WHY I WANT TO BE AN ARMY OFFICER (ESSAY REVISED, WORKING PROGRESS)

Discussion in 'ROTC' started by Kashaka, Aug 22, 2015.

  1. Kashaka

    Kashaka Member

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    WHY I WANT TO BE AN ARMY OFFICER​



    The first time I considered joining the army I was a homeless teen who was also an undocumented immigrant in court proceedings trying to adjust my status. It was 2004 during my attendance at the Borough of Manhattan Community College; I would walk pass the recruiting station located on Chambers Street thinking to myself when I become a legal resident of the United States of America I am going to join the army. It was the most selfless act I could do for my family and the country that had allowed me to continue to be a member of its society. Recently I have decided that I’d like to be an officer in the army because I would love to be able to help promote an environment that fosters good sound judgment, positivity, team building and personnel interactions amongst our future soldiers. I also desire to commission as an army officer because I believe that I have demonstrated my ability as a person who can lead, accept responsibilities, and adapt to an ever-changing organization and world. These are all positive traits and values that everyone one should possess when serving ones country as an officer. Four years ago I joined the army because I wanted to show my appreciation to our great nation, today I would like the opportunity to do something even greater. I love serving my country; our country, but now the time has come where I feel as though leading from the front is something that I can be great at.


    I’ve always believed that I had a strong sense of leadership skills, but being a Soldier has truly helped me realize what it means to be a true leader. Although I am currently a Specialist without any Soldiers my peers always look to me for guidance. It is my belief that all soldiers in the army are leaders and that in order for anyone to be a great officer they must also be able follow directions. Being an enlisted Soldier there’s a great deal of knowledge that is learned through experience in order to gain leadership skills that an officer should poses. To me being an officer also means that one must also be a great follower; being an enlisted Soldier for the last four years have had a positive impact even more so on that belief. When others hear me make this statement there’s always a reaction that seems to be negative, but I always remind them that officers are not born they are made; officers are made and shaped by life and its many experiences. What makes a great officer is how he or she uses their experiences to become better leaders and how they apply that knowledge gained from their experiences to shape future leaders.


    I’ve always believed that one must truly love doing what they do in life in order to be successful at it, be it cleaning the sewer or be it leading a nation. I love serving my country, but now I would love the opportunity to lead from the front. Life for me as a soldier and a civilian has been a lesson of great resilience and profound opportunities from being homeless to becoming a member of the greatest family of one in the world the United States Army. So when asked, “why is it I would like to become an officer in the army?” ultimately my answer is rather simple. Why wouldn't I want to be a member of an elite few, a member of the most valuable one percentile? Why would I not want to be a leading member of the greatest army, the greatest nation the world have ever seen and will ever see? Most of all when asking this question to myself the answer ultimately lead to the irrefutable fact that I love to lead and one can only lead from the front. I would love to be afforded the opportunity to be apart the personnel that is responsible for making the decisions and implementing the plans and policies that guide all soldier personnel. There’s no greater purpose in life than to serve ones people, family and country. I by no means feel that I have all of the answers, but I feel that I do have the drive for knowledge and the ability to make good decisions with authority and leadership. I do believe that it takes a great leader to pool the strengths of others and to that I feel called. It is the by far the most selfless act anyone or I can do for the comfort of freedom.
     
  2. zachcleigh

    zachcleigh Member

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    Im only 17 and am just beginning my application... So don't take my words to heart. I'm sure someone else will correct me.
    However, if u were a pms or on the board (whoever reads the essay), and u read, "i want to serve because i love my country!" tens maybe hundreds or even thousands of times a day, whould it impress you? Pull something out of the hat that really shows them you understand.
    I believe thats why one of the prompt questions is, "what does a service obligation mean to you?" you're headed in the right direction, but give them something they haven't heard before, Something that catches their eye, something that makes them say, "this young man might just understand."

    I'm sure someone will come along and correct me.
    Don't take what i said as fact. It's just my opinion.
    Maybe food for thought though ;)
     
  3. Kashaka

    Kashaka Member

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    Was that the only thing you picked up? Also I am not a male, but a female. I will keep what you wrote in mind, but I don't believe in exaggerating. I will however add to it some examples of the things I've done as a current Active Duty Soldier.
     
  4. zachcleigh

    zachcleigh Member

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    Im not extremely well versed in this subject area so if i picked anything else up I'll let the professionals talk about it. Dont want to give any wrong information.

    I'm not saying to exagerate. But think about what the army is doing for somebody by providing free schooling. It's an investment in you by the us army. How do you convince someone to invest in you? Loving your country is great and by all means mention it, but tell them why their investment is well placed in you.

    Again... This is just my opinion. Dont take it to heart if you dont believe the same.
     
  5. Kashaka

    Kashaka Member

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    I'm listening.
     
  6. Zero

    Zero Member

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    First, I am more than willing to help you rewrite parts that are very "wordy", here are two of the first things I noticed. Reffering to my experience in the military. You need to keep it short and precise, cut out the words that have no meaning and get to the point. You also need to not leave any doubt to the reader. "The first time I considered joining the army I was a homeless teen who was also an undocumented immigrant in court proceedings trying to adjust my status" You can reword this and why do you have "trying to adjust my status"? Were you thinking of joining the army to do this, what is the benefit of saying that? Otherwise you can just simply say "I first considered joining the army as a young undocumented homeless teen."

    Next part, "but now the time has come where I feel as though leading from the front is something that I can be great at." You feel or you know? It is now my time to lead the front or maybe the time has come and I am ready to lead from the front. You could even use your army training to your advantage and say "after years of training I am now ready to lead the front (keep in mind leaders are made not born).

    Lastly, you want to keep it as professional as possible. Like I said, cut out the words that are not needed. Get to the point. Make them believe your READY not that you think or assume you are. You want them to look at that letter and go "this one has worked hard and could be great, she never gives up".
     
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  7. littlepatriot

    littlepatriot Member

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    I would definitely go through your essay again and make it more concise. Sometimes, you took three sentences to explain a matter that could've been stated in one. Longer isn't always better. Check for grammar as well, mainly commas and verb tense issues. I noticed several of those as well.
     
  8. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    Part of me feels like my chain is being yanked. The other thread discussed all of this already regarding your grammar, and yet, you still made the same errors.

    No offense to the OP, but here is why I feel like my chain is being yanked!
    1. 2004 attended a CC.
    ~ That means right now you are 29! 11 years ago at the age of 18 = 29.
    2. HSSP is pretty clear regarding how many credits you can have under your belt for the HSSP.
    ~ Unless you only did 1 year in 2004, and never attended again, you would be over the 30 credit limit.
    3. Why not use the GI Bill?
    ~ It appears that you have served @8 years.
    4. Why ask us?
    ~ Is there not someone AD in your unit that you can ask to edit this essay?
    ~~ Again, if my math is correct you are 29, they are also your peers.
    5. How will you feel being in AROTC with kids that are 18-21 years old?
    ~ The PMS in the unit may be an O3 or 28 years old. Where will be your social circle? How will you feel when you are reviewed by the cadre that can be almost a decade younger than you?
    6. I don't know about the Army, but I would believe if you were 18 in 2004 than you would need to receive an age waiver to commission via AROTC.
    ~ My math says you will be 33-34 at the earliest for commissioning.

    I do agree with others, the grammatical errors are audacious. I thought there was a character/word count mandated for the scholarships.

    My apologies if I offended you.
     
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2015
  9. Zero

    Zero Member

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    While I agree with some what you said, this is just a good of a place to ask for help as any unit unless your able to ask your upper leadership for help. I sure wouldn't be asking a lower enlisted to edit my letter for commissioning. I would also try programs such as HSSP over using GI-bill then you have benefits for later, so good on her for at least trying. Lastly, age has really nothing to do with it. Every prior enlisted guy is older. Its a hurdle that's for sure, but not a hard one to overcome.
     
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2015
  10. Kashaka

    Kashaka Member

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    Sorry this is for G2G ADO, so it's a tad bit different. I'm not offended...I've only been in the army for 4 years.
     
  11. Zero

    Zero Member

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    Kashaka go to tutor.com/military and have them look it over for free. You qualify as inactive reserve.
     
  12. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    kashaka,

    Since, this is a ROTC forum, I assumed you were enlisted applying for a scholarship, not the G2G. That is a different ball of wax.

    Zero,

    I should have clarified, that there should be an O1/2/3 in charge of the OP that they can run it by for editing.
    ~ If I am correct they need command support for this program.

    As an AFROTC cadet you do know age has an impact for commissioning. If they are 29, and starting college this fall they are hitting the upper limit for commissioning 4 years from now.
     
  13. kinnem

    kinnem Moderator

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    Grammar - Have someone edit it.... a forum is too tedious a medium to correct each error. Grammar and spelling are important. For example "Eat your dinner." is different from "Eat. You're dinner."
     
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  14. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    Too funny kinnem!
     
  15. Kashaka

    Kashaka Member

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    Yes, very different. I was looking for a G2G forum, but no luck on that.
     
  16. Stealth_81

    Stealth_81 Super Moderator Moderator Founding Member

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    Baseops.net has discussions about the G2G program. You may have to search to find them but I know I've seen it discussed.

    Stealth_81
     
  17. Kashaka

    Kashaka Member

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    Thank You, this website did not pop up in my search. Maybe it's because I'm in Germany.
     
  18. Kashaka

    Kashaka Member

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    Pima, is this better?


    I first considered joining the army as a young, undocumented, and homeless teen. It was 2004, during my attendance at the Borough of Manhattan Community College. I would walk pass the recruiting station located on Chambers Street, thinking to myself “I am going to join the army one day.” August of 201, I joined the army. I wanted to show my appreciation to our great nation by doing something great; today, I would like the opportunity to do something even greater. I love serving my country as an enlisted soldier, but now I am ready to lead from the front. I would love the opportunity to help promote an environment that fosters good moral judgment, positivity, team building, and personnel interactions amongst our future soldiers.
     
  19. Kashaka

    Kashaka Member

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    It's only the first paragraph, but I think it's way better......minus the typo on 2011.
     
  20. Kashaka

    Kashaka Member

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    Not for nothing, English is not my forte......at all!
     

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