Would You Bail Out Your Kid?

Discussion in 'Service Academy Parents' started by Maplerock, Jun 10, 2015.

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Would you repay the academy fees for involuntary separation?

  1. I would repay all fees regardless of the reason for separation.

    3 vote(s)
    13.0%
  2. I would pay if the separation was based upon grades.

    1 vote(s)
    4.3%
  3. I would not pay the fees for my ds/dd under any situation.

    9 vote(s)
    39.1%
  4. I would pay for future college costs at other institutions.

    5 vote(s)
    21.7%
  5. I would not pay future education costs, they blew a golden opportunity.

    9 vote(s)
    39.1%
  6. Can't do it, already spent the college fund on a pool.

    2 vote(s)
    8.7%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. Maplerock

    Maplerock Proud to be an American

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    Just a topic for discussion. In another thread a parent had a son disciplined for alcohol. This has not happened to us, but it got me wondering. Some cadets & mids come from affluent families and could easily repay the $200,000 + or - that the govt. has the right to assess if students are dismissed for grades or for conduct offenses. Many families are not able to withstand such a financial hardship.

    We all love our kids. What would you guys do if yours screwed up with drugs, alcohol, or a major conduct offense? Would you pay back the money for them (assuming a fee is levied)? Would you bail him/her out financially for a dismissal due to grades? This is theoretical, and not even an issue until 2nd class year, but I wondered...

    For the purpose of this discussion, please discount the possibility of entering the service as enlisted to repay the commitment.
     
  2. Boozebin

    Boozebin Member

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    No I wouldn't. At this point in his life he's an adult and I expect to take what life throws at him as an adult. Especially if it's one of the ones you listed "drugs, alcohol, or a major conduct offense".

    Now don't get me wrong if he comes to me seeking advice I'm not going to kick him out of the house but when it comes with dealing with the consequences of his action that his mess to fix. My job was to raise him not shelter him from the curve balls that life WILL send your way.
     
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  3. FlyBoy1993

    FlyBoy1993 Member

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    Our DS knew from the get-go that we would help with school, but would not be paying bulk of it. It is their responsibility.

    The fact that he goes to West Point has zero to do with that condition, although it may have motivated him slightly in high school to try harder.

    He has told us he never even considered not affirming( he is is his Cow summer right now.)

    If he decided to drop now, we would continue to "assist," and by that I mean pay for smaller miscellaneous items, deposits, some clothes, etc. We pay for plane tix, because in reality, i view those as a gift to his mom.;) We would not however, foot the bill for the bulk of his school expenses.

    If he was separated due to misconduct/ grades, our financial involvement would likely stay the same. I wouldn't assume his debt if that existed going forward.
     
  4. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    My kids would be on the hook for it whether we had the ability to pay or not if they were disenrolled for something that was under their control, which basically covers almost every aspect. The only way you learn from mistakes is being responsible for them.

    Now, would I give them money for every birthday, yes! However, whatever I would give them, I would do the same for my other children too. To me that is why I would not bail them out. If you have more than 1 child, than how is it being fair to your other children if you don't pay off the debt, especially if they did nothing wrong, and graduated from college with student debt. Or even if you can afford to send them without loans, are you going to hand over more money to them to equalize the amount you paid for your child that was released?

    It is not just about them impo, it is about being fair to all of my children. I have seen siblings resenting each other because Mommy and Daddy swooped in financially for the one that created their own problem while not helping out the others that did everything right. At the same time they than say with a straight face....I love you all the same.
    ~ I have a friend with very affluent parents. 1 year they got 10K for what appeared to be no reason. The reason why was because the parents agreed to pay a semester for their siblings ph.d. They felt that it was only fair for all of their other children have the exact same amount to spend on what they wanted.
     
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2015
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  5. afmom2020

    afmom2020 Member

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    Like the others have said, we would help, financially, emotionally and however else she needed us. Rehab, getting a job, whatever the situation would require but in the end, it would be her responsibility.

    Reading the replies, it makes you think how much these kids have been influenced by the parents and the mentality we have. If your kid knows that you are always there to fix his/her mistake, they might not have the same incentive.
     
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  6. MemberLG

    MemberLG Member

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    I would pay much as I can. I committed myself to pay for my children's college education much as I can. Depends on what college they attend, I could probably pay all for my state school. So, if one of my child attends SA and have to pay it back, that child is entitled to whatever I saved up for college and whatever the balance is the child is responsible. I won't go into my retirement savings. Got the points about being grown up, life lessons, and etc, but if a young adult is is huge debt, less chance of being successful.
     
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  7. fencersmother

    fencersmother Founding Member

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    I got my Hawaiian music playing and am sipping my mint julip poolside.

    My kids all knew going in: we love ya, but...

    Of course, we homeschooled them, AND paid for them to get 40+ college credits while in highschool, so it's not like we abandoned them.
     
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  8. MomWPgirl

    MomWPgirl Member

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    We starting saving/investing for our kids'educations at their births (also lived well below our means, modest home, no boat, no pool) and we would have paid as much as we could without risking our retirement etc if our kid had separated. Our other children chose private schools, applied for every scholarship out there, worked jobs etc to lesson their financial burden. When our daughter chose a SA we let her know upfront that any money invested in her name for education would be hers upon graduation. She has not asked for it or used any....but one day she may want to splurge on a wedding, further her education, or buy a house. She chose an educational road much more challenging and with many more sacrifices than her siblings .....I have no problem with rewarding her for saving us thousands of dollars.
     
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  9. Non Ducor Duco

    Non Ducor Duco I am not led, I lead

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    My parents have reiterated to my 4 siblings and I that we WILL go to college, but they aren't paying for it. They've supported us, provide for us, spoil us by paying for our gadgets and car insurance, but when it comes to college my parents won't pay anything over a few hundred dollars for books and supplies. Maybe it's just the way I've been raised, but I wouldn't want them to pay for my college. We're pretty solidly middle class, but there are 5 of us and parents have their own debts and student loans to deal with without taking on their children's. Them telling us from the get go that paying for college is OUR responsibility gave the 2 of us that are in college right now the motivation to go out and earn scholarships to the schools we wanted. I still have some loans for living expenses, but they're a fraction of what most people owe. I really don't think it's a parent's responsibility to pay for college. Maybe if mine were insanely rich it'd make sense, but knowing you're footing the bill changes how you approach college selection and preparation entirely. Kids tend to spend money freely when it's not theirs, watch their attitudes change completely when they ask for a big ticket item and mom/dad says "sure, but you're buying". I remember pestering my mom for giant bag of candy once (it was $10, about all the money I had at the time). She told me sure, if I wanted to splurge on that she wouldn't stop me. Suddenly I wasn't so interested in spending everything I had in one go and settled on a 50 cent bar instead :biggrin:.
     
  10. Maplerock

    Maplerock Proud to be an American

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    Non Ducor Duco... you are a level headed, thoughtful young man (or woman)! I applaud your attitude. I bet you have a wonderful family.
     
  11. Pima

    Pima Parent

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    We always told our children YOU WILL GO, but gave a stipulation...we will assist for 4 years, if the program is 5, than 5, BUT çome 4 years later, it is on their dime. IOWS, you failed a class, than you better be prepared to amp it up next semester to stay on our timetable.

    We have too many friends with kids that take 5-6 years because impo, the checkbook was open and college is fun. I got the idea from a friend that had affluent parents and they cut her off. She had to find the money for her 2nd senior year. Bullet also had a little too much fun in college, whereas, I was all scholarships and loans. I graduated early because I could not afford to stay another year.
    ~ This was back in 1986 and the cost for my school was 14K. Place a perspective, student loans were called Guaranteed Student Loan and Max of 2500. We now call that loan Stafford, and maxxes at 7500. The equivalent would be @ 35,000 a year using the fact it was less than 20% for me all those decades ago.
     
  12. Non Ducor Duco

    Non Ducor Duco I am not led, I lead

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    Thank you, they are incredible. My dad is the wisest man I've ever met and idk what I'd do without my mom teaching me all that she has about being self sufficient. They're not perfect, nor do they pretend to be, but honestly I am SOOO lucky to have them. It's funny, I liked them alot before, but when you become an adult (legally) the relationship changes, in my case for the better. I've had to go back and thank them for the times to took to my behind because I really needed it lol. Being on the other side really gives you a new perspective.

    (I am a young woman btw)
     
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  13. MombaBomba

    MombaBomba Member

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    This isn't a straight forward answer. It depends on the circumstances surrounding the the form-34. Let's pretend he had a fiance who was killed in a car accident and as a result he did something incredibly stupid like drink underage, got caught and got kicked out for it. I would help him pay it off. If he just decided that his new name would be Cadet "Party Hard" cause it is fun and got caught, then I wouldn't help pay it off.
     
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  14. Daughnworks

    Daughnworks Member

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    Thank you so much for bringing up this subject.
     
  15. Freda'sMom

    Freda'sMom Parent

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    Or just go CGA, they don't ask for recoupment upon disenrollment.
     
  16. Boozebin

    Boozebin Member

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    Are you sure? This doesn't sound right. If they don't have recoupment on disenrollment why even have a service commitment upon graduation?

    If this is true you could go and get top level education for 3.5 years disenroll and finish up your last semester at a local State U.
     
  17. Maplerock

    Maplerock Proud to be an American

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    It looks like the USCGA does have that right
    (g) A cadet or former cadet who does not fulfill the terms of the obligation to serve as specified under section (b), or the alternative obligation imposed under subsection (c), shall be subject to the repayment provisions of section 303a (e)of title 37.
     
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  18. LineInTheSand

    LineInTheSand USCGA 2006

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    That has not been the case, in my experience.
     
  19. LineInTheSand

    LineInTheSand USCGA 2006

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    And by "in my experience" I mean from what I've seen. I have luckily not had to personally experience this.
     
  20. Freda'sMom

    Freda'sMom Parent

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    "Subject to" yes.

    But they don't enforce it anymore.

    You won't find a single 2/C or 1/C dismissed cadet in the last few years who has been asked to repay.
     

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