. There are all kinds of personalities in all services. Ditto stereotypes.
Figure out the big ticket items in your decision matrix, whether it is career options, culture, whatever.
I believe in the coin-tossing thing. I saw many USNA mids use it when torn between Navy air and Marine air, for example. Before you go to bed, lay out all the tangible and intangible points for each Academy AND Service, to the best of your ability. Assign point values, if you like. Perhaps 5 is "ideal," and 1 "ick." Imagine yourself 5-8 years down the road in various uniforms and branch/warfare specialties. Tell your brain to work it out before you go to sleep. Make a pact with yourself the minute you get up in the morning, you will flip a coin, one time, and abide by that decision. Go to bed. Get up, don't think, flip coin. If you find yourself saying, let's do two out of three, you have just revealed which path you are more willing to let go. Or if you are oddly content but slightly sad, this can reveal much. This may work for you. You can date two people at once, but you can only marry one, at least contemporaneously.
A huge part of an officer's life is making decisions, big and small. Before I reported to my first Executive Officer (XO) tour, where I would be the No. 2 at a command with over 750 sailors, the admiral I was then working for gave me great advice. I have used it often over the years, and counseled others with it. I actually wrote it down, it had such an impact on me. He knew that to have greater and larger positions of leadership, it would no longer be possible to have control and knowledge of every last detail. It was his job to prepare me to deal with that.
He told me:
"Delaying a decision, or procrastinating, is also a decision. Think about why you are delaying. If it's to reach perfection, you will never get there. Life in the Navy is messy, as is life in general, with decisions big and small to be made every day. You must make decisions and keep moving. Often, you will only have 80% of the info you think you need to make a decision. Many times you will have less. Often you will have very little time to make a decision. Make the best decision you can and get on with it. You will make mistakes. Own them, learn from them, fix them if you can. If you can't, then accept and never forget them, but don't keep looking back. Never fail to listen to your gut, when something just doesn't feel right. Make decisions with your whole being, head, heart, body and soul. Commit, and believe in yourself and your ability to lead your people. It is better, in general, to act, then react. It is YOUR decision. Ask questions, but know when to stop. You will feel uncomfortable as an XO the first week or so. Wear the skin, act like the XO, and you will be the XO." There was actually much more than this during our two-hour conversation, but the decision bits might help you. I truly think of that conversation as one of the more impactful ones that prepared me for eventual commands.
Finally, do a quick self-check to ensure any prolonged delay in choosing isn't masking concerns about going into the service at all. Start from the beginning: Do I want to serve on active duty? As an officer? Via service academy? Or other path? If you are clear and comfortable on that, then it is indeed which academy, and which service, that is your decision to make.
You can ask questions till the cows come home, which will only generate more questions. I would predict you would never have 100% of the information you need to make the perfect decision, because you cannot experience both choices. Well, I guess you could go to one, leave after 1-2 years, apply to the other, start all over again. Technically possible, perhaps, but highly unlikely.
It comes down to which one you are more willing to let go, and then close the door on that path. There are all kinds of personalities in all services. Ditto stereotypes.
Figure out the big ticket items in your decision matrix, whether it is career options, culture, whatever.
I believe in the coin-tossing thing. I saw many USNA mids use it when torn between Navy air and Marine air, for example. Before you go to bed, lay out all the tangible and intangible points for each Academy AND Service, to the best of your ability. Assign point values, if you like. Perhaps 5 is "ideal," and 1 "ick." Imagine yourself 5-8 years down the road in various uniforms and branch/warfare specialties. Tell your brain to work it out before you go to sleep. Make a pact with yourself the minute you get up in the morning, you will flip a coin, one time, and abide by that decision. Go to bed. Get up, don't think, flip coin. If you find yourself saying, let's do two out of three, you have just revealed which path you are more willing to let go. Or if you are oddly content but slightly sad, this can reveal much. This may work for you. You can date two people at once, but you can only marry one, at least contemporaneously.
A huge part of an officer's life is making decisions, big and small. Before I reported to my first Executive Officer (XO) tour, where I would be the No. 2 at a command with over 750 sailors, the admiral I was then working for gave me great advice. I have used it often over the years, and counseled others with it. I actually wrote it down, it had such an impact on me. He knew that to have greater and larger positions of leadership, it would no longer be possible to have control and knowledge of every last detail. It was his job to prepare me to deal with that.
He told me:
"Delaying a decision, or procrastinating, is also a decision. Think about why you are delaying. If it's to reach perfection, you will never get there. Life in the Navy is messy, as is life in general, with decisions big and small to be made every day. You must make decisions and keep moving. Often, you will only have 80% of the info you think you need to make a decision. Many times you will have less. Often you will have very little time to make a decision. Make the best decision you can and get on with it. You will make mistakes. Own them, learn from them, fix them if you can. If you can't, then accept and never forget them, but don't keep looking back. Never fail to listen to your gut, when something just doesn't feel right. Make decisions with your whole being, head, heart, body and soul. Commit, and believe in yourself and your ability to lead your people. It is better, in general, to act, then react. It is YOUR decision. Ask questions, but know when to stop. You will feel uncomfortable as an XO the first week or so. Wear the skin, act like the XO, and you will be the XO." There was actually much more than this during our two-hour conversation, but the decision bits might help you. I truly think of that conversation as one of the more impactful ones that prepared me for eventual commands.
Finally, do a quick self-check to ensure any prolonged delay in choosing isn't masking concerns about going into the service at all. Start from the beginning: Do I want to serve on active duty? As an officer? Via service academy? Or other path? If you are clear and comfortable on that, then it is indeed which academy, and which service, that is your decision to make.
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