Helicopter parents and you

[MN-Dad-2016]

CC. Hopefully my post didn't come off as defensive. :) There is no doubt that some of our family and friends think we are helicopter parents. We all know parents who do their kids science projects or finished their child's challenge math problems. That approach is a disservice. After the 7th grade, I never knew what homework assignment was due. They just knew that homework came 1st before they could play. Their grades were always A's so I didn't need to worry about those details.

My goal was always to help them to a certain point and then back off. An analogy is when I balanced their 1st several bike ride attempts. I helped until they could ride the bike themselves. Mission accomplished.

But many people confuse deep parent involvement with being a helicopter parent. This forum is full of passionate parents who are heavily involved. Super successful kids usually don't happen by accident. Since people don't know all of the details of how we manage our family, friends and family might assume we do more than we do. Our kids (to this point) have been the center of our universe. The next stage of our lives are about to begin. IMHO, some people are jumping to conclusions that involved parents who post on this forum at helicopter parents when they are just research and detail freaks. :)

[LineInTheSand]

Originally Posted by MN-Dad-2016

IMHO, some people are jumping to conclusions that involved parents who post on this forum at helicopter parents when they are just research and detail freaks. :)

I don't think anyone is jumping to THAT conclusion. We have some helicopter parents on here, no doubt. We have some parents who's kids never graduated, but STILL are on here, engaging in debates. We have PLENTY of parents on here who haven't stepped into the area of helicopter parenting. They have found a comfortable place where they can be supportive without doing it all for their kids.

[Jcleppe]

Ok, I just have to ask. Are there really facebook pages that are started dedicated to parents of Academy cadets.

[armydaughter]

Originally Posted by Jcleppe

Ok, I just have to ask. Are there really facebook pages that are started dedicated to parents of Academy cadets.

Yes, there's a main one and then lots of the Parent Clubs have their own pages too, I believe. And there's a listserve too.

[USCGA13STN]

Originally Posted by LineInTheSand

First, "Navy for Moms" is not official.

Second, I don't know of any equivalent for the Coast Guard. Closest thing I can think of is the CGA Parents Association.... which was disturbing to cadets anyway.

It still is disturbing to cadets these days.

I'm a 1/c cadet at the Academy and I can say I've never had a problem with "helicopter parenting." My father is AD Army on the enlisted side, so that may be why I got so lucky. They don't need someone to translate the military jargon, and they realized that when I raised my hand... I was no longer their responsibility.

(I'm sure that they actually saw it as a great relief )

My mother has said from day one that she will not call me because she understands that she will never learn my schedule. My dad sends me email "pings" periodically but they're not so much questions about my day to day life or how I'm doing as they are emails on leadership theory and his own experiences that he's trying to impart to me.

When I do have a question and I ask my dad his first response is normally "Have you talked to your Company Officer about this?" or something along those lines.

There have been times where I may have wished my parents had been more "hovering," but looking back on the last three years, I am eternally grateful that they have not been. My parents walked out the main gate on R-Day and wished me luck. That's honestly the way I feel it should be in my *limited* opinion, as a cadet.

[USCGA13STN]

[QUOTE= Except for mine, of course, since me father was King Nepture and me mother was a mermaid.[/QUOTE]

Not only that but LITS was so salty that he was born on the crest o' the wave and rocked in the cradle of the deep as well!

Ironic how many of us share that same birthplace

[mom3boys]

Originally Posted by Jcleppe

Ok, I just have to ask. Are there really facebook pages that are started dedicated to parents of Academy cadets.

West Point has an official information page called West Point Parents. There are two unofficial pages, West Point Moms and West Point Dads.

The information from the mom site over time led to the writing of The Mom's Guide to Surviving West Point. It's not about "hovering." It's about understanding what's going on to better support your cadet.

[Jcleppe]

Originally Posted by mom3boys

West Point has an official information page called West Point Parents. There are two unofficial pages, West Point Moms and West Point Dads.

The information from the mom site over time led to the writing of The Mom's Guide to Surviving West Point. It's not about "hovering." It's about understanding what's going on to better support your cadet.

Thanks, sounds like a great way to stay informed, beats pestering the kids for info all the time.

We didn't have anything like that with ROTC, some Battalions may have but we just winged it. I met one of the cadets father at the University's Dad's Day, other then that the first time I met or talked to the other parents was at the commissioning. It would have been nice to have some way to get even a little aquainted with some of the other families. Most of what we learned about ROTC came from our son and this board.

Totally off subject.....Do you have Banana Spiders in your part of GA. My son has told us all about them at Ft. Rucker. Makes trampling through the woods a whole lot of fun I hear.

[mom3boys]

Occasionally I see them...they spin amazing webs! My son killed a black widow the weekend he moved into his house in Enterprise!

[Kram1]

Interesting thread...very interesting. Gave me some laughs and some reason to pause and gasp. I had no clue that some parents actually did such things. Amaazing how they stepped in to keep their sons/daughters from learning and doing on their own and as a result growing up! Wow..

Our experience was a tad different I guess...we took DS to airport, hugged him and said "good luck"...we'll see you on Parent's Weekend. Got that "first Call" during the summer and said "keep up the good work"..."it's all to help make you a better leader and officer, you wanted this, you can do this...now go do it...and, by the way...we are very proud of you".

Never once contacted the Academy Administration about anything...feltt like it was DS's responsibility and job to figure it out and fix it or learn from it. If he asked our opinion and perhaps asked what we would suggest he do in a certain situation we told him, but never offered our opinion. Figured that he was a Midshipman, had earned the right to be there and had the ability and intelligence to get through to graduation.

Never have understood this helicopter parent thing...listened to my wife talk about these folks often as she was a public school teacher...try that on if you want to experience helicopter parenting "up close and personal"...Ha!

My personal opinion is that parents are doing their sons and daughetrs no favors if they always step in and try to "help"" and thus prevent the bnatural consequences from taking their course in school related things. Sort of like the "everyone gets a ribbon" and everyone makes the team thing"...still don't get that.

My Dad and Mom gave me the confidence to make my own decisions and to "figure it out", and to this day I see that as the greatest parenting gift I was ever given. We tried to do the same for our kids...as did our other two, our Midshipman turned out pretty well...just got his notice of promotion to Lt. Cmdr and is current a medical resident at the naval Hospital in San Diego after a flight surgeon's tour in Iraq.

Me, I'd have told him to forget that med school thing...in fact I did tell him to have a Plan B ready to go...didn't need Plan B. If you think you might be a helicopter parent, you proabably are...try to back off and let your DS and/or DD lean and expeience...you won't always be there to make decisions for them...trust them...they can and will handle it.

Congrats to all here who have or have had sons/daughters at any of our service academies...you did something right and your sons and daughters are leaders. Let them learn to lead!