Missing my DS

[kpdad2015]

I've been thinking about how much I miss him since we dropped him off at Indoc. I understand you have to let go and they will have all these wonderful opportunities ahead of them.

At the same time we're preparing to drop his twin sister off at a state school about an hour from our house. Although she hasn't gone yet, I know I'll miss her too. I'm not sure I'll miss her as much. Yes some of that lessened anxiety maybe because she's 4+ hours closer, or she'll have her cell phone for ready contact.

The conclusion I've come to, is you miss your academy kid differently. My DS and I became closer than ever this year. He wrote, we (my wife and I) read and made suggestions on his application and nomination essays. We took multiple road trips to 2 of the academies. We reviewed completed forms for accuracy. We drove 2 hours each way to both apply for and pickup a TWIC, We stalked the mailman for each and every letter. We worked out together to get ready for the CFA/PFE's. We scheduled the DODMERB physical and all the others for shots and dental appointments for wisdom teeth etc. We shopped for everything on the list he was to bring. We worked out together to get ready for football and indoc. We talked through the anxiety in the days before he reported in.

I am truly happy for him, he will have opportunities that others can't even dream of.

But for me the process is so completely draining that all I'm left with is a giant hole where my DS used to be.

[Dad]

I know exactly what you're talking about. You guide them through the process and then they're gone. I've discovered that the best thing I can do for DS is to write letters of encouragement to him. My DS is at USAFA and we were able to talk to him on Doolie day in. He sounded upbeat and prepared for the second part of his basic training. He researched the AFA and knew (as best he could) what he was in for. He wasn't surprised at all the yelling and had prepared himself physically. He is doing well and my role has changed significantly. He is making new friends and the military is forming him into an Officer of Character. My job is to encourage him from a distance. I'm sure there are similarities between KP and USAFA training since they were both created to make leaders. It is hard cutting the apron strings, but it is easier knowing that he is in such capable hands. Best wishes to your family and your DS.

[laxman44]

Your kids are taking advantage of a once in a lifetime opportunity to get a great education and leadership training and application that will serve them well thru a lifetime of service to our country.

Be proud parents..... and enjoy your time with your cadet/midshipmen when they are in school.

[fencersmother]

kpdad, I *really* know what you mean! When my twin sons left for USAFA, thousands of miles from our home, it was as if all the fun left our house! We really had a tough time that first summer, and when they came home for Thanksgiving! OH OH OH ! I bawled my head off when they got on that plane (and that had nothing to do with the $1000 I spent to put them on it, plus the second $1000 a couple weeks later to bring them home for Christmas break).

I can't say it gets better; when they leave - oh, this mother's heart aches anew. But when I see the men they have become! Sent them off as adolescents, on the very cusp of manhood. No boys anymore!

Our goal as parents is, obviously, to love and care for them, but really, all that love and care is so they can grow up to embrace their lives, live them fully, be prepared to serve others with a strong sense of honor and duty.

Head high! Now go write another letter!!

[Navy Mom]

My DS had to celebrate his 18th birthday yesterday by himself. He did not want us to draw any special attention to him during plebe summer. After all the years of he and his twin sister wishing they had their own special day, my daughter cried at not having her twin with her on a very important birthday. To make the day complete I purchased her one-way ticket to Florida for college in the fall. But I made it through the day without a tear being shed. I know that both of my kids are and will be EXACTLY where they should be. My job now is to be supportive of their choices . . And to send LOTS of food (per DS's phone call) and cleaning supplies.

[bergmom]

kpdad2015...I think you summed it up perfectly! I feel so much pride for my DS and what he is doing, but the hole left without him is tough to take I know this was our job as parents, to give them"roots and wings", but when they actually fly away, it is hard to take. Thank you for sharing your feelings on this forum....since misery loves company, I feel better knowing I am not alone!

[TexasHopeful]

DITTO!!!!....as I shed my tears

[bruno]

This thread has made me smile a little as it brings back fond memories.
My mom told me (quite a bit later) that when my parents dropped me off (getting close to 40 years ago) that my dad (The Navy officer and business man who was gone all the time when I was a kid) actually cried as they drove home. I didn't realize I was so special as he certainly never told me that before then! But 3 years ago when I said goodbye to my son- darned if I didn't do exactly the same thing! Of course it works two ways, because I can also remember the first phone call home- standing in line at the bank of phones in the barracks for the collect call home then all I could do was croak when my Mom answered!
It's amazing- you are so excited to have them grow up and move on out- and then when they do- part of you wants to say "STOP!" "Not so Fast!"

Well with the perspective of time- I can assure you that it turns out ok regardless of how much you miss young sluggo or slugette at first

[blackhawkmom]

As I put the Kleenex aside boy does this bring back memories. I think as a new youngster mom letting DS go back this time will be equally as hard . He has been home for 3weeks it is just beginning to fell like it did before he left for IDay and now I have to let him go again? He is so ready this time he knows why he is going back and what he needs to do. I still hear my little boy but the man I see before me is so new and unrecognizable. I suppose according to the more experienced parents on this forum our training process is ongoing as well. We have to be ready as they will when the time comes to serve. I have a feeling that blow will be hardest on us but almost re-leaving to them. That is what they are working towards. Cry if you want we did and still do but smile when you see them---they need it.

[rkrosnar]

kpdad2015

It is hard to miss you DD or DS. But remember this, you raised you kids to do what they doing here. And the big thing here is your DS did something that a lot of young people don't want to do. Your son clearly understands about doing something for others, not himself. That is one of the most important things we can teach our kids, I think. He doesn't have a sense of entitlement or what is in this for me. I have two kids a DS 21, who will be a senior at Penn State - University Park. He has no clue what is in store for him next year, at this time. He thinks he going to apply for a federal government and get hired. I also, have a DD who will be 18 tomorrow, she will be attending Cedar Crest College majoring in Forensics. She had to work for everything she has earned, no one gave her a thing. Let be be honest when my DS, went to school I didn't miss him, at all. Because, of his attitude. I have tried to treach my kids to do right, but in the end, it up to them. I will however miss my DD. Tell your DS from thanks for his service to our great country and his committment. He is truly a role model.

God Bless and God Speed,

RGK