So true what Pima and fencermother and stealth are saying. The only thing I pushed for my kids growing up was that their #1 job growing up, outside of being good and respectful kids, was that they got the best grades possible so they could have "choices" when the time came for after high school graduation.
I was a little different than some parents. They could have summer jobs if they wanted, but during the school year, they already had a job. Get the best grades they could. I also encouraged them to be involved in sports and other activities. Both my daughter and son were involved in multiple sports, both were involved in different types of music classes/clubs. By the time they got to 9th grade, they were also involved in the IB program which required many volunteer hours. As long as they were striving for the best grades they could get, they were doing their job and could be involved in any other activities they wanted to.
We never even mention college, as in which ones, until mid way through their junior year. College in general was a given that they would go to one. Which one? That subject was taboo until junior year. Why? Because as I've said in the past, teenagers change their mind at least 5 times a day. Over 1500 times a year. I didn't want them to think that their future had already been decided for them. Come their junior year, we looked at their accomplishments, their status, and looked at their options.
My daughter, being older, remembered the moving around as a military brat. She didn't want to do that any more. She, not us, decided that she only wanted to attend our state college. She could live on campus and be with friends she made in high school and make some new ones too. She had no desire to go to any other school. She made up her own kind. Good for her. She's now 28 years old, engaged, works 1 full time job, teaches dance at a studio, and also has her on business on the side. She makes a lot of money and is debt free. Didn't need student loans and makes a great income. All her choice. I'm so proud of her.
My son, 3 years younger, didn't mind the thought of moving away. Applied to 4 schools seriously, also got accepted to two more. The 4 he seriously applied to all offered full ride scholarships. Other than keeping him focused on his "job" in high school, the rest of his decisions were all his. He played 3 sports per year. Was captain of 2 of those teams. Was involved in a number of clubs in school. Had 200-300 hours of volunteer time via the IB program. Graduated with. 4.0 gpa with an IB diploma and class rank of #1. And received scholarships from 4 universities in academics with also the option to play sports. He chose the Air Force academy. He also got to play football for Air Force.
The point is, all of the decisions he made, were his. If he wanted to go to one of the other 3 universities on scholarship, I would have supported that decision exactly the same as the one he made to accept the academy appointment. And because it was his choice 100%, he was able to give it everything he had. He graduated the academy 1st in his department, #7 overall academically in his academy class, and was accepted to grad school and will complete his PhD 2 days after his 25th birthday.
I only bring this up to stress the point, that I truly believe that neither of my kids would have achieved what they had, or succeeded to such a level, if the choices that took them on their paths weren't 100% theirs. I believe that if I would have steered them towards what "I thought" was best for them, they would have done "OK" but not to the level they acquired.
So, whether it's the clubs they join, or the sports they play, or other extra curricular activities they engage in..... Make sure that it's 100% their choice. It's their life and their future. Not yours. As much as you believe you're helping them by directing them towards something, you're not. Make sure that their #1 priority is their academics. That's their job. After that, just make sure they have the opportunity to be involved in other activities. What those activities are, is not your decision or even your concern. Let them decide their own path. And don't talk to them about specific colleges until they reach their junior year.if they do well academically, and are involved in at least 1 sport, and involved in other activities, then they will be fine if they decide they want to apply to the academy. Even if your 14-15 year old wants to talk about going to the academy, just talk to them about college in general terms. They will change their mind more than 3,000 times in the next 2-3 years, and they have to know that their decisions are "THEIRS". Then, they'll have the highest incentive and motivation to be the best they can be.
Sorry for the book. I'm just very passionate about making sure kids have options, choices, and that the final decisions are 100% theirs. I've seen too many kids at the academy and even in particular universities who really didn't want to be there. They thought they did, but eventually they realize that they were lead in that direction and it wasn't truly their choice.
(kidding of course, but him going there is huge to him)
